Chrisbenogor:
From all I read I did not see anywhere where she said he even threatened violence.

member_126910:

I think all advice is valid. We are all different people, and everyone would probably handle the situation differently based on their background and personality. To be honest, I'm prepared to work with him to resolve this problem, because this could do me also some serious damage if it has to end to save my life or for any serious reason. If it does, then I'm out for good. I'll probably never desire to marry anyone again, and sort out how to live my life by myself. I'm not desperate to marry, and I'm not scared of the prospect of being alone forever as long as I have my peace of mind.

member_126910: I've heard this before, but I'm confused because it is hard to imagine how, as he is normally very loving and caring. It's just that when the jealousy sets in, it becomes very difficult to understand, or even manage.

member_126910:

We have talked about it several times. I don't have any male friends, apart from 2 guys who are part of a school group whom I see once a year during our annual reunion (we have always met as part of a big group of guys & girls). I don't talk to these guys on the phone, however I comment on their facebook statuses from time to time and vice versa. I do talk to several guys on Twitter - but not personal stuff. If they say something that interests me I'll comment. I don't flirt, so I'm confused about what vibes I might be sending.

BlueDiva: You will be back in a few months here lamenting about an abusive husband.
You wouldn't tell us you saw the signs but would paint the man a devil and yourself a saint.

Please do yourself a favour and look for someone you are compatible with.
The man isn't a devil but isn't right for you either.

slimyem: A lot of people are not informed about abuse and she could be with him for 5 years and still not know or know and keep making excuses for him like she's doing now..
She's always had concerns and that she has chosen two months to the wedding to air and get advice on them is a good decision.Even if it is two days to the wedding she chooses to walk,it would still be a good decision!
.
Even if the complaints were just insecurity and trust issues like you insist,does it make sense that the issues are still there after 20 months of a relationship?
.
"Warning signs" like we gave here are supposed to help one analyse a situation properly so one doesn't make terrible mistakes as the case may be....and when these signs are this loud,doesn't it just make sense to step back.
Where is the phottoshopping?
.
I'm not so much of a polemic so...i'm out!
Wish her the best!

ileobatojo:

'Blood will flow if I catch you cheating'. That's a threat of violence and one not to be taken lightly coming from someone as controlling as he is.

As regards you saying that article is biased, are you saying those are not the true warning signs of abuse or that he does not show all of those signs? Do you have a nonbiased educational article to post that tells us the true warning signs so that you can fully debunk the one I posted.

Chrisbenogor:

I have a friend who went through this terrible terrible breakup way back then, during the course of the "cheating" his ex gf emotionally abused him, the main sign then was that her phone was on call waiting most nights. So back then while I was trying to nurse him out of his heartbreak he kept on as a ritual calling her by that time just to show me that she was speaking to the other guy and he would try and try. He healed he moved on but to this day phones hunt him, when he calls his gf now and sees call waiting he admits that his mind goes places and he acts up with her. But this guy would never ever hurt a fly, he is totally paranoid of women and of relationships but he would not hit or become verbally abusive.
So your article or whatever it was that an insecure person becomes violent is a stretching of the truth.

ileobatojo:


Does your friend control his new gf's moves. Does he sneak after her when she goes out to make sure she goes where she says she's going? Does he obsessively tell her never to discuss their problems with any of her support system under the guise of not bringing outsiders to their relationship. Does he ask her 'who have you told' every time they have a problem? Does he hack into her social networking sites and set it up to receive direct notifications of her private messages? Does he prevent her from talking to male strangers? Does he accuse her of cheating as a result of any contact with men?

If he does all this then he is an abuser. She should dump him too. Whether he has hit her or not does not change the fact that he is an abuser. He just has not physically abused her.

If he does not go to this extent then there is no basis of comparison between the two cases.

The article never said an insecure person becomes violent but congrats on desperately trying to minimize the seriousness of the issue. If it works for you to deliberately close your eyes to what it is saying then good for you.

chuks315: OP, You still haven't answered my question yet. Have you had s** with him yet?

ferhyntorlah: Dear Poster,

Where you at? Your input is required.

PS: have you filled your parents in about this?

member_126910:

God bless you. Thank you for all your great advice. You have no idea how much it has helped. At least, I now have sought the public opinions, I've heard all the warnings, and it's left to me to do what's best. Thanks again.

chuks315: OP, You still haven't answered my question yet. Have you had s** with him yet?