*opens door and enters thread, looks left and right, sees two rats dancing For by Davido and screams 'BLOOD OF JESUS!!*


How una dey? Missed you all so much!

More short stories cometh. Next is titled......





Da Kingdom Of God Suffereth Violence.....!

Well, first things first, Happy New Month and here it comes.....!

Da Kingdom Of God Suffereth Violence...!


"Praise the Lord somebody!" a bass voice could be heard.

"Alleluia" just one lone shrill voice answered in response.

"Stand up let us sing praises to the Lord for bringing us together once again today to serve and glorify the name of the most High God. My dear sister in Christ, please stand up and lead us in praise and worship"

"In the morning, early in the morning, in the morning, I will rise and praise the Lord...."

The place was a surbub in the ever bubbling and bustling but small town of Ikorodu in Lagos state. The day was Sunday in the morning, the time was 8am and the name of the church was The Energy of The Lord's Intervention Ministries Inc.

Although the church was located at a strategic point in the city, for more than five years, the church has been only inhabited by two people, the Pastor and his wife and he had been doing this for the past five years.

After the church service, the Pastor counted the money he had gotten from the offertory. It was just #520. He was sure he had given 500 naira. So where did the twenty naira come from?

"So what you were able to give to the Lord today was just twenty naira?" Pastor James for that was his name asked advancing towards his wife.

"That was all I had" she answered him unflinchingly.

"What about the #1000 I gave you yesterday?"

"I used part of it to plait my hair and the change was all I had to give out this morning. No vex for me abeg"

"May God save your soul in Jesus name. Amen" he responded shaking his head

That night, Pastor James couldn't sleep. He twisted and turned in his bed. This hydra headed monster needed to be taken care of as quickly as possible.

"Lord, I want to win a soul for you tomorrow increase my ministry oh Lord" and he went into a frenzy of speaking in tongues.

"Sherrimamama ya casa bra ina sunta ina sandra yaca sunta ina dabra, yes, yes speak ye Lord to your servant for your servant listeneth. Ah ah ah, speak more clearly Lord, yes, I can hear you, yes, oh, ministration in the evening? Yes Lord, your wish is my command. Thank you Jesus thank you Lord"

And soon after, he drifted off to sleep. His
wife turned around and looked at his sleeping form and shook her head with a face that portrayed mixed emotions.

At 4:00pm later that evening, Pastor James dressed up doning a black suit and a white inner shirt with a black and bold tie. He put on his glasses and picked up his big bible that was slightly bigger than the Oxford English dictionary. He then stepped out of the house onto the verandah.

"Stella, Stella" he called out to his wife who was inside the kitchen carrying out some house chores.

"Yes dear" she answered stepping out onto the verandah also.

"I'm on my way to preach and minister onto the people as the Lord has asked me to yesterday night"

"Hmmmm, are you sure the Lord has asked you to do this?" she asked

"Woman, what do you mean by that?" he asked flaring up

"I was only asking oh. Safe journey and may God guide you. Amen"

"Amen" he muttered nonchalantly and walked off.

Rats, cockroaches, mosquitoes n all na e dey dance. Welcome back 4rm ur long vacation. As usual I gbadu d story.

Longest times

Neduzze5: Longest times

your wicked joor

@ the tongue speaking; dies!

On a serious note, m here. You hear? Aint going nowhere

I couldn't stop laughing, the wife is wicked oh! 20 naira offering. Pls keep it coming am loving dis already.

HumbledbYGrace: your wicked joor

@ the tongue speaking; dies!

On a serious note, m here. You hear? Aint going nowhere

Lol.... I'll try to complete it soonest!

ng4am: I couldn't stop laughing, the wife is wicked oh! 20 naira offering. Pls keep it coming am loving dis already.

Hahaha.... you no know say women stingy?.... minus you.... Lol!

HumbledbYGrace:

Lol.. minus you too!

Neduzze5:

Lol.. minus you too!

u said women, unless m not a woman.

HumbledbYGrace: u said women, unless m not a woman.

erm... at times, there are exceptions!

Erm...

The konkluding part of Da Kingdom of God suffereth violence is coming up soon.

Stay plugged in!

And sorry for the inexcusable delay

Soon, Pastor James was at the junction. Why he had chosen that junction, only him knows till today. The junction was one of the busiest in that environ. Maybe he wanted many converts, that's why he went there.
The first person he met, he handed him a tract but the man shrugged off and rejected it. Pastor James looked at the man for a while and shook his head in utter disappointment

"Only God will save you. Amen!" he shouted after the man but the man didn't seem to hear him or pretended not to.
Pastor James looked for a suitable spot and stood there. He began to flip the pages of his Oxford Dictionary sized bible in a bid to locate the passages he had wanted to use for his preaching.

