One is healthy, one is deadly.

When you hear a your partner saying: You are mine and no one else's, start running for your life, especially if they use an angry tone of voice. Don't get disillusioned that is love. Love is not a feeling that is expressed through ownership but through trust and freedom willingly given to you by your partner!

when did you learn this?

When you and I broke up!

@michelin/David

4Him:

when did you learn this?

michelin89:

When you and I broke up!

wow!! secrets!! secrets!! wow!!! no wonder David. . . . David, stop being possessive o

@post
you're so right!!

He was always keeping me indoors, thinking I'd leave and take his life savings with me!

Jokes apart, David, do you have any perplexity concerning the topic?

michelin89:

Jokes apart, David, do you have any perplexity concerning the topic?

not at all. I get your point but there is a thin line between jealousy and possessiveness. I'd be worried if my gf was not somewhat possessive about me. It becomes a problem when the other party expects to have absolute control over my every movement.

I wont say either of the two is bad . . . they are both good attributes when used in moderation.
Love is about trust and freedom but exactly how much trust and freedom needs to be addressed.

I'd rather say that possessiveness is the excess of jealousy, because the latter already englobes the idea of ownership, but not so much to eliminate the will of the other partner. To possess is not even a word meant to refer to humans, but to objects which are under your total control.

i dont fully agree. If i were married my wife is mine as much as i'm hers. whatever she possesses is mine as much as whatever i have is hers to use whichever way she wishes. I cant curtail her freedom neither can she mine but i cant take freedom to mean i can sleep out when i feel like or bring female friends home anyhow. Freedom must have a limit in the context of marriage i suppose.

Its a matter of understanding your partner, i dont see anything wrong with being possessive, just know were to draw the line.

@ David - Alas! the truth comes out

@ Topic, I do agree there is a thin line between jealousy and possessiveness. At the same time too much of either of them can effectively destroy a relationship. I like my partner being possessive in a way but not controlling. Like I would want to feel like we belong to each other but at the same time, I would want to have control over what I do with or without him. Jealousy is good in little bits but jealousy can destroy trust because then he gets jealous at everything you do - eye contact with another guy, smiling at another guy, things like that. A guy can be possessive without being overtly jealous at the same time.

Abeg - relationships are confusing!

j-girl:



@ Topic, I do agree there is a thin line between jealousy and possessiveness. At the same time too much of either of them can effectively destroy a relationship. I like my partner being possessive in a way but not controlling. Like I would want to feel like we belong to each other but at the same time, I would want to have control over what I do with or without him. Jealousy is good in little bits but jealousy can destroy trust because then he gets jealous at everything you do - eye contact with another guy, smiling at another guy, things like that. A guy can be possessive without being overtly jealous at the same time.

Abeg - relationships are confusing!

This cracked me up

4Him:

i don't fully agree. If i were married my wife is mine as much as i'm hers. whatever she possesses is mine as much as whatever i have is hers to use whichever way she wishes. I can't curtail her freedom neither can she mine but i can't take freedom to mean i can sleep out when i feel like or bring female friends home anyhow. Freedom must have a limit in the context of marriage i suppose.

Its a matter of understanding your partner, i don't see anything wrong with being possessive, just know were to draw the line.

Nice.

yeah he can get jealous, but only a little, infact i shouldnt even notice it. cos if we're dating, it means i'm giving him a helluva lot of attention, but i will not discard the other people in my life just cos i'm dating him. and vice versa.

as for possessive people - i will never date one. u can usually tell from the early stages of toasting, and i run like hell. possess who? e mean say the guy na demon now kidding. possessive guys are often violent, or emotionally abusive. same goes for possessive girls.

i'm like a bird - the more u try to hold on to me, the harder i try to escape. i think that the guy should be secure enough to know that i'm with him because that's where i want to be, and giving time to my other friends (who were there before he was BTW) wont change that.

jealousy? yes, in small doses. possessiveness? no way!

a bit of both is good.

Being TOO jealous or possesive is bad. From my own experience, my ex would go as far as reading my texts and was always uncomfortable when i was out no matter where i have gone to.The thing is most jealous or possesive people are also very insecure and in to avoid being heartbroken they actually end up cheating first leaving you heartbroken.I might also be as a result of their past reationship- maybe he has been cheated on before.

babygirlfl:

Being TOO jealous or possesive is bad. From my own experience, [b]my ex would go as far as reading my texts [/b]and was always uncomfortable when i was out no matter where i have gone to.The thing is most jealous or possesive people are also very insecure and in to avoid being heartbroken they actually end up cheating first leaving you heartbroken.I might also be as a result of their past reationship- maybe he has been cheated on before.

Now that struck me, my baby wouldn't even check my inbox. He'd go all round my phone, music, pics but never enter into the messages. I wonder what i can call dat But me o, i check evry checkable.

jkpretty:

Now that struck me, my baby wouldn't even check my inbox. He'd go all round my phone, music, pics but never enter into the messages. I wonder what i can call that But me o, i check evry checkable.

Why you dey check but you nor want make another person check? 

Anyways I like the distinction you made concerning the two words. As I have seen from this thread people still tend to associate similar meanings to them forgetting that one contains a form of ownership that annuls the other's will to impose yours.

He can be jealous for as long as "don't" and "no" aren't heard often

Why shouldn't a guy be jealous?

R-Dynamite:

He can be jealous for as long as "don't" and "no" aren't heard often

Lol.

michelin89:

Why you dey check but you nor want make another person check?

i own him, so i gast to check

But seriously who's not sure of his stand usually does the possessive thingy

Abeg - relationships are confusing!

Was about to say the same thing . . .

iice:

A rational jealousy (like that is rational ) would suit me
Possessiveness. . .no thankies, been there, done that and it doesn't compliment my complexion

I like that

The words jealousy n possessiveness have negative connotations dat are hard to identify wit. However if we are to look towards wat we can call their milder expressions exhibited by affections n the desire to protect we'll c dat everyone will luv to b treated that way. I believe every girl wit a guy will ant to b protected in the face of trouble n cherished in the face of competing affections same wit every guy. Holdin hands in public askin after wellbeing these are forms of it. The bad expressions are wat everybody identifies with those words.

Guys never never pray u get a girl dat is possessive.Haaaaaaaaaaaa, daz dangerous oooo, My ex was possessive. As possessive as a devil possessiving his victim. Can u immagine she wouldnt like me to greet another girl wen she is wt me.Though never given her any cause to suspect me. Look at dis, I once told her that a girl's picture in one of our calenders was very beautiful, Guess wot she dis. Wen i came back latter dat day, she has pierced the picture, d eyes and a hole on her forehead. U call dat one love. Possessiveness is not love abeg.Possessivness is a complex.

Psoul:

Guys never never pray u get a girl that is possessive.Haaaaaaaaaaaa, daz dangerous oooo, My ex was possessive. As possessive as a devil possessiving his victim. Can u immagine she wouldnt like me to greet another girl when she is wt me.Though never given her any cause to suspect me. Look at this, I once told her that a girl's picture in one of our calenders was very beautiful, Guess wot she this. Wen i came back latter that day, she has pierced the picture, d eyes and a hole on her forehead. You call that one love. Possessiveness is not love abeg.Possessivness is a complex.

Wow. . . . rofl, that's serious!

Psoul:

Wen i came back latter that day, she has pierced the picture, d eyes and a hole on her forehead. You call that one love. Possessiveness is not love abeg.Possessivness is a complex.

These are the kind of expressions dat we should stay away from. Making ur partner know dat u'll not let them go for anyone else is good but psychopathic behaviour is a no-no.