Need your advice urgently

I suspect my wife is cheating on me and am contemplating filing for a divorce. Well, I haven't exactly caught her red-handed. But I have reasons to believe she is.

We got married about 4 years ago and have a kid together. I am actually very crazy about her. She is the kind of wife anyone would pray for, she is smart, God-fearing, beautiful and diligent.

So what exactly is the issue? Well, a few months ago, I met one of my wife's colleagues at an occasion and just as I was about to leave, he got close to me and whispered in my ears, "I slept with your wife". I was shocked beyond words, but couldn't react then because I didn't want to create a scene and didn't want to embarrass my wife in front of her colleagues. I brought the issue up with my wife on our way home and she dismissed it saying the guy is known to be a nuisance. I waved off the incidence and never thought of it again until 2 weeks ago.

About a fortnight ago, my wife and I had a very heated argument. I have to admit I was at fault, I had done something very silly (had nothing to do with infidelity, I played a joke on her). In the heat of the quarrel, my wife bloated out "You want to know the truth, I slept with my colleague X (the guy at the event some months ago), I also slept with Mr. Y and Mr. Z (Mr. Z being my neighbor). I was devastated. After she had calmed down, she came around and apologized, claiming it was a lie and she said it to get back at me. I believed her and forgot all about the incidence until yesterday.

Well, the last straw that broke the camel's back happened yesterday, while trying to retrieve a message from my wife's fone, I saw a message on her phone to Mr. Z (my neighbor), telling him she is been trying to reach his fone without success and that she is waiting for him at a bus-stop a few streets from our house. I was shocked, I checked the call history between the 2, 3 missed calls from the guy to my wife's fone and no other conversation history. I immediately brought the issue up with my wife. She got quite irked, in her words "you are just overreacting and being childish, he only wanted a ride to work. I saw his missed calls, I called back, he told me he had left earlier, so I asked him to wait for me at the bus-stop". I wouldn't have been too worried about it if not for an event that happened a month after our wedding, 4 years ago. While discussing how to decorate our room, my wife suggested we decorated it the way Mr. Z decorated his room downstairs. I was utterly taken aback because I had lived in that house for 2 years, prior to that time, and had never seen the inside of Mr. Z's room. How on earth did my wife know how Mr. Z (a bachelor then) looked like. I challenged her and she said she escorted a friend to the room to collect some books. I believed her back then, so I didn't make much of an issue then.

But thinking about the whole events I am worried sick, can't concentrate at work. Am I just being paranoid or do I have a case of a terribly cheating spouse on my hand. I don't want to bring up the issue with anyone around us, because I wouldn't want to embarrass her. But am just very worried.

Please advice me.

P.S. I am posting this on your forum because it is her favorite blog and I know she would get to see it.

**takes front seat**


This is some serious poo. I don't think I have an answer yet.

But lemme grab some popcorn sha

Sorry, you are lacking trust in your wife and that spells doom in any family. Try also to work more on your self esteem and confidence. Try to show her more love and care, get more closer to her in communication and with right loving words.

Tell her how much you love her and your craze for her that you cant believe she is infidel. Try to let her know how you feel about this whole issue and try earn back her faithfulness, if at all is true of your insinuations.
Make her know the outcome of such a lifestyle and pledge again to keep to your marriage vows, if any.
My opinion for now

Ur wife na LOL "lord of lamba"

Were u take see her na?

Well I wil jst buk dis space nd wait 4 dem xpert!!!

What you guys need is a long talk with each other, baring your minds to one another about the turn of events from beginning to present.

A marriage without trust is no marriage.

Mynd_44: **takes front seat**


This is some serious poo. I don't think I have an answer yet.

But lemme grab some popcorn sha

Why do you like taking my space sef?
Well, lemme sit beside you
Do you mind sharing your popcorn?

alutacontinua:

Why do you like taking my space sef?
Well, lemme sit beside you
Do you mind sharing your popcorn?

**passes popcorn**

Mynd_44:
**passes popcorn**

Thanks.
This is sure gonna be interesting.
*chilling mode activated*

Odidire: P.S. I am posting this on your forum because it is her favorite blog and I know she would get to see it.

i think we need to advise her also..tell us her username

@op......from everytin u hav said so far, if it is true as u hav said it, then I dnt need to see a movie to tell u that ur wife is either planning on cheating on u or she is already cheatin on u. U have to talk with her, find out her reasons for her actions and u may hav to take it easy on her for now afterall, if she is already cheatin on u, whether u insult her or quarrel with her, it will only make the situation worse.

Also, u hav to be honest in ur story here. Is there anything u hav ever done to hurt ur wife so much into cheatin on u? Have u also cheated on her b4?

Lastly, dnt tink of divorce for the main time. I want to believ there are other ways of solvin this problem rather than divorce....or didn't u say u guys hav got a kid?

Sunnycliff: Sorry, you are lacking trust in your wife and that spells doom in any family. Try also to work more on your self esteem and confidence. Try to show her more love and care, get more closer to her in communication and with right loving words.

Can you read what you just wrote all over again. With all the Op said( if they are all true) does it show he has problem with his self esteem?

OP: the matter at hand is a serious one. This does not only show a case of infidelity but strings of them.
See... confront her with you evidence now. Let her know you know. She will get defensive as usual but dnt burge. Mind you u are doing dis to correct and not to show her you are holy while she is rhe devil. No matter how you see it, you are to be blamed equally for what is happening. It takes two to build a home, if she is 80% wrong t then you carried the remaining 20%. Divorce is never an option, it is for cowards. You can still make it work and please let make a promise you will be man enough to handle whatever comes out of that situation.

