ummm, this thread is for real business.

continue reading...

Some times men like varieties. sometime i will like to have my wife wife before she takes her bath. That village aroma of her 'thing' make me feel great and happy. Ladies of nowadays have used tetmosol soap to wash away all the 'crayfish and maggi' that are inside the 'thing' which most men like us want to enjoy mosttimes. that is not to say that i don't like my spouse appearing clean and neat all the time. we are crazy you know. we like it in a 'village' way most times,hahahahahahahah

Toks, your situation sounds complicated. It seems you have made up your mind on this but listen "there is a way that seemeth right unto man but the end is destruction". You should do things the right way. You need to take man of God to her house. You need to confront her and her family. If actually she had defiled your marriage and you are still faithful to her, the man of God with the help of the holy spirit will tell you what to do. Adultery attracts divorce. If she is guilty and God approves it, you must divorce her before remarrying otherwise you will remain unmarried. You can take back the bride price as a form of divorce. That method is scripturally. But you must make sure that you confront your in laws, confirm that she is adulterous and go with a man of God. I pray that the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will surely envelop your heart.

alutacontinua:

I'm not a bro. People should stop taking my username to automatically mean a 'bro'. For God's sake, there's a 'f' in front of the username.


Back to point, nawa for ur issue ooooo...but don't you think you're taking it too far? For God's sake, the man was hitting on her, not the other way round. A discussion could have been waaayyyy easier than allowing your anger take a hold of you. See what the anger has caused you now...Anyways, you didn't ask for an advice but I think you should sort things out. But stop using that your anger to make comments on Nairaland. I can now understand why you were really attacking bukatyne.

If i catch you eh!

Toks2008:

Thanks for this great advice.

Honestly i love her no doubt yet i can't be a push over. The only saving grace she has is because i fear GOD and abhor sin like shit hence with all these luscious billions of ladies out there, she dares not try leaving her home for even one month let alone over 4 months and still counting.

The Bible has vindicated me anyway

1 Corinthians 7:15
But if the unbelieving partner [actually] leaves, let him do so; in such [cases the remaining] brother or sister is not morally bound. But God has called us to peace.

I cant wait forever. Who knows whether she is already having her fill with someone else. As for me, i will get myself a sweet young lady. I cant wait any longer.

Hi Toks,

Don't mind alutacontiuna trying to pour sand into our love garri

You are a christian, fine. Pray to God about it. I understand that it's not easy but just pray and listen to what He's saying. Also try to see where you went wrong (If you did) because i believe that something triggered this her behaviour except you are telling me she hsa been doing all these for a long while and you just caught her.

Like I said to an earlier thread, you can't say you will get a young lucious woman because your wife left home for four months. (Some men leave for years and the women keep praying for them to come back home. Remeber that salvation is a personal thing and God will not listen that you erred because your wife left you

God be with you and restore your home.

Toks2008:

Honestly you just wrote out my mind and im tripping that this is coming from a lady..

This is the reason why i have remained so faithful for years even till now and i have no need to lie as no one will hold me to ransom.

I am also a very attractive young man and also get passes from ladies too but as i wrote, the fear of GOD in me is so so strong that even i marvel so i expect same from her.

At a point before she eventually left, she said so many funny things that i should allow her keep her friends if i really want to make her happy that she sees nothing wrong as long as she keeps her discipline.

Now she came visiting last two weeks claiming she wants to pick some stuffs cos all her stuffs are still in my house.

So i asked her if she is really interested in coming back and she said i have actually pushed her to sleeping with another man.

That nailed it and i decided i will let go of her for good though she has a way of wanting to purposely hurt me with words to make me feel bad about calling her names and hitting her on the leg which happens to be the first time in 12yrs but i have apologized for that many times.

i told her that even if she was trying to pull my legs that she has passed the boundary as such thing shouldn't be joked with.

Right now i don't know what she is really up to whether she is coming back or not, she has left all her stuffs with me, refused to initiate divorce process and is not showing any green light she wants to come back thereby making things so so difficult for me.

I wonder what came over her, she has been the sweetest and the most decent lady i have ever come across but at the moment i dont know what to think anymore and i fear i may end up committing adultery cos the passion is so so high.

