Here is to you Bless, you liked kissing a lot. You even had your first kiss with Natalie, that cute Zimbabwean girl kids

Blue was your favourite color and you adored red though Mommy and Daddy didn't fancy it.

Blessing

I don't know whether I should celebrate your birthday or not. But I wrote this to honor your memory because that's all that is left with me. I wanted to go to Pretoria, because there I feel more close to you, but Mommy is sick my angel, she can't even go to church.

You know mommy would have been with you, if we were to switch places, she would have laid down her life for you but God chose only you among others. Well maybe you had fulfilled the puporse He brought you here for in the first place. Remember that letter mommy wrote to you before you were born? The letter that in it she promised to be there for you and asked God to make sure that one day she will see you off to school? Mommy didn't ask much from God right? So you came and lived for the time mommy had asked for.

I remember the day you were born; it still feels like yesterday. Mommy and aunty Tebello were preparing to go to town and do some shopping for you, she knew that the ultrasound scan showed that you would be born around the 26th and 28th of June so she still had time to do things. But God's timing is sacred, unknown to men because his thoughts are not like ours. It was a beautiful sunny morning, everyone up and about with their business. Mommy was taking a bath when she couldn't see her hands! At first they laughed at her when she called aunty Liteboho, telling her she couldn't see. Then she cried, that was when they realized mommy was blind.

They took mommy to bed and few minutes later mommy had passed out. I remember vividly how I was taken to hospital and was led to surgery, how the Doctor injected me with two needles on my lower back. I woke up two hours later in pain, then I was told I have you. The nurse asked me if you were a boy or a girl and I told her that you were a boy named Blessing. The first time I held you in my arms your eyes were still closed and I opened them to look at you. You looked like aunty Liteboho, even your small nose looked just like hers. The cutest little thing I had ever seen, your pointy nose and pink lips.

Then you grew up like a nourished flower, we went to daddy's place and they were so in love with you that granny told all her friends that you were around. You were her pride and joy. You were naughty and played with the remote and knew how to change channels at six months. Your first Christmas wasn't the best because daddy's father had just passed on the previous day; right in front of our eyes. Remember how granny was? Impossible! Granny doesn't talk about her problems like Mommy, they bottle them inside so that they may look strong but Mommy has decided to seek professional help, she has been seeing a Psychologist. Mommy had to leave you behind because grandma Ntswaki didn't like mommy. They wanted you because you were theirs and mommy was not. Life was unbearable for mommy, she had to look for a job but none hired her.

Mommy came to visit you again before Easter and you were already on baby walker, pulling and tearing anything in your way, mommy thought you were lazy because you were 10 months and still couldn't crawl. Then mommy had to go back home again, trying everything to raise money for your first birthday but by the end of May she still had less than R50. Then on the first of June mommy packed her bags and took a taxi to the boarder. Mommy knew that God would make a way for her to reach you, and God was indeed faithful, mommy got in the last taxi to Pretoria for free. I sat next to you on the 2nd of June waiting patiently for you to open your eyes. When you did you couldn't remember me, but I took you in my arms still and cried. You looked so grown up and cute. You had you would rather choose grandma instead of mommy. And grandma Mamsie teased Mommy about it, but Mommy was strong. She knew you would remember her and you did remember me in few days. Boy! You were crawling! I was so happy. Grandma kept your birthday party to herself, it was a surprise. Daddy skipped your first birthday because he was with his new girlfriend. They had to be somewhere, see my angel that girl is one of the reason mommy and daddy would never be together. He was so in love that I had to endure their cuddling in front of me, and you know what pissed me off? Your grandma never liked me but she liked that girl and to this day she would choose her not mommy.

Your birthday party was a success and you took your first step alone that day, mommy was so proud of you nana. Even though Daddy wasn't there, the warmth of his family made mommy strong.

