Hello,
Kindly counsel.
It such a tough one for me right now, I dated my wife for 5 years before we got married, throughout the period of dating it was so cool although we had our share of challenges but we knew each other pretty well to want to live together forever. In the course of our dating my wife got a good job with a very good pay in Abuja while I remained in Laos, nevertheless hardly do we spend a weekend apart from each other, before we got married, we discussed the issue of distance and she made it known that getting a transfer to Lagos is no biggie in her coy as long as she has all necessary documents to support her claim.
Hardly had we been married for a month when serious arguments started springing up, so many a time we would argue and drag issue until we both resolve it, a couple of times we degenerate into names calling, but we always settle and apologise to each other, we adopted to pray together every morning and we move on fine.
Sometimes in our 4th month my wife call rate started reducing, she no longer sms nor call me regularly like we used to, initially I thought it was her job so I took it upon myself to act in both capacity by increasing my communication, after observing this act for a week, I called her attention to this issue and she said she never noticed but she will change.
It went on for another 1 week and the distance started becoming obvious and this made me miss her so so much, I went down to meet her in Abuja and we both went out on dinner where I explained what my emotions was turning into and all, she apologised and promised to consciously check that part of our life, later that evening I observed she was rather silent and unwilling to chat, I called her again before we slept but she cited tiredness as the reason. I went back to Lagos refreshed and hoping to start a new affair with my wife, I called her around 9pm the following day I arrived in Lagos and I observed she was driving but I said nothing, the day after I called her same time and same observation, I was becoming worried, so on Wednesday of that week I called her a lil min s past 7pm and asked her where she was, the response was that why are you making my life difficult by tracking me, do you want activity report on my daily movement. I got angry and I made her understand it is my duty / right to have a full knowledge of her movement / activity vice versa, she apologised the morning after and we moved on.
She was schedule to come to Lagos on that Friday but i had an uneasy feeling so I took 2 days off from work. Packed a couple of things and left for Abuja to see her, on getting to the Airport I called her to inform her am around if she could come pick me but she was not picking her calls, so I took a cab to her place, I was surprised when I saw her car outside her house cause I expected her to be at work, since I got a key to her apartment I opened the gate but the door to the sitting room was a lil opened, I stepped in and saw my wife lying on the couch with her head on another guy’s lap.
She stood up immediately she saw me and was disoriented as I was, I stood for a couple of minutes and left back, she ran after me saying all sorts but  just was not assimilating anything I begged her to leave me as my eye were blood shot, I came back to Lagos, packed my stuffs and took a trip to Ghana, I spent the weekend in Accra, came back to Lagos requested for 2 weeks leave and took off to an unknown hotel, my phones are switched off and no one knows my whereabout but I feel so betrayed. Kindly counsel

This story is so pathetic and I will think of what to say but not now. Tears are already in my eyes.

I need time to really think about this one.
Will be back

my dear poster.4rm d story, it means she never was in love w u.

and any patrner who cheats on d other like dis does not worth crying for.

when u r back 4rm d heart break,call of d marriage cos if u take her back,hw r u sure worse wont happen,maybe carrying anoda guys baby.

so life goes on,try loving again and also prevent long distance r/ship.look around lagos there r so many decent ones around.

pray too cos God is d one that comforts d broken hearted.

wow!

Dis is a serious one. I really don't know ur position on divorce but let me chip in my 2 cent worth.

It's a gud thing u've taken sometime off. I think u should go back home b4 ur resumptn so dat u hav enuf tym to settle things to avoid distractions at work. I will say ur action should partly depend on ur wife's action. By now, I expect ur wife should be in Lagos now waiting 4 u if she truly loves u.

If u still love and can still live with her despite what she did, then forgive her if she is trully repentant and ask her to quit her job and move to lagos. I partly blame u for allowing her to talk u into allowing such a dist at an early stage of u marriage. Those living together have problems not to talk of a dist thing.

Give her a second chance with stern warning. Depending on her approach and d kinda family u have, u can involve some family members and u may not.

