Ok,Kpele!(sorry)

Depends on how some parents raise their kids.
A GOOD FOUNDATION is everything. A child that fears God will not partake in certain things no matter what circumstances they find themselves or give into peer pressure.

Its not about location (abroad vs NIG), but the mindset of the child. My youngest siblings came over at 14 right after JS3. Even without my parents here (though we visit NIG quite often as well) we're still well grounded. I met children of a revered Nigerian pastor attending high school in the US without their parents. For a Pastor to send his kids abroad like that, he sure is confident in his kids.

She's right about allowing one's kids to be looked after by someone else anyways. Can't compare to direct upbringing by one's immediate family ... Same experience you had in the UK could happen to a Nigerian child in Ghana or Nigeria. Glad she chose to be a role model to others..

Mrs mansson: I am familiar with abefe the writer.she is fond of making excuses for every wrong she has done in the past.blame her ex husband for her marriage that didn't work.always looking for one to put the blame on.

It is easy to destroy than to amend.If she had gotten the right foundation ,why would she want to pass a blame on anyone.She just made a confession about her past and gave her advice to other parents to learn from ,thats all.
Even grown up children of 18 years can follow bad freinds if they feel neglected and unloved.

Every parent should take a clue from that.

Yeah, I think about this issue every time I see how well behaved ALL the children raised in Nigeria are.

Yep, the children who join cults, who rape, steal, murder, do drugs and yahoo yahoo their way to expensive lives . . .they surely got the right foundation, after all they weren't sent abroad.

Lovely!!

Good points made in a crude manner. Sounded like someone shouting., almost defeating the message. A little better presentation (devoid of abusive, incoherent language) would have passed the message better.

Thank you jare Sisi. . . .my marriage proposal remains on the table any day.

The issue here is not location per se, it's the role of parents in the upbringing of their own child - if you neglect your child in Nigeria, UK, US or anywhere else, there is a greater likelihood of them turning out to be 'bad eggs'.

No one should be under any illusions that this is an 'abroad' issue - many kids from the village have been sent to stay with 'uncles and aunties' in the big city and have suffered similar fates.

Just do your best to bring up your kids, not by sending them away, but by spending that quality time with them.

190:
drives Range rover sports across thread


reveres and comments



this one is too much for me to read

190 na u just splash me this water?

Plz what about does who are on scholarship in d Uk,are they too at risk?

skinners is a useless school, but its what you make of it sha, i know doctors, investment bankers teachers consultants and lawyers that went to skinner. Thats what the uk is all about.
Though I was born here I didn't have the best of care, didn't have my parents around and was forced into full fledge adulthood by the age of 16, I did however have brains, the drive and motivation to be the best at whatever I did. So i ended up in an equally useless college and came out with 4 As at A levels including maths and physics (something that til date NOBODY at that college has done), and with relatively poor waec grades got into a russel group university. I do fully acknowledge the effects of good parenting and solid support on a child's outcome but I don't offer that excuse to Africans. Because we have better potential.

I won't blame skinners for the ops misfortune, there is alot you could have done with yourself, you simply didnt have the ambition to do it. What stopped you from getting a part time job? How important is eating KFC for your future?

People shouldnt be discouraged from using opportunities to send their kids here, trust me even skinners is better than the best state school in Nigeria, they have working labs running water and teachers with degrees, what more do you need?

The op is complaining about walking from pembury to stamford hill? What a brat, she should have just stayed in Nigeria, the UK government wasted money on this ingrate, do you want me to even get started on the kilometer walks we did in naija to fetch a bucket of water? Carrying a bucket on your head and a keg in your hand whilst dodgin all these villagers and the food they have sacrificed to their gods? I suggest you DPMO!

queensmith:
People shouldnt be discouraged from using opportunities to send their kids here, trust me even skinners is better than the best state school in Nigeria, they have working labs running water and teachers with degrees, what more do you need?

And you know this because evaluated the best state school in Nigeria and compared it to skinners?

Don't let some good ol exaggeration get in the way of rational thinking - it's these OTT comparisons that get people in trouble in the first place. Even the most decrepit school 'in abroad' is better than anything you can get in state schools in Nigeria.

Since we're on the line of 'whatever you make of it' heck I know a man who went to school in Otueke and didn't even have shoes to wear to school. Just last week this same man was at Davos rubbing shoulders with the best economic minds on the planet. You berra send your kids to the no-shoes-allowed school in Otueke pronto!

modicum: I came to UK in the 80s, went to Skinners school for girls in Stamford hill where I failed woefully. I come from a family that going abroad was like going to the market for us. I lived with my sister-in-law who I happened to have appeared to as a burden at the time. I had no one to take me out as a child, didn't enjoy McDonalds's treats, remember been bought KFC once by my mother's younger sister who was in UK at the time. Most days I had to walk from Pembury estate, Hackney to Stamford hill because I had no transport fee. An uncle got me free school meals from the government so I always had lunch at school but other meals hhhhmmm not guaranteed....

