jakesund: tell her you think you've also lost the feelings you have for her and u want a DIVORCE that madness in her will flee with immediate effect .women tend to act crazy when given too much attention and control .if u don't act now it'll only get worse. WAKE UP AND TAKE CHARGE

can anyone please give me a cogent reason to get married . cuz all i see is people's lives getting messed up after taking a walk down that dreadful ONE WAY road called MARRIAGE.

Oh pls! Just like you have peeps 'crying' in their union, so also do you those 'smiling and laughing' in their marriage!
When you fail to prepare your self for marriage (spiritually, mentally, emotinally, character, financially etc)......then be prepared to fail! And this goes for both the guy and the lady!
Let me state again.........there are soooooooo many peeps out their enjoying marriage! Look out for those enjoying it and find out what is making theirs work. Look out for those failing and pin point why they failed or are failing! Marriage is no rocket science.......... Its just like mathematics, follow the right formula and get the right result! Follow the simple steps of the one (GOD via His word) who instituted this beautiful gift of marriage to humanity and see yourself enjoy it!
Now you wanna marry......how many books have you read on marriage or even r/ships?! How many impactful tapes have you listened to or seminars have you attended?! Do you have a picture of what your own marriage should look like ( this will help in the choice of a partner) Have you ever sincerely asked God to guide your choice of a partner?! "Wisdom is profitable to direct. Therefore,get wisdom and in all your getting, get understanding"
It is not marriage that fail, it is people that fail marriage!........for whatever reason!
Am not here to convince you to marry.......if you like marry, if you like don't marry.....na for pocket! I personally hate when fellas make a 'caricature' of marriage. People make the choice of a partner......kindly live with the choice you made instead crying foul! 'Its not marriage that is doing you, it is you doing marriage'...deal with it! In fact marriage should be for the 'selfless' IMO.
I can go on and on but I'll stop here.
Simply be the right person and marry the right person!......this last statement is like a basic foundation and another topic for discussion all together!
I hope you get my drift!!!
Yours truly!!!

justsmile:

Oh pls! Just like you have peeps 'crying' in their union, so also do you those 'smiling and laughing' in their marriage!
When you fail to prepare your self for marriage (spiritually, mentally, emotinally, character, financially etc)......then be prepared to fail! And this goes for both the guy and the lady!
Let me state again.........there are soooooooo many peeps out their enjoying marriage! Look out for those enjoying it and find out what is making theirs work. Look out for those failing and pin point why they failed or are failing! Marriage is no rocket science.......... Its just like mathematics, follow the right formula and get the right result! Follow the simple steps of the one (GOD via His word) who instituted this beautiful gift of marriage to humanity and see yourself enjoy it!
Now you wanna marry......how many books have you read on marriage or even r/ships?! How many impactful tapes have you listened to or seminars have you attended?! Do you have a picture of what your own marriage should look like ( this will help in the choice of a partner) Have you ever sincerely asked God to guide your choice of a partner?! "Wisdom is profitable to direct. Therefore,get wisdom and in all your getting, get understanding"
It is not marriage that fail, it is people that fail marriage!........for whatever reason!
Am not here to convince you to marry.......if you like marry, if you like don't marry.....na for pocket! I personally hate when fellas make a 'caricature' of marriage. People make the choice of a partner......kindly live with the choice you made instead crying foul! 'Its not marriage that is doing you, it is you doing marriage'...deal with it! In fact marriage should be for the 'selfless' IMO.
I can go on and on but I'll stop here.
Simply be the right person and marry the right person!......this last statement is like a basic foundation and another topic for discussion all together!
I hope you get my drift!!!
Yours truly!!!

Very good and thoughtful words my sister. I am not married and hoping to do so soon but let me just add to your words of wisdom... marriage is also for those who have learned that love is NOT a feeling but a determined decision to love the one you have chosen to be with through thick and thin.

davidylan:

Very good and thoughtful words my sister. I am not married and hoping to do so soon but let me just add to your words of wisdom... marriage is also for those who have learned that love is NOT a feeling but a determined decision to love the one you have chosen to be with through thick and thin.

Thanks jare!!! This is another nugget....... I'll keep it in mind!

Okon.akpan:
She threatened divorce not long ago. I think she is fed up with our marriage cos she is not having her way as she wants. There is always quarrel whenever things are not done her way cos she want to be in control.

belive me or nt she is havin an affair

omonnakoda:
1.You need to get a sense of humour and stop taking things so serious.I think he was teasing/joking
2. There is actually a word ; "worsted" though it is not a superlative of "bad" as in worsted wool

I guess the joke is on me cos I did not see " worster" in OP's post

Okon.akpan:
My wife and I have been married for about two years now with a son, we reside in Calabar and I work at Eket. I spend some weeks at work due to the nature of my work. We dated for more than a yr before we married but knew and dated when we were in the university for few months. When we were dating, she was nice, respectful, understanding, caring and tolerating.

