speedyboi: Me? Tell nigerians my problems? Tufiakwa! I'd rather tell my Dog.

@op, i can say for a fact that if he had told you, you won't help him. You are just another hypocrite like the average nigerian.

Didnt you know that your friend is jobless before? The recruiter is a close pal of yours, and he never told you he was recruiting? What are you telling me?! he definitely must had mentioned it to you, if you are indeed that close. But you didnt bother to tell your jobless friend to apply (he would have voiced out that he already did and you would've been able to get him the job), now you come here and you start saying bs, abeg bundle yourself out of my sight! bloody typical nigerian hypocrite! Mtcheew

I'm gonna hold out from cussing you out and i think Sisi Kill and carlinks already responded to you plus, I never said he didn't have a job, it was just an opportunity for something better. Besides, i don't go about asking people questions about things they deemed wrong to share with me, i'm not nosy like that.

You also talked about helping him out in the job process, you're still living in the 20th century brother. Here in the 21st century, we don't do that and it ain't just about what you know but who you know, putting a word or two in for him wouldn't have hurt and there's something called job recommendation, look it up

Don't attack the messenger, deal with the message

warrior101:

A recent example... Those days i used to be father christmas, buy drinks for crowd of friends and friends of friends and when they are going home they beg me for t. fair and i give happily. There was even a case where i gave somebody $50 because i didn't have cash... All those friends i am talking about today are richer than me today and we are not friends any more, they even try to let me know that they are better and wiser than me because when i was on i didn't invest... They will make you become the most sorrowful person filled with regret lol... Some people learn from others mistake while others like us learn by expiriences...

even down to your brothers/sisters sef, me i have learnt the hard way , i remeber one time where i told my family and freinds/ fiance that

things are not going well omo see bailing (obviously i ended the relationship)and this same set people that will come around you when

you have money as for me you will see building my empire right in your eyez i go tell you say i no get bar, Only God and your investment will

stand for you in hard times but people will not they may call you wicked, stingy ,its better i be stingy now than poor later thank you

Whatever you are planning, please do discuss with your maker first. Aftermath, let see what and who can stop you. Such thing/person has to stop God first.

Sisi_Kill:

I think you should reread my post, It honestly isn't about you and why you don't disclose stuff to people (it's certainly your prerogative).

What I found a bit wonky was the manner with which you attacked the OP trying to put the blame on him, as if somehow it is HIS fault he didn't know his friend was jobless and help him. My question is....how is he supposed to know?

You called him a hypocrite because he didn't know his friend was looking for a job without being told. Haba! Is he a Wizard?!!!

Exactly! How can you help someone when you have not even the slightest clue what the problem is or how serious the help is needed

speedyboi: Me? Tell nigerians my problems? Tufiakwa! I'd rather tell my Dog.

@op, bundle yourself out of my sight! bloody typical nigerian hypocrite! Mtcheew

Some can be like that but there are many honest and lovely Nigerians.I have met many of them.In the journey of life you will meet the good,the bad and ugly.

ogayor: Whatever you are planning, please do discuss with your maker first. Aftermath, let see what and who can stop you. Such thing/person has to stop God first.

This is the most important thing I believe.

Not saying that people need to disclose the details of their lives or issues that will open a security loopholes like when you're bringing home some cash, that's unnecessary and.plain stupidity. However, hiding the fact that you are traveling abroad is a big deal especially to your friend, definitely not the best way to keep good and healthy relationships.

Dis Guy:


The travelling bit is the most common one i hear, I mean i know some people are jobless but it's not like they will leave everything they are doing to travel and hide on the highway just to rob or destroy your car

Why cant you tell someone you're travelling

so primitive

Totally agree

jbrodaly:

You have to know the kinda person you tell such ideals to!

A friend and a mentor

warrior101:


I didn't read the rest of your life story but i thought i should give you this food for thought...

* Don't tell people your problems. 90% don't care the the remaining 10% are happy you got them.
* Life is to be shared. Nothing can thrive in Isolation.

Need more?

This is too much! Haba! We still have some wonderful people around who still want to assist every tom dikk and harry that comes their way.
All humanbeings are not that unscrupulous!

2legit2qwt: I’m bringing this up because a friend of mine recently lost the opportunity of securing a job and I only got to know after the fact, meanwhile, I could have easily helped him considering that I’m a good friend to the recruiter.

