[b]Below is how a friend toasted a lady in a public place.

Tell us how you toast them or how they toast you.

A lady walked into the restuarant where we were relaxing. We were three at the table: Johnson, ken and I
She was nicely dressed in an elegant peach color blouse and tight black shin-length trousers; the helm neatly folded up, with an unusually big handbag; anchored by the angular left arm. You got no choice but to notice Yaba size puff-puff of a sunglasses covering nearly half her face. She wasn't going to the moon but looked like astronauts, seriously beautiful in those glasses. She walked gracefully on the four inches high-heels in a sense that flashed Beyonce’s gait through my mind.

As she passed by our table she mistakenly stepped on Johnson’s foot (my friend).

“Yeeeeeeeeeeee!” Johnson wailed mournfully. I thought she had injured him with the high-heels. He got up slowly, limping sideways a trifle, as though it was so fatal. The lady went down to nurse the part with her bare hand.
“Eeeh yah am so sorry,” she begged him with humility of a well trained girl. For a few seconds, those petal-soft manicured fingers caressed my friend’s leg soothingly. Why not me for God sake! “I didn’t know your leg was on my path, I’m sorry, I’m really sorry.”
“You are even saying sorry, oh no, no, no.”

“Sincerely I didn’t mean to do it.” She implored his forgiveness with gentleness rarely displayed by beautiful girls like her, still on her knee.
I was about to intervene when Johnson said to the lady: “You don’t seem to understand, you don’t. You see, a beautiful girl has never stepped on me in my entire life.” Ahh! Beautiful lies. “And I didn’t know it felt so good like this, I really enjoyed it,” pretty lies. “You even got a lot of sorry to say. That ‘sorry’ sounded like All Things Bright and Beautiful to my hearings.” Johnsoooon, what a comely lie! If I was told he could lie like this I would have argued it “You also intoned it with soprano voices the second time you said it.” See the son of a bitch I was feeling a pity for, still pretended to be limping, “Could you just get up and step on me as many times as you like with all the sorry you could muster from your tongue?” He stretched his neck forward putting hands in her armpits and raising her to her feet.

The lady stood facing him, smiling sheepishly.
“Johnson don kill me ooooooo!” Ken was guffawing already. His contaminating laugh rang out high above the blues that was pouring out from the speakers, drowning in the laughter of Johnson’s admirers. We all laughed our heart out.
Johnson remained unsmiling. “Are you going to attend to my requests or…?” He asked her. “Or maybe we should go somewhere where nobody will see you as you step on me and say sorry to me?” He pointed to the door.

“What of if I say no?” By now she understood his pranks but decided to tease him.
“In that case the leg might not heal up on time and I might claim damages. So I think it is better we go somewhere where you could step on me without me feeling the pain.” Johnson pointed to the door again.

At first the lady was mystified for long milliseconds, though not perturbed by the staring bally eyes around her, then, by telepathy understanding, she slowly nodded with heart-melting smiles. Her ponytail dangled when she nodded. Why not me for God’s sake?
Now on the spur of the moment, Johnson was the man on top of the world, he did not waste time in hooking his fingers with hers and together, amidst the vulture stares that escorted them to the door, they went out. He did not limp again as he went out and neither did he look back to receive gee from his pals. So tell us how you toast them or how they toast you.[/b]

So what's the moral of the story?
That we should all be going out to restaurants, be sticking out or legs and pray to be stepped on by pretty ladies

opokonwa:

So what's the moral of the story?

Never put a pretty girl in the toasting machine

opokonwa:

So what's the moral of the story?
That we should all be going out to restaurants, be sticking out or legs and pray to be stepped on by pretty ladies

lolololololloo. If you go stick ur leg out for one iya apati she go break am o

opokonwa:

So what's the moral of the story?
That we should all be going out to restaurants, be sticking out or legs and pray to be stepped on by pretty ladies

ROTFLMAO, I don't know oh!

One of the funniest threads Ive ever come across. Hilarious responses. They got me LMGAO .

@ topic, ur story is really funny but ur friend's lines are ridiculous, funny, tired, childish but at the same time cute .

iice:

For real. . . I have heard awful lines, it's embarrassing that some women fall for such

[size=13pt]Is it only the line that you girls fall for? Hell No! You girls can fall also because of how you feel and not really for what he spill.[/size]

i have different styles of toasting them, here some of them and believe me they work even though they might sound impossible.

if she is light in complexion and beautiful, i walk up to her and say " hi, emmm sorry, are you an american?" she might get embarrased, angry, or genuinly answer "no , i am a nigarian." i always get an answer no matter the mood.

then i reply "Wow, haw can a Nigerian be this beautiful with such lovely complexion, but seriously, i know you are a half cast"

she blushes, and starts enjoying the comnpliment "no, infact i am from benue state"

i reply, "wow thats lovely, i am from imo state, i wish girls from my state could be like this, you look like an angel,




if she has long artificial hair, i go like this

"hi," she looks my way. "Sorry(i always say this to sound polite)" i have been starring at you from my seat over there, " i point with my fingers to indicate my former position, this is done most times to reduce tension " and i have been saying to my self, what a beautiful long hair you have, how can you have such a long hair?". most are always sincere by replying, "NO thats not my hair, its attachment."
i reply "wow they look so real. nobody will notice and i like your choice of color of artificial hair, it blends perfectly with your complexion.
she blushes, "thanks"
"my name is,

NOTE there is no guarantee for this method, other variables like her mood and what she thinks about you, might possobly be and extreanous variable, but most times i come out successful.