Take heart.

Wow, its a tough onw, im sorry abt the situation, 

The way im seeing it is as follows:

It seems you guys always had your ups and downs as all couples have and have always been able to resolve it quickly and amicably, however, the Genesis of your predicament I will personally say arose from the DISTANCE!
As a Newly wedded couple, you guys should have had as much time together as  you possibly could, its the 'honeymoon period' one of the best and memorable period at the beginning of your marriage before reality of the long haul kicks in, 

However, because your wife was in abuja and you in lagos, you guys completely missed that, nevermind you guys were calling each other everyday etc,  Its NOT the SAME as being in contact physically, seeing each other face to face everyday,

This is where cracks WILL have formed.
Im not defending your wife, but you as the husband should have INSISTED a solution to you guys distance from day1, i cant stress how important that is,  She must have felt lonely, agitated, frustrated and im sure the same goes for you too,
All these factors would put unnecessary strain on the relationship,

Its good you have gone to clear your head and cool off a bit but you still have to go back and resolve this,
I advise you go and talk with your wife, if possible go with a family member or someone you can trust as a mediator (an elder possibly ),

Find out why she did what she did,  What she wants and you must state what you want and how you feel and what can be done to try and get over this betrayal, 

This can either make you guys stronger or break you guys,  It is a Test of whether you guys truly love each other to want to give this your marriage everything possible to make it work,
Above all put God first in this, It will bring you guys together
Please take heart,   

This is a hard nut to crack. Its better imagined than experienced. I put myself in his shoes and wonder what I would do. Its not unlikely the marriage will end. I can't see myself loving my wife again. Its a difficult situation for any man. For me, I will end it. There is enough ground for that.

Gadols:

This is a hard nut to crack. Its better imagined than experienced. I put myself in his shoes and wonder what I would do. Its not unlikely the marriage will end. I can't see myself loving my wife again. Its a difficult situation for any man. For me, I will end it. There is enough ground for that.

Enough ground even though they were both at fault?
Thats too hasty in my opinion, Yes, its a difficult situation but thats why they are married,
You will hit obstacles whether big or small but it will come down to how you deal with it.

wrong woman!. .women r chameleons. .A virtuous woman will not bleep-up.

Where is carolence and Big_Man.

My Opinion.
The marriage is all over before it started. if the above story is true, Man, it is hard but you have to move onnnn. 5 years of relationship, marriage and all investment is gone. Alllllllll gone man. it is painful but that is the reality. The trust can never come back no matter what. Count your loss, thank God you are alive, Bounce back and better but please do not go for distance relationship again. Once beaten twicw shy.

@Lady Dee,
let us call a spade a spade, Its all the woman's fault. She promised to get a transfer to lagos , now she is relaxing on another man's lap after becoming MRS.

@Poster,
You have to check yourself and ask Can you live with it even if she promised to change (she will not change sha)
Be ready to withsatnd pressure when you are back to your base. She is going to beg and use all means to tell you its the devil, she is going to use people to beg and beg and beg

I don't really know what is going on in our society again, that is how one women replaced his husband picture with that of a boyfriend the other time. In no time, the ladies will be blaming they guys that they don't want to marry them

leadteam:

Where is carolence and Big_Man.

My Opinion.
The marriage is all over before it started. if the above story is true, Man, it is hard but you have to move onnnn. 5 years of relationship, marriage and all investment is gone. Alllllllll gone man. it is painful but that is the reality. The trust can never come back no matter what. Count your loss, thank God you are alive, Bounce back and better but please do not go for distance relationship again. Once beaten twicw shy.

@Lady Dee,
let us call a spade a spade, Its all the woman's fault. She promised to get a transfer to lagos , now she is relaxing on another man's lap after becoming MRS.

