debrief08: Yes, life goals mattered, He was the oly man apart from my dad who really took interest in my dreams and aspirations, always encouraging me to say it out, most people especially men from the Orth particularly that I had met thought me to be too ambitious. He loved my ambition, loved to get me to talk about my goals, love to share with me on his too.
Philosophy, hell yea, I was done with Lchurchy" people who will speak "christainese" and yet commit all sorts of wicked acts, he was different, logical, questioned a lot of the things I had come to question, he was smart, never just accepted anything, always scrathed beyond the surface.
When it came time to marry, some people told him he and I would go to hell and he said God is not a wicked and vindictive God like them.
While preparing for the wedding he faced so many things that I would give up on us severally but he never for a day doubted that he made the right choice. Again he was honest, he said the truth sometimes even when it hurt me not to hurt me but because it was true and needed to be said.
All in all he took charge, never made me feel scared or insecure and I knew I would be safe with him and my Dad loved him, he was sceptical but the day they met, according to my dad their own sparks flew.
My Dad asked him questions and he had questions too for my Dad

You are lucky,you married someone who wants you to achieve your dreams. If i had married my ex,by now, I would probably be driving a RR Evoque, or sipping pinacoladas in Ibiza but the truth is that my heart would still want to achieve my dreams and I wouldn't be able to because I have given that up to be with him; but here I am a few days from achieving one of my very own dreams and I'll say this time and Time again, I've never made a better choice, call me ambitious or whatever, but I'm happy and that is all that matters

Married brothers please keep this thread going.

Ours was very Nollywoodlike,

Met in most unexpected places and recognized each other immediately. We were classmates in Uni and hadn't seen for half a decade. He had matured to be super-handsome(I Was already swooning) .:-D

He said throughout Uni he had a crush on me and couldn't gather the courage to ask me out awww. Well 5yrs later, he is accomplished and confident. I also think realized that he as super attractive. Anyway, the 1st day he saw me again, he asked me to marry as he said he couldn't bear to loose moi. He went to see my family a week later and d rest is history.

Crazy as it would sound, we had the same likes and dis-likes, the same talents, same goals in life, only son-only daughter, same religious blfs, same. Line of business. Our interests were just too similar. There was never anything to argue abt. He is always laffing and cracking jokes. He is the perfect gentleman and spoils me silly. Helps me with my business. He advices me and guides me.we are gossip mates and best friends. What more can I ask for?

kitty kat: Ours was very Nollywoodlike,

Met in most unexpected places and recognized each other immediately. We were classmates in Uni and hadn't seen for half a decade. He had matured to be super-handsome(I Was already swooning) .:-D

He said throughout Uni he had a crush on me and couldn't gather the courage to ask me out awww. Well 5yrs later, he is accomplished and confident. I also think realized that he as super attractive. Anyway, the 1st day he saw me again, he asked me to marry as he said he couldn't bear to loose moi. He went to see my family a week later and d rest is history.

Crazy as it would sound, we had the same likes and dis-likes, the same talents, same goals in life, only son-only daughter, same religious blfs, same. Line of business. Our interests were just too similar. There was never anything to argue abt. He is always laffing and cracking jokes. He is the perfect gentleman and spoils me silly. Helps me with my business. He advices me and guides me.we are gossip mates and best friends. What more can I ask for?

Really pretty story, I agree Why'd you say yes? What sold you on "ever after" with him?

Ihedinobi:

Really pretty story, I agree Why'd you say yes? What sold you on "ever after" with him?

As much as everyone won't have d same experience this is mine.

The reason that I said yes was cos he ticked all the boxes for me. I had been praying for months for the type of man that I want. I was serious about it and I got all and more.


1. I love handsome men.
2. He knew what he wanted from me and was sure about it from the first time. He didn't have to ask friends or relationshions to help him ascertain if I was the one.
3. He always anticipated my needs. Even to the extent of providing more than I need.
4. He wants me to be the best of everything and he puts his time and resources to make it happen.
5. He is faithful.
6. He can't stay 30mins without checking on me.
7. Explosive attraction.
Some funny reasons

We are both engineers
We are both good artists ( draw and paint well, design clothes and even want to start a fashion house)
We like the same books, movies
We seem to say the same thing at the same time( take words out of each others mouth)

He is a good man.

kitty kat:

As much as everyone won't have d same experience this is mine.

The reason that I said yes was cos he ticked all the boxes for me. I had been praying for months for the type of man that I want. I was serious about it and I got all and more.


1. I love handsome men.
2. He knew what he wanted from me and was sure about it from the first time. He didn't have to ask friends or relationshions to help him ascertain if I was the one.
3. He always anticipated my needs. Even to the extent of providing more than I need.
4. He wants me to be the best of everything and he puts his time and resources to make it happen.
5. He is faithful.
6. He can't stay 30mins without checking on me.
7. Explosive attraction.
Some funny reasons

We are both engineers
We are both good artists ( draw and paint well, design clothes and even want to start a fashion house)
We like the same books, movies
We seem to say the same thing at the same time( take words out of each others mouth)

He is a good man.