No one ever asked me how I was doing in school even thou I was a failure, never disclosed my report sheet because my results were always 'U- Unclassified' worse than F9. I lived at the expense of few of my brother's friends who were ready to give me £5 in exchange of me seating on their laps whilst they used my nipples as a toy. On few occasions my immediate families would give me £5, £10 but NONE EVER TOOK ME ON AS HIS OR HER RESPONSIBILITY. One glorious day, a brother of mine took me on when he noticed that I have been associating with friends that were smoking and sexing at the age of 12,13.14,15 but due to malicious beating everyday I had no choice other than to run away from his house. ....

I became streetwise, smoking heavily at the age of 11/12, did my first abortion at the age of 14/15. I was unable to contact my mother because I had no access to telephone moreover i didn't know how to use the phones then. I lived with a Jamaican friend who was few years older than me and we had a man friend aged 50t whom was impotent but would pay our rent whenever we allowed him to lick/suck us. Hhhhmmmm I'm sobbing as I'm writing this; I don't know why my spirit has led me to share this horrific and pathetic story on www but I am sure it is to bless someone outthere so I am not ashamed of letting it out because someone outthere will think twice before making the mistake my family made.

Myself and friends began to find it easy to be befriending men for money at night clubs (Golivers, Petter Stringfellows etc) at that very young age in which I found disgusting but was never slept with but they molested my body orally. I can't even carry on expressing my bitter past experiences because I have learnt to see them as my strengths that made me who I am today....

The koko of this post is this.... Now in UK we see Nigerian children killing, shooting, stabbing, selling drugs, raping etc and we wonder why they are ridiculing our darling country's name.... Hhhhmmmm it is not the kids fault it is the fault of the parents that weren't ready to prioritise their priorities. I can't blame my mother and neither can I blame my father because they don't like to get involved in the way our brothers and sisters were bringing us up. They believed when you give a goat to someone, you let go of the rope, least do they knew that their darling daughter had become something else..... You may be boosting that your child lives in London, America etc but do you ever ask yourself how life is treating them where they are

So many parents in Nigeria believe the field is greener on the other side forgetting that NO ONE CAN TRAIN YOUR KIDS THE WAY YOU CAN EXCEPT LOVING & GOD FEARING PEOPLE. In UK so many Nigerian parents have misplaced their priorities, they rather work 24/7, make all monies to build mansions in Nigeria at the expense of their children's lives. So many Nigerian parents in UK don't even attend parents's evening at their kids school, some can't even help their kids with homework. Some belief their kids are at home and they are safe not knowing who is there with them. Some would rather spoil their kids with money & expensive outfits instead of investing quality time in them.

Sending your kids abroad to be looked after by someone else is a pure waste of time and bringing your own kids from 9ja without giving them all the time needed is an irresponsible move and to be working all God sent hours, making sterling, dollars, euro, naira etc without spending quality time with your kids is a disgrace to parenthood. This is one of our bad irresponsible cultures, most children in Nigeria were brought up by housemaids/gateman/next door/grandmother/ neighbour etc. Nigerians don't believe in family planning rather they will have so many children and start using them to hawk sweets, bread etc after school...

Having a child is not by force, God did not say YOU MUST HAVE CHILDREN, YES HE STATED 'MULTIPLY' but he didn't mean we should do it to suffer them. Having children does not mean you will live your life joyfully and it doesn't give you a place in heaven either, instead your children may make you to miss heaven if care is not taken.

I am a product of a neglected, nonchalant, cultural upbringing and I WILL NEVER WISH IT ON MY GREATEST ENEMY BECAUSE I HAD IT ROUGH AND IN SADNESS. Let us stop being selfish for ones and stop pushing our problems/burdens on others. Your child should be with you no matter how poor or rich you are and you must teach them in the ways of God, NOT YOUR OWN STANDARDS....

Some parents in Nigeria don't mind if their children are sleeping with big men for money, it is saddddddd

BY:ABEFE IBADIARAN

life is what you make it.
enough people shared a similar childhood or even worse than yours and they are successful today. your life was in your hands and it's your sole decision to piss it away.

you've started again, who the hell is otueke

Debosky, the standards of education in Nigeria is different, learning is very independent back home and teachers are not faced with the level of discipline required here. They sleep with the students (on a very large scale, im not talking a 16 yr old runnin off to France with a maniac but of 12 yr olds trading sex for grades), the children are abused by students and teachers, many forced to do hard labour and the schools are poorly equipped. I attended a state school in Nigeria i'm not talking out of my arse here.

