I am sure we can all relate to being at the receiving end of a friend or relative telling us they are pregnant but with a strict warning of keeping the news to ourselves. Some of us have even been the ones with the pregnancy news and after telling only a handful of friends, begged for secrecy. A few years ago when I was pregnant with my first, I went for a party and joined in the photo sessions. Within hours, the photos had landed on Facebook and there was a slight tummy bulge which prompted a few “is she pregnant” questions which somehow got to my mum – all these within hours. I got a call from my mum and her instructions were very clear, take down those pictures from Facebook. What pictures –I asked? I had no idea what she was talking about as I had not realised that the photos I had taken only a few hours ago had made it to Facebook and that I had been tagged in them. After logging on and identifying the offending images, I untagged myself. I called my mum back and explained to her that the photos were not put up by me and it will be a very strange request to contact the owner and ask them to take down the pictures simply because I was visibly pregnant in them. We eventually agreed that untagging myself would suffice.

That incident and so many others got me thinking about how secretive we are about our pregnancies in Nigeria. It is always advisable to wait for the 12 weeks milestone before informing people about your pregnancy due to the high risk of miscarriage in the first trimester. However, after that milestone, our counterparts in the Western world seem to have no qualms announcing their pregnancy news to whoever cares to listen. I mean people share scan photos, announce the sex of the baby and are basically not shy to share their pregnancy news on Facebook.

What makes it so difficult for us as Nigerians to be as free with the same pregnancy news? The responses I have gotten always point to the fact that we don’t know who wishes us well. This implies to me that we are scared of what these people who don’t wish us well can do to harm our babies/end our pregnancies. For a deeply religious set of people as we have in Nigeria, surely this should be a non –issue. God (whether you are Christian or Muslim) is able to protect us at all times from wicked ones. So why then are we so scared of our invisible enemies? The gift of the fruit of the womb is a miracle itself so God who has blessed us with this miracle is able to sustain it for us irrespective of what those who don’t wish us well might be planning. I read recently on a Nigerian forum how a couple did not tell their parents they were expecting till they had the baby because they had suffered a previous miscarriage. As a parent, I know I would be utterly disappointed if my child hid such news from me. That is certainly an extreme case but there are several instances where people we thought we were close to suddenly surprised us with the birth of their little ones. If someone I consider myself close to doesn’t share their pregnancy news with me, I must admit I will assume that they think I don’t wish them well or they are simply not sure of our friendship/relationship.

I am certainly not advocating that people should shout from their rooftops and tell everyone when they are expecting a baby. But we ought to ask ourselves the rationale behind being so secretive about what should be an exciting time in our lives. What are we so scared of? How do we choose who to share our pregnancy news with? Do we feel bad keeping the news from certain people? Is it a lack of trust when we decide a certain person is not worth telling? And being on the receiving end, has it affected your relationship with someone because they kept their pregnancy news from you? Let’s hear from you.

Source: http://www.tnwmag.com/shhhhhh-i-am-pregnant/

this is afrika

afi ri ika....


if u are freestyling... do what works for you

for me... until the second semester

To each his or her own, as for me, i tell those who i consider are close to me immediately i discover im preganant, and the reason is, so that they can be praying for my "asokale ayo"(joyful delivery), and thank God so far, i never encounter any problem as regards pregnancy and delivery. Glory to God's name.

For those saying its after first trimester, thats what they want, and i respect their opinion.
May God help us all.

I don't announce my own but it always announce itself very early even without my consent.just don't like it!
The truth is we r not oyibos,since almost everybody believe in witches and wizards,they assume that their unborn baby will come to harm diabolically if they tell.
Also some pple might be jealous and all those stuff etc
But I will like it to be a thing of suprise! There is fun in dat!

@op
Very apt.
The latest is inviting people to your wedding when it's 2 weeks to the D-day.

And then expecting people to magically set aside schedules and make the wedding.

Your answer is in your post op.

We are Africans...!
Africans...! ah hoo!