@Poster,
You have to check yourself and ask Can you live with it even if she promised to change (she will not change sha)
Be ready to withsatnd pressure when you are back to your base. She is going to beg and use all means to tell you its the devil, she is going to use people to beg and beg and beg

I don't really know what is going on in our society again, that is how one women replaced his husband picture with that of a boyfriend the other time. In no time, the ladies will be blaming they guys that they don't want to marry them

How exactly?
The guy should have put his foot down and made sure she moved to lagos, !!
Instead i dont even know what exactly they were doing that it got to this stage!
Abeg, siddown first cool down jare

Men can be just as bad if not worst at times, there own excuses are too long to list when their caught red handed, trousers around the ankles!!

When its vice versa im sure your answer would have been different!! mcheeew!

Yes,alas i can see all the women folk sticking up for one of their own.'it's all your fault,you shldn't hav created that much distance between you early on' bla,bla,bla.Utter crap if you ask me.
Poster if you choose to forgive,it's all good but be warned, a leopard never changes its spots.A word is enough for the wise.

Its not easy at all. . . This is a difficult sitatuation. If a man cheats its easier but a woman cheats? Hmmm. . . That's a biggie. . . Just go back in time and sort things out but if u can't be with her leave her but if u think u can live then sort things out. . . The two choices u have are not easy. . . Forgive, forget and stay wit her OR forgive, remember and ditch her. . . The choice is Urs. . .

@poster
there are important issues to consider in that sad story:
FIRST is that as soon as they saw that long distance was causing problems in their relationship then one of them should have gave up their jobs to find work in the same city as their spouse OR fix this LDR problem before getting married. in this instance they are BOTH to be blamed.

SECOND the fact that this newly wife couldnt control her cootie cat who was on fire and, even though they met every weekend, she still found time to get some lover on the side (AFTER JUST 4 MONTHS OF MARRIAGE) shows us the type of weak/untrustworthy woman she is.

by her skankish actions we can clearly understand that this is the kind of woman that men have to keep on a tight leash because if wifey gets enough space to fool around, she would (as shown by her action).
what kind of relationship is this, where you cant even trust your wife to go away for a few months and stay faithful?

LAST BUT NOT LEAST there is NO WAY this guy should stay with this woman (unless he wants to die of stress wondering every day what his wife is doing) and the earlier he divorces her and move on with his life, the better it will be for the both of them. no children/common property involved yet so its a CLEAN CUT.

like the saying goes:"you cant turn a hoe into a housewife"

Na wa oh . . why do people get married if they know they can't stay faithful

As pathetic as the poster's story sounds, it's what we see everyday, except this time around it's the woman doing the cheating! I bet most people here wont be this appalled if it were the other way round.

Thanks so much for your counsels, I sincerely appreciate.
I switched on my phone last night and as expected chains of sms dropped in from her, less that 5 minutes into that, her call came in, before she spoke I asked her why she choose to betray us , I asked why she choose to be evil by committing such act, I told her am not interested in what transpired between her and the lover but why did she betray my trust, respect and all.
After the call, I went home to meet her because I felt I needed to hear her, she said she has no explanation for her actions that if I send her packing am justify but she regrets and she is ashamed of herself, I ask her for the period of time she has been cheating on herself but I realise probing deep into her affairs only triggers the beast in me so I stopped. I so much felt like hitting her but I controlled my nerves.
I have actually been praying for the strength to forgive her totally, I know it is hard, the thought keeps replaying, but the truth is divorce is out of my options for now. I told her to resign so that she can be with me here in Lagos, i don’t want to involve family members for now, it is either they make or mar the whole thingy and I don’t want the situation to degenerate into something more difficult to handle.
Since my trust has been brutalised, her resignation has to be done within 24 hrs, either she is paid her entitlement or not I care not, but by tonight I expect her to have quit her job, upon arrival she will be going for a pregnancy test to know ahead if there is a fruit for her adultery. If negative fine and if positive am sorry she has to abort.
It really a tough one, my home is like a grave yard, the silence, the guilt, the cold. No man wants to go through this.

switchfoot:

Thanks so much for your counsels, I sincerely appreciate.
I switched on my phone last night and as expected chains of sms dropped in from her, less that 5 minutes into that, her call came in, before she spoke I asked her why she choose to betray us , I asked why she choose to be evil by committing such act, I told her am not interested in what transpired between her and the lover but why did she betray my trust, respect and all.
After the call, I went home to meet her because I felt I needed to hear her, she said she has no explanation for her actions that if I send her packing am justify but she regrets and she is ashamed of herself, I ask her for the period of time she has been cheating on herself but I realise probing deep into her affairs only triggers the beast in me so I stopped. I so much felt like hitting her but I controlled my nerves.
I have actually been praying for the strength to forgive her totally, I know it is hard, the thought keeps replaying, but the truth is divorce is out of my options for now. I told her to resign so that she can be with me here in Lagos, i don’t want to involve family members for now, it is either they make or mar the whole thingy and I don’t want the situation to degenerate into something more difficult to handle.
Since my trust has been brutalised, her resignation has to be done within 24 hrs, either she is paid her entitlement or not I care not, but by tonight I expect her to have quit her job, upon arrival she will be going for a pregnancy test to know ahead if there is a fruit for her adultery. If negative fine and if positive am sorry she has to abort.
It really a tough one, my home is like a grave yard, the silence, the guilt, the cold. No man wants to go through this.

I know its hard, but you did the right thing, right now, she shouldnt even make mouth abt the resignation with immediate effect!!
she has messed up BIG TIME, and therefore must carry her cross, whether she gets her entitlement or not does not even consign you,
You've taken thr first step as the MAN and given instruction, things should change from here on out,

It will take time to heal and rebuild that trust, but you will surely be ok and find it in your heart to forgive,
I wish you the best!

@switchfoot
as much as i understand WHY you wanna give her a second chance, you have to switch your heart off for a minute and let your BRAIN take over.

in any relationship, you need to fix the problem before you guys can go any further, sweeping it under the rug like it never happened wont change the facts. the fact that she DOESNT KNOW why she did it means that her "hoe genes"(excuse my French) are stronger than anything. i know its hard for you to understand that but if she cannot control herself when her cootie cat 's on fire then having her in Lagos with you wont fix the problem (unless you wanna chain her to the bed post before going to work everyday).

dont you have driver, gardener or male servant in your house?! wont she have male colleague in her work? as long as she can be alone with a guy then she can cheat.
the life you are about to get into is wrong. a life where you will suspect your wife every time she is away from you, a life where you will have no peace of mind

Rather an END without horror than horror without END.

You need to understand something about how women funktion.
Women do not have an uncontrollable desire for se-. At a certain age the se- is only a part of a package, tenderness, affection, financial benefit etc-
This woman betrayed you she was unfaithfull.
Distance is no excuse for a woman to betray a man-NONE at all. Besides you were never seperated that long.
If a woman wants to betray a man, she goes out and hides. Bringing a man into the home. Boy that is a big problem a total lack of respect.
You cannot trust this woman and cannot plan with her in the future. You will have to get all your kids tested in the future to know if they were yours.
Think about this. A man dating a married woman is a man that has little control , he must have several girls on the line, which means the risk of getting you infected is very high.

I find it funny that you are taliking of a pregnancy test- I would have her tested for STD`s.
You know one of the greatest joys of being husband and wife is knwing that the se- is safe. No STD`s and no fear of unwanted pregnancies.
I am very sorry for you but put an End to the horror or keep on living in horror and don`t put an end.
Because  a woman who has past that sacred bound once and betrayed her husband, will have no inhibitions about doing it again.

mutter:

Rather an END without horror than horror without END.

You need to understand something about how women funktion.
Women do not have an uncontrollable desire for se-. At a certain age the se- is only a part of a package, tenderness, affection, financial benefit etc-
This woman betrayed you she was unfaithfull.
Distance is no excuse for a woman to betray a man-NONE at all. Besides you were never seperated that long.
If a woman wants to betray a man, she goes out and hides. Bringing a man into the home. Boy that is a big problem a total lack of disrespect.
You cannot trust this woman and cannot plan with her in the future. You will have to get all your kids tested in the future to know if they were yours.
Think about this. A man dating a married woman is a man that has little control , he must have several girls on the line, which means the risk of getting you infected is very high.