For the rest of that year mommy and daddy fought a lot, Daddy would lie to mommy and say he wanted her back, mommy would forgive him but baby it didn't work because mommy didn't love daddy no more. Mommy tolerated Daddy because of you my love. Mommy didn't spent the second Christmas with you because she had to work outside the country. Mommy was so happy when your Grandma allowed you to come live with her in Lesotho....Dear I was the happiest mother in the world. Then the fun began when we were school hunting, that board that captured mommy's interest. Mommy smile everyday when she pass by because its full of the memories we made. Your first day to school in that Uniform that aunty Liteboho said you looked like baas...the afrikaanese farm owner. Hahaha...Mommy still has your uniform, she doesn't want to give it away, she will keep it till she comes and join you someday when the Lord says its time. Remember the battle for your bathing towel in the tub? When you wanted to bath yourself? Copying every move Mommy made? How you cried the first day Mommy left you behind at school? Mommy had to hire a driver to pick you up and drop you in the afternoon? Still remember your best friend Tshepo? The one you liked so much and would accidentally call him during the weekends? And aunty Liteboho would laugh at you? And you enjoyed building blocks at 18 months? I remember how your cousin Mankies would be jealous and tear your blocks down and you would give him your bicycle to play with so that you would built your blocks in peace. Then those adverts you liked; the Dettol soap one, the herbex one and the Shoprite Yousave one. You knew them by heart...

Our excitement was short lived because aunty Mmaluka and uncle Peter didn't want you at home, saying that your daddy's family didn't pay the damages so they didn't want a bastard child here at home. Grandma Flo didn't have a problem with you staying here but I feared for your life my dear, I had weird feelings that aunty Mmaluka might come during the day when mommy was at school and poison your food. The woman made our lives a living hell. So mommy called your favorite grandma; daddy's mom. She said Mommy can bring you back so that she can study in peace, during my stay Bless, I enjoyed every single day we spend. I still play Kuchi-Kuchi (oh baby) by Jodie when I think of you. We used to play with your dog Molly, watch Big brother together. I remember how you used to dance to the tune when I play Ara by Brymo. The hide and seek in the cupboard Then you would sell yourself out by singing the voicenotes we made? Your voice ever so sweet? aunty Mpho said your voice was angelic. I have collected your video's your photos and voicenotes and put them away in your memory box where I put all your things.

Remember when you turned two? Mommy was sick and showed a video from Lesotho of Grandma Flo, aunty Mpho, aunty Liteboho and cousin Luke singing you a happy birthday song? How you pointed them out to Grandma Ntswaki? Every little thing we did together is a big deal to mommy. That day Mommy left you behind, she felt like she had left something back in Pretoria. It was you, since then you refused to talk to Mommy on the Phone. Late July Mommy had weird dreams, she would dream about you dead and pray asking God not to take you, because she isn't strong enough to lose you. But few days Mommy's predictions were true, you passed on. Mommy cried when she was showed the picture that was taken at the scene, you looked shocked, eyes wide open and blood seeping from your nose, your ears and mouth. Mommy felt sorry for you, she wished she was there so that she took that pain for you. Its okay that you died that day, because if you lived, you would have never be normal my angel, God knew that Mommy would bear your death and couldn't let you live brain dead, it would have been too much for her. The day we brought you to Pretoria from the Joburg forensic department, Mommy passed out, she couldn't bear looking at you wrapped in the refuse bag like you were gabagge. Oh my angel...it was horrible.

The day we said our last goodbyes to you, the whiteness of your small coffin as bright as an angels glow. You were so peaceful, but your head my angel. It was bigger than the head we knew, your pink lips had turned yellow and chapped. Mommy caressed and kissed you still, because to her you were still Blessing, the one she gave birth to. Aunty Liteboho cried so much Mommy felt her pain, you guys were inseparable and lookalikes.

Daddy cried too that day, he told you he loves you and he visits your grave regularly. I was there too in February, I couldn't talk to you, but I just sat on your grave and talked to my father; He knows all my needs.

Blessing my life hasn't been the same without you, I can't sleep because of you. I know that I have to let go, I am slowly doing that but letting go doesn't mean I will forget about you. We are expecting a little one this month or next month, she or he will be named Lehlohonolo. Mommy has kept your blue gown for the little one and that blue shirt you liked. we divided you checked Nike shoes with daddy, I took the left one and he took the right one.

Mommy has met someone special, maybe on your fourth birthday next year, mommy will explain how she met that someone, he would have loved to meet you. But we all shall meet one day, aunty Mpho, aunty Puleng, aunty Liteboho and grandma Flo all went to church and said they will put you in their prayers. Daddy called this morning, he said he just wanted to tell me, I gave him a gift he will never forget and told Mommy to be strong.

I have to stop here for now my angel, I know that your happy where you are.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww............may God grant you the grace to bear this.
Take heart, sweetie...it is well!
That is so touching, a mother's love for her child, nothing can be compared to it! Stay strong.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't have kids yet, but I see the pain when my patients lose theirs .

