I came to UK in the 80s, went to Skinners school for girls in Stamford hill where I failed woefully. I come from a family that going abroad was like going to the market for us. I lived with my sister-in-law who I happened to have appeared to as a burden at the time. I had no one to take me out as a child, didn't enjoy McDonalds's treats, remember been bought KFC once by my mother's younger sister who was in UK at the time. Most days I had to walk from Pembury estate, Hackney to Stamford hill because I had no transport fee. An uncle got me free school meals from the government so I always had lunch at school but other meals hhhhmmm not guaranteed....

No one ever asked me how I was doing in school even thou I was a failure, never disclosed my report sheet because my results were always 'U- Unclassified' worse than F9. I lived at the expense of few of my brother's friends who were ready to give me £5 in exchange of me seating on their laps whilst they used my nipples as a toy. On few occasions my immediate families would give me £5, £10 but NONE EVER TOOK ME ON AS HIS OR HER RESPONSIBILITY. One glorious day, a brother of mine took me on when he noticed that I have been associating with friends that were smoking and sexing at the age of 12,13.14,15 but due to malicious beating everyday I had no choice other than to run away from his house. ....

I became streetwise, smoking heavily at the age of 11/12, did my first abortion at the age of 14/15. I was unable to contact my mother because I had no access to telephone moreover i didn't know how to use the phones then. I lived with a Jamaican friend who was few years older than me and we had a man friend aged 50t whom was impotent but would pay our rent whenever we allowed him to lick/suck us. Hhhhmmmm I'm sobbing as I'm writing this; I don't know why my spirit has led me to share this horrific and pathetic story on www but I am sure it is to bless someone outthere so I am not ashamed of letting it out because someone outthere will think twice before making the mistake my family made.

Myself and friends began to find it easy to be befriending men for money at night clubs (Golivers, Petter Stringfellows etc) at that very young age in which I found disgusting but was never slept with but they molested my body orally. I can't even carry on expressing my bitter past experiences because I have learnt to see them as my strengths that made me who I am today....

The koko of this post is this.... Now in UK we see Nigerian children killing, shooting, stabbing, selling drugs, raping etc and we wonder why they are ridiculing our darling country's name.... Hhhhmmmm it is not the kids fault it is the fault of the parents that weren't ready to prioritise their priorities. I can't blame my mother and neither can I blame my father because they don't like to get involved in the way our brothers and sisters were bringing us up. They believed when you give a goat to someone, you let go of the rope, least do they knew that their darling daughter had become something else..... You may be boosting that your child lives in London, America etc but do you ever ask yourself how life is treating them where they are

So many parents in Nigeria believe the field is greener on the other side forgetting that NO ONE CAN TRAIN YOUR KIDS THE WAY YOU CAN EXCEPT LOVING & GOD FEARING PEOPLE. In UK so many Nigerian parents have misplaced their priorities, they rather work 24/7, make all monies to build mansions in Nigeria at the expense of their children's lives. So many Nigerian parents in UK don't even attend parents's evening at their kids school, some can't even help their kids with homework. Some belief their kids are at home and they are safe not knowing who is there with them. Some would rather spoil their kids with money & expensive outfits instead of investing quality time in them.

Sending your kids abroad to be looked after by someone else is a pure waste of time and bringing your own kids from 9ja without giving them all the time needed is an irresponsible move and to be working all God sent hours, making sterling, dollars, euro, naira etc without spending quality time with your kids is a disgrace to parenthood. This is one of our bad irresponsible cultures, most children in Nigeria were brought up by housemaids/gateman/next door/grandmother/ neighbour etc. Nigerians don't believe in family planning rather they will have so many children and start using them to hawk sweets, bread etc after school...

Having a child is not by force, God did not say YOU MUST HAVE CHILDREN, YES HE STATED 'MULTIPLY' but he didn't mean we should do it to suffer them. Having children does not mean you will live your life joyfully and it doesn't give you a place in heaven either, instead your children may make you to miss heaven if care is not taken.

I am a product of a neglected, nonchalant, cultural upbringing and I WILL NEVER WISH IT ON MY GREATEST ENEMY BECAUSE I HAD IT ROUGH AND IN SADNESS. Let us stop being selfish for ones and stop pushing our problems/burdens on others. Your child should be with you no matter how poor or rich you are and you must teach them in the ways of God, NOT YOUR OWN STANDARDS....