I find it funny that you are taliking of a pregnancy test- I would have her tested for STD`s.
You know one of the greatest joys of being husband and wife is knwing that the se- is safe. No STD`s and no fear of unwanted pregnancies.
I am very sorry for you but put an End to the horror or keep on living in horror and don`t put an end.
Because a woman who has past that sacred bound once and betrayed her husband, will have no inhibitions about doing it again.

The bolded is my concern, she had no reason as to why she did it which to me shows she has no respect for you, she no dey fear at all!!!!

I have way to much respect for my husband, and too much respect and dignity for myself to even think of trying what she did,
I fear what my hubby would do, to God who made me, he's never been violent, a gentle giant actually but in such cases, who knows what he could do after such a betrayal,

I dont ever advise people to separate, i advise to try and make it work but if TRUST or SAFETY is gone Permanently, im sorry i neednt say the rest,

this is so sad, but as a christian seperation is not the best my advise is dat if ur wife feel so sory for her misbehavour forgive her on one condition that she has to choose b/w her job and marriage she should resign immidialy and join you in Lagos

mutter:

Rather an END without horror than horror without END.

You need to understand something about how women funktion.
Women do not have an uncontrollable desire for se-. At a certain age the se- is only a part of a package, tenderness, affection, financial benefit etc-
This woman betrayed you she was unfaithfull.
Distance is no excuse for a woman to betray a man-NONE at all. Besides you were never seperated that long.
If a woman wants to betray a man, she goes out and hides. Bringing a man into the home. Boy that is a big problem a total lack of disrespect.
You cannot trust this woman and cannot plan with her in the future. You will have to get all your kids tested in the future to know if they were yours.
Think about this. A man dating a married woman is a man that has little control , he must have several girls on the line, which means the risk of getting you infected is very high.

I find it funny that you are taliking of a pregnancy test- I would have her tested for STD`s.
You know one of the greatest joys of being husband and wife is knwing that the se- is safe. No STD`s and no fear of unwanted pregnancies.
I am very sorry for you but put an End to the horror or keep on living in horror and don`t put an end.
Because  a woman who has past that sacred bound once and betrayed her husband, will have no inhibitions about doing it again.

What's the point you are trying to make? That he divorces her    

Why dont you keep that opinion to yourself. The fact is that we can NEVER know why she did it. All we know is that she did and while that is detestable, I think it's the man's decision to makewhether or not to forgive AND forget.

Men cheat on their wives everyday and they try to put it behind them and move on. Does it make it any worse that it's the womna who cheated this time around?

Let's face it, even him is not free of the same crime. Did he say he hase NEVER cheated on her?

Their marriage has been having problems and the distance was not helping. Living together is the first step in making things work and I truly respect him for handling things maturedly!  

Okay so why did she do it?
What reason do you think justifies it-
in need of affection,money, payback etc

Why should I keep my opinion to myself, when one seeks opinions he is bound to hear different ones, even ones that don`t please him.
UJUJoan- do you want to honestly justify a wife`s infidelity with something like the man cheating?
Strictly speaking the African tradition allows for a man to be polygamous and it is the law of nature that the male has more than one partner. OVer the years this natural instinct has been subjected to laws made by man proclaiming monogamy but these laws cannot curb the natural instinct of a male in most cases.
However as a woman I must say that i prefer having my male to myself

@Op no matter how much you try you can never get that image off your head,you can never wholeheartedly & implicitly trust your wife (if she's worthy of that title)hence all these talk abt 4giveness seem a little farfetched & will remain so for a long tym.
Young man,you're riding on a tiger's back & will eventually return in its tummy becos the tiger is not a horse.You have been warned!!!!