May Almighty God wipe away your tears.

God bless you woman is all I can say/type/think off and weep

alutacontinua: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww............may God grant you the grace to bear this.
Take heart, sweetie...it is well!
That is so touching, a mother's love for her child, nothing can be compared to it! Stay strong.

thank you dear, just didn't know how to do it. *hugs*

Beloved1993: I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't have kids yet, but I see the pain when my patients lose theirs .

May Almighty God wipe away your tears.

thanks, I have been asking myself how you guys cope.

taryour: God bless you woman is all I can say/type/think off and weep

it is well.

@op,be comforted with the comfort of the Holy Spirit. And to the rest of us,may we never bury our children.Amen.

chioma134: @op,be comforted with the comfort of the Holy Spirit. And to the rest of us,may we never bury our children.Amen.

Amen and Amen to that.

I didn't know when the tears started flowing..If I feel this way from just reading this tribute,I cannot imagine how it was and has been for you.
Accept my sympathy
And congrats on your new found love..Though baby B can never be replaced, I pray the coming one gives you more joy than the sorrow you felt over your loss.
Stay strong sis.I wish you the best in everything

Hbg you couldnt have done better your love for your little boy is immesurable dont worry your angel is playing with pretty butterflies in heaven and smiling that you have moved on,imagine him in heaven gal btw is today his birthday or deathday?takeheart sweery

Mommy b, may holy spirit d comforter, comfort u...i pray d good God will put a smile to your face very soon. . .GOD knws best! Stay strong sister

HBG, awwwwww. This brought tears to my eyes. God knows best. Keep holding on. You'll be fine sweetie. You shall not lose another.

It is well Ma. I pray that God Almighty will keep subsequent ones alive. Remember His promise in Nahum 1:9, affliction will not arise the second time.

The boy is cute! May God give you the fortitude to bear! He's enjoying in Heaven.

so touching. How do you breathe after going through that? I can't possibly imagine. The Lord will continue to be ur strength. Such a little cutie

Wow.. I am touched
May you continually be comforted for this loss amin

Aside this is one of the reason why I will continually abhor men who don't manu up and lead to the proliferation of single motherhood as it not the way it's supposed to be

It really pains me

please dont make me cry ;( your piece is soo touching and shes such a cute little girl but God knows better.it is well hun *hugs*

You're such a strong lady HBG. God that wiped your tears will continue to give you every reason to smile, rejoice and celebrate. You will have children and grandchidren that will stay with you till the end. You're blessed.

His wonderful memories will be with you forever. He is resting in the wonderful arms of The Lord.
You shall not experience such loss again Amen. Stay blessed x

thank you so much guys, lol its funny to say this but nl folks have been great, your support to someone you have never met bring forth tears to my eyes.

@ Mysticgal today is his birthday and Kulyie he was a boy

sorry I couldn't help †he tears, thank God for giving you the grace and fortitude to bear this great lost, you will never lose another child, you will enjoy motherhood till old age, amen.

I know he's alive in ur heart. Make sure u let his lil sis know all about d big brother she never got to meet. He lives on through your fun memories of him

It is well op. Too many happenings we can question God about. I pray the Lord comfort you and give you double.
Take solace in God sis! He alone is our help in times of need

This is so sad. Didn't read it properly and I'm crying. I've seen too many bad deaths in too short a time.... I'm so sorry for your loss (saying sorry has never felt this useless) . Celebrate the birthday, don't celebrate, you're right either way. May God give you enough joy to make the pain of this bearable

Wow! HBG!!

Sometimes we experience the negative side of life, but we shouldnt give up the chase for happiness.

Pls, cheer up Madam.

Soo touching!!!
I just dont know what to say/type, but i pray that you will never lose any other child again in Jesus name.
#hugs........love you, you are a real sweet mother.

The Lord will indeed give beauty for your ashes.Being a mother i could feel the emotion in your piece.Gosh i had goose bumps and tears in.my eyes(May God help me anything that has to do with children brings up such raw emotions in me)


God bless you and He will perfect that which is coming.

Wow!! U've just shown how strong u are by writing this piece!! And u doubt u'l pull thru?? Dearest,i can't say i understnd how u feel cos i don't! But i know u'r one strong lady!