It takes a village to raise a child. Does the proverb apply to families today? Are we rallying around our struggling parents like they did in the villages of yesterday?

Some might say "Yes", some might say "No". I guess it all depends on your personal experiences. The Igbo culture of Omugo in Nigeria where the mother of a girl leaves her home to stay with her daughter who has recently delivered, is an attempt and a surviving ember of our anthropological need for the experience of another experienced parent in the process of parenting. In the past people co-slept, breastfed much longer, and wore their babies all the time. But the village raised the child. There were grandparents, aunts, neighbors  and older children to share the parenting. In our society, if the mother cannot do it all, all of the time, we look down on her. Or, alternately, if she is willing to leave her baby with someone in order to get a break, we look down on her. Even I got attacked recently for sending my daughter to her grandma so my husband and I could take a short break


While I was little my mother was a single mother in the UK far away from home and she had to work long, often unsociable hours and this was the story of many mums I knew. Fortunately she had a few fellow Nigerian mums who she was able to leave me with. She attempted to build a small village around her. But mostly, she was on her own. Today even married couples who have each other are working long hours and spending hours in traffic and getting home to sleepy children or kids wide awake in front of the TV. 

I know another single mum who said the entire workforce at Virgin (the company) knew her child since she took her to many meetings while her daughter played in her car-seat waiting for mummy to finish. For her this wasn't about politics or work life balance, it was about survival. She couldn't afford to lose her job for taking a day off or constantly missing meetings. She could not afford to lose a day's pay! She would tell you she had no village, but does anyone care? What happened to the communal view of parenthood?

We parent alone. We raise our children alone. This is exhausting.

People are divided about how much support we actually owe each other when it comes to discipline and parenting in general. The experience of parenthood is almost completely personal right now, a function of your company, your religion, your class, your education. Some people might argue that all those things are your Village. And they're happy with it.

That said, I don’t think the entire burden of raising my child needs to fall on my shoulders or my husband’s shoulders alone. In our case, we have been very lucky to be able to have his mother as a regular and trusted presence in our daughter's life but she doesn't live in the same state. So the point is we should go out of our way to find like minded mums and dads, we should try to forge a closer and more consistent relationship between our children and our friends, and siblings to create opportunities for trade-offs (I’ll watch your kids today if you watch mine tomorrow). I think it is important to your own mental health as a parent to encourage a strong attachment between your child and at least a handful of other trusted adults, this importance is emphasized when they become teenagers. As teenagers these adults serve as confidantes when your kids find it hard discussing certain things with you and role models of responsible parents or even in terms of career.

A major concern is that a lot of parents have is that their caregiver needs to use the same parenting approach that they do. That is why these should be like minded parents who you feel are good role models if they have different rules in their home it will only serve as a learning experience for your child and for you the scriptures say "Iron sharpeneth iron."

Take some of the burden off yourself and put it onto the village. Now put up your feet and enjoy a good
 book or a movie.

Read more at www.covenantrelationships.org

I so agree with this post.In as much as i believe the foremost responsiblity of raising a child is to the parents( mum and dad if both are alive) BUT it pays to have other adult role models in a child's life.It is exhausting to do it alone or with only paid help.

My daughter as little as 3 lovea her godmother, her ganma(grandma) her aunties and sees them very much part of her life.When me and hubby sometimes just want to see a movie rated 18 we drop her off at her godmothers.Or her aunty's.I belong to a mother and toddler group where we go out together and do stuff together.That is also a sort of village.

I have friends who i think are a lil paranoid(i know you cant be too careful)BUT they cant leave their kids for anyone else but maybe their mums and patners.Even their mums sef they will call a zillion times.I know mother child bond is strong but abeg i hate when kids are tooooo clingy to their mums and scream their heads off at just their mums and dads can stay with them.I know some people cant help it but at least dont just stay indoors all the time.Its good for the child social interaction and also your own sanity.

My daughter just started Nur in our local catholic sch and they had said we would have tostay with her for a week or more for her to settle in.The nur teacher let me leave after 15 mins as the girl is used to not always being round just mummy and daddy.As of this afternoon some mums are still going to continue the settling in process next week cos any attempt for them to leave is a wailing fest.

I know the modern world does not really encourage this village raises a child thing but as OP said we can build our own villages in this fast paced me my wife and kids world.

Damiso thank you so much for that contribution. That is exactly what I am saying. I've never heard of toddler and mum groups, sounds like a really good idea.

Mother and toddler groups are groups often run by the local authority through a scheme called sure start in England and wales.It is sometimes run by health visitors and is a place where mums with.young children can interact with other mums esp while on mat leave or prob taking a career break or even being a stay at home.Raising a young baby and toddler can be quite lonely sometimes some women have partners who work long hrs and some are even single mums.So the adult interaction while the kids play in soft play areas in some mums only form of social interaction.You have things like exercise classes,yoga,coffee mornings,baby massage,rhyme time,reading etc and so many other activuties.


Mine is actually not run by the local authority.Its run by my friend and she is a lay worker in the methodist church.So mine is a faith based kinda group(we try not to be judgemental and holier than thou so we dont scare off some mums who need support).I help her in alot of the activities and its really good.We struggle with funding but God has been faithful.We do zumba classes,coffee mornings,baby massage,buggy walks,movie afternoons,bible study,we run a toy and book library,we have lawyers who volunteer like one a day a week to run.a legal.drop in clinic(this con den govt keeps slashing legal aid),meal planning,money mngt in short a whole range of activities.We also run a drop in for teenagers who get pregnant and work with a kids charity called Kids Co.

I used to think paid work and money was the only thing that could fulfil you but meeen i feel so fulfilled since starting out working with her and even want to do more.I have to continue cos it fills my heart with joy with the diff it makes in the life of so many people.I wish my own church was more interested but that one na long story.Anyways its sort of village for some people and for me as well.We have a group on FB and whatsapp.

Wrong!
IT TAKES NAIRALAND!!!!

Nairaland Family Section has ALL THE SOLUTIONS. . . . a BIRTH PLACE OF IDEAS!!!!



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