How cool is that! Wow! It really is like something out of a movie. And reminds me a lot about debrief's story.

Can you tell me how exactly your careers fit into the picture? Did it matter that you were both engineers?

Ihedinobi:

How cool is that! Wow! It really is like something out of a movie. And reminds me a lot about debrief's story.

Can you tell me how exactly your careers fit into the picture? Did it matter that you were both engineers?

We both anted to end up wih an engineer. One who wld understand d whole lingo. Its different strokes for different folks. I wanted a man that wld be part of my life 247. So having the same career meansa lot to talk abt. And we cld easily relate to wat the other was saying. Plannin our lives is easier. Our life is like fun and adventure for us.

kitty kat:
We both anted to end up wih an engineer. One who wld understand d whole lingo. Its different strokes for different folks. I wanted a man that wld be part of my life 247. So having the same career meansa lot to talk abt. And we cld easily relate to wat the other was saying. Plannin our lives is easier. Our life is like fun and adventure for us.

Interesting. I actually understand this.

There were five years between school and him, I understand from your story, why, if you'll forgive my asking?

Ihedinobi:

Interesting. I actually understand this.

There were five years between school and him, I understand from your story, why, if you'll forgive my asking?

Yes. We lost touch after skul. Reconnected thru NLD.

kitty kat:
Yes. We lost touch after skul. Reconnected thru NLD.

But why'd you wait five whole years? You're a lady. I can hear a healthy self-respect in your words, but I think there must have been other men who tried for you in that time. Why did you wait five years to say yes to him?

Ihedinobi:

But why'd you wait five whole years? You're a lady. I can hear a healthy self-respect in your words, but I think there must have been other men who tried for you in that time. Why did you wait five years to say yes to him?

You don't quite seeem to undersand the story. He as in my class and aalays admired me from a distance. He never asked me out till after 5years.I said yes immediately. I had seen hat I was looking for why form.

kitty kat:
You don't quite seeem to undersand the story. He as in my class and aalays admired me from a distance. He never asked me out till after 5years.I said yes immediately. I had seen hat I was looking for why form.

I'm sorry. I'm not trying to misunderstand you, I promise. I'm really not asking these questions for merely academic purposes. If I hadn't been talking with debrief in private I might have been asking you a lot more. I'm actually posing questions I would like your perspective on.

Your self-respect wasn't exactly what I was questioning here. I'm trying to understand a woman staying unmarried five years after school. It seems to me to be the exception not the rule. There's a girl that I'm trying to understand. I might have to let her go in order to give her space to grow. I'm trying to see just how that can work out. How did it work out for you? Is it really possible that you turned down every opportunity that came your way because you wouldn't settle for less than your dream man? Or did you not get presented with opportunities? What did you do with those five years?

Please try to forgive my impertinence, I really am not doing this for appearance purposes. What I can learn from you will be an enormous help to me in the decisions I make. I believe some other people viewing this thread could be helped and better advised for marital commitment.

I am not vexxed o but u cld just call my secretary for my acc details cos this is professional consultation and I bill in USD and EUROS.

1. I didn't want to settle for less. I had other relationships during he period but it didn't work out. I alays tried to mould the men into my ideal man but it didn't work. So I started prayingg to meet my ideal man.

2. I am very ambitious. I have had a great career in the short time and few men can handle a lady towin the part that I do. Infact one of my ex's sister told me that very succesful women never get married. Another toaster said female enterpreneurs do not have happy marriages. So it took time for me to find a man that wld be excited abt the person that I am.


2. One relationship and one weddin was called off cos my mum died of cancer. that's 9ja pips for u shaa. Today I am happy I didn't end up with them.
I think that's basically it.

@ihedinobi
There's really no hard and fast rule to knowing these things. No amount of research or counselling can guarantee a happy marital life. It all depends on the individuals involved.
I met mine on my first day in uni. Dated exclusively for years even after he left the country for his masters,I still waited. Not because I didn't get other suitors or marriage proposals but because I wanted it to work. And it did.
I might be wrong but feet dragging and extensive research just to know if he/she is the right person has a way of messing up our sense of judgement in the end.

kitty kat: I am not vexxed o but u cld just call my secretary for my acc details cos this is professional consultation and I bill in USD and EUROS.

1. I didn't want to settle for less. I had other relationships during he period but it didn't work out. I alays tried to mould the men into my ideal man but it didn't work. So I started prayingg to meet my ideal man.

2. I am very ambitious. I have had a great career in the short time and few men can handle a lady towin the part that I do. Infact one of my ex's sister told me that very succesful women never get married. Another toaster said female enterpreneurs do not have happy marriages. So it took time for me to find a man that wld be excited abt the person that I am.


