Mr.T Anonymous:
Akpors movd to .V.I. with his wife.Later,thieves invaded and demanded 4 d money he brought home d day b/4 vowing he wuld inject him wit hiv fluid if he didn't answer him
Akpor-if u inject me,wuld u still take d money
thief-no.
Akpor-then let me ease myself in d toilet first,then u cn inject me.
So he went to d toilet n wen he came back,d thief inject him and went away.
The wife still baffled asked Akpor why he accepted to be injected instead of giving them d money.
Akpor-the fool didn't knw dat i've put on condom wen I entered d toilet.
#who is d fool#

You the op
Mumu,
Stale jokes.

Abbey2sam:

You the op
Mumu,
Stale jokes.

HATERZ CLUB.Abeg go write ur own

bin gbagbo:

[b]thank u sah[/b.]

SPEECHLESS*Smh*

One day,ben complained 2 his teacher about his dad.
Teacher:what happened 2 ur right eye.
Ben:my dad hit me
teacher:what did u do
ben:u knw dat we liv in a small rum,anytym we are on bed,my dad will ask me that hav i slept.If i say no,he would hit me.
Teacher:next tym,when he calls,don't answer him.
THE 2ND DAY.
Teacher:What happened 2 ur face
ben:last nite,wen we were on bed,my dad asked dat hav i slept and i didn't answer.Later,i heard sum noises and daddy was jerking d bed.So I heard daddy asking mum dat are u coming and mum replied;yes,and u?dad replied;yes.
Since dey don't go out without me,I shouted;I'm also coming along.
#Huuh,laaf it out#

Teacher:do u knw d importance of PERIOD
Seun:Yeah,the day my sister said she missed one,my mum fainted,my dad got an heart attack,our driver ran away

FACTS IN NIGERIA.
The shortest president in Nigeria-OBASANJO OLUSEGUN.
The artist with the biggest bulging eyes-SEGUN ARINZE.
The thinniest man in Nigeria-SANUSI LAMIDO SANUSI.
But who is the thinniest,shortest and d biggest eyed man in Nairaland?
Suggestions pls.

Akpors,an airplane attendants once went into an airplane just b/4 flight.As he was cleaning up the pilot cabin,he saw a book titled:HOW TO FLY A AEROPLANE.
So he took it and opened it to the first page and what he saw amazed him:If u want to start an aeroplane,press d red button,so he pressed it and the aeroplane started.Nt satisfied,opened the book 2 d second page:If u want to fly a plane,press d green button,so he pressed it and to his amazement,the plane started flying.
As the plane was flying,he opened to the third page and what he saw amazed him:
ON HOW TO STOP AN AEROPLANE,PLEASE WAIT FOR VOLUME 2 OF THIS BOOK.
#He fainted#

A woman once complained to her doc. I can't get my husband to hav s*x with me anymore.So the doc. gave her a liquid drug to add to his husband's drink.So d first nite,she added 4 drops,so she enjoyed dat nite,d 2nd day,she added 8drops,and dat nite was really wonderful.On d 3rd day,she decided 2 add all d liquid drug into her husband's drink 4 a splendid nite.
But on the 2nd day,it was their son who appeared in d doc.'s room shouting;
doc. what hav u done 2 my dad-mum is dead,my sister is pregnant,our maid is pregnant,my butt is aching and he keeps singing;kitty-kitty,i want more
#laff it out#

Why is it dat wen ur wife gets pregnant,people wuld rub her tummy saying congratulations,but no 1 rubs ur balls and say good JOB?!