He looked up from the bible for a while and saw a young girl a little far away coming towards him. From where he stood, he could see her and what she was putting on. Her blouse was the type that was loose and was handless at the right hand. So that side of the blouse always slipped off her shoulders thereby exposing a little of her br.east and from what he could see as she came closer, it seemed as though she wasn't wearing any bra. And to crown it all, she wore a mini skirt which showed a large part of her laps and her hot legs

"Oh sweet Jesus" he muttered to himself "this girl is hoooottt!!"

As she came closer, he went forward to meet her.

"Good evening sister" he addressed her while peeping at her br.east
She looked at him with a venomous look from head to toe

"Yes, how can I help you?"

"Sister, the Lord wants you.. Sorry, I mean the lord needs you to work in his vineyard"

She let out a little laugh

"Me?" she asked while pointing a finger at herself

"Yes, you"

"Tell your God that I've been taken. Understood?" and she walked out on him.

All these while, he had been looking at her assets and licking his lips and fantasizing about how he would... you know the rest

"Yes Sister. I Understand"

It was then what she had said replayed in his head.

"Blood of Jesus. Satan get behind me" he commanded when he realized the ignominy of what he had been doing

"Sister may God forgive you" he replied after her

Then he set about his business

"Good evening brothers and sisters in Christ. I am here as sent by Jesus Christ to preach the message of God to you all. Before that, let us pray- Heavenly Father, we thank you for the graces you've showered on us and for every other thing you have done for us that we have not taken cognizance of. I pray that at the end of this session, you may have more sheep in your flock and that I may have more members to my church for give unto Caesar what is Caesar's and unto God what is God's. Amen!"

"Brothers and sisters, the lord sent me here to console your heavy ladened spirits and tell you that His kingdom is almost coming so you should repent and be born again and according to him, the only place you can go and be truly born again is the Energy Of The Lord Intervention Ministries Inc which is located at Ikorodu junction, that small tent made of canopies with a wooden signboard by it's side. Yes, it is only there that you can be truly born again so come one, come all"

He looked around and found out that nobody was listening to him. Everybody was passing and going their different. He was annoyed by this so he began an operation stop and give flyer. Boldly inscribed on the flyers were the name of his church, it's address and a little message of faith.

He stopped the first person

"Good evening brother. Here's God's message for you"

"Thank you, I don't want" the man replied and walked away

"What Insolence" Pastor james muttered under his breath

Another person was coming so he quickly seized the chance. It was a man, with a big pot bellied stomach and of average height

"Good evening Sir. The Lord said I should give you this"

"Okay, thank you" the man collected it and walked away while looking at it.

"Yes!" Pastor James gave a small shout of joy because someone had collected the first pamphlet meaning by next Sunday, a new convert would be added to his church or so it seemed...

He saw it fall from the man's hand and glide in the air for a while. As though it wanted to land, it went up again a little bit higher because of the action of the wind and came down towards him forcefully and landed still taking small steps past him before the grasses stopped it permanently. It was then he saw what it was- his pamphlet!

The man had thrown it away!

"May God reduce that your big stomach! Amen!!"

This time, frustration set in and he decided that the next person will not go until he accepts to come to his church.

Fortunately for him as it seemed at the moment, someone came by. It was a man and he was lanky but not so tall.

"Good evening brother. The Lord say..."

He did not finish before the brother interrupted him

"Sorry, I've somewhere to go to" and made as though to walk away

"Come brother. Okay, take this" the Pastor said handing him a pamphlet

The man took it and began walking away slowly while the pastor watched him intently

After perusing it, the man folded it in his palms and threw it away

Chai! If you see vex for Pastor eye enh!!

The Pastor was highly vexed and he ran after the man and stopped him.

"Oga no vex, pick that pamphlet I gave you"

"I've finished reading it so I threw it away abi I go chop am??" he asked visibly shaken

"You no go only chop am now, you go equally swallow am. Pick am jare"

"I won't pick it"

"You won't pick it?" the pastor asked surprised

"Yes"

"Then you must come to my church"

"No I won't"

"You must"

"I won't"

The pastor began folding the sleeves of his shirt

"You won't come?"

"Yes"

The Pastor slapped him

"You slapped me?"

The Pastor gave him another heavy slap

"Will you come to my church?"

The man gave him a punch in order to reiterate the beatings he was receiving but the pastor dodged it and hit him on his shoulder

"Will you come?"

"No" he replied

And so the pastor continued beating him while a crowd watched on.

"Why you dey beat am na?" a man from the crowd asked

"The Kingdom of God suffereth violence and only the violent taketh it by force.He doesn't want to come to my church but he must come oh. The Lord has invited him"
* * * *

^^^^

Nice one, thanks for making laugh....Pastor James needs deliverance I tell ya

Nedu, u no go kill person wit dis ur action comedy. Tanks4 completing it. Weldone.

HumbledbYGrace: ^^^^

Nice one, thanks for making laugh....Pastor James needs deliverance I tell ya

Lol...Thanks for laughing!!

Mum Z :
Nedu, u no go kill person wit dis ur action comedy. Tanks4 completing it. Weldone.

Lol.... but.... erm.... I don't think it's complete oh