Hi all, ( this is long but gives a good background to the problem).
I have been dating this guy for over a year now. We both seemed to care a lot about. I had never asked and shared my true financial situation with him. He would always ask me how things were and I would always tell him things are fine. I have been through the worst ever times of my life financially but have find it most difficult asking for help from friends and family.

I was just working hard on my business to try and turn things around. I always thought I do not want him to think I want his money. But now we are growing apart becouse I have been soo consumed by my situation and found it difficult.

Now we chat but I cannot help but feel distance is tearing us apart and my inability to share my financial woes is
presenting itself as if i do not care about him.

I care about him a lot. I know we could be great together. But I need more than just a relationship. What complicates things to me even more is that a prophet told me I am going to marry someone else not him. Now with the way he is I am wondering if I should fight for this or just let go?

Over to you, NLers.

Please not dumb comments, just do not comment if you not in a good space right now

Erm......
The worst thing is that you find it difficult to share your financial troubles with him. Have you thought that perhaps you are not drifting apart but he only thinks you are moving away from him?

He does not know the situation of things with you and so it will affect the way he acts. Communication is one of the most important things in a relationship and if you are not comfortable sharing something that bothers you so much with him, I don't think you wanna settle down woth him.

You need to have a talk with him. Sit him down and tell him what you are going through and see his reaction.

I mean seriously, how can you not tell him?

A prophet told u the obvious.How can u marry some1 u're not open to? Good thing is you've defined ur problems.the next thing is to solve em. How? Give the r/ship another shot.Start afresh,be open-minded and allow urself to fall in love.It seems to me the guy has been giving more than u have for ur r/ship to survive.he acted up because u've being acting up.anyhow,visit him as planned and focus on making it work.

I didnt even bother to read the OP's post, it's pointless, since mynd_44 and binger has commented, I'm sure they would have given the best advice.

First of all, forget that prophet thingy. no prediction is inviolate.

I think you didn't in put enough work, (dont throw your shoes at me yet). You expected him to fall in because youve done your part.
What you needed was to gently pull him in.
Your business is paramount I agree, but your relationship should have received equal attention too. It wasnt being pursued agressively enough.

Not willing to talk to him is another no no. Thats where I think you lost the initiaive.

Finally, I think you should replan a good strategy to get your man.

Im no prophet but I see on you, something new, something old, something borrowed and something blue.
Good luck.

Mynd_44: Erm......
The worst thing is that you find it difficult to share your financial troubles with him. Have you thought that perhaps you are not drifting apart but he only thinks you are moving away from him?

He does not know the situation of things with you and so it will affect the way he acts. Communication is one of the most important things in a relationship and if you are not comfortable sharing something that bothers you so much with him, I don't think you wanna settle down woth him.

You need to have a talk with him. Sit him down and tell him what you are going through and see his reaction.

I mean seriously, how can you not tell him?

yeah, I hear you but also to me I think its not a problem with him but I am having hard time doing this with family and friends too. I know its a bad habit but I hope he will not take it personal. I am trying to work on it, on my side.

binger: A prophet told u the obvious.How can u marry some1 u're not open to? Good thing is you've defined ur problems.the next thing is to solve em. How? Give the r/ship another shot.Start afresh,be open-minded and allow urself to fall in love.It seems to me the guy has been giving more than u have for ur r/ship to survive.he acted up because u've being acting up.anyhow,visit him as planned and focus on making it work.

Thanks, i needed to hear this. My problem now is the mutual friend that seem to be meddling. I soo want this to work i truelly love him but find it difficult to let him know.

k2039: I didnt even bother to read the OP's post, it's pointless, since mynd_44 and binger has commented, I'm sure they will have given the best advice.

Please K do read and respond I need all the advice and costractive criticism i can get. I do not want to loose him.

Lovetinz: First of all, forget that prophet thingy. no prediction is inviolate.

I think you didn't in put enough work, (dont throw your shoes at me yet). You expected him to fall in because youve done your part.
What you needed was to gently pull him in.
Your business is paramount I agree, but your relationship should have received equal attention too. It wasnt being pursued agressively enough.

Not willing to talk to him is another no no. Thats where I think you lost the initiaive.

Finally, I think you should replan a good strategy to get your man.

Im no prophet but I see on you, something new, something old, something borrowed and something blue.
Good luck.

oooh! That is soo sweet. Thanks lovetinz. I really love him. I am scared he might have given up on this. And my things are finally getting back to normal. But I am scared what if he decided to move on?

sweetcheecks:


yeah, I hear you but also to me I think its not a problem with him but I am having hard time doing this with family and friends too. I know its a bad habit but I hope he will not take it personal. I am trying to work on it, on my side.

