HumbledbYGrace:

What?

I'm so loving this... Sis HBG, Dygeasy,Ishibabe,Mazi and Xynerise- I hail you all...good job.

Errrm...where's Aunty Serah, Uncle Frank, Flowbaba, Repogal, Princesca, Priscasmart, Jiraiyas, Glowingscenes,lolaluv...e.t.c.. Where art you guys?

EzePromoe Has Joined.

MrBrownJay Has Joined.

What's happening nah? Since yesterday.....

.....loading the next chapter.........

MRbrownJAY: .....loading the next chapter.........

This should be interesting...

CHAPTER 6
As the sun slowly crept out of the dirty curtains, a very sweaty and moody MM crawled out of bed. It has been a very long and noisy night where he only managed to get a few hours of sleep. After stretching out in his tiny room, it was obvious that his stay was not going to be a smooth ride unless he changed the outlook of his room. I mean, the walls had obviously been painted by someone who had no clue as to what it takes to decorate a room. The room was brown, with different shades depending on how high you look; curtains hanging on to dear life, army of cockroaches, black pebbles that seem to point to rat activity in the area, suspect stains on the mattress that would suggest that the previous tenant had quite a lot of fun…… and last but not least, graffitis on the door that reminded MM that many individual, in love, had stayed in that room before him.

After a quick splash of water on his face, MM noticed that he was also very hungry, he had not eaten anything since getting off that long bus ride and he was feeling the pinch. He had no idea where to go and didn't notice any supermarket in the neighborhood so he thought he would ask one of his neighbors for direction. He opened his room door and stepped out unto the smelly corridor to see if there was anyone he could talk to. A mix of a thousand different smells, both good and bad, smacked his nostrils and almost knocked him out of balance. There was no way to point out what it was, but there was egusi soup, palm oil, cigarette smoke, sex, funky body odor, sweat and even a whiff of someone’s Armani perfume…..all perfectly mixed together to bring a certain je ne sais quoi in the air. This was the kind of smell that MM would have to get used to, and also a reminder of what Nairaland Uni was all about: a mix of different individuals, in different walks of life, all living under one community.

MM could hear some faded Music coming from a room a few doors away and decided to go and enquire about where the sound came from. As he got closer, he could hear that the person was singing along to the P-Square tune that was blasting out…… "You go chop my money, chop my money oooooohhhhh!” As MM got to the door, he smiled as he saw this tall guy dancing in front of the mirror, admiring himself. MM knocked at the opened door, but due to the loud music, and the obvious dancer who only had eyes for his own reflection, he stepped in the room and knocked on the door harder.
“hellooooooooo!” MM shouted. The dancing guy stopped, turned around and replied: “who are you and what are you doing in my palace, you mortal?!”. MM stepped back in shock, and whilst still confused he mumbled “hhmm sorry, I am your new neighbor, and was wondering if you could help me with locating where I could buy some home stuff or food”, then while extending his arm, he continued: ”sorry.... Hi my name is Moltenmagma”.

The dude was still frowning, but then he smiled and extended his arm back “Hi, am Sagamite, the alpha AND omega of NU. If you have never heard of me, then you must be new here, but fear not as this is your lucky day"..... Sagamite then turned around, look at himself in the mirror, arranged his eyebrows then continued " i want you to know that NU women die to be in my presence, but I already have a few dozen on speed dial to pleasure, and sadly, now the rest have to be on the waiting list..... Yes, you are in the presence of NU royalty and my time is priceless so, what can I do for you?” MM explained once more that he needed to buy some few stuff for his room, and Saga quickly explained to him how to get to the NU marketplace. He then warned him “but be careful, there are many dodgy individuals in NU, some more shaddy than others. Many scammers, many religious fanatics, many people quick to tell you what you want to hear, many Gov spies, and even bloggers from other Unis who want to drag you away from here. So I suggest you watch out!!!”

MM stumbled out of the room, smiling profusely, and while leaving he could hear Saga in the back arguing with someone:” You Cretin, Fukctard, don’t you know who I am? Your moronic state of mind doesn’t deserve a reply, don’t ever call my phone again!” MM headed for the marketplace as indicated by the strange fellow. It was still a beautiful morning and the breeze was very refreshing, almost blinding. MM felt that it was going to be a great day and was walking with a sense of fulfillment and invincibility in this new life in NU that he was embarking in. After walking for a short distance, he finally arrived at the marketplace. This place was a jungle within the university, people selling from anything to everything........ Visa to any destination in the world, cure for HIV/AIDS, foreign currency at an unbeatable price, magic potion that would make you last in bed for days, and even deeds to Banana island mansions. It seemed so unreal, like a dream that you would soon wake up from, but unfortunately it was as real as it could be.