Ujujoan:


Men cheat on their wives everyday and they try to put it behind them and move on. Does it make it any worse that it's the womna who cheated this time around?

Let's face it, even him is not free of the same crime. Did he say he hase NEVER cheated on her?

 

I see you're making light of this bcuz the shoe is on the other foot.If this story was posted by a lady you would have called in the calvary.

mutter:

Okay so why did she do it?
What reason do you think justifies it-
in need of affection,money, payback etc

Why should I keep my opinion to myself, when one seeks opinions he is bound to hear different ones, even ones that don`t please him.
UJUJoan- do you want to honestly justify a wife`s infidelity with something like the man cheating?
Strictly speaking the African tradition allows for a man to be polygamous and it is the law of nature that the male has more than one partner. OVer the years this natural instinct has been subjected to laws made by man proclaiming monogamy but these laws cannot curb the natural instinct of a male in most cases.
However as a woman I must say that i prefer having my male to myself

TUFIAKWA GI!!!!
What!!!

Wait, are you seriously trying to say its ok for a guy to cheat it under those useless traditions your blabbin on about??

SHAAAAME!! SHHHAAAMMME on YOU for even uttering that GARBAGE!!! 

mutter:

Okay so why did she do it?
What reason do you think justifies it-
in need of affection,money, payback etc

Why should I keep my opinion to myself, when one seeks opinions he is bound to hear different ones, even ones that don`t please him.
UJUJoan- do you want to honestly  justify a wife`s infidelity with something like the man cheating?
Strictly speaking the African tradition allows for a man to be polygamous and it is the law of nature that the male has more than one partner. OVer the years this natural instinct has been subjected to laws made by man proclaiming monogamy but these laws cannot curb the natural instinct of a male in most cases.
However as a woman I must say that i prefer having my male to myself

LMAO!!!!!
this is what YOU prefer but you better believe that there are women out there who act just like men. . . . . . insatiable, with a coochie on fire, nymphomaniacs or simply unsatisfied at home and ready to jeopardize their union to get satisfaction.

Lady Dee
Culture is not silly. It is very imprtant and you will do well to hid it or at least put it into consideration.
This is not only about culture but also the law of natur. Go read your Bible you would see that the message is there too.
I advise you to get acquainted with being a woman, it takes more than just lipstick.

Most women think they are modern, equal etc but you just get all mixed up and end up unhappy.
A woman has no right to cheat on her husband just because he is doing the same, neither does his absence give her that right. If the woman is unhappy, or needs affection that does not give her reason either. She needs to remain faithful in her marriage.

@Switchfoot –

I feel your pain, betrayal, and anger. Before I respond to your post, let me start by commending you on how magnanimously you have handled this issue so far, and all the other problems prior to this issue. Much better than I could have, and for that, I doff my hat to you.

It is quite clear from your post that you love your wife dearly. You have invested more – in terms of making the relationship work, and resolving issues, than she has. It would be worthwhile to know who holds the emotional balance of power in this relationship. (I suspect, you love your wife, much more than she loves you). Because of this, as you have rightly said, divorce is not an issue.
However, you NEED to get to the bottom of why she did this. Remember, a reason is NOT an excuse, but it is important to know for the purpose of reconciliation. I would also advise you get her family involved – unless your pride stops you from doing so (NO Man want to advertise his wife’s infidelity). This is NOT one issue to sweep under the carpet and “resolve” amongst yourselves. The gravity and potential consequences are too far reaching for that.

The purpose of this is to make her understand the gravity of the issue, and to make her understand the scale of the transgression – in front of her family. By bringing them into it, you underline how major this incident is. It also forces the shame of her actions upon her. Whilst some may think that this is not necessary – Remember, this was premeditated and not done in “the heat of the moment”. It was not done in reaction to anything you have done. She planned and executed this action. Her behaviour had already changed, for a while. You noticed, tried to be understanding, communicated with her, and tried to resolve whatever may be causing the change. She always brushed it off with naivety and ignorance.