Two of my cousins had children this year and no one knew they were pregnant until the children came. Very learned peeps o but you know there's a chance that if we knew,we would do everything in our powers to cause them to lose the baby or take wing in the air and make the plane of the one who went to birth hers abroad come down. We cannot be trusted. No one knows our minds.

That's the way it is. No point feeling offended about it. The most you'll get is sorry(if it comes at all).

The one wey gree tell you,congratulate am. The one wey nor gree tell you,congratulate am wey the pikin arrive.
Simple!

It's really a disadvantage to tell people early,what happens when you lose the baby in your first trimester ? How will you go around un- telling the people you told?its awkward if you ask me.

pls i nid som1 to bring a post i once read to d front page abt things intending couples shld discuss b4 getin married.

Do what u think works best for you. I don't really believe in hiding such news that was why few weeks into my first pregnancy, I told many people. Even though I live far away from my families and inlaws, I called and informed them. On d verge of going into 2nd trimester, I lost the pregnancy. I had to start telling everyone I had shared d news with abt d sad occurrence. Second pregnancy, I didn't disclose it until about 5 or 6mths except for those very very close to me. But I made sure I didn't keep anyone in d dark before delivery. A coincidence one may say sha, God knows.

Everyone to their own. During mine, only both immediate families were aware and I stayed away from photos although even at 8 months u would hardly know I was preggy. Others got to know wen they received a call or text that we have addition in the family. I also stayed away going to public place until after baptism and dedication of my son.

My first pregnancy, initially people were saying i should not tell people. I had started lying and thought how ridiculous i was sounding cos in 9 months, people will see its a lie. So i told people even strangers. People will even cover my mouth but i was excited. My first couple of months was in the UK and they loved asking about EDD which was my pleasure.

When i had my baby by CS and more than a month early, people were saying it was my enemies that i should not have told people. I kept updating my status on my BB till i went into the labour room. It was an experience i wanted to share with the world.

Will i do the same again? I will and i did. I don't hide such things. I had (emphasis on had) a friend who kept dribbling on such info till she put to bed. She then called me so that i will start rushing down to the hospital to see her? Mtchheww. Life is too sweet to waste time on negative people.

I would share the news with all the world after the first trimester. I imagine creative ways to tell my in laws ...like sending a stuffed toy with a recording of the baby's heartbeat (there is a boutique that does that and it's soo cute), a framed picture of the 3D ultrasound, or any other cute thing I find on Pinterest. I'm not from "Afi-ri-ca" as someone put it and therefore don't hold with all the superstition. But my husband will say that we Oyibo talk to much, "it's not all that you see you should say" (in his Yoruba accent).
But my in laws were fairly secretive. We didn't know about one cousin giving birth till it was done. And another in law was alway evasive when I asked about the sex (just so I could start shopping and sending stuff over). To each his own but it was strange for me, but I learned to respect their privacy.

SewaG.R.I.T.S:
I would share the news with all the world after the first trimester. I imagine creative ways to tell my in laws ...like sending a stuffed toy with a recording of the baby's heartbeat (there is a boutique that does that and it's soo cute), a framed picture of the 3D ultrasound, or any other cute thing I find on Pinterest. I'm not from "Afi-ri-ca" as someone put it and therefore don't hold with all the superstition. But my husband will say that we Oyibo talk to much, "it's not all that you see you should say" (in his Yoruba accent).
But my in laws were fairly secretive. W
e didn't know about one cousin giving birth till it was done. And another in law was alway evasive when I asked about the sex (just so I could start shopping and sending stuff over). To each his own but it was strange for me, but I learned to respect their privacy.

Lol@ the oyibo talk too much.I remember how the random lady standing next to you at the till who you just made eye contact with will start quizzing about the history of your pregnancy.
E remain for them to ask style the baby was concieved in
Its was quite refreshing for me sha because right from time (like my father) I never got why we were overly secretive about everything.Dont tell anyone you are travelling, dont tell people your score in jamb, dont eat the food your neighbour brought at christmas and sallah, dont tell people you are pregnant till you give birth .

