Hello nairaalanders!sometimes I wonder if it's wrong to be nice to gals.Every girl i v met left me or use it as an advantage when they notice my nice attitude to gals.The first galfriend i had in my first year in the University,1998 is getting married this weekend.We were just friends and no other thing attached. I kept on looking forward to when i shall settle down with her until i got the ugly news days back that she is wedding this weekend.
The second girl i got in my second year just told me that her friend in the states will be wedding her soon.She comes from the North to lagos for her paper processing.She sleeps in my house on the same bed with me each time she comes in,but no sex O! Recently,she told me that one of the reasons y we can't continue is because i'm nice to a fault,but she needs someone who could be hard a little bit.
But what i keep on asking myself is this; if she has really left me y should she continue sleeping in my house,because each time i see her i feel hurt.i feel like someone has taken away the person i really cared for,but i don't know how i could stop accomodating her when she comes arround to finalise processes getting her visa.I feel the help i'm rendering to her is what i could also do for a male friend and she can't be an exception since i really cared for her. But the most painful thing is that it takes me days to regain myself each time she leaves.She's the only one left in my life now and she's moving just as she told me " I can't change my mind rather God'll provide my kind"
What could you do if you find yourself in this tight shoe? Is it bad to be nice?

unfortunately being nice is at the bottom list of what most ladies want in a guy.
are u insecured? why do feel you can have you way with ladies by being nice.
well, let me tell you something. Being unneccessarily nice is seen as weakness. it means you cant make decision on your own and you cant take care of your womnan in difficult situation.
Get your grip man, be tough, be yourself, be wise and learn from your past.

i wonder since when ppl start advising other ppl to stop being nice?

look being nice is something we all wish we can be,

dont change for any reason.
u will find some1 who will love you for that same reason believe me.

@poster,

I really felt touch and I feel for u.
There is nothing u can do and that don't mean it is the end of the world.
Don't change, be you and be postive You will have find someone else who will love u for u.

All the best!

Sorry about your predicament, but nice guy coming from a girl = mugu. For the fact that the girl slept with you on the bed, without anything happening, means you must really be a nice guy. I will advice you to keep it up, maybe eventually, you will find a girl who will love u just as you are. But then, i must be honest with you, women are strange bed fellows and it seems you have been coming across as to weak for a man. Learn to play the game, study your friends who are good with women and you might learn a thing or two about female psychology.

To add to what i already said: Blackman hit the nail on the head accurately, and i couldn't have put it better!, like he said, being nice comes at the bottom of the list of what women want in a man, and as such i suggest you get a grip, and stop making yourself a doormat for every Tonia, Diane and Harriet!

stop being 9ice den cos as long as u are 9ice u will be gongoso (lol)

@izeek
i dont mean he should stop being nice, but the fact is that men should know that this not what women look for in a man even though they will easily say its what they want.
yes be nice but dont make it very obvious, women will definitely translate it as weakness.
no woman likes a weak man.

take for instance, a girl tells you: "i want to go home"
but the whole truth is that she wants to stay, with you but she didnt want to sound weak, she wants you to make her stay.

instead of trying to convince her, you try to play the NICE GUY, by letting her go

how do you think she will translate it.

be nice but not stupidly nice.

Let me tell you a joke, that fits this scenerio.

a girls vists her guy but find out that he travelled and left his friend at home.
it was late and she couldnt go backhome, she slept over.
they slept on the same bed and during the night she put a pillow between them.

in the morning the friend was seeing her off when a thief snatched her hand bag and jumped a fence.
the friend being a nice guy chased after the thief.
she called him back and asked him "can you jump that fence?"
"yes ofcourse" he replied
"how possible is that when you cant even jump a small pillow, abeg let him go"


this is how women think.

I appreciate your comments.your Replies are all right,but can u actually change from being your real self? I  tried that lately,but it doesnt seem to work 4 me.Myself sleeping with a girl on the same bed without doing anything does not really mean that i'm sick or what.I can bet that i am 99.9% healthier than many can imagine.I know I do have sexual surge at times especially watching some movies or scenes,but steering away from them controls my emotions.
moreover,i'm not weak and I  like being in charge,but my fault is that i like respecting women's opinion,a training my mum gave me right from childhood and as they say i find it difficult to depart from it.
Does it mean there are no attributes a kind of me can posses to get out of this.I'm really leaving a lonely life without a girl to socialise with and make this stressful life seem easier

I know its painful and it sucks having to pick yourself up after you get knocked back.
But just think to yourself shes not good enough for me. Nice guys are rare to find these days. Same goes for nice girls. What we have nowadays are damaged goods wonderful people who have been hurt by selfish bastards you took and received and gave nothing but pain back.

Keep trying dont change you may change meet Miss Right and mess it up because you decided to be mean.

All the best

[b]I want to add to what i had posted earlier, even though it may reflect all what has been said before. Women are weird creatures. Agreed with all what others have said, you don't have to pretend being someone else, and the best person you can be is urself. U have been taught to be nice to people, just like hw my parents taught me too, but atimes you shouldn't be too nice, cause such things can be and will be used against you. take for example what frank said earlier. Women might say something but they mean the other. they may say "NO, get lost" when they actually mean "guy, try harder, i don't want to appear cheap to you". you don't have to do everything a woman asks you to do. have the will power to say "NO" in some situations. Like ur second girl, i'm sure she knew ur weakness at saying NO, that's why she had the guts to say she wanted to sleep over in ur bed when she knew that she was going to meet another man. It's insulting to a man. Just be a man, and continue to be urself. but most importantly, learn how to say NO and control ur emotions when it matters most. Okay pal?[/b]

@POSTER
Don't stop being nice but i would advise that you do it with more caution.

