On this controverisal topic, Bride price should be abolished since there shouldn't be a price tag on a human being. My opponent argued that modernism should not replace our dear (?) tradition, and so on, we argued back and forth with each side presenting some convincing views on either to abolish or retain this custom. I am of the view that the bride price is primitive, it stiffles a woman's place in her matrimonial home and thereby has no place in today's world. It is akin to auctioning your child to the highest bidder. Surprisingly, one of the ladies told me that it is not a must that one has to pay for the required sum, but it can be haggled, but now, I wonder, must women be reduced to the status of a commodity to be haggled for (like you would for a price of nintendo at Aba Market  Wink )just so that the 'right' sum of money could be paid to the parents. Then another lady asked me, "Nna, you wan marry woman for free"? And I retorted, "Sure, I could pay the price, but I would expect her to fulfil the traditional obligations required of her in the matrimonial home and concluded that I wont entertain her views  that "this is the 21st century, honey, get with the flow".

A family friend of my cousin, an MD recently got married to a Pastor in Nigeria. What should have been a happy occasion was sort of tempered by the attitude of the bride's mother, because her new son in law is a pastor. Is it any wonder that the teaching profession is not a desirable position in Nigeria. But there is a catch towards this trend. Occasionally, when marital dispute arises, the man might taunt his wife, "Upon the money that I paid on your head, yet, you can't prepare a decent meal for me". An insult to the status of the madam of the house and a step backwards to the primitive days when women had no say in the society. Would you agree with me that the woman's role in the kitchen was already cemented when the man had paid her dowry so that she would clean, cook and take care of him?

Men and women, abi, Ladies and Gentlemen, what are your views on this subject?

Ndipe:

On this controverisal topic that I had on Regina Askia's (former beauty queen) site, I wrote that Bride price should be abolished since there shouldn't be a price tag on a human being.

I am of the view that the bride price is primitive, it stiffles a woman's place in her matrimonial home and thereby has no place in today's world. It is akin to auctioning your child to the highest bidder. Would you agree with me that the woman's role in the kitchen was already cemented when the man had paid her dowry so that she would clean, cook and take care of him?

um, I'm not sure it's taken as seriously as it used to. I think in a lot of cases now its plays a ceremonial role, besides paying a dowry has nothing to do with how your husband will treat you. An abusive man does not need the excuse of a dowry to lay his hands on you or keep you down.

Afterall I beleive in India the woman pays the bride price. They still have cases of women being ill-treated by their husbands.

Yes i support bride price/dowry, it limit many men from polygamy.

@bright.

Are you serious? What of the islamic faith that sanctions polygamy?

Please bride price does not in any way deter a man from having a harem of wives. I am even surprised that someone on this board is writing that it is just a ceremonial role. Whether it is or not, it's been abused and should be abrogated , yeah, govt should look into it.

Ndipe:

I am even surprised that someone on this board is writing that it is just a ceremonial role.

What's surprising about it?

Give unto Ceaser, what is ceaser's.

If u have the money, pay it and dont be stingy. Its not like you are buying her cos u cant, Every human is worth more than $100Billion. Its just a ceremony, Its our culture and there is nothing wrong wit it. Its a sign of appreciation.
However, when purpose is not known, abuse in inevitable. Some men think they are buying the way (how parochail?). Such are the men who turn their wives to slaves.
All in all. I see nothing wrong in paying the bride price but at the same time father of brides shouldnt spoil the rite by turning it into business.
In yorube lan, you might be asked to bring oke (5kobo or so) as bride price. U'll sure sweat for that but its not like they want to make money out of it.
It depends on the purpose but basically i see nothig wrong wit it except u r stingy. You should be able to give anything for your wife.

Parents who collect bride price are broke ass niggas! It's supposed to be a symbolic thing but people now ask for thousands of Naira as if they are selling off their daughters. No wonder some men end up treating their wives like acquire property.

When I got married, I paid a dowry but it was returned at the ceremony.

I personaly do not c anything wrong in it. Its our culture. What i do not like is when some fathers decide to make money out of that, thereby asking for some ridiculous amount!

@dominobaby

Simply because a pracise is sanctioned by our African culture does not necessarily mean that it is the right way. I am sure that you are aware that some African culture permits female circumcision, which in my view is wrong.

Why should we blindly follow tradition, instead of questioning it?

bride price is okay. even in the bible peole pay bride price for their wife.
there is nothin wrong with it- if it is done in the right manner and mindset.

u cannot never buy ur wife 'cos she's priceless. the bible says she is worth more than rupies.

bride price is okay. even in the bible peole pay bride price for their wife.

That's a misleading argument. In that part of the bible it was also ok to murder your son on God's 'orders'.

Personally, I don't support the practice. In some cultures, paying this bride price has become a big burden for potential couples, even causing engagements to be broken because the man can't 'pay' what the brides family think its suitable for their daughter. In other cases 'unenlightened' men take this 'payment' to mean they own their wives, leading to abuse and what not, not a good situation either. In other cases, it is just a way of showing we haven't lost our cultural background/heritage. People/families should just be reasonable, if you can afford it fine, if not it should be done away with. there are enough difficulties for the intending couple to worry about, no need to add bride price to it.

soooooooooo whats ur piont @seun

pleople should disobey god? when god command you to do something -it is for a clear purpose.

