Eemm...okay, there's this cousin of mine who needs ideas and i thought i'd share it here.
He's about 30 but we all know the deep unemployment ruining this country presently. His parents are very well to do, with good investments in choice parts of lagos. Problem is, they insist that he should cater for himself. They got him an apartment and abandoned him there. What are they expecting him to do? Steal? He's not a lazy type. Only that his efforts at landing a job has been fruitless thus far.
Question is, is it his right to demand pocket money from them atleast till he gets a good job? Can he report them to the authorities or something? Does a parent have the right to abandon the child just because they feel they can? Please lawyers and everyone, i need your input on this asap. thanks.

suppose this were an issue in which he wanted to have his way? He will claim to be an adult capable of taking decision on his own so he will demand that his parents do not interfer. So therefore his parents have the right to ask him to go and fend for himself. The guy himself should drop his ego and go and find something to do.
What I expect of him is not even to seek a paid job or worse still wait for pocket money from his parents but to ask for capital from them to start something however small.
I wish other parents in Nigeria will learn to do the same.
I think 1 year after NYSC is ok.

Set him up properly and allow him to settle.ado ok!

It should be when a child becomes matured and he can fend for himself i.e he/ she is gainfully employed or has a substantial means of livelihood. Unfortunately there is no uniform age to declare a child's independency in Nigeria owing to our epileptic Educational system and the high rate of unemployment.
Some children are lucky enough to complete their studies and get a job before the age of 25 while others struggle till their 30's so in essence the appropriate age for parents to stop fending for their children depends largely on the child's circumstance and the financial ability of the parents.

@28 I finishd my NYSC my father was long dead and my Mum was just incapable of suppprtng anythng not even herself! so i had to stay behind and take up d job on offer where i servd, my felow corpers had snce left fo dere places of origin! I tuk up a teachng job dat culd only pay fo acomodatn feedng and very litle fo savngs yet i still went further wit my education and today i am n my own happily and i can say im takng care of my mum! So dat guy shuld grow up and do somethng fo his life at least d parents saw him thru tertiary educ!

30 is too old to talk about parents. He shoulda been married or at least planning to at 30. I'm 30 myself but stopped living with my parents when I finished NYSC at 22 because I was ashamed to come back dependent.

I will care for my kids for as long as they can't fend for themselves.I ll establish them if I have the means before I can say they are too big to be dependent(once that child is hardworking).

When he/she start having his/her own personal regular source of income.
May God help us all.

Thanks guys. Your inputs are well appreciated.

kpozite: suppose this were an issue in which he wanted to have his way? He will claim to be an adult capable of taking decision on his own so he will demand that his parents do not interfer. So therefore his parents have the right to ask him to go and fend for himself. The guy himself should drop his ego and go and find something to do.
What I expect of him is not even to seek a paid job or worse still wait for pocket money from his parents but to ask for capital from them to start something however small.
I wish other parents in Nigeria will learn to do the same.
I think 1 year after NYSC is ok.

Good post. Interesting the angle you've brought this from (having his way and the likes). We can't rule out the fact that even teenagers will want to have their way at one time or the other. Are you saying for this reason they should also be left to fend for themselves; since they're asking to make their own decisions?
Actually, he's not lazy. He has his hands on a few things but not really encouraging so far. Thanks for the pocket money and capital ideas though.

cogitoErgo: @28 I finishd my NYSC my father was long dead and my Mum was just incapable of suppprtng anythng not even herself! so i had to stay behind and take up d job on offer where i servd, my felow corpers had snce left fo dere places of origin! I tuk up a teachng job dat culd only pay fo acomodatn feedng and very litle fo savngs yet i still went further wit my education and today i am n my own happily and i can say im takng care of my mum! So dat guy shuld grow up and do somethng fo his life at least d parents saw him thru tertiary educ!