This friend (the one who didn’t get the job) had previously asked me some questions earlier in the week that suggested he was up to something, he just never told me why he asked and I never bothered to ask. This is just one of many cases of how secretive a lot of Nigerians/Africans are. In this case, someone missed a chance of getting a good job and there are several cases like that.

I’m not sure if it’s a cultural attribute of Nigerians or Africans but my biggest guess to why this exists is the strong belief in the existence of witchcraft. This friend of mine seem to think that I’m a wizard with some spiritual power or something to stop him from getting the job, I wish

A lot of Nigerians have a problem with self-disclosure, they only tell after the fact, some don’t even tell at all. They call you a friend but you don’t know when they’re about to buy a new car, move to a new house, get a new job, travel abroad, pass a test or are graduated from school.
The only thing I know they’re quick to tell is when they’re getting married, not sure why but other than that, you only get to find out about most things only after the fact.

How can you call someone a friend when you never get to experience their success but they’re quick to tell about their failure?

Nigeria is an uncivilized country full of superstitions and insecurities.

2legit2qwt:

This is the most important thing I believe.

Not saying that people need to disclose the details of their lives or issues that will open a security loopholes like when you're bringing home some cash, that's unnecessary and.plain stupidity. However, hiding the fact that you are traveling abroad is a big deal especially to your friend, definitely not the best way to keep good and healthy relationships.



Totally agree

I have expirience this one recently... When i was traveling. I was swapping my rented flat with a friend's... Both of us had friends living with us... I told everyone of them that i would travel so so time even bought buzz for them, before i knew it we had to change location because of the crowd and later that night went out with our baby baby (me and that my friend. The next week. I was forcing my friend to travel with me even took him to immigration and paid his passport... He was witty. I could see through but i did what made me happy anyway. So i left him and travelled on my own. But when i was there i rented a huge and well furnished apartment waiting for friends to come and join. All these time i was telling them that i have made some money i have bought a car i have rented a hosue bla bla bla and that they should hasten up and join me. I never knew these was me pilling contempt and making enemies out of them.... In the next few years i was isolated and one of them suceeded in setting me up and i came to 9ja stranded till date LOL... I am doing well but the blow was so great that i am afraid to go back...

This is true life story friend... TRUST NO ONE. NOT EVEN YOUR MOTHER....

Added: All the characters in the story above are not longer living in Nigeria and i didn't know when they went... I always from from other sources and when i ask them, i get excuses like. "E i think say you know nah"

Makes me remember how in Nigeria you cant tell anyone your due date when you are pregnant.But oyinbo standing in the line behind
you at tesco will tell you what she is having,her due date,if you want sef when the baby was concieved .

Or how you cant tell people you had a caesarean section?Or how you dont tell people when you are travelling?

I think its just an african or rather non- caucasian(asians are quite similar to us) trait to think people are out to get you.Cant say i blame them

I have experienced some things so painful to mention here all in the name of confiding in people especially those ones you trust. It's worse here with Nigerians in the West. I practically run from fellow Nigerians. Normally a bubbly extrovert, I have been reduced to an introvert who lives in isolation. This is the best option for me. Disclose at your own risk. Trust at your peril.

Sisi_Kill:

I think you should reread my post, It honestly isn't about you and why you don't disclose stuff to people (it's certainly your prerogative).

What I found a bit wonky was the manner with which you attacked the OP trying to put the blame on him, as if somehow it is HIS fault he didn't know his friend was jobless and help him. My question is....how is he supposed to know?

You called him a hypocrite because he didn't know his friend was looking for a job without being told. Haba! Is he a Wizard?!!!

oooh! Okay.
But its quite weird not to know what your friend does for a living!!!

And its unbelievable that you are a close friend to an entrepreneur, he is recruiting in his office and you have no idea about it. Is it not in nigeria? - The friend will even ask if he has anyone qualified!

From the op's post, i can only drive out two conclusions:
1. He is lying about this whole story.
OR
2. He is a hypocrite! Full stop!

gwas:
This is too much! Haba! We still have some wonderful people around who still want to assist every tom dikk and harry that comes their way.

Hahahaha ... Until their day breaks...

All humanbeings are not that unscrupulous!

Only Pirates and Buccaneers are Unscrupulous people ... thiefs, bandits, illegal government, scammers, just to name a few...

damiso[b:
]Makes me remember how in Nigeria you cant tell anyone your due date when you are pregnant.But oyinbo standing in the line behind
you at tesco will tell you what she is having,her due date,if you want sef when the baby was concieved .[/b]

Or how you cant tell people you had a caesarean section?Or how you dont tell people when you are travelling?

