What are men really looking for in an extra-marital
affair? It goes way beyond sex!
I’m asking the question, What are men looking for
when they cheat?

#1. EMOTIONAL CONNECTION:
As relationships mature, power struggles tend to
become more prevalent. When a man experiences
repeated power struggles with his spouse, his
natural tendency is to “go to his cave”, which really
means get quiet and distant and grumpy! Which
makes emotional connection that much more
difficult. Over time he misses the emotional
connection he previously felt with his spouse. When
he meets someone new and they accept him for
“who he is” it’s much easier for him to connect
with his emotions and feel connection with this new
and interesting person. Of course when the lust
and honeymoon period are over and the power
struggles start to arise in the new relationship he’ll
likely revert to his well-learned pattern and his
struggles will start all over again.

#2. APPRECIATION:
Men loved to be appreciated and like so many
people they don’t really know how to accept
appreciation! Or how to ask for it or even how to
give it to themselves. So when it stops being quite
so plentiful from their spouse and if the relationship
contains a heavy dose of blame and criticism or
even possibly contempt, men start looking for
positive affirmations from others. With the new love
interest everything is wonderful – he is wonderful
then we all tend to fall into upping criticism and
dropping appreciation.

#3. INTIMACY:
Men want a partner who will listen, who will
volunteer information about their own lives and
discoveries and someone who smiles and excitedly
shares their hopes and dreams. Of course, men
don’t
generally know how to communicate this.

#4. FEELING WANTED:
Everyone wants to feel wanted regardless of age,
gender or occupation. Men are no different. And
men tend to be socialized
to provide security and strength as an expectation,
rather than something to be appreciated for. As life
moves along a man can often feel like his
contribution is taken for granted and who he is, as
opposed to what he can provide, becomes less
important. In a new relationship suddenly he
matters again.

#5. SEX:
Speaking of fun activities, men generally do want
sex and the more the better. Sex is one way that
men feel connected to their partner. Men also feel
appreciated and wanted when they made love with
their partner. So for men, sex provides the first four
items on our list plus physical pleasure that allows
men to focus
totally on the present moment. In a new
relationship the sex tends to be a lot more
frequent. At least initially!

So what’s the answer?
When a man thinks about cheating it’s likely that
he’s not happy about the relationship he’s in and/
or that something is missing.
What also seems to happen is that men feel
victimized by their relationship and believe they
have no power to influence a change.
Sure there’s a part that the partner plays in all this
but I’m talking about the male side of the equation
and what the man can do to find what he’s looking
for within his relationship.