Attending any school is a gamble, but you can be very well reassured that in the UK you child will receive a decent education. Whether your child is in the right state of mind to take advantage of it is his/her problem.

Working toilets, windows that shut and roofs that cover the ceiling is even enough for me to tell anyone Skinners is outright better than Queens College (i assume QC is a state school, and one of the most reputable ones in Nigeria), you only need common sense and experience of both situations to understand this.

I'm not speaking for the whole international community, as far as schools in the UK are concerned I can vouch for them.

queensmith: you've started again, who the hell is otueke

Debosky, the standards of education in Nigeria is different, learning is very independent back home and teachers are not faced with the level of discipline required here. They sleep with the students (on a very large scale, im not talking a 16 yr old runnin off to France with a maniac but of 12 yr olds trading sex for grades), the children are abused by students and teachers, many forced to do hard labour and the schools are poorly equipped. I attended a state school in Nigeria i'm not talking out of my arse here.

Attending any school is a gamble, but you can be very well reassured that in the UK you child will receive a decent education. Whether your child is in the right state of mind to take advantage of it is his/her problem.

Working toilets, windows that shut and roofs that cover the ceiling is even enough for me to tell anyone Skinners is outright better than Queens College (i assume QC is a state school, and one of the most reputable ones in Nigeria), you only need common sense and experience of both situations to understand this.

I'm not speaking for the whole international community, as far as schools in the UK are concerned I can vouch for them.

Maybe not today but i would prefer Queens college of the 80's 90'sto Skinners of the 80's 90's.My personal opinion. I went to ISL in the 90's and like 70% of my set who went to Uni in the Uk went to Russell Group or so called Red brick universities.I dont think the same can be said for most bog standard local comprehensives.

queensmith: you've started again, who the hell is otueke

Whooosh! Otueke is a place, not a person, but never mind, that was just my own little indulgence in hyperbole.

Debosky, the standards of education in Nigeria is different, learning is very independent back home and teachers are not faced with the level of discipline required here. They sleep with the students (on a very large scale, im not talking a 16 yr old runnin off to France with a maniac but of 12 yr olds trading sex for grades), the children are abused by students and teachers, many forced to do hard labour and the schools are poorly equipped. I attended a state school in Nigeria i'm not talking out of my arse here.

Attending any school is a gamble, but you can be very well reassured that in the UK you child will receive a decent education. Whether your child is in the right state of mind to take advantage of it is his/her problem.

Working toilets, windows that shut and roofs that cover the ceiling is even enough for me to tell anyone Skinners is outright better than Queens College (i assume QC is a state school, and one of the most reputable ones in Nigeria), you only need common sense and experience of both situations to understand this.

Did anyone tell you that there are no windows that shut and roofs covering the ceiling and working toilets in Queens College? Let's even say that they don't exist - are those the factors that determine the educational attainment of the students?

Madame, I trust you mean well, but it is stretching the limits of credibility to glibly say that Skinners - a school you call useless - is better than the best state school in Nigeria without any objective basis. That you attended ONE state school doesn't give you the knowledge or experience to dismiss all the state schools with a wave of the hand.

damiso:

Maybe not today but i would prefer Queens college of the 80's 90'sto Skinners of the 80's 90's.My personal opinion.

the successful Skinners graduates that I know of graduated early 90s, so I disagree with you. It's now that the school isn't so great, and the borough have just finished spending 180 million pounds refurbishing them, these ladies now learn with Ipads, bring me a college in Nigeria that BEATS THAT!!!

I'm not denying many girls that went there are a waste of space, but its nothing to do with their education, they would've wasted space if you sent them to Roedean, its more to do with the demographics than the standard of education.

Obviously compared to wealthier parts of the UK the school is very poor, but I insist compared to any school in nigeria the standards are tops, the money spent there alone will build 15 schools in Abuja

damiso:

Maybe not today but i would prefer Queens college of the 80's 90'sto Skinners of the 80's 90's.My personal opinion. I went to ISL in the 90's and like 70% of my set who went to Uni in the Uk went to Russell Group or so called Red brick universities.I dont think the same can be said for most bog standard local comprehensives.

Hmm. . .

Sisi_Kill: Yeah, I think about this issue every time I see how well behaved ALL the children raised in Nigeria are.

Yep, the children who join cults, who rape, steal, murder, do drugs and yahoo yahoo their way to expensive lives . . .they surely got the right foundation, after all they weren't sent abroad.

Lovely!!

Lailai. Those cultist in Ibadan, Enugu Kogi, those kidnappers, prostitutees yahoo boys were all from abroad parents

debosky:

Hmm. . .