Some parents in Nigeria don't mind if their children are sleeping with big men for money, it is saddddddd

BY:ABEFE IBADIARAN

The story is sad. But as some get spoiled, some get better; and it depends on the person. At age 11, one should know a bit of right from wrong. Its not every good person was taken care by their parents and not everyone neglected that turn bad.

Using myself as an example; one one at home cared what my grades where in school - secondary school through university - all they knew was that I was advancing. But that didn't gimme the excuse to be unserious and depend or associate with bad friends as I knew its all about me; and its name that will be on my certificates and not my parents or my guardian.

A child will turn out to be what they want to be, whether their parents are around and attention paying or not.

I think its the writer that should be blamed for her outcome as I believe her parents put her welfare in place before she was sent to the UK.

Hnm! OP thanks for sharing. I know Skinners, used to pass there as a kid and have a friend who went there it had a bad reputation back then!

Anyway you are right. When my sisters' friend went to Ireland to have her baby she went to visit her older daughter who she had left in the care of her friend in the UK. She didn't call before going but as she got to the house she saw her daughter from the window washing a heap of plates in the same clothes she was wearing in Naija a year and a half ago, she was looking underweight and very untidy. As her friend answered the door you could see the shock and guilt written all over her face. She felt like crying her eyes out. Her daughter was very quiet and being all clingy, and when they were alone she said she didn't want to stay there anymore, she wanted to follow her mum back to Naija by all means.

This was a girl of about 9yrs old so you can imagine what would become of her in her teen years, when her hormones are running wild. After going through years neglect and misery, she will certainly have low self esteem which will effect her grades and will probably lead to her hanging with the wrong crowd to fit in and boost her self-esteem. Before you know it drugs, sex etc. And we all know that by then the carer will start telling her mum in naija that her daughter is just a bad girl, "Omoboruku" and lift her hands like she had nothing to do with it. Who will blame her? No be her pikin.

Thank God the girl is back in Naija now

Even me, although I was staying with my Mum but she was always working all those unfriendly hours, I'm sure that I would have turned into something else if I hadn't come back to naija. Raising responsible children that will make good grades and make you proud is hard work, its not easy for even parents, so how people leave this responsibility to another person is beyond me.

Thanks again for sharing op. May God bless you for using your pain to advise others.

@OP i read your post nodding along with goose pimples on my arms.The picture you painted is soooo true.I almost stopped watching BBC london news as everyday you hear of teens stabbing,molesting and comitting all sorts of heinous crimes.The saddest part for me is 8 out of 10 times they have Nigerian names so are clearly of Nigerian origin.

Its sooooo sad.As you said misplaced priorities is the no 1 issue.I have a family friend too who had twins that were my younger sis age.Back then to prove 'class' they took them out of school and took them to ireland to live with the oldest son and wife.They escaped from there as they said the wife was too harsh and found themselves in London.One of them in particular got involved in all sorts,bank fraud etc and even got arrested and escaped at one point.Obviouslythey had no papers and were brought here in their mid teens.Today both of them have no qualifications and btw them have four kids and plenty tussles with their baby daddies.

Alot of Nigerian parents in the uk(i hope alot grt to see this)need to get their priorities straight.Its harder here than Nigeria full stop to raise a successful well rounded child.The stacks are raised against you being black and again living in a foreign land.You have to care and unfortunately something has to give.I used to think the problem.was even living in inner cities but its not even the major problem.I know someone who lives in a council flat with her family and her three kids are one of the most behaved kids i have ever met.The first girl has even been penned as Oxbridge material in her school.Am not saying they are saints as teens will be teens(were we ourselves not teens) but sacrifices had to be made.

As my hubby says whats the use of the mansion in Nigeria when the kids that will inherit have turned to hoodlums in the UK?Must you buy every aso ebi that is taken?Must you drive the latest Range?Do you really need all that gold?Believe me these are the reasons some peolle work all the hours that God put on this earth.Dont get me wrong there is nothing wrong with working hard and having nice things but pls if you decide to have children their welfare(not only their financial needs)should become your top priority.God punish the work that will make me miss ALL my kids school open days.

The system does not want black kids to succeed or ok dont let me be emotional the statistics dont want black kids to excel.Refuse to let your child be part of the statistics esp if you cant afford private school.My kids are still pre school and some people think am being OTT by all my prep.I dont care.God willing and give me the Grace,they and their development come first in me and hubby's life.

We really need to stop and re evaluate as a people.Indian,philipinos,chinese(i have why i said those countries) too are immigrants abeg.

braine: The story is sad. But as some get spoiled, some get better; and it depends on the person. At age 11, one should know a bit of right from wrong. Its not every good person was taken care by their parents and not everyone neglected that turn bad.