I told ALL the people that mattered after the first 12 weeks and that included my dearest friends and my inlaws too.If you did not know that I was pregnant its possible that we rarely talked in 9 months anyway so biggie.I was a lil secretive with my 2nd cos I was a lil embarassed
I had been running my mouth that my daughter must be at least 3 and a half before another baby (see why am not a fan of the pill ).I almost faced a discplinary at work cos I just got back from mat leave 10 months earlier.My husband was like this is getting ridiculous just tell your manager before they think you are skiving with this your shocking level of sickness absence.Apart from that I also told all those dearest to me, thank God I did sef cos I needed all the help I could get as I was sooo ill.

Nice story..

Sure you are proud of that baby girl now

damiso:

Lol@ the oyibo talk too much.I remember how the random lady standing next to you at the till who you just made eye contact with will start quizzing about the history of your pregnancy.
E remain for them to ask style the baby was concieved in
Its was quite refreshing for me sha because right from time (like my father) I never got why we were overly secretive about everything.Dont tell anyone you are travelling, dont tell people your score in jamb, dont eat the food your neighbour brought at christmas and sallah, dont tell people you are pregnant till you give birth .

I told ALL the people that mattered after the first 12 weeks and that included my dearest friends and my inlaws too.If you did not know that I was pregnant its possible that we rarely talked in 9 months anyway so biggie.I was a lil secretive with my 2nd cos I was a lil embarassed
I had been running my mouth that my daughter must be at least 3 and a half before another baby (see why am not a fan of the pill ).I almost faced a discplinary at work cos I just got back from mat leave 10 months earlier.My husband was like this is getting ridiculous just tell your manager before they think you are skiving with this your shocking level of sickness absence.Apart from that I also told all those dearest to me, thank God I did sef cos I needed all the help I could get as I was sooo ill.

Thanks for all your contributions.
@slimyem - I was advocating telling after 12 weeks, a lot of Nigerian women won't even tell you till the baby arrives.
@SewaG.R.I.T.S, lol @ oyibo can talk too much.
I remember when I had my first, my husband was adamant that we did not tell people the sex of the baby. But my colleagues were always so probing and I did not know when I told them what we were having. On my last day at work for maternity leave, they gave me "boy gifts" etc. Alacobas! I hid the gifts o till the baby came. I visited the US while pregnant and i was shocked at how forward they were. I had a few people slow down their cars to say hello and mention something about the baby. At the malls, people would walk up to me and say congrats, do you know what you are having, how far along are you? It was a bit much especially for a Nigerian girl who had been warned not to reveal too much to other people. LOL.

The only thing you will find that Oyibo won't ask is whether you are pregnant...see trouble if you ask a woman if she is pregnant and she is not! There is a woman at my church who is five months along...so she is showing and I suspected she was pregnant but i wouldnt say anything until i got confirmation from someone. But once it is confirmed we'll ask a lot because its considered an exciting time for all to celebrate with the mom...and most mom to be's over here want to talk...they would feel neglected and it would be considered uncaringif you didn't. Now women who have a history of miscarrying might wait longer...sometimes into the 5th or 6th month (really until they can't hide it anymore).
As for anyone wanting to do harm to us or the baby...we don't really think about that. Why waste brain power worrying about them?! Greater is He that is in me...

..

Personally I do not believe anyone can negatively influence my life surrounded by so much love & protection from ABOVE.

However a seed needs to be buried away in the soil from prying eyes and the scorching sun (least it burns it) and flowing water (least it washes it away) (Yet sun and water are good for its growth) until it is ready to sprout this is same with a child,who has been buried in its mum"s womb for a reason.

There is power in silence ! lots of power I remind myself everyday.

The beauty about pregnancy is that it does not hide.

It will always announce itself to the world.

So, there is no need to broadcast your pregnancy to anyone.

When they see that you are visibly pregnant, they can reach the conclusion themselves.

There are so many challenges to the pregnant woman in Nigeria.

So, there is no need to add the fury of a jealous relative or neighbor to them.

Women can learn from Mrs Nma's experience during her first pregnancy.

You can check it out in the post below.

Pregnancy Without Tears: Is It Possible To Give Birth Without Pain? TRUE STORY
https://www.nairaland.com/7697053/pregnancy-without-tears-it-possible