Anyways im sorry loretta, im done but i will not initiate divorce. If GOD gives me another lady that will take me out of this crazy nightmare i will be so glad. Just hate the idea of wooing ladies around town.

Thanks a lot.

Sorry, but He won't and never will

Bite me!

bukatyne:

Sorry, but He won't and never will

Bite me!

Honestly i am freaking out.

Ok let me introduce another angle to the whole story.

When she was 19, she got pregnant for me and i carelessly allowed her to abort the baby with serious convincing from her older sister claiming she doesn't want her to pass through what she sis passing through cos she was also put in the family way by a man who later left her and this disturbed her education.

Though i objected but she insisted so i foolishly allowed that to happen.

I take responsibility though but believe me, ever since then she has not been able to conceive and i personally decided not to try any other lady out but to settle for IVF at worst which cost almost 800k but we decided to still linger a bit and try for a year and see.

Maybe this is also part of the reasons for her present misbehavior, i don't know.

But one fact i cant come to terms with is that if she has truly slept with someone else, it will be difficult to get her back into my life especially when-she is not even showing any form of willingness to retrace her steps.

Toks2008:


Honestly i am freaking out.

Ok let me introduce another angle to the whole story.

When she was 19, she got pregnant for me and i carelessly allowed her to abort the baby with serious convincing from her older sister claiming she doesn't want her to pass through what she sis passing through cos she was also put in the family way by a man who later left her and this disturbed her education.

Though i objected but she insisted so i foolishly allowed that to happen.

I take responsibility though but believe me, ever since then she has not been able to conceive and i personally decided not to try any other lady out but to settle for IVF at worst which cost almost 800k but we decided to still linger a bit and try for a year and see.

Maybe this is also part of the reasons for her present misbehavior, i don't know.

But one fact i cant come to terms with is that if she has truly slept with someone else, it will be difficult to get her back into my life especially when-she is not even showing any form of willingness to retrace her steps.

This is really twisted!

Are you sure she's not punishing you for that?

Pray to God for forgiveness and healing. There is nothing He cannot do

bukatyne:

This is really twisted!

Are you sure she's not punishing you for that?

Pray to God for forgiveness and healing. There is nothing He cannot do

I dont even know what to think.

Toks2008:

I dont even know what to think.

The story is one-sided. I believe your wife also has something to say to all this. So, I cannot say anything now. As bukatyne has said, try and pray and know what God wants you to do. Also know that God is not going to tell you to do anything that contradicts the bible.

alutacontinua:

The story is one-sided. I believe your wife also has something to say to all this. So, I cannot say anything now. As bukatyne has said, try and pray and know what God wants you to do. Also know that God is not going to tell you to do anything that contradicts the bible.

Believe me, her reason is because she got disconnected. saying i took her for granted and i shout at her.

She suddenly realized this after spending over 11 yrs with me.

So is that not funny? She definitely have other reasons she will not want to divulge.

You ladies will see no big deal in a man complaining of lonesomeness because his wife left for 4months and still counting.

Stayed with her sister and left all her stuffs with me.

Came back three weeks ago saying she wants to pick some stuffs and left again.when asked if she ha been with another man and if she wants to come back, she replied saying she has slept with another man and still not wanting to come back.

A lady friend told me she is only saying that to hurt me that no lady will have teh guts to tell her husband she has slept with another man just like that.

For me, i am tired of playing the waiting game. If i see a lady that catches my attention, i go for her and if she comes back then it will be too late.

No matter what is wrong with her, i cant place my fingers on it. And if she has truly slept with another man yet showing no remorse then of hat use is my waiting?

I have developed high BP because of this issue and the only way to heal it is to get a friend of teh opposite sex to wipe this nightmare away.

And please no lady should say stuffs like i still love her and dating another lady will not....

If you check the romance section, i was pushed to send a post there asking any GOD fearing lady to add my face book ID which is KADIRI OLABODE.

I hate the idea of wooing ladies around. I really need a lady friend, potential soul mate. For me, she is gone for good and even coming back holds no water.

Toks2008:

If you check the romance section, i was pushed to send a post there asking any GOD fearing lady to add my face book ID which is KADIRI OLABODE.

