ok

@OP If u cannot accept your mother inlaw and treat-respect her the way you would treat your own mother, then i think your hubby did'nt really knowing u well in this regard, else he would'nt have married you talk more of letting his precious mum stay in same roof with you while he's gone.
I dont like women with your kind of mentality.
Just pray your hubby does'nt see this thread, that's if he's reasonable enough to see anything wrong with it...

@mouthcuffed, are u going to be away for a month or a year?

mouthcuffed: Wow, I thought that I finally join in with all my wife's post I have been seeing here on Nairaland, to say I have been a member since 2007, I decided to post anonymously,besides I was the one that introduced her to NL, and here she is tabling all our matters here. Anyways My post is gonna be long, so peeps please bear with me, cos If I do not state and explain things the way they are in detailed manner as she wouldnt, you guys will never get to understand what am facing in this marriage.

Now to address this very topic before I bounce to the other ones she has created,I would like to state two facts and make a statement on them:

1: Q: What kind of mother is my mum to my wife
A: A very nice woman, calm and always treat my wife like her own daughter, not bossy, infact she acts like the house maid most times jst to make my wife feel she has a mother because my mother in law has been deceased 4 years back now

2: Q: Was there anytime my mum yelled at my wife or treated her bad?
A: Peeps! You know I have seen alot of nollywood movies, and infact real life experiences of other peoples marriages, and I can see the way mother inlaws take actions against their daughter inlaws, I must confess that it became a thing of heritage to my own understanding, thinking thats the way it must be for some wives, as regards my wife, my mum has never treated her in any fashion stated above, no mother is perfect, no wife is perfect, there are some things my wife has done that would trigger another mother to react in the normal typical 'mother inlaw way', but as for my mum, she will never, and I always remind my wife that shes lucky to have my mum has her mother inlaw.


Now to break the ice down, I told my wife I will be leaving for South Africa for a month, and that my mum would come to stay for that time being, she objected and said there's no need for her to come, that she'll be fine with the baby all alone. I then countered her by saying, I cannot leave you and the baby alone in the house without having someone appropriate to come and stay and help you with the 6months old baby. Common peeps, since I do not have a job for over 2 and the half years now, I resorted to business based on the fact that, for now I want to properly look after my family, and to make sure that comfortability is assured for her and my baby, I make sure that I help her with some of the domestic priorities in the house, I always cook the stew while shes busy with the baby all weekends that will last us for the rest of the week, I bought her a car to ensure that we do not need to share mine, all for comfortability sake, these amongst other things jst to make sure things are on point. If I am going to leave, how comfortable will i be thinking I have left them all to themselves, and I have begged her times without number that we should get an househelp, she said NO!! What else can I do and she wants her own selfish decision to stand.

I pretty much have a strong feeling that she just doesnt like my mother, as far as I have observed and confirmed, some of the complaints that she has against her was when we bought some groceries and my mum took out of it to give to our needy cousins without telling us, my wife complained to me and I called my mum to the side and explained to her that my wife has the number 1 right in the house, that whatever she needs to take she needs to take permission, that she being the wife of the house, shes the number one and that she needs to understand, my mum immediately apologised and said she was so lost thinking of the needy cousins that she forgot to take permission. Another thing my wife complained about is if my mum tells her to do something she has no knowledge about me of yet, since am the last born and am my mums fav child, my woman gets upset like my mum is trying to direct her concerning her husband. I understand that she feels because the connection I have with my mum, that shes trying to infiltrate our marriage, no mother is perfect just like I have said, but categorically speaking, my mother has not been that bad at all for her to say she doesnt want her to come and stay and look after them. Infact shes here on this thread, you guys should ask her if I have ever taken sides when it comes to issues between my marriage and my family, when either my mother, sister or brother goes wrong, I always table it as it is, no partiality, no sentiments added to my own ways of judgement, but when it comes to correcting her for her own wrong deeds, shes always quick to using this phrase saying ' you people', I wonder why a wife will be making use of such word most especially when it concerns my mum, someone I have gone against and also have supported when shes right in your presence. It has also come to a point where my wife will unnecessarily come up with silly comments about either my sister or my mother, I remembered telling her that it seems that because I always go against my siblings whenever they are wrong,thats why you can just go ahead to say whatever you want, I recalled her apologising immediately.