I think its just an african or rather non- caucasian(asians are quite similar to us) trait to think people are out to get you.Cant say i blame them

Babe, you are killing me .

2legit2qwt: I’m bringing this up because a friend of mine recently lost the opportunity of securing a job and I only got to know after the fact, meanwhile, I could have easily helped him considering that I’m a good friend to the recruiter.

This friend (the one who didn’t get the job) had previously asked me some questions earlier in the week that suggested he was up to something, he just never told me why he asked and I never bothered to ask. This is just one of many cases of how secretive a lot of Nigerians/Africans are. In this case, someone missed a chance of getting a good job and there are several cases like that.

I’m not sure if it’s a cultural attribute of Nigerians or Africans but my biggest guess to why this exists is the strong belief in the existence of witchcraft. This friend of mine seem to think that I’m a wizard with some spiritual power or something to stop him from getting the job, I wish

A lot of Nigerians have a problem with self-disclosure, they only tell after the fact, some don’t even tell at all. They call you a friend but you don’t know when they’re about to buy a new car, move to a new house, get a new job, travel abroad, pass a test or are graduated from school.
The only thing I know they’re quick to tell is when they’re getting married, not sure why but other than that, you only get to find out about most things only after the fact.

How can you call someone a friend when you never get to experience their success but they’re quick to tell about their failure?

This is a general statement, but the Nigerian belief system lacks trust. OP, don't feel bad for your friend. As a society, we don't trust our current leaders – and we shouldn't, because we lack leaders amongst us. And our so-called leaders both past and current lack imagination. Furthermore, we don't trust our family members, teachers, professionals, skilled or unskilled workers, etc. However, we trust strangers. I bet if you asked your friend to pay you for the tips he was asking for, he'll perhaps provide the full context and trust you more. Go figure...

this brings to mind IVF issue.the bible said there will be no barren women in our land and i believe the ivf knowledge came from GOD so why do people look down on couples that do ivf ? if you go to diff hosp[ital during one of there sections they will close down the whole area so that the people doing it wont be seen its like its a thing of shame .and couples i know that have done will keep denying(even when no one ask) as if triplets and twins is no longer genetic or little of nature.by the have you guys noticed that we have more of multiple births in 9ja than single births nowadays ?
back to the issue at hand ,my hobby told his closest friend about a biz he wanted to set-up and location he found and wham,the used another friend to go take over the location n do the same biz there but you know if your hands are always clean,God will fight for you AND GOD DID FIGHT and the guy don hear weeeeeee

Why do some Nigerians also have problems when things aren't disclosed to them?


Whether you tell me about something you about to embark upon is really up to you, and I shouldn't take offence if you don't tell me either.....


I'm sure why most Nigerians are afraid of disclosing things to their friends is actually because they don't really know how the relationship with their friends might end up.

Imagine a friend that knows a lot about me, then suddenly our relationship goes sour, another way he might get back at me is by using those things I told him as a form of ridicule, hence crushing my confidence and trust....

We have a society that gossips a lot ( from men to women), and our form of gossip is usually like a smear, a scorn, and a ridicule, mostly borne out of jealousy if our friends have just told us a good news.

Bearing this in mind makes people more careful who they disclose things to, and not necessarily the fear of witches...


Until every Nigerian starts seeing their friends' successes as their successes, then self disclosure won't be a common thing...



Poverty is another reason why....... In a poor society, every success story becomes a 'BIG DEAL'. Whereas, if you have a rich society where people get jobs daily, make huge profits daily, get good grades, buy new cars, etc, not disclosing things about yourself in that kind of society would be stupid. It would be stupid because it is likely that people around you will have the information needed to take you to the next level.

I want to buy a house in America and I'm keeping it to myself? Now that's stupid. Information in that kind of developed economy I would get by disclosing it to people is priceless.

If I notice you always laugh at me when things dont work, why should I tell you before it actually works..so you can laugh at me again?

Also, I dont like having to give bad news. Why tell you I'm up to something and then have to tell you it did not work out? why dont I wait until it works out before telling you?

warrior101:

Hahahaha ... Until their day breaks...



Only Pirates and Buccaneers are Unscrupulous people ... thiefs, bandits, illegal government, scammers, just to name a few...