@Dutchmillionaire

Not to rehash what Blackman said but never take dating advice on how to get a woman from a woman, No no no no. They will advice you on the perfect scenario they would like. They probably will argue that they are women, so they know what works, (in this case, for them in an ideal world) but when was the last time they had to ask a girl out? The last time i checked, the guys had to ask a girl out. The guys giving you advice are not asking you to be a jerk to women, they are just saying; grow more of a backbone and have an edge.

Believe it or not, i was once a "nice" guy. I used to put women on a pedestal! You can imagine the rest. I had tons of female friends, but never a girlfriend. They all liked me because i was safe but will date my friends who had an edge and treated them like crap. Guess who they complained to when they got that kind of treatment? Me. I was always like why can't she my heart and know that I would absolutely treat her like gold? Some might argue that she wasn't into me. That is subjective. Not everybody can be into you, agreed (but you can also put your best foot forward)

But it took a me a long while to learn that they are just human beings like myself and have insecurities. If you want a new job or a new car, do you not do the groundwork to get it? Women might be complex in how they think (a lot of times) but they are still people. Cause and effect, try something unusual that you not normally do to your female friends and watch the reaction you get.

The sad thing is that once you get older, these same girls (women) will start looking for you to settle with. This will continue to happen as long as there males and females on this planet.

Got my protective shield on for the flaming responses.

@ poster
let me tell u what happened to me and my gal.

she came around visiting me 4 the first time in my place after we've  had a lot of phone intimacy and all that.
the day she came to my place she was all over me  ie kissing hugging pecking just name it even cuddling.

when it was time to sleep (ofcourse it had to be on the same bed), i allowed her to rest (after a long journey) till around 2.00am. i was not really asleep, but keeping watch .

at about time, i started cuddling her/smooching her, at first she resisted (understandably the first night with me).  she said " it was too early and that she would not want to have x with me now". guess what, i paused a bit ( so that i could restrategise and not to make it seem as though i wanted to rape her.

after some time say 20mins, i started touchin her and this time, the more she resisted, the more i continued my escapade till i entered her. can u imagine what she said to me!!!!!!!!!
well she mourned till she shed   joy **********. she even appreciated me by callin me a god.

that morning we had rounds of x till day break.  

THIS STORY WILL TEACH U DAT A GIRLS "NO" IS ACTUALLY HER "YES".

its guys like u  that end up becoming rapists. f ing RAPO!

@ cixluv.not all girl's no means yes.she probably needed it bt was tryin to play hard to get.girls like me still mk their yes yes nd no no

@ proo212

nice piece man. . .u jus killd d topic!

@ poster

You need to hang with proo212 a lot mo!

Could girls' "NO" actually mean yes all the times? could it be applied to every girl you meet?

@ Dutchy, I wouldn't change the way I was, to suit any woman.

If I've got a nice nature, and girls don't seem to be happy with that, taking advantage, then they're the wrong girls for me.

Just be you, not all girls want a cave man or brute as a partner. The right girl'll turn up, just relax, and be yourself.

Life is a bitch

@dutchmillonier

Most girls (it can never be all) will always so no when they mean yes because they dont want to look cheap. remember, they are "ladies" the society is watching them and much is expected from them than the male folks, so unconciously this societal expectation makes most of them live a deceptive life (sorry all females i dont mean any disrespect)

@siena
Cool, be a nice guy, i am also a nice guy but i must let you know that girls dont interprete things they way you would. to them fantasy is very different reality. evn most ladies who say alot here dont do what they say, they only say what they wish but they know that reality is very different from wishes

i've heard a lot of "be who you are" on this forum.

do YOU EVEN know who YOU are?

people may change in the short term, but ultimately they become more of themselves.whatever "direction" you chose to be more of yourself is up to you. you've seen how girls treat you when you're nice. if you step on a rat trap, won't you remove it and heal?

stop being "nice" to every tonia, harriet and diane. do you really have to wait so long to know that someone is using you?

na im be say u either be shoe-shiner or car- washer

In my opinion, i don't think u should change,,,,,,,keep up with ur noble character n the ryt sistah will come along.

dutchmillionaire:

Could girls' "NO" actually mean yes all the times? could it be applied to every girl you meet?

2 me my yea is yea n my nay nay.

Anywayz, Goodluck!

Poster read dating tips www.datingkeys..com/ . You really have a long way to go, you either be a man or a woman, if you are in between that means you are neutral. Remember the laws of physics positive and negative charge attract each other, Proton and electron attract each other but neutron has no charge and remains neutral for ever

The sad thing is that once you get older, these same girls (women) will start looking for you to settle with. This will continue to happen as long as there males and females on this planet.

WORD!!!

I must tell you that there is this thing about the make up of a woman that even the women themselves can not understand. 18-25 yr old gals like men who would roughen them up, HARD or BAD boys, 26 upward when its time for marriage they want that loving nice good man but that is for the wise women though.

So poster keep being nice some gal somewhere is going to come ur way soon.