I am a 27 year old guy who has had hardly any success in relationships, up to the extent that I have considered ending my life to end this agony and loneliness.

Throughout university, I wasted my time being lazy, spending time on the computer, playing video games, and making very few friends, nearly all male. The only girls I knew were either my friends’ girlfriends or temporary people I knew for the duration of a class we shared or something.

I tried in those years, to find a girlfriend, but I was mostly wasting time. My life was a constant mess and I was always procrastinating on finding a girlfriend but even when I have made active efforts over my university years, I have met with little success.

After graduation, I was without a job for two years. All this time I had a couple of temp jobs, I didn’t really actively seek jobs because I was too lazy, and I mostly played video games. My friends who graduated with me all got jobs.

Eventually I got a job too, and I, without much effort, quickly moved up from a temp to a very high management position with an excellent salary in a matter of a few months. I am the exact opposite of what I was in school. I am very popular, I have excellent communication skills, and I have an great rapport with almost everyone in my company. I have a lot of male as well as female friends at the office, mostly female. I have been nominated almost every month this year for employee of the month and won twice in my 200 people large firm.

My friends, and people who know me all agree that I am probably the smartest and the funniest person they have ever met, to the extent that they believe I can do standup with a little effort. They also say that I am pretty good looking. Now I know how it sounds - tooting my own horn - but this is a throwaway, and there is no reason for me to lie, especially when I have more to be ashamed about than to be proud about.

I have spent most of my life in poverty. In school, I hardly ever had any money, so I used to blame, amongst other factors, my lack of money as the reason. I have also blamed different things, like my weight (I fluctuate between overweight and normal) or my accent (no longer an issue).

Now I don't have any excuse. Money is no longer an issue, neither is anything else. And the truth is, I still suck. I have many female friends, all at my workplace, but we don’t hang out much after hours, so I am not sure if they can even be considered friends.

I suck at approaching women, and have never been successful. I tried bars, nightclubs, but no luck. Of course, being intimidated by the mere sight of them (except at work) doesn’t help. What I hate is why it is I who has to make the first move. I have even began to secretly hate women and society.

I have tried the internet, but it is just a lost cause. Craigslist, free as well as premium dating sites all suck, simply due to the overwhelming number of males compared to females. Just create a profile/ad with an average female picture and try it out. You will be bombarded with messages for weeks to come.

My loneliness has reached levels where I have even considered going “gay”. I tried to get myself to watch gay porn to “adjust” myself into turning gay or bisexual, but could not go any further than that.

I have been in two relationships in the past, one with a girl in university for some time but then it turned into a long distance relationship for the next several years, for which it was mostly on and off and we probably met for like five times because we were in different countries. We tried to have sex once but I didnt know what to do so it ended with a BJ. Other than that I have had a one night stand (years apart from the earlier encounter) where again, I didnt know what I was doing so it was ridiculously embarrassing. Since then, I have done it with a hooker but I am sure when the time comes, I have no idea what to do.

The other relationships I have had was about six months ago with an old friend I knew, also over long distance, and that lasted a month. We “hooked up” and “broke up” entirely over Facetime and Skype.

Even at someone mentioning about their girlfriend or boyfriend makes me depressed. Going on facebook is out of the question, it makes me depressed for the next several hours to see happy people living happy lives.

Whenever I face rejection, I get extremely depressed for the next couple of days. And that is rejection from asking someone for coffee or a movie.

At this point, I have simply given up. I am not a freak or a wierdo (altho that trying to be gay thing looks funny, its pretty sad when I think about it). If I am, that was not what I wanted to be. I hate social norms because that forces me to face rejection again and again, and women of all shapes and sizes, of all varieties of ugliness and beauty and all personalities have rejected me.

People who know me never know anything about what I have said here. My outer self is completely different from what I am inside, and I dont think they would ever believe these things about me, especially since I am now socially outspoken and popular.

I am a loser and I just want to end my life and this farce that I am living in. But I am not strong enough to end my own life so I have to be forced to live with it. If there was a button that I could press or a plug I could pull to end my life in a flash I would just do it.

TL;DR: SAP in university, only one real relationship, now socially pretty good but still cannot get a date so blames women, society, etc, feels like a loser and thoughts of suicide.

-Anonymous

Now what do we do to help?

Jux go find one village gal.. Simply only transport u don gt babe b dt..

I see no reason y pple cnt summarize........ 2 lng story man!

Dude, I understand ur pain..a lot of people you see aint as cool as they appear, include a lot of Nairalanders!

Your Problem started wayback and I think your poor background plays a huge role..lemm give you two options

1: See a Psychologist for supportive Psychotherapy..It'll cost you money, but may help. OR

2.Get yourself a Friend who's a Womanizer..Hang out with him often..Fund his Excesses and Learn from him..Believe u me, after 3months, u'll be amazed at ur own skills!