I hate the idea of wooing ladies around. I really need a lady friend, potential soul mate. For me, she is gone for good and even coming back holds no water.

You're looking for a lady friend to join you in this mess you're in? Why not clean it up first, formalize things and set the divorce in motion before derailing another woman's destiny with your mess? If you start dating someone else and then your wife comes back later, what's the guarantee you won't follow her? I hope you plan to tell this new lady exactly what the situation is, no lies, so she will know what she is getting into.

Toks2008:

Believe me, her reason is because she got disconnected. saying i took her for granted and i shout at her.

She suddenly realized this after spending over 11 yrs with me.

So is that not funny? She definitely have other reasons she will not want to divulge.

I see nothing funny about this. Anybody can get tired of accepting crap anytime they like whether it be after 1yr, 11yrs or 30yrs. So the fact that she accepted it for 11yrs means she should continue to accept if forever more even though she is older and wiser now and knows she has other options? Until you admit your wrong and offer to compromise you have not done all you can to keep your marriage. Your stance of "I don't need to change since I've been doing it the same way for 11yrs and when she comes back to her senses, she will come back to start tolerating it all again" is not reasonable.

Now if she has slept with someone else and you have no plans to be with her anymore, goodluck with the divorce.

ileobatojo:

You're looking for a lady friend to join you in this mess you're in? Why not clean it up first, formalize things and set the divorce in motion before derailing another woman's destiny with your mess? If you start dating someone else and then your wife comes back later, what's the guarantee you won't follow her? I hope you plan to tell this new lady exactly what the situation is, no lies, so she will know what she is getting into.





I see nothing funny about this. Anybody can get tired of accepting crap anytime they like whether it be after 1yr, 11yrs or 30yrs. So the fact that she accepted it for 11yrs means she should continue to accept if forever more even though she is older and wiser now and knows she has other options? Until you admit your wrong and offer to compromise you have not done all you can to keep your marriage. Your stance of "I don't need to change since I've been doing it the same way for 11yrs and when she comes back to her senses, she will come back to start tolerating it all again" is not reasonable.

Now if she has slept with someone else and you have no plans to be with her anymore, goodluck with the divorce.

Well written. Nevertheless i want restate emphatically that its not about me but her decision to get carried away and i keep telling her this too.

In marriage we don't do things as though we are courting so please get this straight.

I have been me since day one that i met her in 2002. We courted for 6years and that is a long time for her to decipher if she will remain with me or not. So when we give advice we should consider some facts on ground.

You can't say you are tolerating a guy for 11years, it does not make any logical sense. So whatever made her tolerate my "shouting at her or whatever it may be" for 11good years cant disappear in a month or two except ther are other factors responsible.

Even after complaining that i took her for granted,i begged her that i am willing to change but she never gave me the chance to. My mum and sister with some people begged her to reconsider but she came back telling me she would not have come back if not that she was coaxed. Anytime she has the opportunity, she reminds me that she is tired of the affair so in that case will i kill myself?

I am not dragging anyone into any mess

I can marry anyone i want right now and i stand justified before GOD almighty and in any court any day anytime because she abandoned her home without my consentt which is a good ground for me to carry on with my life.

Ladies can be crazy a times and i will not allow any lady disillusionment to stall my life.

I am about a year away from clocking 40, no child yet all because i was loyal not wanting to try any other lady so what th hell am i suppose to do?

Waste more time waiting for her? Abeg free me. She has made her decision to go and i have tried to make her realize her action but she seems to be enjoying it.

See friend, her case is clear, she is naive, Forget the age.

Maybe if she has had previous affairs and she has been disappointed like two to three times, she will see me as an angel. I just wish its not too late before she realizes this.

Toks2008:

Even after complaining that i took her for granted,i begged her that i am willing to change but she never gave me the chance to.

I just have a problem with you believing someone could not have been tolerating something for 11yrs and then eventually got the boldness to say, no more. It happens, nothing strange about it. Whatever gave her the boldness is what you are trying to concentrate on instead of the fact that she has been managing you for 11yrs. I'm not saying that you must go and reconcile, I'm just questioning the way you are looking at it. Of course, it may be that she met someone else and that opened her eyes to her options, however, until lately, she never reported any se*xual affair with anybody else and you didn't think she had one. So I still think your ego blocked you from doing all you can to win her back. You have been too dismissive of her concerns.

