Hi guys I am about to prepare my wedding, but my mother-In-law wants to get into everything ranging from venue, to date and whom to invite.....na waah oh!
She wants to have everything done her own way. My fiance stands with me, but this woman seems to be a pin in the ass,

Please I need an advice on how to handle such issues

U nid to b extra careful,respectful and sensitive with mother in laws o.since she wants to control everytin y dont u go and meet her and pay her a visit in her house one day.buy her stuffs,maybe ankara,gele or somtin u know she will like and give her respectfully,then much later later go back to her and tel her dat there is somtin painin u dat u will like to talk to her about,(bfor dat i hope uve created a form of friendship and good relationship with her) so dat she doesnt feel ure tryin to create a boundary and get uptight because ure getin married,tell her dat u appreciate everything she has done and d role she has played,eulogise her wel and let her head swell,wen u notice shes happy then tell her gently and in an endearing manner dat mummy i av been dreaming of d type of wedding gown n venue ill like my wedding to be,mummy please just give me d chance and opportunity to do dis myself,mummy trust me,ill make a good choice,i know u mean well and am happy to have u as a great mom,infact uve done what some mothers cant do,i promise,u will like my choice,then listen to her reaction,u will see she will let go without being overbearing and imposing.hope dis helps,and ermmm miss bride to be get back to us when its resolved o.so when is ur wedding takin place to ur knight in shinning armour?lol

wow!! that's a one in a million advice. Most mother in-laws don't seem to understand that weddings are just a day event. cutting unnecessary waste of funds for irrelevant things is not in their dictionary. i will say that i have a good relationship with her, but this issue has resulted to some sort of cold war between us. nonetheless i will go and meet her with goodies, my objective is just to have a blissful wedding with my Love.

What is the problem with ladies self? You always complain about everything, especially your mothers-in-law?

@Poster, only if you want them to. I seriously don't understand why, after so many years of learning, people still ask this sought of questions. You marriage is YOUR OWN. You decide how it should go and who can or cannot contribute to it. If you are not ready to make many of these decisions for yourself then pray tell, are you sure you are ready for marriage at all?

Similar to what happened when a friend was preparing for her wedding
..
Her mother in-law complained about everything from why she wanted to rent a wedding gown to how the decorator's price was too cheap and would not do something classy.
She ended up changing everything from the cake to decorations and paid for it....because my friend let her.
.
My point is...they can only go as far as you let them.
Define what you want and stand your grounds if you have to but do it as diplomatically as you can.
Don't create an enemy for yourself in the family before joining the family..
Goodluck and happy married life in advance!!

If she wants to be involved in everything, whats the problem with that ? I advise you handover everything for her to handle and rest like the queen that you are. Kill the negative energies!

That shouldn't be a problem provided she knows what she is doing. Because she is sharing the happiness with you guys too, who knows how long she has been longing for this moment of life.

It usually is a problem cause your wedding is yours not hers.. The second comment is a nice advice. Thing is if you allow your in-law or even your parents to cough out 90% of the wedding fund then please expect this controlling-by force wedding planners wannabes to want to take charge whilst you look like lukmon. Best thing is to make sure they don't sponsor most part of the wedding, then you can have the confidence to say this is what you want cos the money is coming from your pocket..

Are you the groom or the bride?

My wedding is coming up in a couple of months and both my mummy and mother-in-law are fully involved. We tell them what we want and they plan with us.

Both our parents are like brothers and sisters now, so they call each other to ask for advise, we have said what we want and our expectations!

In fact both parents esp the mums don't want us to even spend a dime.......don't take it wrongly, we both have our says in the whole "shibang" in fact na we be advisers!

So me generally I don't see anything wrong, as long as my views and the views of my wife to be are respected!

Na wa ooo

U need to be careful....u never enter ur husband house and u are already having issues with ur mother-in-law.....u need to let go if u love ur man....let the poor woman have wat u wants...she don dey plan for this day since ur man was born...why not relax and let things go well

He who pays the piper calls the shot.........be a man!