Goodluck Brah!

Caracta: Now what do we do to help?

exact question I was going to ask

I think the only problem here is YOU becos u are not looking to the future even as tha past is already behind u. And u are complicating the whole issue by always thinking that the primary reason why u were created is to have women around u or date whoever u wish to date.
Don't forget that it is a phase in ur life that was jst to last for few months or year, but u extended it beyond it's 'expiry date' and that's why u are At the point of trynna take ya own life. Na by force to date?

Again, u are tryin to make women love u out of pitty than out of sincerity. See, this will consume u faster than a hot magma. U have to make women feel that u have a number of women flOcking around u b4 they get attracted to u. U have not really played ur part well and that's why u are lonely at 27.
Here are my suggestions/advice:
1. Get the tao system or check on joshua pellicers for some professional advice(dis guy get him own story too concerning love-life).
2.Reach out for some expensive hookers(those that will cost u 8-10k, no be 5-700 naira hooker I dey talk ooo). Among this range(8-10k hookers) u'l find students who do this hooking thing, but it is not their occupation anyway(na once in a while dem de runs). If u in lag, check unilag u can find some of these 'once a while student hookers'. They fit no cost 5k sef. When u take them home, make sure ur apartment is properly 'pimped' and this wil Get this 'once-in-a-while-hooker' coming around Cos all need is a niche to inhabit and once they find this they stick around ...
With this she wil stop being a hooker henceforth.

No go turn addict ooo...

3. Don't think not having women is a problem. Don't go gayin cos of this. U've been failing to have a working r/ship simply becos u are looking at them with extreme respect and taking them as extraterrestrial being due to fear of rejection. Avoid all these and go for them cos the women needs u too.

Best of lucks!

True love grows with a lot of patience and endurance. I will advise to find a girl you will like to grow old with. At first,try everything possible to be casual,don't rush her. Watch the casual stage grow into intimacy stage. You can only achieve this by being loving,caring,patience,enduring and giving her listening ears all the time. Through this process you will know if truly she is the person you can spend your life with.
If your casual relationship with her grow into intimacy stage,that means the love is beginning to have a root. When the love has root,then you keep watering till it can stand any storm. Then,you are good to go.












That's my kobo

Caseless, I'm impressed, you have spoken well. Omiobo has also spoken well.


@Op, Dr Myles Munroe once said, 'Knowing all you know about yourself (your mannerism, your body etc), will you date you'.

If I were to be in your shoes, my answer will be a NO.

I do believe in the power of the supernatiral, I believe there are spiritual forces who can alter one's marital and relationship destiny, but in your case all I read is someone who has a low self esteem that's visible to every girl.

I think you need a change in mindset, that's where it all begins. I suggest you start to read books on relationship just to change your thinking, I personally recomend Carlos Xuma and David Deangelo. Just google those names, you should be able to get some of their books from 4shared.com.

Honestly, you need to incorporate a bit of arrogance into you. Once you understand that their is no super human in the world, you life becomes easy with girls. Every single girl, sleeps, eat, pee, fart, poos, in fact does every thing you do, so why should you be scared of any one. You should have the gut to call their bluff if you want to be successful with them.

Be ready to be rejected, that's one price you should be willing to pay, if not you will never approach any lady, the worst scenario is a NO and it does absolutely nothing to you. A girl saying NO to you doesn't reduce you, it just means she doesn't like what she sees, someone else will like you just the way you are. I doubt if there is any guy who has never been turned down by a lady.

I have made up my mind that every failure and set back I experience in life (be it relationship or not) propels me to even succeed the more.

Ultimately,it's not just about dating or marrying the a girl, it's about making a right choice and with the way you are taking relationship, you are likely to make the wrong choice.

The more desperate you are, the higher you chances of making a wrong choice. Trust me age is still on your side, just relax, you wife is on her way, but you have to be prepared for her, she wants a man she can trust to believe in himself.

I have so much to say, but the main problem with you is your self esteem, if you have a healthy self esteem combined with your career success and wealth, you can date almost any girl in the world.

If you commit suicide, you will be surprise that a couple of girls will cry their eyes out for you and a couple will walk past your grave.

You have to learn to be entirely single, you happiness depends on you and not the relationship you enter, just keep working on your career and esteem, the sky will be the limit when you finally make your first break through with girls, I hope you stay faithful to that one.

k2039, my oga! long time.

abeg advice that guy pls. ur piece is enuff to keep the young man up and he can stay afloat after reading ur post.


the guy nor rude or dey arrogant at all. na why de thin de worry am b dat. arrogance wins in most cases*( as a guy u have to be arrogant and caring to stay afloat in a relationship).