Things changed when we married, she became hot tempered, impatient, stonehearted, unforgiving, isolates my friends and rants angrily if things are not done her way. She complains whenever I present a gift to her either is too expensive or too cheap (fake). She cannot be pleased or satisfied; its either what I did is too much or not enough. She has issues with neighbours and the previous places we have resided.

She has issues with almost all her siblings, she don't trust anybody not even me, and she suspects anybody when negative incident occurs and thinks everybody around her is diabolic. She is very economical and complains when I spend money on my people but wants me to be spending money on her people and on her. She told me that she don't have feelings for me again which shows in her.

Things became worst when her mother came for child birth visit, she became more aggressive in everything, she nags a lot and would keep on talking for hours even if I decide to ignore her, in-short, the more I ignore her, the more she talks. During any argument between us when I’m at work, she cuts the phone on me and does not answer my calls nor call me for days or weeks until I come back home.

Previously we resolve our differences within a day but this had changed. She wants to do all the talking while I just sit and listen to her, when I speak, she would want to raise her voice on me and as I resist her, she would wear a stony face, snub me and start crying moments later, the snubbing will continue for days.

I need advice from this house on what to do, I can't continue like this. I don't know how my child is; I don't know what is going on in my house as I'm in Off Shore. My wife has changed into what I cannot explain, she want to have the final say in my house and control me but I've refused. What do I do cos, I must confess, it disturbing at work and I don't know the future of our marriage.

Yea . . . . . right!
Your wife woke up one morning and suddenly changed . . . what is she? a chameleon?
I'll advice you to be truthful to yourself . . . ONLY you can fix your marriage!

Ujujoan:

Yea . . . . . right!
Your wife woke up one morning and suddenly changed . . . what is she? a chameleon?
I'll advice you to be truthful to yourself . . . ONLY you can fix your marriage!

Is dat d right thing to say? Can't u figure it out that something is wrong, and if sumtin is wrong must it be frm the man's side? I dnt undastand hw most u ladies visualise things sometimes. Its clear frm his assertions..... the wife dosen't have feeling for him anymore. And all she wants to do is control everything which is a clear evidence and d product of nt having feelings for him anymore. The question should be... How cn he get her back to feel for him?.. Whats d reason or cause of d lost feeling?.. And dats wia u get it wrong, it musn't be frm d man, the cause had every possibility that it can b frm d woman..u knw women and their intimate,material and pleasure issues.
@OP I dnt knw yet what to tel u. I wil get back to you but dnt succumb for her. Still be d man and if possible seek nt her opinion any longer. If u let her control d family, her mission for nt feeling for u anymore would be accomplished.

Kzinne: then why are you pussyfooting. give her what she wants

lol.... Dude get a work

tithe: To be frank she's possessed by evil spirit, take her for deliverance. I recommend synagogue.

lol

Okon.akpan:
My wife and I have been married for about two years now with a son, we reside in Calabar and I work at Eket. I spend some weeks at work due to the nature of my work. We dated for more than a yr before we married but knew and dated when we were in the university for few months. When we were dating, she was nice, respectful, understanding, caring and tolerating.

Things changed when we married, she became hot tempered, impatient, stonehearted, unforgiving, isolates my friends and rants angrily if things are not done her way. She complains whenever I present a gift to her either is too expensive or too cheap (fake). She cannot be pleased or satisfied; its either what I did is too much or not enough. She has issues with neighbours and the previous places we have resided.

She has issues with almost all her siblings, she don't trust anybody not even me, and she suspects anybody when negative incident occurs and thinks everybody around her is diabolic. She is very economical and complains when I spend money on my people but wants me to be spending money on her people and on her. She told me that she don't have feelings for me again which shows in her.

Things became worst when her mother came for child birth visit, she became more aggressive in everything, she nags a lot and would keep on talking for hours even if I decide to ignore her, in-short, the more I ignore her, the more she talks. During any argument between us when I’m at work, she cuts the phone on me and does not answer my calls nor call me for days or weeks until I come back home.

Previously we resolve our differences within a day but this had changed. She wants to do all the talking while I just sit and listen to her, when I speak, she would want to raise her voice on me and as I resist her, she would wear a stony face, snub me and start crying moments later, the snubbing will continue for days.