You speak from an angle which many Nigerians can readily identity with. However, lets also remember that there are others that have had it very easy since childhood. My cousin is one of them. I guess he wasn't made prepared for the life they're trying to force him into at present (i hope am speaking his mind here). Its not like he can hit the road running like you've been able to do. Question is; what if you had the same opportunity he presently has (buoyant parents), would you have still gone through life the way you did? Perhaps yes, perhaps not. Isn't there a way parents (provided they're capable) can be compelled to make that transition easy for their kids rather than just hands-off and say no more?
Afterall parents do it during entrance exams. Many use their connections to get their children stable positions in corporate organizations etc. I hope am making sense.

Nostalgia: You speak from an angle which many Nigerians can readily identity with. However, lets also remember that there are others that have had it very easy since childhood. My cousin is one of them. I guess he wasn't made prepared for the life they're trying to force him into at present (i hope am speaking his mind here). Its not like he can hit the road running like you've been able to do. Question is; what if you had the same opportunity he presently has (buoyant parents), would you have still gone through life the way you did? Perhaps yes, perhaps not. Isn't there a way parents (provided they're capable) can be compelled to make that transition easy for their kids rather than just hands-off and say no more?
Afterall parents do it during entrance exams. Many use their connections to get their children stable positions in corporate organizations etc. I hope am making sense.

Sooooooo in the end what is being asked here is how to make things easy for a 30 year old man (who is not disabled and is most likely reasonably educated)

You've got jokes OP. Hahahahaha

If he is hardworking then why the question. Let him sue his parents cos of pocket money, funny!!!!! He should be grateful they paid for the apartment he is living in and may be furnished too.
Girl come on, tell him to get his ass off and look for work unless he is aiming for big collar whatever while wallowing in poverty, work abound.

Man: 25 (30, if still in school obtaining a PhD or Masters)
Woman: 30 (same, if still in school, until marriage)

Anything else, you have failed as a parent.

I know of a 60 year old man, whose 87 year old mother takes care of him and his 4 kids. At some point, you have to accept your failure as a parent.

thats why they are called parents,they will fend for you till they die,not just monitry,somtyms spiritually.etc

The parents are meant to also give a leverage of growing a business, if he is business minded or give him connections in getting a job, cos in Nija,who knows who gets the job.. An apartment is ok, but with what av mentioned above.. When I was done from schl. My mum sat me down and asked what do u want to do now, uv completed yur Bsc. I told her biz.. She gave me an amount of money to kick start my dreams.. And i worked so hard, to sustain the bizness...Now, I can adequately get luxuries for myself,without blinking. Or going to meet any family member to help..... Mama, u too much... Love u a lot! u will always live forever in my heart and mind.

mysticgal: thats why they are called parents,they will fend for you till they die,not just monitry,somtyms spiritually.etc

The parent's job is to teach the child how to fly - and not feed the child for the rest of his/her life.

i understand where you are headed,but there are sometimes,parents can't help but fend for you somehow.

but to the op question.it depends on the maturity of the mind.you can be 18 and be independent and 40 but can't fend for self.

than I argue that the parent has failed. If you're still fending for a 40 or 60 years old.

victorian: The parents are meant to also give a leverage of growing a business, if he is business minded or give him connections in getting a job, cos in Nija,who knows who gets the job.. An apartment is ok, but with what av mentioned above.. When I was done from schl. My mum sat me down and asked what do u want to do now, uv completed yur Bsc. I told her biz.. She gave me an amount of money to kick start my dreams.. And i worked so hard, to sustain the bizness...Now, I can adequately get luxuries for myself,without blinking. Or going to meet any family member to help..... Mama, u too much... Love u a lot! u will always live forever in my heart and mind.

awww.....

obowunmi: than I argue that[b] the parent has failed. If you're still fending for a 40 [/b]or 60 years old.

Really? Perhaps you're correct. Perhaps its the state that's failed. Lets not forget, however, that its no longer news that some 40 year olds still do reside with their parents. Not because alot of them choose to but because of circumstances beyond their control. Believe me, we need to hear peoples stories to realise that this world we live in isn't same for everyone.

Question is: At what point should a parent stop helping a helpless sibling (to an extent of not encouraging the wrong traits in such child)?

Anyways, thanks for yourr unique input.

mysticgal: but to the op question.it depends on the maturity of the mind.you can be 18 and be independent and 40 but can't fend for self.

Hmm...interesting.