Siga: U need to be careful....u never enter ur husband house and u are already having issues with ur mother-in-law.....u need to let go if u love ur man....let the poor woman have wat u wants...she don dey plan for this day since ur man was born...why not relax and let things go well

^^ The above is reason why so many women come here complaining of heartache after hooking their man in marriage. @Poster, it is better for you to get out NOW that you are not married than to seek ways of getting out after marriage. If the man insists that mother or father has to be involved in it and you do not want it, better you decide now if you can handle such a life than marry him and live the whole of your marriage complaining an whining of how they seem to be in everything.

It depends on u, u're no longer a kid, it involves two things, its either shes dominative or supportive. If shes dominative, then u are in 4 it, u may likely have problem with her in d nearest future, u need wisdom and maturity to handle d situation. On d other way, if shes suppotive, she will respect ur wishes, views and opinions and do what will please u. In either way, wisdom is d principal thing, be diplomatic, confident, prayerful and prepared.
Wishing u what u wish urself as ur wedding approaches!

Kobojunkie:

^^ The above is reason why so many women come here complaining of heartache after hooking their man in marriage. @Poster, it is better for you to get out NOW that you are not married than to seek ways of getting out after marriage. If the man insists that mother or father has to be involved in it and you do not want it, better you decide now if you can handle such a life than marry him and live the whole of your marriage complaining an whining of how they seem to be in everything.

So....ur advice is for her to get out of the relationship and look for another man? And who knows whether the new man she finds has a worst situation....look....there is no smooth way in this....every family, every relationship has an issue....trust me...I am a married man....been married for almost 10yrs....when I got married...my mother-in-law was over the top....trust me....we couldnt stand the presence of eachother......but I am happy to say....she tell people behind my back that I am the best son-in-law she has....infact....she calls me on any confidential issues even before calling her daughter....u have to be highly diplomatic....u sabi play chess so?

.

Siga: So....ur advice is for her to get out of the relationship and look for another man? And who knows whether the new man she finds has a worst situation....look....there is no smooth way in this....every family, every relationship has an issue....trust me...I am a married man....been married for almost 10yrs....when I got married...my mother-in-law was over the top....trust me....we couldnt stand the presence of eachother......but I am happy to say....she tell people behind my back that I am the best son-in-law she has....infact....she calls me on any confidential issues even before calling her daughter....u have to be highly diplomatic....u sabi play chess so?

If you are in a relationship that you are not comfortable with or that you are dissatisfied with, it is better to walk out BEFORE marriage, than wait till after it, thinking all will magically turn out fine. I think it is foolhardy to ignore the warning signs just because one has a desire to append the title 'Mr' or 'Mrs' to one's name.

Honestly, I have read/heard way too many of these 'my mother-in-law is a witch' or 'my father-in-law is from hell' stories to know that it is wise to make the firm decision on what one will or will not allow before the wedding and not after it. Marriage is not a chess game. Many of those who went in thinking they could play their way through it are out there wishing they had never made the decision to get married to begin with. Diplomacy only works when you are dealing with rational beings or beings who are at least willing to work for you.

sherry lo: Are you the groom or the bride?

Honestly I'm lost here o, is †ђξ poster a man or a lady?

Lmao! I love how everyone just assumes OP is the bride.

Wonder what the "Give in to her oh, If you want peace in your husband's house" advisers will say if OP turns out to be the Groom.

Kobojunkie:

If you are in a relationship that you are not comfortable with or that you are dissatisfied with, it is better to walk out BEFORE marriage, than wait till after it, thinking all will magically turn out fine. I think it is foolhardy to ignore the warning signs just because one has a desire to append the title 'Mr' or 'Mrs' to one's name.

Honestly, I have read/heard way too many of these 'my mother-in-law is a witch' or 'my father-in-law is from hell' stories to know that it is wise to make the firm decision on what one will or will not allow before the wedding and not after it. Marriage is not a chess game. Many of those who went in thinking they could play their way through it are out there wishing they had never made the decision to get married to begin with. Diplomacy only works when you are dealing with rational beings or beings who are at least willing to work for you.

....wait ooo...all these people carry point for hand ooo....wat if op na man...and u and I don argue tire.....I beg op reveal yasef before any further advise......Kodojunkie....u agree with me so?

Siga: ....wait ooo...all these people carry point for hand ooo....wat if op na man...and u and I don argue tire.....I beg op reveal yasef before any further advise......Kodojunkie....u agree with me so?