As he was walking through the market, he could hear people speaking in a way that he had never heard before, like “these oyingbo are crazy, they even have intimacy change” or “He looks like any Tom, Joystick and Harry”. So when he heard someone say “In china, they even eat those cute womanliness cat” MM stopped the person and asked them what was this language they were speaking, as he didn’t understand anything they were saying. The guy then explained to him that the Dean Seun was a highly respected member of his church and therefore he had banned all the words deemed unfit by his congregation, and even made a law against these words: the law of SPAMBOT...... And with a terrifying look, the stranger told him "and be very careful, if Spambot catches you saying any of these words, you can be arrested and thrown into solitary confinement for a few hours!” WELCOME TO THE STRANGE WORLD OF NU

As MM was still trying to make sense of all this spambot language, and at the same time find what he was looking for, he nervously looked at the women in the market, thinking of how they should be referred as. Thinking of all the funny words he could use to describe them in Spambot, he started laughing all by himself. Suddenly, someone tapped him on the shoulder. A sweet sexy female voice whispered “hi”, MM turned around to lay his eyes on a chubby gal, good looking, wearing a weave that looked like it has seen a few Christmases, red lipstick on her very dark complexion that made her look somehow kinky, fake clip on nails that you could tell from a mile down the road, red lipstick that certainly didnt match her skin tone. This lady was a mess but she looked like she could wrestle with any man out there, and had the evil demeanor to match. She was looking at MM kinda puzzled, and as he had no idea who she was he then replied “Hi, who might you be, if I may ask?” “Well I am the chairwoman of women’s affairs in this marketplace, and I saw you looking at some of the ladies around in a funny way. What’s so funny and what are you looking for in the market? Trouble?!” MM being the shy type couldn’t tell her about the name he had for her in Spambot language, so he posed for a minute, and then replied “no no no, I am only here to buy some stuff for my new room at the hostel nearby where I have newly moved to”. The lady grinned, looked at him from up to down before telling him in a menacing tone “well MR, my name is Uju, you can call me Sizzle, but most people here know me as the iron lady you never mess with, aka Uju_Sizzle..... I will have my eyes on you, so you better walk along and buy what you gotta buy and stop looking at these ladies in a funny way. I know men like you!!!” then before he could even say anything, she made a sign with her two fingers pointing at her eyes, then pointing at his, before whispering “I will be watching you”

***********************

**************
MM was livid and didn’t know what had just happened, this lady was truly scary and menacing, so he just turned around and started walking in the other direction. picking up the tempo trying to get away from this lady, he was now running through the packed marketplace and bumping into a few people before stopping at a nearby bus stop huffing and puffing. MM had never been the brave nor the macho type and his motto had always been to avoid confrontation at all cost. Suddenly, a pimped out Range Rover pulled up right in front of the bus stop and a slick elegant guy came out of the car, and without giving MM the time to realize what was happening, the guy said: "The name is Oga motor, aka Inspired M, I am the man to talk to if you need any motorized mode of transport here in this community......motorcycle, cars, truck or even planes, I can provide for you, boss” MM smiled before asking “but sir, I just moved down here, I don’t even have a proper place to stay, talk less of money for a car, and here you are trying to sell me a vehicle of some sort”. Oga Motor laughed, looked around and then replied “this is NU young man, you have to know how to act around here, and to survive you need THREE important item: money, knowledge and swag”

a very confused MM looked on and asked “but you sell cars?!” to which Oga Motor quickly replied “no no no, I don’t sell just cars, I sell STYLE, I sell SWAG, I sell LIFE...... Ask around, my name is my reputation. Any motor you buy from me will have you wake up the next morning with Onila nekkid in your bed.” MM laughed even louder “but they said Onila is the local Virgin? Abi na lie?”. “No be lie o” said Oga Motor, “she is a virgin by day, and could be your gf by night. You just need to attract her with the right tool, trust me. I sold one Jeep for one bobo named Reality101, and now she is shouting his name every Sunday when she speaks in tongue in Church. na my Jeep do am! So, here is my card, and let me know when you are ready to do business.....and subsequently be the second guy to wake up next to the most cherished woman around NU”. MM, took his card then sat back at the bus stop while nodding at OM, who quickly jumped back into his luxury car and sped off.

MM started laughing and thought about what had just happened as he certainly had no idea of the melting pot of people that mingled around NU. It seemed that everyone knew each other, and yet were against one another, in some funny way. In the space of an hour, he had met three strange characters and he didn’t even had the time to get what he came out for, not even some breakfast. It looked like it was going to be a long day, so he decided to focus on breakfast instead. As faith would have it, there was what looked like a restaurant right across the street, so he walked up there and decided to sit at one table.