Now you know what your problem is. Deal with it. Tell him everything. How you feel, you business. Just let go and hope for the best.

The problem is that you will keep making excuses that you are a person who likes to keep her business private but you forget that when planning your future, you give up the "I" for "us". This is not about you alone anymore.

Stop making silly excuse it is annoying and I am not even the guy in question. You ignore him cos of your business. If you had told him the problem, fine but you did not and yet you still come up with excuses that you are thet kind of person.

SMH.

Mynd_44:
Now you know what your problem is. Deal with it. Tell him everything. How you feel, you business. Just let go and hope for the best.j

The problem is that you will keep making excuses that you are a person who likes to keep her business private but you forget that when planning your future, you give up the "I" for "us". This is not about you alone anymore.

Stop making silly excuse it is annoying and I am not even the guy in question. You ignore him cos of your business. If you had told him the problem, fine but you did not and yet you still come up with excuses that you are thet kind of person.

SMH.

Thanks Mynd will try again. But lately / sometimes I call him and does not always return my calls. I dont know what to.make of this.

sweetcheecks:


Please K do read and respond I need all the advice and costractive criticism i can get. I do not want to loose him.

I just read the post, like I said I could vouch with my life that the combination of binger and Mynd will give you the best possible advice and frankly I was not dissapointed.

Lovetinz also gave a good advice, what else can I say, all have been said.

You know the problem, which is the first solution to any problem.

I will just add to it that the guy could sense you werent open to him, he definitely knows something is wrong, each time you tell him you fine, he probably smells lies.(that you probably werent truthful to him, just that he may not be able to pin point that it had to do with your finances)

The fact that he smelled lies could have made him also lose interest, so you just have to open up to him.


On a more serious note, reading that story, I think you obviously knew what to do, what if I told you this thread wasnt really necessary and maybe the best section for it would have been the diary section, you need to open a diary.

sweetcheecks:
Thanks Mynd will try again. But lately / sometimes I call him and does not always return my calls. I dont know what to.make of this.

How difficult is this? Call him, or leave him a message and tell him you need to discuss something with him that concerns the both of you. Tell him IN THAT MESSAGE that you want to come clean and all you need is an afternoon.

Don't tell him you are saying hi or wanna come over or some silly stuff.

Infact I am done advising jorh.

Mynd_44:
How difficult is this? Call him, or leave him a message and tell him you need to discuss something with him that concerns the both of you. Tell him IN THAT MESSAGE that you want to come clean and all you need is an afternoon.

Don't tell him you are saying hi or wanna come over or some silly stuff.

Infact I am done advising jorh.

Thanks. Lol this should be really irritating atleast now I see it as well. Will keep you guys updated.

k2039:

I just read the post, like I said I could vouch with my life that the combination of binger and Mynd will give you the best possible advice and frankly I was not dissapointed.

Lovetinz also gave a good adviceh, what else can I say, all have been said.
I
You know the problem, whiych is the first solution to any problem.

I will just add to it that the guy could sense you werent open to him, he definitely knows something is wrong, each time you tell him you fine, he probably smells lies.(that you probably werent truthful to him, just that he may not be able to pin point that it had to do with your finances)

The fact that he smelled lies could have made him also lose interest, so you just have to open up to him.


On a more serious note, reading that story, I think you obviously knew what to do, what if I told you this thread wasnt really necessary and maybe the best section for it
would have been the diary section, you need to open a diary.

OK got it. Maybe I will. Thanks guys will keep you posted on this thread.

To be honest, I really thought I should let go but my heart was just heavy with the decision. Its amazing how one can see huge issues in one's problems until you get an outside perspective. And we women sometimes we let emotions run away with us and not understand the male perspective. Thanks though.

sweetcheecks:

Thanks. Lol this should be really irritating atleast now I see it as well. Will keep you guys updated.

And this is the part where I say I hope you take to the advice.

I'm seeing things in triples, I didn't know small stout is this strong.
Lord please deliverance me from this.

BBL.

freecocoa: I'm seeing things in triples, I didn't know small stout is this strong.
Lord please deliverance me from this.

BBL.

Long time no see

@poster

You seem to have a problem I share with you.

I also am bad at talking about my problems. Try to change it. Try to meet the guy, go to a nice and quiet restaurant and talk things over. Open up. It's not easy but if you really want him, it's the only chance to keep him, else more and more misunderstandingss will destroy your relationship.

I wish you the best.

k2039: I didnt even bother to read the OP's post, it's pointless, since mynd_44 and binger has commented, I'm sure they will have given the best advice.

Follow follow syndrome on NL! Kai!
Anyway, poster, swallow your pride and open up to him. Let him know how you feel and how things are for you. If he really cares, he will open up to you too

k2039:

I just read the post, like I said I could vouch with my life that the combination of binger and Mynd will give you the best possible advice and frankly I was not dissapointed.