It's still applicable with this discourse!

naijababe:


Babe, you are killing me .

Yes naa .My friend told me she had her baby through CS and see how she was begging me not to tell anyone like its a bad thing.I told her babes i wont tell anyone but you know the most important thing is you and your baby are fine.

Its just how we are.My mum kept pinching me when she came to help me and i was telling someone i was due in March.Am like mum so what will happen now abegi jare lets not let fear rule us jo.

2 years ago, a friend of mine registered for a professional exams and she was so secretive about it(i had no problem with that though), until about 2 weeks to the exams date and she had not gotten all necessary documents which of course should have been with her at that moment. She reluctantly told me about it and i immediately plunged myself into the whole situation because i had written the exams a couple of years back before we started working together. Everything did work out well and she was able to write the exams but did not pass due to inadequate preparation, all because she did not ask for help or guidance. Last year again, i told her to try the exams again and this time around, i helped her with the materials needed to prepare and she is happy. though she told me she had a bitter experience with some colleagues while she was working at home, but she has come to realise that everybody is not the same. I personally don't like getting under peoples skin. Everyone is entitled to the privacy of their own lives and we have to prove that we are trustworthy for me to be at ease to disclose personal problems or plans to us.

obo_man: Why do some Nigerians also have problems when things aren't disclosed to them?


Whether you tell me about something you about to embark upon is really up to you, and I shouldn't take offence if you don't tell me either.....


.

You nailed it!!1000 likes from me

gwas:
It's still applicable with this discourse!

Yes sir!

Why do some Nigerians also have problems when things aren't disclosed to them?


Whether you tell me about something you about to embark upon is really up to you, and I shouldn't take offence if you don't tell me either.....

eod.

obo_man: Why do some Nigerians also have problems when things aren't disclosed to them?


Whether you tell me about something you about to embark upon is really up to you, and I shouldn't take offence if you don't tell me either.....


I'm sure why most Nigerians are afraid of disclosing things to their friends is actually because they don't really know how the relationship with their friends might end up.

Imagine a friend that knows a lot about me, then suddenly our relationship goes sour, another way he might get back at me is by using those things I told him as a form of ridicule, hence crushing my confidence and trust....

We have a society that gossips a lot ( from men to women), and our form of gossip is usually like a smear, a scorn, and a ridicule, mostly borne out of jealousy if our friends have just told us a good news.

Bearing this in mind makes people more careful who they disclose things to, and not necessarily the fear of witches...


Until every Nigerian starts seeing their friends' successes as their successes, then self disclosure won't be a common thing...



Poverty is another reason why....... In a poor society, every success story becomes a 'BIG DEAL'. Whereas, if you have a rich society where people get jobs daily, make huge profits daily, get good grades, buy new cars, etc, not disclosing things about yourself in that kind of society would be stupid. It would be stupid because it is likely that people around you will have the information needed to take you to the next level.

I want to buy a house in America and I'm keeping it to myself? Now that's stupid. Information in that kind of developed economy I would get by disclosing it to people is priceless.

great points there! : ) helps to explain my point (hypocrisy) better....

nnedozie22: 2 years ago, a friend of mine registered for a professional exams and she was so secretive about it(i had no problem with that though), until about 2 weeks to the exams date and she had not gotten all necessary documents which of course should have been with her at that moment. She reluctantly told me about it and i immediately plunged myself into the whole situation because i had written the exams a couple of years back before we started working together. Everything did work out well and she was able to write the exams but did not pass due to inadequate preparation, all because she did not ask for help or guidance. Last year again, i told her to try the exams again and this time around, i helped her with the materials needed to prepare and she is happy. though she told me she had a bitter experience with some colleagues while she was working at home, but she has come to realise that everybody is not the same. I personally don't like getting under peoples skin. Everyone is entitled to the privacy of their own lives and we have to prove that we are trustworthy for me to be at ease to disclose personal problems or plans to us.

It boils down to a general social problem our society suffers from: trust and our belief system. The so-called religions as I understand them are meant to free us and give us confidence to soar. This does not mean that the atheist fair well in this society, especially if he/she doesn't control his/her mind. However, the religions (both mainstream and indigenous) have been perverted to put us rather in bondage and give us insecurities, and any other weakness that comes to mind. A society is a reflection of its citizen’s minds. It obvious that the minds of our individuals are not functioning as they should be.

obo_man: Why do some Nigerians also have problems when things aren't disclosed to them?