I need advice from this house on what to do, I can't continue like this. I don't know how my child is; I don't know what is going on in my house as I'm in Off Shore. My wife has changed into what I cannot explain, she want to have the final say in my house and control me but I've refused. What do I do cos, I must confess, it disturbing at work and I don't know the future of our marriage.

marriage is a different ball game...tell her u want a divorce jor rather than suffer...

Okon.akpan:
My wife and I have been married for about two years now with a son, we reside in Calabar and I work at Eket. I spend some weeks at work due to the nature of my work. We dated for more than a yr before we married but knew and dated when we were in the university for few months. When we were dating, she was nice, respectful, understanding, caring and tolerating.

Things changed when we married, she became hot tempered, impatient, stonehearted, unforgiving, isolates my friends and rants angrily if things are not done her way. She complains whenever I present a gift to her either is too expensive or too cheap (fake). She cannot be pleased or satisfied; its either what I did is too much or not enough. She has issues with neighbours and the previous places we have resided.

She has issues with almost all her siblings, she don't trust anybody not even me, and she suspects anybody when negative incident occurs and thinks everybody around her is diabolic. She is very economical and complains when I spend money on my people but wants me to be spending money on her people and on her. She told me that she don't have feelings for me again which shows in her.

Things became worst when her mother came for child birth visit, she became more aggressive in everything, she nags a lot and would keep on talking for hours even if I decide to ignore her, in-short, the more I ignore her, the more she talks. During any argument between us when I’m at work, she cuts the phone on me and does not answer my calls nor call me for days or weeks until I come back home.

Previously we resolve our differences within a day but this had changed. She wants to do all the talking while I just sit and listen to her, when I speak, she would want to raise her voice on me and as I resist her, she would wear a stony face, snub me and start crying moments later, the snubbing will continue for days.

I need advice from this house on what to do, I can't continue like this. I don't know how my child is; I don't know what is going on in my house as I'm in Off Shore. My wife has changed into what I cannot explain, she want to have the final say in my house and control me but I've refused. What do I do cos, I must confess, it disturbing at work and I don't know the future of our marriage.

i will advice u go for counselling, call for a meeting wt her and her parents present n tell them ur observations while u let her defend herslf. abve all tell God in prayer

justsmile:

Thanks jare!!! This is another nugget....... I'll keep it in mind!

Lets see how much this nugget will help you if your husband starts to use you as a punching bag. You can do all the counseling and seminars you want, but the successs of the marriage still boils down to your partner actually wanting it to work out. And you have absolutely no control over what an adult decides to do. You can pray, fast, beg, go on vacation all you want, but if they arent interested, you are wasting your time

"alota pple r enjoying marriage"? Well dts highly exagerated.my guy face reality.dis is no romance fiction of those teen years anymore.this is REAL.if dis bothers u dt much dt u cant concentrate at wrk nor sleep, believe me it arnt worth it.u'l just watch life sip out of u.women arnt always d angels de seem.giv it ur best shot.if it doesnt wrk, get RID of her ASAP!

troy20: "alota pple r enjoying marriage"? Well dts highly exagerated.my guy face reality.dis is no romance fiction of those teen years anymore.this is REAL.if dis bothers u dt much dt u cant concentrate at wrk nor sleep, believe me it arnt worth it.u'l just watch life sip out of u.women arnt always d angels de seem.giv it ur best shot.if it doesnt wrk, get RID of her ASAP!

1000%

birdman:

Lets see how much this nugget will help you if your husband starts to use you as a punching bag. You can do all the counseling and seminars you want, but the successs of the marriage still boils down to your partner actually wanting it to work out. And you have absolutely no control over what an adult decides to do. You can pray, fast, beg, go on vacation all you want, but if they arent interested, you are wasting your time

Mr man! That can never happen to me!!! It can to the females in your life but not me! Thank you!
Seem like you are a wife beater and a puncher yourself that's why you could spew such rubbish without shame!
Who told you every man is a wife puncher?! What disrespect to the male folk!
My dear, there are lots of good guys out there that don't have such barbaric character!
Just like there are lots of beautiful women with good character out there!
For the fact that someone made a choice to choose wrongly does not mean every husband or wife is bad! Trust me, their are lots of lovely partners out there!
If you refuse to acquire the right knowledge and choose wrongly......... That's your biz!
I usually don't reply to peeps that are not on the same 'frequency' with me!
I simply drop my comment and walk.......if you like take it, if you like don't! Just like I read others comment and take the ones that I like and discard the rest!
So Oga once again....... MY HUSBAND WILL NEVER BEAT ME!
Tnk u!

lari03: for those saying we have listened to one side of the story before giving advice, this post is from someone who is in the same location and industry, not a faceless person. I lived in eket for a year and I know how it goes down.
Ibibio and efik communities are down to earth and accommodating, but presently many of their young women have lost their moral bearings and that's an issue, there is also a spiritual perspective to this, but nairalanders may not appreciate it. but these are the issues men there are dealing with, you may consider this a stereotype but it is the reality on ground.

you are right brother, it's not easy up here, but I know God will give us the grace to identify and overcome them.