I respect traditions but only when they enhance us as a people. That top me is slavery "I buy you" "You buy me"
We're talking about people NOT fruit at the market.
It also gives the man an unwarranted sense of superiority.
Gone are the days of the plantation.

BTW- that money could have gone towards the couple buying a house or a car but instead it went on some patriarchal, exploitative, bull s*hit practice.

Down with Bride prices!!!!!!!!!!!

I support the bride price and by the way, most family return the bride price to the groom's family on engagement day stating they are not selling their daughter, they give her to the man and the man should take good care of her.

Damest09:

I support the bride price, stating they are not selling their daughter, they give her to the man and the man should take good care of her.

If they are not selling their daughter why does money exchange hands in the first place? What is the point to giving money to recience it back? That the most ignorant s*hit I heard all day.

If she is not being seen as a possession then why is money such a big factor. Surely her family shouls be most concerned at whether he would be the right PERSON for her. Not the right Money flasher.

@ndipe
Yeah lets abolish bride price, and while we are at it lets do away with all the wedding ceremony. Who needsall that formality
Where I come from the bride price is just a token. its the anciliary expenses that will break your back so if any of my wife's people return the bride price, under the guise that they are not selling their daughter I will feel insulted

@topic

its all tradition!

no, never, nada, nah!!!

which other slang dey for no?

my view is that even if its not scrapped totally, the bride price should be just a token for symbolism sake. in my family the bride price is ridiculously low. i mean low enough that it fits into the family album. so that when the man f**ks up the girl's family can whip out the naira bill and slap him in the face with it and take their daughter back! Lol.

Take back their daughter? Cant women make their own independent decision, without being bounced from place to place to place, like a football?

@ndipe

na you know! haven't you heard that some women need rescuing from "baaad" husbands?

i agree! who want to start the abolition of bride price / dowry by giving me his daughter hand in marriage? am dieing to have a father-in-law in nairaland.

I do support it fully, however, they should not combine it with greed, cos with greed to it, it becomes sales of a wife to a petential husband that has money.

Payment of a high bride price or the lack of it, does not prevent divorce. Having a successful marriage depends on the individuals involved in that union, how prepared they are to work towards its' success and what makes them tick.

In cultures where the bride price is returned on the traditional wedding day or during the engagement process, the offer of the bride price is merely a symbolic exercise. So is its' rejection.

It is done to show that the family values their daughter, far above the price of rubies or naira as the case may be, therefore they will not treat her like a common commodity, haggle over her worth or place a price on her head, no matter how tempting the money being offered may be. It is merely part of the symbolic traditional customs, that add a bit of entertainment to the whole traditional marriage ritual, on the day of the event.  In some cultures (e.g. among the Edo), the money is returned to the father of the groom, who then hands it over to the bride & groom, on the understanding that the money will be used by the bride to trade, set up a business or buy something useful for herself.

Support!

It is symbolic, as you have written, but have you not heard of some parents who have demanded an arm and a leg from their future son-inlaw?

Ndipe:

It is symbolic, as you have written, but have you not heard of some parents who have demanded an arm and a leg from their future son-inlaw?

Abadie!   Yes, I have heard of some parents who demand an arm and a leg from prospective sons-in-law before they give away their daughter in marriage, but I was not referring to such people here.

I used the word 'symbolic', because I was talking about cases where (at the end of the day) the bride price is usually rejected by the bride's family, especially among several communities in the South-West and Edo region. Am not referring to cases where it is obligatory that a man must pay a high dowry or bride price, simply because he is marrying their daughter. In such cases, I hear that the more educational qualifications a woman has, the higher the bride price her family levies on the poor, unsuspecting man! 

Please note: Am not a fan of high bride price. It reduces women to a commodity that is being bought or sold.

If a token amount is demanded, like it is often done in many parts of the North, where sometimes the family of the bride asks for 10 gold-plated coins or 700 pieces of the old twenty-five kobo coins, one may understand the symbolic nature of such a request. Those things are a bit difficult to find, so the chap must go searching before he can find it, in order to prove that because the girl matters a lot to him, he is ready to suffer some discomfort to win her hand in marriage, and win the attention of his prospective in-laws. Such things (i.e. the gold coins or twenty-five kobo coins), do not have a significant, monetary value, but the man's effort in finding and presenting them, is what is acknowledged by the family.

I think the bride price is a remnant of the old school culture when the bride-to-be was viewed as an extra set of hands and the provider of lots of male children for the grooms' family. It was a token to the girl's parents to show appreciation in advance, and also proof that the man could take care of his new liability.


Now seeing as I'm going to be working outside the home just as much as he is, and I'm not intending on relying on him financially, I don't think bride price will be necessary. Exchanging gifts between both families would be nice, however.

Sure it's all tradition but i don't really support it like that.some men now use the dowry thing as a way of maltreating their wives,cheating on them and putting up an i don't care attitude all in the name of afterall i paid her dowry.

I don't support either. I think both should be abolished.

How can one place a monetry value on a human being?

Humans are priceless.