dstiva99: I'm a nigerian born, american raised woman who has been dating this guy on and off for two years now. He was raised in nigeria and came to the u.s. about 5 years ago. We dated for about 4 months and then broke up for a year because he said "he didn't know where his life was going and whether he was going to even stay in the u.s." His life began to get settled and we got back together over the last 6 months. Now that we are back together and solidly for the last 6 months, and since my mom was in town, I suggested that he come by to meet her. He said he would try and he is very busy in a PHD program where he has to study all the time to make sure he is not kicked out of the program so I understood. Then a few days went by and I reminded him that he should come by because my mom was only going to be around for a short while, he said he had forgotten she was around but that he couldn't meet her because he had to go out of town at the last minute for a wedding. I said, wow you are going to a wedding and I wasn't invited? He said he decided to go last minute and he did not bother inviting me because my mom was in town He said he would meet her next time she was in town and that since we are moving into the same housing neighborhood in a few months, we are going to be neighbors so he was sure he would see her sometime soon. I confronted him for making excuses and said if he didn't want to meet my mom, he should just say so. He claimed that wasn't it, but I'm not sure. He knows how much my family means to me, why would he avoid meeting my mom? Is that a sign he is not serious about the relationship? He is someone I could see marrying but we have not talked about it. Why would he get back together with me after a year, and why would he be willing to buy a house in the same neighboorhood as my house if he isn't serious? I just don't understand his behavior, its confusing and it is something I would like to sort out before he becomes my neighboor, can't imagine him living next door to me and we are not together.

Kgdavid:


dunno whether or not he is serious about you sista but if yur account as written above is accurate then yo man lied. if the reason he didnt invite yu to the wedding was specifically because your mom is around then that means he couldnt possible have forgotten that she was around. he lied.

dstiva99: I'm a nigerian born, american raised woman who has been dating this guy on and off for two years now. He was raised in nigeria and came to the u.s. about 5 years ago. We dated for about 4 months and then broke up for a year because he said "he didn't know where his life was going and whether he was going to even stay in the u.s." His life began to get settled and we got back together over the last 6 months. Now that we are back together and solidly for the last 6 months, and since my mom was in town, I suggested that he come by to meet her. He said he would try and he is very busy in a PHD program where he has to study all the time to make sure he is not kicked out of the program so I understood. Then a few days went by and I reminded him that he should come by because my mom was only going to be around for a short while, he said he had forgotten she was around but that he couldn't meet her because he had to go out of town at the last minute for a wedding. I said, wow you are going to a wedding and I wasn't invited? He said he decided to go last minute and he did not bother inviting me because my mom was in town. He said he would meet her next time she was in town and that since we are moving into the same housing neighborhood in a few months, we are going to be neighbors so he was sure he would see her sometime soon. I confronted him for making excuses and said if he didn't want to meet my mom, he should just say so. He claimed that wasn't it, but I'm not sure. He knows how much my family means to me, why would he avoid meeting my mom? Is that a sign he is not serious about the relationship? He is someone I could see marrying but we have not talked about it. Why would he get back together with me after a year, and why would he be willing to buy a house in the same neighboorhood as my house if he isn't serious? I just don't understand his behavior, its confusing and it is something I would like to sort out before he becomes my neighboor, can't imagine him living next door to me and we are not together.

Adufaye: The is not really to be yours! Just walk away

dstiva99: Thanks for all of the comments, being in the relationship, I feel that he does want to be with me but is not ready to progress the relationship forward in the same way I am. I am planning to sit him down and ask him for his intentions. My parents may be in a hurry to marry me off but the honest truth is I'm not. I think it is more important to find out from him WHETHER he see this relationship progressing and not WHEN he sees it progressing. Time is always of the essence for women, I guess, but I am willing to wait IF i know he wants to be with me long-term, guess the only way to find out if he is, is to ask him, which I will.

jnr prof: He's too busy with his PhD programme to come and see your mum, but he can create time to attend a wedding outside town.............that says a lot. Seeing your mum is not a priority for him, hence his lame excuse about forgetting that she was around. The issue with confronting him is that you may end up looking like a lady desperate for a husband. I'll say you should calm down a bit, be more observant and look for more subtle hints that could be the deciding factor as to whether he has serious plans for you or not.

Kgdavid:


dunno whether or not he is serious about you sista but if yur account as written above is accurate then yo man lied. if the reason he didnt invite yu to the wedding was specifically because your mom is around then that means he couldnt possible have forgotten that she was around. he lied.

HotNaijaBabe: From the little you have said..Your man moves at his own pace. It doesn't matter if u want to get married tomorrow, u just have to keep to his pace or let go. The point is, being a woman, u may want to speed things up a lil, but your man would drag his feet until he's comfy enough to move on to the next stage..I know his type, whatever u say, however loud you scream, he won't budge...(I usually see this as being selfish).
Only you knows if he truly loves you...

dstiva99: Thanks guys for your comments, I am definitely going to talk to him as some have suggested. I am not trying to rush him or seem desperate but I do think I at least deserve to know where this relationship is headed. I have known him for 2 years and we have broken up and gotten back together now for 6 months now, when you look at it that way, I feel I should know whether staying with him is leading to marriage, particularly now when in the present relationship he DOES NOT have a lot of time to spend with me because he is in school. IF I did not think we had a future together, I would not be with him, because there are plenty of guys who would have more time to spend with me in the present but because I think we have a future together, I have stayed. That said, him not seeing my mom has made me doubt whether we have a future together and as some have suggested, it is better to know than to think, so I will ask him.

davidylan:

6 months is enough time for a grown man to know whether he wants to be with you or not long term. Lets call a spade a spade, the idea that naija men dont want to meet parents because it signifies an intention for marriage is false now. Times have changed, men now know they can meet parents and not marry you in the end no big deal. the point is that a man who really sees you as a potential would be grab a chance to get to know your family... PARTICULARLY as it gives him a chance to understand you from another perspective (the eyes of those who know you the best).

If i like a woman yes i would meet her family, it doesnt mean i will marry her next week. It simply means i am serious enough about her to get to know everything about her, her family included. Marriage should not be a commitment made in a vacuum, i dont need to wait until i am sure i will marry her before meeting the family. Making sure that the family is one that i will be comfortable being around is a big part of making that decision.

Mr man is dodging your mother because he has no interest in being with you long term. You are just a nice hold-over until he finds the real woman. If he truly loved you he would value the things that are important to you... your mother included. If my gf told me she forgot my mother was in town after i must have mentioned it 30 times then you best believe it is good bye from my end.

Buying a house close by you means nothing to a man. It simply means he has you at his beck and call... obviously you would be spending more time at his place cooking his meals, cleaning his home and playing wife. Why buy the cow when the milk dey free comes to mind.

jnr prof: He's too busy with his PhD programme to come and see your mum, but he can create time to attend a wedding outside town.............that says a lot. Seeing your mum is not a priority for him, hence his lame excuse about forgetting that she was around. The issue with confronting him is that you may end up looking like a lady desperate for a husband. I'll say you should calm down a bit, be more observant and look for more subtle hints that could be the deciding factor as to whether he has serious plans for you or not.