Why Hmmm?

damiso:

Why Hmmm?

Debo was the skinny boy in ISL that graduated in 1998. That has Ogo (back of head) resembling T-square.

Of course he was an antisocial and dirty scruffy geek who was always reading Lolly magazine under his desk

He was reported to Mr Hassans office for throwing mirror on the floor to look at a girls underwear

dayokanu:

Lailai. Those cultist in Ibadan, Enugu Kogi, those kidnappers, prostitutees yahoo boys were all from abroad parents

Ennnhehhnn?

dayokanu:

Debo was the skinny boy in ISL that graduated in 1998. That has Ogo (back of head) resembling T-square.

Of course he was an antisocial and dirty scruffy geek who was always reading Lolly magazine under his desk

He was reported to Mr Hassans office for throwing mirror on the floor to look at a girls underwear

Not admitting to being in the 98 set .More like Mrs Peters and Mrs Monehins era but those silly boys did use to do that alot.Dirty pimpled creeps.

na by force to go abroad?

dayokanu:

Debo was the skinny boy in ISL that graduated in 1998. That has Ogo (back of head) resembling T-square.

Of course he was an antisocial and dirty scruffy geek who was always reading Lolly magazine under his desk

He was reported to Mr Hassans office for throwing mirror on the floor to look at a girls underwear

i am guilty of that too - mr nackson is still my favourite cartoon character!

dayokanu:

Debo was the skinny boy in ISL that graduated in 1998. That has Ogo (back of head) resembling T-square.

Of course he was an antisocial and dirty scruffy geek who was always reading Lolly magazine under his desk

He was reported to Mr Hassans office for throwing mirror on the floor to look at a girls underwear

Defamation of character - this is a false account. . .How do you know Nuhu Hassan?

debosky:

Defamation of character - this is a false account. . .How do you know Nuhu Hassan?

nuhu hassan starred in "i need to know"

parisienne: Hnm! OP thanks for sharing. I know Skinners, used to pass there as a kid and have a friend who went there it had a bad reputation back then!

Anyway you are right. When my sisters' friend went to Ireland to have her baby she went to visit her older daughter who she had left in the care of her friend in the UK. She didn't call before going but as she got to the house she saw her daughter from the window washing a heap of plates in the same clothes she was wearing in Naija a year and a half ago, she was looking underweight and very untidy. As her friend answered the door you could see the shock and guilt written all over her face. She felt like crying her eyes out. Her daughter was very quiet and being all clingy, and when they were alone she said she didn't want to stay there anymore, she wanted to follow her mum back to Naija by all means.

This was a girl of about 9yrs old so you can imagine what would become of her in her teen years, when her hormones are running wild. After going through years neglect and misery, she will certainly have low self esteem which will effect her grades and will probably lead to her hanging with the wrong crowd to fit in and boost her self-esteem. Before you know it drugs, sex etc. And we all know that by then the carer will start telling her mum in naija that her daughter is just a bad girl, "Omoboruku" and lift her hands like she had nothing to do with it. Who will blame her? No be her pikin.

Thank God the girl is back in Naija now

Even me, although I was staying with my Mum but she was always working all those unfriendly hours, I'm sure that I would have turned into something else if I hadn't come back to naija. Raising responsible children that will make good grades and make you proud is hard work, its not easy for even parents, so how people leave this responsibility to another person is beyond me.

Thanks again for sharing op. May God bless you for using your pain to advise others.

so ..people shuld not come to London because you coudnt find husband?

Yawwwns...!
Boring!

nigeria has suffered!!!!!

yabbing everyday.

Pathetic

I hate it when people blame others, but themselves, for their own misfortune; whatever happened to YOUR own sense of judgement as a living human being?! There are people who were exposed to the same challenges of growing up in foster care and spending their early life 'on the streets', but they CHOOSE to make positive changes in their life.

I totally believe that a human being is solely responsible for the outcome of his life. Allocating blame to others is like the proverbial ostrich that prefers to hide its head in the sand rather than confront challenges head-on.

P.S: The title of this thread is a misnomer. It gives the false impression that sending kids abroad to improve themselves is an exercise in futility, which it is NOT. A person who has made a decision to be irresponsible will be so regardless of wherever he/she is.

One of the reasons my dad did not send any of us to study abroad until after our university education in Nigeria. We went to numerous vacation overseas. We pleaded and begged my dad but he refused. I am glad he did, cause when I take a look at my cousins who were sent abroad to study, we are better off than they are. My cousin who schooled abroad cannot read and write properly. The only she has going for her is her accent which to me sounds like street talk not the proper way of talking.

Another Nigeria versus West thread, as if you don't have poorly raised kids in both societies