Posters on this thread, please help ask her why she feels there is gonna be something wrong within this 1month time frame that I will be gone? There is no way on this planet earth that I will leave her alone with the agile 6months old child, I cant even begin to think how restless my mind would be thinking of how hard she will be striving to create comfort, besides that its very risky. And I also need someone to be cautioning my wife while am away, for example:

1: Always remembering to belt the baby to the car seat whenever shes driving.
1: To stop bringing out her breast in public while trying to feed the baby
3: To stop wearing open dresses in public with her provocative figure.
4: To always remember to wear pant while in the house with visitors inside as well, my mother doesnt need to remind her on that, at least once she forgets am sure my mother will remind her to wear one. All these things she has been corrected on times without number, but no positive results yielded yet.

There are so many other things to be listed, the listed above are just some few, my wife is young, and this is her first child, and we have been married less than a year, she still havent had that much experience, yet she wants to be the super woman that knows it all. If I am one dummy husband, this issue would have been heard by my mum, if that happens, even someone as good hearted as her would eventually turn a bad side towards her, but am not stupid, I just have to play to the tune and make sure understanding is reached and peace reigns. I will be jumping on to the other threads later, because as I can see all that she has posted, they are not well detailed and are all inadequately posted.

Thanks!!

Mr the first touch point of respect is not overruling your wife's opinion of her own well being she is not a kid. What if you were living abroad with no relatives. She does not want your mum staying with her simply means exactly that.

So your wife is a kid that will be told when to wear pant and bra. Excuse me where and how did you pick a woman you feel you cannot leave behind for a month and needs to be watched over and told how to dress!

You feel your fears are justified right? well same way your wife feels her fears are justified. Find a middle ground and really why should your mum have heard of this? You do your wife no favors by protecting her from unnecessary criticisms from your mum that is one of your primary responsibility- to watch each others back in presence or absence.

Using your mum as a watcher is not having her back its keeping tabs on her.

Aafulenu: @mouthcuffed, are u going to be away for a month or a year?

Just on emonth.

alright

mouthcuffed:


I presume you are having issues with your own MIL if you are married, which is making your statements becloud your judgement. If you have read my post well, you'll see that I stated the core reason why I wanted my mum to come, which was for her to come and help with the baby, I stated other things alongside as additional precautions, not actually the main reason why I want her around. And please tell me if you did support a wife that has been corrected over a thousand times on things stated below and she continues to make the same mistake:

1: Always forgetting to belt the baby to her car seat whenever shes driving

2: Bringing out her breast in public places to feed her baby

3: Not wearing pant under her tight fitted cloth when visitors are around and shes got a fat bumbum?


If you would still dispute my opinion and stated facts, then you must be telling me your husband would be in support of the above stated ish if you are to commit um?

1. Will your mother be in the car with her 24/7 to correct her?

2. Will your mother correct her everytime she feeds the baby.

3. Will your mother tell her to go and wear pant almost every time?

Everything you have listed will only lead to more conflict once your mom is always correcting her it will feel like an assault on her. Is your wife educated? how old is she? You are portraying your wife like someone with little or no sense. Why don't you trust your wife? has she given you any concern to doubt her fidelity?

andromida:

1. Will your mother be in the car with her 24/7 to correct her?

2. Will your mother correct her everytime she feeds the baby.

3. Will your mother tell her to go and wear pant almost every time?

Everything you have listed will only lead to more conflict once your mom is always correcting her it will feel like an assault on her. Is your wife educated? how old is she? You are portraying your wife like someone with little or no sense. Why don't you trust your wife? has she given you any concern to doubt her fidelity?

Who are u self, cant u just free this people so they can sought ways to tackle their issue rather than situate blame on the man.
Is that how you blame your hubby when things go wrong at home?
'And that's if you have a man'

Afam4eva:

The last time i quarelled with someone was 7 years ago. Do, you know why? It's because i've always been on my own minding my business...So, it's normal if issues arise as a result of your MIL living in the same house with you and seeing you everyday. It's your ability to handle whatever issues that arise that matters the most. Don't be confrontational and in her face at all times. Try as much as possible to still mind your business to some extent and your days will be long. Let somebody shout halleluya!!!

halleluyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaa

7years after