Using myself as an example; one one at home cared what my grades where in school - secondary school through university - all they knew was that I was advancing. But that didn't gimme the excuse to be unserious and depend or associate with bad friends as I knew its all about me; and its name that will be on my certificates and not my parents or my guardian.

A child will turn out to be what they want to be, whether their parents are around and attention paying or not.

I think its the writer that should be blamed for her outcome as I believe her parents put her welfare in place before she was sent to the UK.

The writer needs τ̲̅ȍ be blamed? Ʊ need τ̲̅ȍ read that story again

I am familiar with abefe the writer.she is fond of making excuses for every wrong she has done in the past.blame her ex husband for her marriage that didn't work.always looking for one to put the blame on.

This is so true. Go to Hackney, Peckham and all those places in London and you will see such type of kids all over the place, boys and girls and you wonder which homes they come out from.

Mrs mansson: I am familiar with abefe the writer.she is fond of making excuses for every wrong she has done in the past.blame her ex husband for her marriage that didn't work.always looking for one to put the blame on.

Lets not shoot the messenger here.I agree human beings at a certain age have to be responsible for their lives.BUT she is right as regards parental input.


I am who i am today mostly because of the work my parents put in.That does not mean i hold them responsible for my failures.eg I hated maths in secondary school but looking back i am thinking i was probably so blaise about it.If i had maybe put in like 50% more effort and not conclude that it was too difficult i might have had a better result than P7 at waec.My parents did their part,they knew from my teachers(by coming to open day) that was my only weak point(was an arts student and had all A's apart from maths and economics).So they enrolled me in extra lessons and i had a home tutor for maths only.Did i still apply myself,No i just thought i can never know it.So that was my failure.It turned back to bite me and i ended up not studying the course i wanted to.

So all i am saying in essence try your best as a parent and equip the child the best that you can.Its now left to them to take advantage of the opportunities and lessons you give.

P.S some were children defy all odds and will still turn out bent.But might be all round worse with less parental input.

190:
drives Range rover sports across thread


reveres and comments



this one is too much for me to read

Too large can u pls summarize it for me

Damn.....used 2 rock Golivers...All Nations.....dem were d days....don't hate.....London cool

Don't have to think twice In Sha Allah none of my kids 'll have their tertiary education in Nigeria. Op all u listed are happening in Nigeria campuses no big deal. If a child wanna be wayward u send such child to moon no jupiter can stop the child from been wayward.

hmmmm

190:
drives Range rover sports across thread


reveres and comments



this one is too much for me to read

I tire, I waka with legs,waka pass. Shake head when I see long comprehension passage, cheats from other commenting as usual way of passing exam when you are tired of reading.life no get duplicate, I no go let one post kill me

i really think there should be an age before you let your child go unsupervised .There is no point sending a teenager out of the country

READ AND SHARE: "How Lecture Notes Brought Me Back To Life" http://sadiqdaniel..com/2013/01/how-lecture-notes-brought-me-back-to.html

Please a child that will succeed will succeed no matter if the parents are there[b]{although people with grounded parents have a slightly better advantage)[/b]growing up we{mi siblings and i} toiled all our lives with out parents.from school to the shop even till university,while we were in secondary school,we wore uniforms discarded by other kids ,the story is too long jor but i tell you,we all finished school with good results,we all are married with kids and although mi folks are now better off,nobody ask them for anything cos we are not afraid of hard work ! mi point is make your life what you want it to be even if your folks are there or not,nobody cares what you wear or were you shop,live within your means,keep away from bad friends and don't sell your self for money as a last resort.am a very pretty girl even after 2 boys so you could imagine how pretty i was as a younger girl(not boosting)but i have gone to bed hungry for 4-5 days at a stretch and i never sold myself for money but you had school food and you are crying ?

All these your crippy-crappy story won't deter me from going to London.
What's bad for you,will be good for me. UK here I come.

this message is to those who think they can not live well or 'MAKE IT' in Nigieria.
Imagine the sad story, i hope it changes some people's mindset.

OP, please don't mind many of those useless comment before mine. This matter is quite emotional and i believe it should be treated as such. As you rightly pointed out, misplaced priorities is a huge problem in today's families. I don't know why people still feel the obligation to bear children or send them abroad (without adequate attention) for heavens sakes. Dullards, that what they are. Abeg, don't mind them jare. I, and a few others here, understand how you feel and the lesson you're trying to convey. God bless you for sharing.