But if you say you made good faith efforts to change, then kudos to you. You have tried.

I think when we say "for better or worse" we should be committed to it. It takes lot of discipline and strong will to keep those vows. Tell your spouse what you love n want.if he/her really loves u,they would do.[color=#770077][/color]

Adanyebe: HOW DOES THIS AFFECT MY DAILY JOB

If your job isso important, stay at it then! Stop showing how stu-pid you are every now and then!

Toks2008:

Believe me, her reason is because she got disconnected. saying i took her for granted and i shout at her.

She suddenly realized this after spending over 11 yrs with me.

So is that not funny? She definitely have other reasons she will not want to divulge.

You ladies will see no big deal in a man complaining of lonesomeness because his wife left for 4months and still counting.

Stayed with her sister and left all her stuffs with me.

Came back three weeks ago saying she wants to pick some stuffs and left again.when asked if she ha been with another man and if she wants to come back, she replied saying she has slept with another man and still not wanting to come back.

A lady friend told me she is only saying that to hurt me that no lady will have teh guts to tell her husband she has slept with another man just like that.

For me, i am tired of playing the waiting game. If i see a lady that catches my attention, i go for her and if she comes back then it will be too late.

No matter what is wrong with her, i cant place my fingers on it. And if she has truly slept with another man yet showing no remorse then of hat use is my waiting?

I have developed high BP because of this issue and the only way to heal it is to get a friend of teh opposite sex to wipe this nightmare away.

And please no lady should say stuffs like i still love her and dating another lady will not....

If you check the romance section, i was pushed to send a post there asking any GOD fearing lady to add my face book ID which is KADIRI OLABODE.

I hate the idea of wooing ladies around. I really need a lady friend, potential soul mate. For me, she is gone for good and even coming back holds no water.

- toks you are not serious. Let me tell you the biblical truth, no lady with a fear of God would want to date you because they know the repercussions. They worship God in truth and in spirit. It is only an ordinary christian lady that would accept you. Since your wife left, have you gone to see her? How many times have you visited your in laws inorder to sort things out? You are the man in the marriage. Why sitting down in your house waiting for your wife to come and beg you? She erred but you couldn't control your anger. She ran away due to the extreme you went in trying to resolve the issue. You need to correct your mistake. Quit being proud and seek help from God. Like i told you "there is a way that seemeth right unto man and the end is destruction". You may think that you have a right stand with God until you remarry, that is when you will remember this time. Nemesis, regrets might come in. Remember that you will need somethings to succed in the next marriage (children, peace, understanding, faithfulness from your next woman etc). How sure are you that you will get these things? Your next woman might be an excellent cheat. Someone who never gets caught yet you will think that she is better than the first. You must not live on assumtions as regards to your wife's infidelity. Your wife may have said that out of anger. You must get clear evidence that she did it before your next step otherwise you will have yourself to blame. The choice you make today will determine whether you will reap blessings or curses in the future. Thank God for the gift of free will. The ball is in your court. You are WHOLELY responsible for the choice you make today.

tbaba1234: All of the above requires discipline and will not put you in a compromising position to begin .

thats true, discipline is the key word. Dis OBJ not sleep with his son's wife. So let 4get father, mother, sister and broda reporting issue. Believe in God to direct you on what to do per time.

Toks2008:


For me, i am tired of playing the waiting game. If i see a lady that catches my attention, i go for her and if she comes back then it will be too late.

Your happiness and good health is important. If she no wan come bk to u then go look for another woman. Me no dey believe all these talks abt divorce na bad thing for Christianity, my happiness dey above everything else. So young man if she dey her sister house dey enjoy hersel u cm dey ur house dey cry, u b ... Make I no talk am sha.