Man oo or woman ooo . . . if you marry person wey carry family(and their baggage) enter house with you, either make sure it is what you are happy with or get out before it is too late to. I had a male friend who fell into such a situation some years ago. His wife came into his home with her family, and not long into the marriage, respect left the home. The marriage ended about 2 years later but he admits he chose to ignore the signs because he felt all things would work out and that since he was a man, he could easily decide to put his foot down at some point and all will somehow work itself out. That never happened.

If a woman is dying, she still remembers where her money is kept.
Simply put, your M-I-L is one or all of these:
Rich
Classy
Sociable
Perfectionist
Overprotective
And above all, mother.
Wake up! She means no harm, she only doesn't want things to go awry.

The question the poster raised requires answers to the following questions:

1.What's ur relationship btw u,and ur inlaw to be?

2.Is she the one sponsoring the wedding?

3.Are you the "boy boy "type of inlaw to her?

4.Did you go to her for advice on the wedding?

5.Are you not really capable of shouldering the wedding alone?

6.Is she a bossy type of inlaw?

If your answer to the question listed above is "Yes" then you're on a long tin.

conyema12: Hi guys I am about to prepare my wedding, but my mother-In-law wants to get into everything ranging from venue, to date and whom to invite.....na waah oh!
She wants to have everything done her own way. My fiance stands with me, but this woman seems to be a pin in the ass,

Please I need an advice on how to handle such issues

Man be very careful o. I pray you will never regret it.
The best way to deal with mother inlaws is with action not words. You words will be overturned on you and you will ever regret making those statement. Especially those mother inlaws with some small change or financially buoyant

Women especially mother inlaws in Nigeria are different from western world, where you call her bluff off and nothing happens. My advice is, call her and fight the battle like psychologically making her to reason with you.
Play diplomatically and ask her, mom your ideas is good, but what if we do it like this and when you are trying to make these changes, make sure that, her friends that she listen to is there. So you sell your idea to her friend like you her suggesting or this is what people did in such and such wedding and you think we can do the same thing.

Do not dictate or make your wish supersede her decision o. Mother inlaws can ruin your wedding and marriage faster than your wife could. So always give them their respect and distance yourself as possible especially if you see that she is not the woman that listen. Avoid her as much as possible and respect her, send her things and buy her what you think she will like but never make her think you are standing on your point, by so doing you will be standing on her way. I pray God guides you.

Na to just tell them say you hear then do ya own thing as long as your bride is happy about it.
Allow them take control now and get ready for the control to extend beyond the wedding day possibly into the marriage sef

Women and their wahala sef..wat would the woman do when she knows u are just a leech.u already having tension with ur mother in law to be when u neva marry the bobo sef..must everyting b done ur freakin way?i advise the guy to cut u loose as fast as possible

conyema12: Hi guys I am about to prepare my wedding, but my mother-In-law wants to get into everything ranging from venue, to date and whom to invite.....na waah oh!
She wants to have everything done her own way. My fiance stands with me, but this woman seems to be a pin in the ass,

Please I need an advice on how to handle such issues

its ur game, pls play it ur way. Adivce frm elders is very important, though.

check www.pixvaultmultimedia.com its a photography site.. in case if u neeed a photographer for your event.

I think it's ok. My mother-in-law is doing the same on my wedding preparation and I am happy. I have even been able to safe some money and stress. I love her daughter dearly and lover her too. By the way it's coming up next month, hope you guys will celebrate with your fellow Nairalander, Garri Fellows are invited too

Kobojunkie: @Poster, only if you want them to. I seriously don't understand why, after so many years of learning, people still ask this sought of questions. You marriage is YOUR OWN. You decide how it should go and who can or cannot contribute to it. If you are not ready to make many of these decisions for yourself then pray tell, are you sure you are ready for marriage at all?

I would refuse to agree with everything you said. There are always vested interests to every marriage project, it's your abilIty to manage these ' interests' that makes all the difference.

@Op
Just imagine you have just one son; that means you only have one wedding to host. Would you in all honesty sit back and not wanna contribute to make sure the wedding is successful. My point is you have to be diplomatic; find some areas that are not so important to you that you can compromise on.
Though some MIL s can be overtly controlling .