OP, I thank God for you because you were strong to have overcome what you went through. I have counselled so many people on the danger of travelling abroad as a minor and even as an adult. I have told them that you are on your own when you get over there. No brother, father, mother uncles or friends who is gonna be there for you.

I could remember a time I had no money after paying my semester fees, I had no money to feed on and I was searching my entire house looking for a dime or quarter to get some food and it was too rough as I had no one to turn to. At a point, a car I bought on note, was repossessed by the company I bought it from. It took me time to rebuild my credit again as it affected me. You see some guys in the US who hasn't come home for over 15 yrs because they drifted as a result of hardship.
People think that coming abroad is the best thing not knowing that it is a world where you are on your own.

@OP, I wouldnt totally agree with you....
You'd still have done what you did if you had your parents around. If you ran away from people that wanted to look after you (and dont go about them beating you. You just did not submit to their authority. They must have loved you somewhat to have agreed to take you in) what makes you think you would not have run away from your parents.There are girls and boys (in Nigeria, UK, etc) that run away from their parents and still go ahead and live the sort of lifestyle you described in your piece. And please note, i am not judging or condeming you - just responding to your article...
Even in Nigeria, most parents are always out there working, yet their kids are more focused in their studies etc. You dont need someone to give you mcdonald of kfc treat to do well in your studies Problem in is there is so much distraction (especially in London). Thers is so much to do and places to visit (movies, parties, clubs etc entertainment etc). These occupy the lives of teens and they lose focus.
Most important thing for a teen growing up is to be exposed to Jesus, Fear of God and Godly company.
Every other factor is complementary in nature.

Ok

Well well OP(original writer not this poster) what can i say? Your childhood was something else , Lemme tell you something i think you dont know, these things you mentioned happens everywhere in the world, in our secondary schools we have some bad eggs from good/bad homes who turn out to be nuisance to the society, joining cults/set-ups, raping, assaulting teens and also when they get to the university they take it to a whole new level by joining confraternities and inflicting enough pain on innocent lives and properties. Truth is, it doesnt matter if they were products of bad parenting, the real culprits are themselves here because everybody has got a choice in this life and you choose what to do with your life, if you want to be a blessing or a curse to your immediate society is your choice and not your parents/guardians. Yes they may have a role to play but it still boils down to the individual choices the child in question makes as he grows older. In this nigeria,Uniben to be precise, i have seen children whose parents were deacons/heads of churches joining confraternities and become the frontman/executioners in school. I have also seen the daughter of a local wh.ore live an upright life. Chioces my dear, Choices.

modicum: I came to UK in the 80s, went to Skinners school for girls in Stamford hill where I failed woefully. I come from a family that going abroad was like going to the market for us. I lived with my sister-in-law who I happened to have appeared to as a burden at the time. I had no one to take me out as a child, didn't enjoy McDonalds's treats, remember been bought KFC once by my mother's younger sister who was in UK at the time. Most days I had to walk from Pembury estate, Hackney to Stamford hill because I had no transport fee. An uncle got me free school meals from the government so I always had lunch at school but other meals hhhhmmm not guaranteed....

No one ever asked me how I was doing in school even thou I was a failure, never disclosed my report sheet because my results were always 'U- Unclassified' worse than F9. I lived at the expense of few of my brother's friends who were ready to give me £5 in exchange of me seating on their laps whilst they used my nipples as a toy. On few occasions my immediate families would give me £5, £10 but NONE EVER TOOK ME ON AS HIS OR HER RESPONSIBILITY. One glorious day, a brother of mine took me on when he noticed that I have been associating with friends that were smoking and sexing at the age of 12,13.14,15 but due to malicious beating everyday I had no choice other than to run away from his house. ....

I became streetwise, smoking heavily at the age of 11/12, did my first abortion at the age of 14/15. I was unable to contact my mother because I had no access to telephone moreover i didn't know how to use the phones then. I lived with a Jamaican friend who was few years older than me and we had a man friend aged 50t whom was impotent but would pay our rent whenever we allowed him to lick/suck us. Hhhhmmmm I'm sobbing as I'm writing this; I don't know why my spirit has led me to share this horrific and pathetic story on www but I am sure it is to bless someone outthere so I am not ashamed of letting it out because someone outthere will think twice before making the mistake my family made.

Myself and friends began to find it easy to be befriending men for money at night clubs (Golivers, Petter Stringfellows etc) at that very young age in which I found disgusting but was never slept with but they molested my body orally. I can't even carry on expressing my bitter past experiences because I have learnt to see them as my strengths that made me who I am today....