2. One relationship and one weddin was called off cos my mum died of cancer. that's 9ja pips for u shaa. Today I am happy I didn't end up with them.
I think that's basically it.

Incredible. This pretty much answers everything. From the lady's side, that is.

Can I ask about the bro? Why was he still free five years after? What was he doing meantime?

^^^

@OP she is rite. The best approach is have a very positive mindset. Blv u will meet the one. Blv that all thinGs do indeed work out for ur good. Be the bestt u can be. Be clear on the type of person that u r looking for. Blv it without doubt and u will have it.

Ihedinobi:

Incredible. This pretty much answers everything. From the lady's side, that is.

Can I ask about the bro? Why was he still free five years after? What was he doing meantime?

Bro said he as seacrhin for the ONe o. He Wanted a woman who still had the old values that our mothers had. He wanted a woman who wasn't materialistic and one who could support him to achieve his dreams. He wanted someone with the same vision. He also said he anted a case where he and his wife would run the same company.

He told me a very funyy story. He said he took a lady out one day to one of this eateries. It was someone he felt was ok from the physical perspective. Head turning beauty. So he asked her to take whatever she wanted. This baordered her own food plus take-away made-up of every single item in d eatery.

He paid for it and never picked her calls or ever called her again.

safeLove: @ihedinobi
There's really no hard and fast rule to knowing these things. No amount of research or counselling can guarantee a happy marital life. It all depends on the individuals involved.
I met mine on my first day in uni. Dated exclusively for years even after he left the country for his masters,I still waited. Not because I didn't get other suitors or marriage proposals but because I wanted it to work. And it did.
I might be wrong but feet dragging and extensive research just to know if he/she is the right person has a way of messing up our sense of judgement in the end.

You're probably right. But I'm not really trying to get anyone's approval for my choice. I'm trying to relate ideals to practical realities with my questions. That way, I can be guided in my decisions and will make choices I can live with.

I respect that attitude of taking responsibility to make one's marriage work. I believe without reservations in it. It is because I do that I would make sure of why I want such a marriage in the first place. May I ask why he was so important to you? Why you chose him above every other man?

kitty kat: ^^^

@OP she is rite. The best approach is have a very positive mindset. Blv u will meet the one. Blv that all thinGs do indeed work out for ur good. Be the bestt u can be. Be clear on the type of person that u r looking for. Blv it without doubt and u will have it.

I agree. And I'm really grateful that you guys are bothering at all.

kitty kat:
Bro said he as seacrhin for the ONe o. He Wanted a woman who still had the old values that our mothers had. He wanted a woman who wasn't materialistic and one who could support him to achieve his dreams. He wanted someone with the same vision. He also said he anted a case where he and his wife would run the same company.

He told me a very funyy story. He said he took a lady out one day to one of this eateries. It was someone he felt was ok from the physical perspective. Head turning beauty. So he asked her to take whatever she wanted. This baordered her own food plus take-away made-up of every single item in d eatery.

He paid for it and never picked her calls or ever called her again.

Wow! That last part is pure gold!

And his story is a lovely parallel.

You guys might or might not understand, but people do not easily turn from their formative paths. These stories you're so graciously supplying are removing the weird from the principles governing my life. They're helping me understand the situation that surrounds me. I'm not looking for rules and I don't take kindly to restriction, I love freedom and I'm looking for signs of it in everyone responding to me.

I love bro's steadfastness, I freely admit. It's not easier to refuse to settle for less than you want/need especially when that less is more readily and immediately available as well as powerfully attractive too.

U r welcome dear.

Ihedinobi:

You're probably right. But I'm not really trying to get anyone's approval for my choice. I'm trying to relate ideals to practical realities with my questions. That way, I can be guided in my decisions and will make choices I can live with.

I respect that attitude of taking responsibility to make one's marriage work. I believe without reservations in it. It is because I do that I would make sure of why I want such a marriage in the first place. May I ask why he was so important to you? Why you chose him above every other man?

He was (and still is) my best friend. We shared a kind of connection I couldn't get from any other guy. He was one person I could tell anything in the world,he accomodated my excesses,he was (and still is) a big brother to my sibs,since I'm the first child.
He believed in my dreams and aspirations. He was the only person who encouraged me when I decided not to take salary work but start my own catering bizness.

Like kitty_kat said,its all about having a positive mindset. While he was away,I was prepared for the worst but prayed for the best.

safeLove:

He was (and still is) my best friend. We shared a kind of connection I couldn't get from any other guy. He was one person I could tell anything in the world,he accomodated my excesses,he was (and still is) a big brother to my sibs,since I'm the first child.
He believed in my dreams and aspirations. He was the only person who encouraged me when I decided not to take salary work but start my own catering bizness.

Like kitty_kat said,its all about having a positive mindset. While he was away,I was prepared for the worst but prayed for the best.

I get this. Around him you could be you, no feigning, no grandstanding, no inhibition, right?

Totally love this thread- thanks guys :-)