1.If every morning after waking up,ur folks give you a hug and a kiss b/4 sending you off 2 school,u re Ajebota.But if u get a slap for nt kneeling down or prostrating properly,you re definitely an Ajepaki.
2.If as a young girl,b/4 u even dare step outside ur house,u put on a pair of jeans and a matching top with a pair of sneakers,you qualify to be called an Ajebota.But if u repeatedly and nonchalantly simply tie a wrapper around ur chest in d morning,slip into a pair of bathroom slippers,with 'pako'(chewing stick)in one corner of ur mouth and head to Mama Sule's store 2 buy three cubes of Maggi and onion,your pakiness is of a high level.
3.If ur folks,through an exclusive country club,introduced u 2 a variety of sports like cricket,polo,lawn tennis,swimming,taekwondo,hockey etc,you can be classified as Ajebota.But if cars repeatedly avoid hitting you while playing either 'ten-ten','sunway' or 'set',bare-footed on d streets,u re a serious Ajepaki
4.If ur clothes re bought abroad n u always wear d 'latest brand name(e.g.Puma,Nike,Adidas n maybe Fubu)that makes everybody wonder...u might b an Ajebota.But if u specialise in 'Boskona' pricing and u re known by d majority of d 'Nna' boys located in strategic spots within Dugbe,Balogun,Mushin etc.,u must b strongly ''En Pakkiated''.
5.If u are driven 2 skul in d morning and picked up by a driver after school...u might qualify as an Ajebota.But if u hold the world record 4 boarding a moving popular Lagos ''MOLUE'' through any opening:doors,windows etc,u re a PAKI ORIGINAL.
6.If u re familiar and current with the latest things in vogue,you qualify as an Ajebota.But,if d very first time u saw a pair of NIKE trainers u wondered why d bearer had 2 paint sum Yoruba girl's name on it,old boy...PAKI-ism has scattered ur head!!!

UP NEPA
The day I will never 4get in my life-Computer Game.It is just anoda saturday evening.I am here in my room,playing mortal combat 4 d tenth time on my five-Year Old IBM Compatable computer in advail fact,I'm nt concentrating on d game.My mind is searching 4 sumtin existing 2 do.Man,I am so bored.

The buzzing of my computer brings me back 2 reality.It's screen has bcum lazy.I give it a few pats to free it 4rm its pandemonium.The screen finally came back in place and... hello,what is this? ACCESS GRANTED? And what's that funny emblem?The next thing I see is AMOUNT OF CASH DESIRED:$- Hey,wait a minute.I look closely at sum words written under d emblem and I see - No it can't be I am dreaming YES!! YES!!, I exclaim,explanation finally unveiling its face I have sumhw got into d Swiss Bank Account with money extraction code!

I'm almost blinded by d dollar symbols in my eyes.AMOUNT OF CASH DESIRED? Twenty-five million?No,too small. Two Billion?Three?Give me every bill in dat bank that has a value on it? O.K.Lets make it two and a half billion dollars.How!I am fucking rich oh Saturday!Thank God 4 making such a day!

I put my shaky hands on d computer,ready 4 action when d whole house blackened out.My computer screen follows suit.After sitting there 4 what seems like eternity,I stood up in silence as I realise what has happened. NEPA has taken light,I can't remember what I did next laugh? Cry? Scream? Faint? Convulse? Whatever my reaction was,4 one thing it wasn't funny.

A young girl went 2 church.During d sermon, the pastor asked,''how many people want to go to heaven'',Everybody raised their hands up except the girl.The pastor asked her why? She said ''my aunty told me to come back home straight from church".
#loof§

U sef dey post Joke for ur mind.. . Smh. . .*brings out his AK47 nd points @ d OP*

One day,a woman went to the church for the naming ceremony of her son,when she got to the pastor's house,the pastor asked her the name of d son,then she said''OBITUARY" then the pastor asked her why,she then said that she wants her son to be great and rich in future that each time she opens a page of d newspaper,she will always see a rich man's name "OBITUARY".

bunmioguns: U sef dey post Joke for ur mind.. . Smh. . .*brings out his AK47 nd points @ d OP*

I would hav wished to ask u hw old u re bt i knw u can't count 2 high.

Mr.T Anonymous:
I would hav wished to ask u hw old u re bt i knw u can't count 2 high.

no take am personal nw. Shebi na play. . ...oya take ur food *gives him banana*

bunmioguns:



no take am personal nw. Shebi na play. . ...oya take ur food *gives him banana*

SMH

bunmioguns: U sef dey post Joke for ur mind.. . Smh. . .*brings out his AK47 nd points @ d OP*

shut da fck.d guy try

toluleke: shut da fck.d guy try

i'm happy nt all NLanders are in what dey call HATERZ CLUB.

Towards d end of an arithmetic exam a boy worked out his answer to be N25.50k instead of N25.55k.As he was going over his workings,he found his mistake but there was no time for him to recopy the correct answer.So,he just took 5kobo out of his pocket and tied it beside d answer and wrote "please examiner add this 5kobo to correct my answer".
GOOD MORNING NL BUBBLEBRAINS.

A thief was once caught stealing in a supermarket and he was handed over 2 d police.After much torture,he confessed dat he had been stealing there 4 d past 2 months without suspicion.The ffg dialogue ensued:

Policeman:why is it dat u always cum here 2 steal?