Katier00 :
belive me or nt she is havin an affair

I SUSPECT SAME!

justsmile:

Mr man! That can never happen to me!!! It can to the females in your life but not me! Thank you!
Seem like you are a wife beater and a puncher yourself that's why you could spew such rubbish without shame!
Who told you every man is a wife puncher?! What disrespect to the male folk!
My dear, there are lots of good guys out there that don't have such barbaric character!
Just like there are lots of beautiful women with good character out there!
For the fact that someone made a choice to choose wrongly does not mean every husband or wife is bad! Trust me, their are lots of lovely partners out there!
If you refuse to acquire the right knowledge and choose wrongly......... That's your biz!
I usually don't reply to peeps that are not on the same 'frequency' with me!
I simply drop my comment and walk.......if you like take it, if you like don't! Just like I read others comment and take the ones that I like and discard the rest!
So Oga once again....... MY HUSBAND WILL NEVER BEAT ME!
Tnk u!

So what if he does beat you. What then? You are not the first one to think it cant happen. You have no control over another adult's decisions no matter how much you fast, pray and do seminars all day

johnwell:

I SUSPECT SAME!

Agreed. This is the most likely reason. She is trying to head fake the guy and keep him confused so he doesnt suspect an affair.

And what about him cheating on his wife or hasnt he ? Oga, if you really believe in the existance of life after death , i.e heaven and hell, you should never divorce your wife except on the ground of adultery in which you must have been faithful to her ever since you both have been married otherwise fix your marriage. God is the creator and the re-creator, ask Him to do the remoulding . Some women have changed their husbands through prayers, why not do so? She is a woman and not a man. No matter how hard she depicts herself, she cannot overcome her emotions. Try and show her love , i mean sincere love, as a woman, she will get the signal, confess your unfaithfulness if there is any because you may have done that and she might have known (am talking from experience)which is responsible for her hating some part of you. After this storm (ofcourse this issue must calm) always fast and pray together. Infidelity( this has introduced demons in many homes) MUST BE A NO GO AREA for the both of you otherwise devil will have a field day again.

[quote author=Doncolio]Take a deep breath, then follow this few steps.
Take time off work, then prepare a vacation of two(2) days exclusive for you and her. Make sure the place is a place she wuld have loved to be. Take along with you things that could bring back the memories of the past when you were courting or when the marriage was sweet. After the fun of the day, try open a table for discussion and speak ur mind. Try understand if are response are selfish meaning she doesn't care about you- meaning t
In fact i am inpired by all the reasonable, meticulous and sensitive advisers here. You are highly appreciated. If the wife could be here to tell her side of the story ...

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iamswizz:
I SUGGEST YOU GET A SECOND WIFE

Some advise tho, smh

Back in the days when most nairaland men had sense. Now the majority is high on horseshiit. Only a minority got sense

Whew! Oluwa o

Very sad case...
Most married offshore guyz are in this same shit
I know quite a number of them...kpele...
you've received enough counsel here, go and do the needful!

Send her back to her family

jadelyn007:
Back in the days when most nairaland men had sense. Now the majority is high on horseshiit. Only a minority got sense

but same can be said of the women. most women on this thread sound reasonable, unlike what we have on Nairaland these days; bunch of bitter misandrists masquerading as feminists.

I wonder if Op and wifey are now in good terms...

Doncolio:
Take a deep breath, then follow this few steps.
Take time off work, then prepare a vacation of two(2) days exclusive for you and her. Make sure the place is a place she wuld have loved to be. Take along with you things that could bring back the memories of the past when you were courting or when the marriage was sweet. After the fun of the day, try open a table for discussion and speak ur mind. Try understand if are response are selfish meaning she doesn't care about you- meaning the marriage has hit d rock(then inform her to go have a rethink of ur marriage) or concerened and scared she might loose you,then u'll have to reassure her. But u know her best so act accordingly and man up. Also have at the back of ur mind that women like to have their way and can be capable of even what you don't know.

#WishUluck

This is very bad advice.

You are essentially rewarding her for bad behaviour.

What she deserves, at this point, is some good ol' whippin', as uncle Mohammed wisely advised (abeg na Uncle Mo. from ITALY I dey talk, no be the one from Madina - before person go come blow up for pesin side... )

On a serious note though, if it's not postpartum depression, or whatever they call it...give her times 2 of whatever she is giving you.

If you are not prepared for everything to go to hell, you've lost.