....

pmond:


I haven’t asked a girl out in years, I don’t ask girls out, I just let the tension boil, get acquainted, and in a short time she discovered that she had developed something for me and assumed me too carry her in my heart cause of the attention… If she’s worth it, she’s worth the time, a thorough “case study”

Yeah, that's the real in thing now a days, i can't remember asking any girl out in years since the inception of GSM (txt msg). All you just need to do is to syudy the atmosphere and make use of the opportunity.

what i hate most about most nairalander especially the females is the constant re peatation of this statement "NOT ALL GIRL, OR WOMEN OR MEN, OR NOT EVERYBODY" it makes me sick. please everybody knows that. please as socials scientists " like most of us are" we know that it is never possible for everybody to possess the same characteristic trait.

saying that females or guys behave in a particular way simply imply that the obsever have found out that most females or males are like that, and not ALL.

and as humans we judge a group or people or a race by the majority!!!!!

@poster

I DONT KNOW WHAT YOUR PROFESSION IS, BUT I WILL ADVICE YOU BECOME A WRITER, YOU ARE GOOD AT IT

YOU CAN WRITE A GUD NOVEL.

& wats is dat

iice:

See what i mean?

Not all girls. . .i think we have established that in this forum

all this are very old lines and rarely work on smart ladies.
the first meeting shouldn't really be used to saying how beautiful and gorgeous
a lady is or else ur giving her unnnecessary edge.
learn to be friends first becos,
most of these women have heard these lines over and over
and they will just laugh in ur face.
grow up and go for tutorials

opokunwa u ve got sacarstic humor,
Frag :- Abeg give me a break
Frank 3.16:- your style is old school
P mond Most gals don't fall that assumption tin after d whole heat de jus feel well u didnt ask me out so i was really holding any seriousness to it and this happens when some one very serious approaches den at d end of the day u get bin burnt

MEHN top Hails for Kayowalemi any book u release i must buy it i mean d story line and grammatical everythin was tight
TkB714 dats your opinion am jus real

ashe2:


MEHN top Hails for Kayowalemi any book u release i must buy it i mean d story line and grammatical everythin was tight

That's if you fit afford am

na wa o, see toasting
the gurl must be a LovePeddler!

I believe that the first thing every guy need when toasting a girl is to get her talking. you must you every means within your power to get her interest. if you can break the spell, you will see the best of you coming out as you toast.
now take for instance she is not responding, neither is her face relaxed, while you do all the talking. you will run out of talk and mess up the whole thing.

some girls are just really nice to talk to and even it does not turn out to be a relationship, you end up becoming friends.

pmond:

@Frank 3.16
You got style, but pretty sad you limit yourself to self made lines. I think conversation should come naturally.
@poster
Your guy tried sha, so wetin happen afterward? They dated? I’m just curious.

I haven’t asked a girl out in years, I don’t ask girls out, I just let the tension boil, get acquainted, and in a short time she discovered that she had developed something for me and assumed me too carry her in my heart cause of the attention… If she’s worth it, she’s worth the time, a thorough “case study”

What? is that toasting? if you have not toasted a girl in years then you probably have forgotten how to toast a girl. you probably might be very cute and is relying on your looks to get a girl.

but come to think of it, are the girls who come around you girls of your choice? if they are, what kind of girls are they that dont allow themselves to be toasted?

then what happens when you walk into the library, resturant, cafe restaurant and behold that pretty goddess? I bet you keep on walking around her like a jobless guy until she notices your good looks, then the tension starts boiling blah blah blah

if not i must let you know that getting your self aquinted is also part of toasting therfore you toast.
tell us how u do it.

MEHN top Hails for Kayowalemi any book u release i must buy it i mean d story line and grammatical everythin was tight
TkB714 that is your opinion am jus real


It is an extract from a story I wrote for an international short story competition

[b]I must admit I’m a very shy fellow when it comes to confrontational expression of my mind to a lady that I like so much. That one notwithstanding, I find consolations in resorting to the use of letters to bypass the barrier on to them.

I saw a pretty babe in my neighbourhood one cool morning and without her knowing I followed her to her house, just to know where she abode. She was the cutest thing I had seen in years; in a jumper, in a mini skirt, in a pump-up slippers, bangles clanged away on her left wrist as she gingerly catwalked down the sideroad. Her name was Funmi. But quite unfortunate for me the next day my parents told me we were moving out of the place to our own house.

Each letter I wrote to her from our new house was returned to me in a new envelope, torn into several pieces. The stubbornness in me always prevailed, I did not relent in penning down romantic letters and poems to her.
   
After eleventh letter, I got an anonymous letter to come to the girl’s house. It had no writer’s name at the end nor signature. My intuition landed on her father who did a good job of keeping the babe away from a fry like me. It might be one of his ploys to lure me into a trap, I reasoned. A lot of suspicious reasons ransacked my brain but I cool them off and I went.

She met me at the door looking radiant in pink armless top and plaited purple skirt, smiling  like Jennifer Lopez. She introduced me to her lovely mother. I nearly mistaken them for twins. The warm welcome actaully established my initial wobble confidence. At the dinning tables, however, she said her mother told her to tear my letters and send them back to me. Her motive was that if I love her I will keep on writing to her, which I did.

I was treated to a good lunch that day and thereafter and before I left Funmi that very evening, she gave me a percel containing envelopes with my replies.

More to come WATCH OUT[/b]

It is an extract from a story I wrote for competition

I'm coming up. A

Warfy Boy:

@poster

I DONT KNOW WHAT YOUR PROFESSION IS, BUT I WILL ADVICE YOU BECOME A WRITER, YOU ARE GOOD AT IT

YOU CAN WRITE A GUD NOVEL.

ctually it is an extract from my short story I wrote for competition

LOl, . , . . . . .

i knew it

na novel the guy dey write

I will make sure this guy is very far away from my sister