Kai! Pls be your own man and have a mind of your own! I can bet with my life too that not everything they say is right. They are mere human beings like you so they could make mistakes sometimes!
Gosh!
Is there some kind of price for a.s.s licking on NL?

k2039: I didnt even bother to read the OP's post, it's pointless, since mynd_44 and binger has commented, I'm sure they will have given the best advice.

Ah! Oga mi,i'm only following ur steps...u be baba mehn.

Sweetlemon:
Kai! Pls be your own man and have a mind of your own! I can bet with my life too that not everything they say is right. They are mere human beings like you so they could make mistakes sometimes!
Gosh!
Is there some kind of price for a.s.s licking on NL?

So I am willing to guess this is a carry over from the beauty pageant stuff right? Let it go.

Stop being bitter. It is so childish.

Mynd_44:
So I am willing to guess this is a carry over from the beauty pageant stuff right? Let it go.

Stop being bitter. It is so childish.

Iv been noticing this trend long time ago.
Stop attributing everything I say now to that contest. If you check all my posts on NL, you will notice that iv always been a very independent minded person and I encourage people to be so too.

Sweetlemon:
Iv been noticing this trend long time ago.
Stop attributing everything I say now to that contest. If you check all my posts on NL, you will notice that iv always been a very independent minded person and I encourage people to be so too.

There are better ways to do that rather than insult people. Funny when you were insuted, you did not take it well and people even had to step in to tell those hurling the insults to shut up.

Stop insulting people. Especially when everyonr knows you can't take it. Do you know what that makes you?

Smh.

Sweetlemon:
Kai! Pls be your own man and have a mind of your own! I can bet with my life too that not everything they say is right. They are mere human beings like you so they could make mistakes sometimes!
Gosh!
Is there some kind of price for a.s.s licking on NL?

who is murmuring? Someone call the medics,she needs a rat poison

Mynd_44:
There are better ways to do that rather than insult people. Funny when you were insuted, you did not take it well and people even had to step in to tell those hurling the insults to shut up.

Stop insulting people. Especially when everyonr knows you can't take it. Do you know what that makes you?

Smh.

Excuse me, but who have I insulted here? I just told the guy to have a mind of his own which was was the truth.
Please can you drop that contest saga thing Iv always been like this and I will always be like this.
You guys so proud that simple truths hurt you so much

Sweetlemon:
Excuse me, but who have I insulted here? I just told the guy to have a mind of his own which was was the truth.
Please can you drop that contest saga thing Iv always been like this and I will always be like this.
You guys so proud that simple truths hurt you so much

You see trying to come out of a sticky situation just makes you worse. Makes you a coward.

You just called someone else an arsèlicker and you ask if you insulted him? Or perhaps you don't know what insults are?

Stop this silliness and either appologise or move the eff on. You said it you said it. You think people are just gonna sit back and watch you run your fingers? Please learn how to adress people in public especially if you are going to play the victim or act like you can take it.

The reply you gave him was not even one, you replied him twice and you come to ask if you insulted him. You did not, you just complimented him.

Nonsense.

Sweetlemon:
Excuse me, but who have I insulted here? I just told the guy to have a mind of his own which was was the truth.
Please can you drop that contest saga thing Iv always been like this and I will always be like this.
You guys so proud that simple truths hurt you so much

babe its insult wen u write d same tin twice... besides it won't hurt to be diplomatic, u could have conveyed ur msg without appearing brash

Mynd_44:
You see trying to come out of a sticky situation just makes you worse. Makes you a coward.

You just called someone else an arsèlicker and you ask if you insulted him? Or perhaps you don't know what insults are?

Stop this silliness and either appologise or move the eff on. You said it you said it. You think people are just gonna sit back and watch you run your fingers? Please learn how to adress people in public especially if you are going to play the victim or act like you can take it.

The reply you gave him was not even one, you replied him twice and you come to ask if you insulted him. You did not, you just complimented him.

Nonsense.

Pls check this statement out "I can bet with my life that whatever mynd and binger says is right"
If that's not a.s.s licking, I don't know what else is.
Can I beg you in the name of God not to bring up that contest again when I speak. Ok?

gree-die:

babe its insult wen u write d same tin twice... besides it won't hurt to be diplomatic, u could have conveyed ur msg without appearing brash

I wonder oo. And she is playing victim

gree-die:

babe its insult wen u write d same tin twice... besides it won't hurt to be diplomatic, u could have conveyed ur msg without appearing brash

Ok o! Sorry o! But I was really disappointed. Even when the poster begged him to read the story and give his own advice, he was still saying the same thing! Haba!