The place was just a street corner joint, with a few plastic tables, and some dirty napkins on each of them. there was no menu in sight but he could tell that you could get some food there. The sweet aroma of fried plantain was filling the area up, and although there was nobody else seating down, it looked like a perfect place for a hungry person like MM. There was a lady close by cooking some ewa with plantain who had not seen MM seating at the table, as she was facing her pot of soup. She was alone so must have been the owner, cook and/or waitress of the joint. After being there for 5 mins, without anyone noticing him, he called the lady out “hello madam”, the lady didn’t hear him so he asked again louder “Hello madam!!!!” The lady turned around surprised and upset, then stared at MM before asking “Madam? Where is that Madam you are calling?! Is there someone else here but me?! Are you crazy?! My name is MRS CHIMA, and if you don’t want me to get up from here and come kick your aasss, that’s how you better call me!” she then turned around and continued caring for her cooking. Not knowing what to do, he then politely said “sorry I had no idea.... Mrs chima.... would it be possible to get some breakfast?” now an angry Mrs Chima turned again and shouted “breakfast?!!!!!! This is a night joint, we only serve beers and suya here from 3pm.....Or do you want me to sell you my children and husband’s food?”. MM then said “Sorry ma, I thought......” And before he could finish his sentence, Mrs C shouted “Well you thought wrong, now get out of here and come back at night, before I take this stick and knock you out with it!”

Even more confused and hungry, MM got up and decided that he had enough for one day of NU. He couldn’t understand why it was so difficult to do something as simple as buy home ustensils or even food. He came out this morning hoping to fix his room or at least eat something, and after about an hour he was nowhere near fulfilling any of these task. Drained and in a zombie mode, he decided to walk back to his still empty and lonely room, and sat on his bed without saying a word, just looking at the dirty ceiling and understanding that NAIRALAND UNIVERSITY is certainly not what it seems.

end of chapter 6

wow...Isheilove, this is a flawless masterpiece!! you are talented

...
You just have to be kidding me...

*standing ovation*

Mr Brown Jay, your post got me glued to my two-year old kpalasa blackberry phone screen!! Verrry nice and hilarious. Your descriptive power is enviable. I actually salivated when you mentioned 'the sweet aroma of frying plantain'...yum yum!!

Lmao @ the way you described Uju-sizzle. If I were her, I'd declare e-fatwa on your black asss!!

You captured the e-personality of that reetard Sagamite purrrfectly... Nice job

A lil observation: You need to break your posts into smaller paragraphs and you have some issues with tense agreement, but despite these, your post was wikkidly awesome!!

We need you more in this section...

Aggrippa: wow...Isheilove, this is a flawless masterpiece!! you are talented

Err...thanks...but this is a collaboration of different writers...

The other writers are doing a great job. This is so much fun!!

Lovely


don't know this personality buh the narration is damn good!

Except offcourse paragraphs

Kudos to u all. Very funny...
Ermmm, keep up the flow

Ishilove: *standing ovation*

Mr Brown Jay, your post got me glued to my two-year old kpalasa blackberry phone screen!! Verrry nice and hilarious. Your descriptive power is enviable. I actually salivated when you mentioned 'the sweet aroma of frying plantain'...yum yum!!

Lmao @ the way you described Uju-sizzle. If I were her, I'd declare e-fatwa on your black asss!!

You captured the e-personality of that reetard Sagamite purrrfectly... Nice job

A lil observation: You need to break your posts into smaller paragraphs and you have some issues with tense agreement, but despite these, your post was wikkidly awesome!!

We need you more in this section...

Please Say All Of That Again!

Seems Someone Didn't Dissapoint Afterall

MrBrownJay, I Swear I Don't Regret Your Inclusion. ^^^That Was Totally Awesome. But Keep In Mind Ishlove's Observation.


This Is As Beautiful As It Can Get!!!

I'VE GOT SOMETHINGS ON MY MIND

Ermm, Firstly, personally ive been following this thread since day one and frankly speaking, i expected it to flop because of the total conflict of Ideas on a large scale and i was right at some point but the update of the last few writers happens to be different and a match too, so i guess i might just have been proven wrong.

I mean its not a masters piece and more work could be done but its still a pretty nice story, its got comedy and its insightful, atleast now i know MM and a couple new charaters on NL, this is just fantabulous.