Whether you tell me about something you about to embark upon is really up to you, and I shouldn't take offence if you don't tell me either.....


I'm sure why most Nigerians are afraid of disclosing things to their friends is actually because they don't really know how the relationship with their friends might end up.

Imagine a friend that knows a lot about me, then suddenly our relationship goes sour, another way he might get back at me is by using those things I told him as a form of ridicule, hence crushing my confidence and trust....

We have a society that gossips a lot ( from men to women), and our form of gossip is usually like a smear, a scorn, and a ridicule, mostly borne out of jealousy if our friends have just told us a good news.

Bearing this in mind makes people more careful who they disclose things to, and not necessarily the fear of witches...


Until every Nigerian starts seeing their friends' successes as their successes, then self disclosure won't be a common thing...



Poverty is another reason why....... In a poor society, every success story becomes a 'BIG DEAL'. Whereas, if you have a rich society where people get jobs daily, make huge profits daily, get good grades, buy new cars, etc, not disclosing things about yourself in that kind of society would be stupid. It would be stupid because it is likely that people around you will have the information needed to take you to the next level.

I want to buy a house in America and I'm keeping it to myself? Now that's stupid. Information in that kind of developed economy I would get by disclosing it to people is priceless.

I don’t have a problem with it, it doesn't affect me one bit, if anything, that person is saving me something to worry about. I only brought this up because it’s not just something with me, it’s a trend and a lot of people experience it all the time especially Nigerians

Your other point about poverty might be right, maybe that’s why people are wary of their friends and some have grown so used to it that even after being successful, it’s like a norm

speedyboi:

oooh! Okay.
But its quite weird not to know what your friend does for a living!!!

And its unbelievable that you are a close friend to an entrepreneur, he is recruiting in his office and you have no idea about it. Is it not in nigeria? - The friend will even ask if he has anyone qualified!

From the op's post, i can only drive out two conclusions:
1. He is lying about this whole story.
OR
2. He is a hypocrite! Full stop!

Is reading your problem or understanding? I only used this case as an example of how people hide information that could have helped them just like somebody said about the girl that needed study materials but failed because of this same mentality.

You kept harping on about hypocrisy but I’m not gonna say a thing about that because I ain't here to defend myself about not being a hypocrite. Yeah maybe some people are but the focus of the discussion is the lack of self-disclosure to people who could potentially be of help to you.

@ op,I don't tell my extended family my plans because they'll spread the info like wild fire and at the end,it won't work, they wouldn't help and they'll spread that too

My friends are unfortunately very secretive and I have also become very private. Why should I divulge my plans when you keep yours a secret? In fact,I just learnt today that a very close friend has been in a money spinning patnership and we talk about money matters almost everyday.No one knows when I go on vacation, I just become unreachable.
The rule? I don't ask and I don't divulge. The highest is to "trade" details and my antenna is activated to detect lying signals.simple!No one gets hurt.

I trust ONLY my immediate fam.They would always have my back and look out for my best interest.I trust outsiders more than these 'friends' and 'families'

2legit2qwt: I’m bringing this up because a friend of mine recently lost the opportunity of securing a job and I only got to know after the fact, meanwhile, I could have easily helped him considering that I’m a good friend to the recruiter.

This friend (the one who didn’t get the job) had previously asked me some questions earlier in the week that suggested he was up to something, he just never told me why he asked and I never bothered to ask. This is just one of many cases of how secretive a lot of Nigerians/Africans are. In this case, someone missed a chance of getting a good job and there are several cases like that.

I’m not sure if it’s a cultural attribute of Nigerians or Africans but my biggest guess to why this exists is the strong belief in the existence of witchcraft. This friend of mine seem to think that I’m a wizard with some spiritual power or something to stop him from getting the job, I wish

A lot of Nigerians have a problem with self-disclosure, they only tell after the fact, some don’t even tell at all. They call you a friend but you don’t know when they’re about to buy a new car, move to a new house, get a new job, travel abroad, pass a test or are graduated from school.

The only thing I know they’re quick to tell is when they’re getting married, not sure why but other than that, you only get to find out about most things only after the fact.

How can you call someone a friend when you never get to experience their success but they’re quick to tell about their failure?

People learn from the experiences they have had in the past. Also the rumours that fly up and down in nigeria creates stigma in peoples mind. Another thing is that the days are evil, you can neva tell what someone who smiles with you has in his heart.