maclatunji:

Experience is the best teacher... don't get me wrong. I am a firm believer in the elderly living and dying with their loved ones around them but I also am realistic enough to know that it may not be practical sometimes.

Life is not always preactical . . . but that doesn't mean you get to ship off your responsibilities to some fancy new age facility.
Taking care of the elderly is NOT easy, but it's our RESPONSIBILITY!
Now if the OP decided to to that by sending her to a home, that's cool . . . but we all know she's heaving a sigh of relief and thanking her stars her grandmum refused to live with her.

That's why I agree with tpia that this thread is pointless!

Ujujoan:

Life is not always preactical . . . but that doesn't mean you get to ship off your responsibilities to some fancy new age facility.
Taking care of the elderly is NOT easy, but it's our RESPONSIBILITY!
Now if the OP decided to to that by sending her to a home, that's cool . . . but we all know she's heaving a sigh of relief and thanking her stars her grandmum refused to live with her.

That's why I agree with tpia that this thread is pointless!

Where did you get all this from? You are misinterpreting OP's posts. Remember, this is her grandmother not her mother.

maclatunji:

Where did you get all this from? You are misinterpreting OP's posts. Remember, this is her grandmother not her mother.

Excatly!

She doesn't really feel responsible. She's feels like she's obliged to offer . . . I bet her granny sensed this hence her refusal!

Actions speak louder thatn words.

Ujujoan:

Excatly!

She doesn't really feel responsible. She's feels like she's obliged to offer . . . I bet her granny sensed this hence her refusal!

Actions speak louder thatn words.

In a way, you are not wrong. I would take responsibility for her in my home if I had her agreement, and possibly her children's support. I am not even sure some of my uncles or aunties would agree with her staying with me. I offered, because I wanted to know if she was refusing to stay with my mom only or if she was refusing to stay with any family member. She has a complicated relationship with my mom, though she's the only one who offered to take her home.

Til today, I never even thought she could stay with me because my situation wouldn't allow such. It is the first time I actually consider it myself, and that's quite a new idea to me. I know I will be responsible for my parents when they grow old, and we've started talking about it, but as for my grandma I've always thought her children would do it and I've just started to realize that I might have a say in the matter.

As for the fact that I emphasized how "nice" is the home, it was to emphasize the dilemma : nice home but far away from family vs. staying with family probably in a less comfortable environment.

I honestly don't mind people having an opinion about my own situation, but I don't see how that could keep those who want to talk about their own to do so. IMO talking about your personal situation/experience helps understand where your opinions are coming from.

maclatunji:

Experience is the best teacher... don't get me wrong. I am a firm believer in the elderly living and dying with their loved ones around them but I also am realistic enough to know that it may not be practical sometimes.

Mac when I contribute on NL is either I'm very very sure of what I'm saying or I presumed which I always include in my posts. I've lost all my grandparents and to Allah be the glory they stayed home and abroad ( mostly summer) until they are called to Aljana.

I have all the guts to do 10 aso ebi with their pictures on it cos I know they are well taken care of and they are smiling upon me and my entire family for a life well lived.
Coupled with the fact that this is part of my livelihood ( geriatrics) . And I am advocate for seniors to live in their homes with homecare provided and family involved 24/7.

So this is not a practical situation/ discussion for me, I lived it.

Thank you sir!

^Beautiful, but have you thought that your reality could be different from that of others? We are not on different sides on this issue. You have just decided to be inflexible about it, I am willing to be.

maclatunji: ^Beautiful, but have you thought that your reality could be different from that of others?

I honestly don't see how , money wise ? or how pls educate me.

maclatunji: You have just decided to be inflexible about it, I am willing to be.

I'm obviously inflexible ( esp for Nigerians) but the fact that the OP is not the next of kin and really didn't have a say per sè made me supportive of her otherwise I wouldn't.

It's your choice right?

jidegirl12:

I honestly don't see how , money wise ? or how pls educate me.

.

Look, some elderly people require 24-hour supervision and the reasons for this can be diverse such as illness, outright stubbornness etc. Tell me which family member will put their life totally on hold to fulfill this requirement? Who will fund you 100 per cent to put your life on hold for an elderly person? Even a well-paid nurse/care-giver may fail because they are afterall human and may need to do something else outside 24-hour exclusive care of an elderly person.

jidegirl12:
I'm obviously inflexible ( esp for Nigerians) but the fact that the OP is not the next of kin and really didn't have a say per sè made me supportive of her otherwise I wouldn't.

It's your choice right?

That is why I talked about "experience". You chose to narrow it down to yours. I say if you go through the experiences of others you may become understanding.

maclatunji: .

Look, some elderly people require 24-hour supervision and the reasons for this can be diverse such as illness, outright stubbornness etc. Tell me which family member will put their life totally on hold to fulfill this requirement? Who will fund you 100 per cent to put your life on hold for an elderly person? Even a well-paid nurse/care-giver may fail because they are afterall human and may need to do something else outside 24-hour exclusive care of an elderly person

All elderly ( not some) persons need a 24/7 care no matter what.

Also, outright stubbornness I already compared to terrible 2s is the most frustrating part of being old, you have no idea , also the illness part is commonly when the end is near.

I'm not trying to make you agree with me but make you understand that taking care of seniors ( which is what this thread is about) is not as extreme as people are trying to make it,

my point is if you are prepared for the worse , it's not bad after all ,
a decade out of our lives is not that much to dedicate to care for them ( if you have a good memories with them).

I am prepared for my parents and my inlaws and hopefully my kids will do the same for me& my hubby if we all take care of their grandparents together ( I can't wait for that time to come, I'm actually excited)

jidegirl12 : are you based in nigeria or abroad ?

...

jidegirl12:

All elderly ( not some) persons need a 24/7 care no matter what.

Also, outright stubbornness I already compared to terrible 2s is the most frustrating part of being old, you have no idea , also the illness part is commonly when the end is near.

I'm not trying to make you agree with me but make you understand that taking care of seniors ( which is what this thread is about) is not as extreme as people are trying to make it,

my point is if you are prepared for the worse , it's not bad after all ,
a decade out of our lives is not that much to dedicate to care for them ( if you have a good memories with them).

I am prepared for my parents and my inlaws and hopefully my kids will do the same for me& my hubby if we all take care of their grandparents together ( I can't wait for that time to come, I'm actually excited)

You simply ignored my last point. By the way, not all elderly people require 24-hour monitoring and supervision. Like Chaircover said, some are amazingly independent or at least try to be. It is getting to a point that you are just arguing for arguing sake- let me ask you, are you willing to resign from work to take care of your elderly parent 24/7?

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MissIfe:
I recently visited my grandmother in a retirement home, where she's been staying for the last few years. She is getting older by the day and this is starting to affect her abilities.

I felt so bad seeing all these people being taken care of by nurses, in a home that is not theirs, far away from their family. I naturally offered her to come stay with me, my mom offered the same... And she declined.

She said she doesn't want to be a burden, that she is doing ok here, that we have enough on our hands with the young ones. I was really disappointed. I thought she would love being surrounded with children, grandchildren and great grand children.

The place she stays is neat, she has her own room and the staff is really efficient. They offer activities for senior and she is still allowed to go out as she likes. Still... even though it is the norm in the west, I feel something's wrong in letting her stay there. I want to be there for her last moments, even if that means taking care of her like a small baby. I can't stand the idea of her dying all alone.

What do you guys think about it ? Should we just respect her wish and let her stay where she is ? How do you take care of the elderly in your own family ? What plans did you make/are you making to take care of your parents when they won't be able to watch after themselves ?

Insightful.