Thief:Bcoz d inscription on d signboard says "Thanks,come again".

Mr.T Anonymous:
A thief was once caught stealing in a supermarket and he was handed over 2 d polibe.After much torture,he confessed dat he had been stealing there 4 d past 2 months without suspicion.The ffg dialogue ensued:

Policeman:why is it dat u always cum here 2 steal?

Thief:Bcoz d inscription on d signboard says "Thanks,come again".

you sure say u finishh school?? polibe??

bin gbagbo:



you sure say u finishh school?? police??

sure nw,i finish skul,u nko,se u finish skul?*waiting 4 response*

Now Hear This: ADMISSION! ADMISSION!! ADMISSION!!!
Qualification: Minimum of a credit in abusing,fornication,lack of self-control,false witnessing,stealing,covetousness,murder,smoking,drunkenness,adultery,fighting, and cheating in examinations, etc.
Note:PPride and disobedience are added advantages.
The names of d backbiters will be on d first batch,the rude pple and fornicators will come on d second list and those engaged in cheating in examinations and flirtation will be admitted automatically.
Direct ur hand-written application with your CV to:
The Registrar,
Hell State University,
P.O. Box 666,
Satan Street,
United Darkness of Fire.





Any1 who read dis should nt abuse or query me 4 writing dis,coz dis is d joke section.

A yuppie opened the door of his BMW,when suddenly a car came along and hit the door,ripping it off completely.When d police arrived at d scene,d yuppie was complaining bitterly about d damage done 2 his precious BMW."Officer,look what they've done 2 my Beeeemer!" he whined.
"You yuppies are so materialistic,you make me sick!" retorted the officer."You're so worried about ur stupid BMW,that u didn't even notice dat ur left arm was ripped off!"
"Oh,my gaaawd....," replied the yuppie,finally noticing d bloody left shoulder where his arm once was,"Where's my Rolex?

A young boy once askd his father dat daddy who is d head of dis family n d father replied him dat he is d 1 n d boy replied;bt dad why are u d head?or is it bcoz ur head is 2 big?

I was a candidate at a JAMB examination.We were writing Use of English.I shaded d ones I knew and was waiting 4 manna 4rm heaven 2 fall when I saw a beautiful girl right beside me.She was shading and was nt looking up.Through d help of my long neck,I peeped and checked her work.She was in no 65,I was in no 21 and tym was running.I quickly thanked God and started shading along with her.We got 2 no 98 2geda,suddenly she looked up,caught me and shouted in a low tone;what are it?why is u copying me?chameless copychatter;I quickly cried out;I am finished,who has an eraser?!!!!!!!!

A father was trying 2 teach his young son d effect of alcohol.He put a worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey,the worm in d water lived while d one in d whiskey curled up and died 'Alright son' asked d father,what does dat shows u? "Well dad,it shows that if u drink alcohol you will nt have worms".
#the man fainted#

Akpors stuck his head into
a
barber's shop and
asked,"How
long before I can get a
haircut?"
The barber looked around
the
shop full of customers and
said,"About 2 hours."
Akpors left.
A few days later the same
Akpors stuck his head in
thedoor
and asked, "How long
before I
can get a haircut?"
The barber looked around
atthe
shop and said, "About 3
hours."
Akpors left.
A week later, Akpors stuck
his
head in the shop and
asked,"How
long before Ican get a
haircut?"
The barber looked around
the
shop and said, "About an
hour
only." Akpors left.
The barber turned to a
friend and
said, "Kelveen, please do
me a
favor, follow that guy and
see
where he goes.
He keeps asking how long
hehas
to wait for a haircut, but
then he
doesn’t ever come back".
A little while later, Kelveen
returned to the shop,
laughing
hysterically.
The barber asked, "So
where does
that guy go whenever he
leaves
here?" Kelveen looked up,
with
tears in his eyes and
said,"To
your wife at home."

Don't say I didn't hook u up with some of my other
frnds.
Messi :2741069F.
Ronaldo: 26E13B28
Obama: 23AB87E1
Aliko Dangote: 296D4955
Mike Adenuga: 22D419EC
Tony Elumelu: 23G2361F
David Beckham: 366FB571
Beyonce: 28521D2B
Bill Clinton : 285A852F
Bill Gates: 28631276
Rihanna: 2352FD47
Boko Haram: 29D83FB
Don't bother to thank me, What are friends for? :*.