Also, ive been seeing some boring derailing comments on the other thread about flow vs other writers, you guys should just quit it!, when i say 'you guys' i mean flow and other writers that are beefing (defending, commenting or whatever you want to call it) eachother. We all are writers and unique in our own ways meaning we all have our different ways of viewing things and reacting to things, so lets just forget about some old foul posts that mynd has already hidden and focus on the betterment of this thread.

I'll have love to write but im kinda new on NL and dont realy know much people so ill just sit back and read.

QUESTION TIME

1. WHEN is the next update coming?

2. Shouldnt there be a roaster or something like that? So we would know exactly when to expect a new update.

3.How many writers are expected to join before you guys start the rotation?

4.How long is the story gonna be?

KUDOS guys.

I think thats all on my mind, FOR NOW

El Guapo: Never wanted to comment on this, but MBJ forced my hands!

Nice writeup y'all, and the Chapter Six has got more Laugh than I thought, Brown u did good...

Envisaging a great Influx of Suspence, that'd get us sticked to our seats for more days. Suspence like MM finally brokering a deal with Inspired, stealing Idowuogbo from 190, having intimacy with her and getting contaminated with HIV/AIDS. Plans to spread the virus around Campus, hooks up and ensues the spread on his newly found Sugar mummy Mukina the Uni's registrar and the VC's secret lover! **Jxt my Lame thought

Finding this Oddly refreshing

Hahahhahaha.. Funny! Very funny!

MBJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow!

8/10

Hehehehe...

This MM guy has really suffered.


Good work guys, am learning.

chistar01:

QUESTION TIME

1. WHEN is the next update coming?

2. Shouldnt there be a roaster or something like that? So we would know exactly when to expect a new update.

3.How many writers are expected to join before you guys start the rotation?

4.How long is the story gonna be?

KUDOS guys.

I think thats all on my mind, FOR NOW

1. The Next Update Should Be Coming Today. I Hope Ezepromoe doesn't drag things.

2. Yes There'll Be A Roster Much Later On. Of Course After The First Rounds Of Posting. People Showed Interest Randomly (After HBG And I Had Started Posting) So There Wasn't Enough Time To Put All Of That In Place. We'll See To That In The Next Rotation.

3. I'm Seeing About 10 Writers. Is That A Crowd?

4. The Story Is Gonna Be On For As Long As The Writers' Imaginations Keep Running And The Zeal Is There To Play With The Pen.


Thanks Brother.

I Quite Agree With The Deleted Part Of The Quoted Text. Its Gonna Be Difficult Maintaining Sanity In Something Like This. We All Hope It Keeps Going Smooth.

Peace.

Great job. Nice and hilarious.

Thanks peeps.
it certainly is a fun way to challenge myself....and although i would never consider myself a writer (like the many talented ones we have on these parts of NL), i have always had a way with words.

@Ishilove
thanks for the valuable observations. as people may have seen already, i never put my capital letters and apostrophes on NL (i am lazy like that) so it was quite boring to go back and correct them on this long write up, lol..... but will try to put your points into practice next time around. as for Uj_sizzle's bit, she knows that it is all for fun

@Digeasy
thanks for giving me a chance to bring my contribution to this great thread.

@El Guapo
yeah, this story can go in so many different directions, thanks to the numerous "great" characters that we have on NL.
lets see how the next writers decide to take it.
btw go easy on Idowuogbo, just the mention that she is dating 190 is punishment enough, lol!

@BarryX
yeah bro, we could make a movie out of NL. there is so much drama, comedy, suspense, crime, happiness and sadness all in ONE. i guess thats what makes this place so special.

Ishilove you are the bomb here, you and Mazi made me laugh while reading your pieces. Saga's part is hilarious too. Good job from all of you, it isn't easy to make out time and think and be creative enough to put out something that affects others in a good way/brightens the faces of others. I appreciate the creativity and effort. Mr Brown jay is busy writing about Sagamite without knowing that somebody here needs to put pen to paper to capture his swagga when giving the students of NU seduction and sex education.

Hey Mr. Dygeasy, I will like to write too but I am not committing to it in case I am unable to find the time to write. I won't like to promise and fail so I am going to leave it open. If I ever make out time to write I will send it to you and you can check and post if you wish and if I don't write then it's not on me or something, deal? Jeez it's going to be fun to have to write about friend Tpia (I hope she doesn't enter here and give me her mouth . ) Whoever wrote that Calloti piece made me laugh much (kudos Mazi) but you made her seem too old, she is too vibrant to be made old please--make her younger than that. These write up are fun fun. Keep up the good work, I have been following it like twitter. I followed Flow's write-up on two or three occasions. I must find time to update on Flow's too. I am sure that he will bring fun to this too if he adds to this developing story.