Back to the emotional balance of power in your relationship, though from your posts it is easy to ascertain that you are are a Man who believes in “leading” his home with principles, integrity, love tolerance and understanding, because you love your wife so much, you have given into most of her demands. You gave into her living in Abj because of the job, you kinda left the transfer issue fallow (I suspect you did not want to upset the applecart), You ALWAYS strived (more than she did) to resolve your arguments, You ALWAYS called her attention to issues and problems in an attempt to resolve them – Nothing wrong with this, as it shows a man who KNOWS the kind of relationship he wants, and is prepared to work/help/communicate with his partner to get it. The only problem is that it shows up the difference in you and your wife’s attitude to this relationship. It seems that YOU care a LOT more about your relationship working well, than your wife does.

You should have flagged this up; at it is probably not a new issue. She would have been like this before you got married. The reason I bring this up, is that it is a foundational issue of this relationship. Your wife takes it for granted how much you love her, she takes it for granted how much you want the marriage to work, and work well, she takes it for granted that your will NOT divorce her if she cheats (trust me, she knew this before this happened), She takes it for granted the amount of effort you put into the relationship. She takes your tolerant and understanding nature for granted. In short, she takes YOU for granted – that is why she has committed this heinous act.

I would advise you to get the family, especially HER family involved in this issue. I would advise you both go for extended relationship counselling to discuss/resolve the foundational problems of your relationship. Whatever you do, make sure it is not a case of "business as normal" to soon, despite your desire to move over this issue (your insistence and desire to have her at home ASAP betrays your weakness in this area).

I wish you all the best, and I pray that God gives you the strength to forgive her.

cold:

@Op no matter how much you try you can never get that image off your head,you can never wholeheartedly & implicitly trust your wife (if she's worthy of that title)hence all these talk abt 4giveness seem a little farfetched & will remain so for a long tym.
Young man,you're riding on a tiger's back & will eventually return in its tummy becos the tiger is not a horse.You have been warned!!!!

I see you're making light of this bcuz the shoe is on the other foot.If this story was posted by a lady you would have called in the calvary.

Right!!! Natturally I'm blinded by my feministic nature abi?

I NEVER said what she did was right, but obviouly people are judgeing her more than they would a man and that is sooo wrong!

chaircover:

Uju you cant compare men and women. We are totally different species in more areas than one.

The man sees sleeping with the new Youth Corper as a conquest. The Average woman looks for love and affection before s.ex. Men and women are turned on by different things.

If the man was having an affair in Lagos based on opportunity and need, then he would have been treated with a little more leniency; sad but that’s the honest truth.

A woman is deemed to be the nurturer, the mother, the sensible one, dignified and the one with more restraint.

The fact that she brought the man back to her matrimonial home (and possibly the matrimonial bed) shifts the goalposts a little & I personally have some difficulty with this.

Whatever a person's reason for cheating, doesn't make it more acceptable. Cheating for conquest or for affection are all one and the same thing cos in the end you are betraying a trust and disrespecting your partner!  

I know the African culture expressly permits cheating in men and frowns upon it when it's done by a woman, but that to me is pure discrmination!

It's not the restriant they rely on when they say women shouldn't cheat, it's the same old superioruty complex that all men suffer from! Why would she cheat, she's just a woman!  

Look around you and try to detect the difference in men and women activities in our society today. Women are now  more carreer, politically and socially inclined than they used to be. The average home is no longer being run by the man alone. Many women are now bread winners in their families. Many women are now leaders in our society. Women are building houses now and setting up businesses. Of course these would have been categorized as 'masculine' activities in the recent past.

This flaws the belief that men and women have different drives.

What the poster's wife did is a sacriledge (bringing in another man to her matriminial home), but if the poster has not sinned, let him be the first to cast the stone!  

@ Mutter

God is not going to punish a woman more for cheating. IT's the same punishment that will be metted out to both men and women. So if you think you are well on your right, I'd suggest you think again!