The koko of this post is this.... Now in UK we see Nigerian children killing, shooting, stabbing, selling drugs, raping etc and we wonder why they are ridiculing our darling country's name.... Hhhhmmmm it is not the kids fault it is the fault of the parents that weren't ready to prioritise their priorities. I can't blame my mother and neither can I blame my father because they don't like to get involved in the way our brothers and sisters were bringing us up. They believed when you give a goat to someone, you let go of the rope, least do they knew that their darling daughter had become something else..... You may be boosting that your child lives in London, America etc but do you ever ask yourself how life is treating them where they are

So many parents in Nigeria believe the field is greener on the other side forgetting that NO ONE CAN TRAIN YOUR KIDS THE WAY YOU CAN EXCEPT LOVING & GOD FEARING PEOPLE. In UK so many Nigerian parents have misplaced their priorities, they rather work 24/7, make all monies to build mansions in Nigeria at the expense of their children's lives. So many Nigerian parents in UK don't even attend parents's evening at their kids school, some can't even help their kids with homework. Some belief their kids are at home and they are safe not knowing who is there with them. Some would rather spoil their kids with money & expensive outfits instead of investing quality time in them.

Sending your kids abroad to be looked after by someone else is a pure waste of time and bringing your own kids from 9ja without giving them all the time needed is an irresponsible move and to be working all God sent hours, making sterling, dollars, euro, naira etc without spending quality time with your kids is a disgrace to parenthood. This is one of our bad irresponsible cultures, most children in Nigeria were brought up by housemaids/gateman/next door/grandmother/ neighbour etc. Nigerians don't believe in family planning rather they will have so many children and start using them to hawk sweets, bread etc after school...

Having a child is not by force, God did not say YOU MUST HAVE CHILDREN, YES HE STATED 'MULTIPLY' but he didn't mean we should do it to suffer them. Having children does not mean you will live your life joyfully and it doesn't give you a place in heaven either, instead your children may make you to miss heaven if care is not taken.

I am a product of a neglected, nonchalant, cultural upbringing and I WILL NEVER WISH IT ON MY GREATEST ENEMY BECAUSE I HAD IT ROUGH AND IN SADNESS. Let us stop being selfish for ones and stop pushing our problems/burdens on others. Your child should be with you no matter how poor or rich you are and you must teach them in the ways of God, NOT YOUR OWN STANDARDS....

Some parents in Nigeria don't mind if their children are sleeping with big men for money, it is saddddddd

BY:ABEFE IBADIARAN

how do one send their Kid( under teh age of 16) to the Uk these days?

andyanders: OP, I thank God for you because you were strong to have overcome what you went through. I have counselled so many people on the danger of travelling abroad as a minor and even as an adult. I have told them that you are on your own when you get over there. No brother, father, mother uncles or friends who is gonna be there for you.

I could remember a time I had no money after paying my semester fees, I had no money to feed on and I was searching my entire house looking for a dime or quarter to get some food and it was too rough as I had no one to turn to. At a point, a car I bought on note, was repossessed by the company I bought it from. It took me time to rebuild my credit again as it affected me. You see some guys in the US who hasn't come home for over 15 yrs because they drifted as a result of hardship.
People think that coming abroad is the best thing not knowing that it is a world where you are on your own.

I just read your POST, check it, you where not a KID at this times, OP says she was.As a KID in the UK your guardian are responsible for your actions in some ways

mrkels: Well well OP(original writer not this poster) what can i say? Your childhood was something else , Lemme tell you something i think you dont know, these things you mentioned happens everywhere in the world, in our secondary schools we have some bad eggs from good/bad homes who turn out to be nuisance to the society, joining cults/set-ups, raping, assaulting teens and also when they get to the university they take it to a whole new level by joining confraternities and inflicting enough pain on innocent lives and properties. Truth is, it doesnt matter if they were products of bad parenting, the real culprits are themselves here because everybody has got a choice in this life and you choose what to do with your life, if you want to be a blessing or a curse to your immediate society is your choice and not your parents/spouse. Yes they may have a role to play but it still boils down to the individual choices they child in question makes as he grows older. In this nigeria,Uniben to be precise, i have seen children whose parents were deacons/heads of churches joing confreternities and become the frontman/executioners in school. I have also seen the daughter of a local wh.ore live an upright life. Chioces my dear, Choices.

Are you saying that parental care and attention doesn't play any single part in positively molding the life of a child?