Princess zoe: - toks you are not serious. Let me tell you the biblical truth, no lady with a fear of God would want to date you because they know the repercussions. They worship God in truth and in spirit. It is only an ordinary christian lady that would accept you. Since your wife left, have you gone to see her? How many times have you visited your in laws inorder to sort things out? You are the man in the marriage. Why sitting down in your house waiting for your wife to come and beg you? She erred but you couldn't control your anger. She ran away due to the extreme you went in trying to resolve the issue. You need to correct your mistake. Quit being proud and seek help from God. Like i told you "there is a way that seemeth right unto man and the end is destruction". You may think that you have a right stand with God until you remarry, that is when you will remember this time. Nemesis, regrets might come in. Remember that you will need some things to succeed in the next marriage (children, peace, understanding, faithfulness from your next woman etc). How sure are you that you will get these things? Your next woman might be an excellent cheat. Someone who never gets caught yet you will think that she is better than the first. You must not live on assumptions as regards to your wife's infidelity. Your wife may have said that out of anger. You must get clear evidence that she did it before your next step otherwise you will have yourself to blame. The choice you make today will determine whether you will reap blessings or curses in the future. Thank God for the gift of free will. The ball is in your court. You are WHOLLY responsible for the choice you make today.

@Toks, seriously this lady has said it all.
You claim you're a christian,what steps have you taken to avert this divorce?You are the man of the house,you should take charge(not by being bossy)..
Obviously you and your wife are too egotistical but where has that led you ?Sometimes we say "sorry" not because we erred but for peace sake.
If your mind has been made up about the divorce, get her consent.Complete all proceedings before getting involved with another lady.

Tinkybabe:

@Toks, seriously this lady has said it all.
You claim you're a christian,what steps have you taken to avert this divorce?You are the man of the house,you should take charge(not by being bossy)..
Obviously you are your wife are too egotistical but where has that led you ?Sometimes we say "sorry" not because we erred but for peace sake.
If your mind has been made up about the divorce, get her consent.Complete all proceedings before getting involved with another lady.

Madam, your name just appear for thread wey I dey follow.. Long time... How far our riddles thread?

I had totally forgotten about it.

Muskeeto!longtime..I decided to take a cue from everyone else..apparently they've all moved on so I did likewise
OK..I better stop derailing..

dayokanu: LOl at those who think relationship and infidelity has a formular

don't mind the goats.....
isn't that why they fail at it? when would people realise each case is different and there's no one size fits all when it comes to human relationships?

lorretta u: good advice for the females.now what's your advice for the males?

just one: Husbands LOVE your wifys.........

lorretta u: you guyz need to go see a therapist.though I admit your wife was wrong in discussing intimate issue with a man that isn't her husband.you need a class in anger management.she need s a class in self carriage and comportment.but I can't say I know better,y'all older than I am and more experienced,this is just what I think

a class for everything huh?

and how are we so sure those claiming to be masters on r/s matters have it smooth int their homes?

these things never helps. more like arranging town hall meetings btw husby and wify. never works. the last place to wash your linen is in the public

the only help they should seek is that of the originator of marriage: God. a simple bending of the kneels to whisper in his ears.

mondi_cheeks: not forgetting that it shoud be a 2 way thing. Most men become less sponatenous. Eats and drinks a lot, gets a big belly

the drinking of a man didnt start few days into marriage.

it started right from when he could afford to spare a tot. you met him that way( his P belly et al) and didnt complain, when ahead and married him..... you expect a miracle now?


the sex becomes less exciting, doesn't shave his manly parts but still expects to be given the best oral sexx...seriously who wants to end up removing someone's pubic hair from their mouth after sexx? When u stop treating her like a queen trust me u won't be getting any royal treatment either. The gym is not only for women, keeping that huge beer belly and the hideous beard...makes a men just as less appealing. Keep looking like an old hag,and trust me young male adults nowadays are just as loose they are ready to have a sexual relationship with an older woman so they can be able to maintain their younger gfs[/quote]

tpia@:


seriously, if i were a man, i'd find statements like these so offensive?

maybe i dont get such things because i'm weird sha.

Men weren't created to cheat. Man is polygamous in nature until Jesus came with his meddling nose (LOL) and changed everything.

"until Jesus came with his meddling nose"? Hmmm becareful not to blaspheme o.

Nice thread

Marriage is about 4 things

http://www.lifestyle.aabnigeria.com/ls/love-life/marriage-is-about-4-things

rubi: Nice thread

crzly?

dah all you got to say?