Mtsew. I stopd readn whn u said a friend told u he slept wit ur wife' lol. I tend t wonder hw on earth an adulterer wil own up to his crime whn he's stil unrepentant. methinks dis bunkum shld be plunged to d joke sec.

Well, the events are not untrue. They are a 100% accurate. Seriously need your advice.

Well, with all you have said, i don't trust your wife either. But then this is a one - sided story and you have not actually caught her red-handed.

So its either you set a trap for her, then wait to catch her red-handed or have a heart to heart talk with her presenting all this to her and see if it will yield result.

But one thing you should know, once trust has been tampered with, then things begin to get ugly.

dplomaticVal: Mtsew. I stopd readn whn u said a friend told u he slept wit ur wife' lol. I tend t wonder hw on earth an adulterer wil own up to his crime whn he's stil unrepentant. methinks dis bunkum shld be plunged to d joke sec.

My dear, some men have loose mouths, could be silly and childish. It's very possible as i have heard a similar case, but in that case, the guy was lying and it created serious trouble for the lady & enmity between the two guys cause they were friends. Some could actually know the lady is loose or have an idea of her past life and lie just to play a prank. It could be he did so in the past when she was single, which does not count now.

Odidire:
Please advice me.

P.S. I am posting this on your forum because it is her favorite blog and I know she would get to see it.

e ft be one of those married women oh. .maybe berem.. or this kyn story go fit badosky

I am 100 per cent sure your wife is cheating. Well, there should not be any forgiveness for a cheating wife.

@ambeautiful

Thanks, but in this era of deadly STDs you can't afford to wait till you get red-handed.

Also, she doesn't have a history of being wayward. Almost everyone I know says good things about her and prior to these events, I haven't had any cause to doubt out. But these coincidences are just too much.

Would really like to know from the very experienced people here if these are signs of her cheating.

@tpacalipse

You just confirmed my worst nightmare. Isn't there a tiny chance she is not and its all a bad case of misunderstanding.

And for those suggesting I take it up with her, I already did and she denied it vehemently. But even her excuses are inconsistent.

This is serious.
I'm trying to break down the events piece by piece.

Someone pls slap this op, dude take offence, ur just plain stupid. Now I see why ur wife cheats on u to ur face. U lack some self esteem. U love ur wife so much and that's what's gotten u into this mess. Ur wife needs a man not a cry baby. Go watch temptations by Tyler perry, ud know exactly where uv gotten it wrong. I can't say my wife isn't, can't or won't cheat, but she dare not play such pranks on me.

Dude, learn to differentiate emotions from common sense, and the part that hurts me the more, is that she's told all these men you are weak. U need to be the leader of the park. I bet she dared her colleague he couldn't tell u he shaged her on one of their get aways or the dude got jealous when he found out she's done another guy and decided to get at her. Uv married another person's woman bro. Sorry I called u stupid sha. Pele

This is the saddest day of my life. I am totally devastated.

Couldn't go to work, being shedding tears all day. Can't believe she would cheat on me. And looking back, it's probably been happening for a long time.

Sad thing is that she is like an angel. Everyone says she personifies good manners and proper upbringing. Now I know better.

Thanks everyone. I know just what to do.

Hey dude. Don't go do something ud regret. And stop crying. It's a sign of weakness. Just tell things straight. It's ur fault she cheated. Why? Women are like sheep, husbands the shepard, u lead they follow, the moment u knew she went to Z's room, u shulda warned her sternly. One day I got home and met my wife and a single neighbour talking in the car lot, I drove it, greeted the dude, hugged my wife and we both went upstairs, I asked her an hour later what she was doing talking to him all alone, she she said nothing he was asking her questions bla bla bla, I made it clear and precise, that should be the last time il see both of u talking alone, shikena, yur woman needs to have confidence in ur words and actions tht ud lead her right when she's going wrong. Like her father would. The moment u begin to pamper and trust her to make decisions like this oon her own, it's like saying u don't care. But to u, it's cos u trust her, u don't trust a baby with lighted candles. It's not all bad. Since u love her so much, just help her stop and shed remain honest to you. And dude. Get her pregnant, call her more, show her plenty love, bring out the wild tiger in her, bang her hard, pamper her soft. Go on dates and ud be fine. Also never shy to tell her how fine she is.

alutacontinua:

Thanks.
This is sure gonna be interesting.
*chilling mode activated*

please i am at the sit row behind you, the popcorn remain?

This is quite interesting.

Op, I don't think your wife is cheating. She is probably just the most stupid woman on the face of the earth

No cheating wife would tell the husband she is cheating

No cheating wife would make the mistake of letting the husband know she's been in e neighbour's room

No cheating woman would leave an implicating message on her phone for her husband to see

Having said that, you seriously need to do something about your wife's stupidity before she hurts herself. Then on her colleague, you need to invite the guy to your house and give him some whipping in front of your wife (if you need help, please let me know).

Odidire: This is the saddest day of my life. I am totally devastated.

Couldn't go to work, being shedding tears all day. Can't believe she would cheat on me. And looking back, it's probably been happening for a long time.

Sad thing is that she is like an angel. Everyone says she personifies good manners and proper upbringing. Now I know better.

Thanks everyone. I know just what to do.

Have you actually confirmed that she's cheating?

Well I can't really say but it looks like shez cheating on u and using ur head d same time, sorry bro man up and take care of ur family issues instead of crying here

clemz85:

please i am at the sit row behind you, the popcorn remain?

I'll tell 190 to get you some when I sight him, he went to serve the people at the far back.





*just to be serious for once on this thread, I'll think it'll do some good if the thread is moved to family section. You'll get more matured responses from there.

First of all.i need this in the front page for more advice. And my broda try to get more info set trap for her and let this be ur job for the next three month

Odidire: . In the heat of the quarrel, my wife bloated out "You want to know the truth, I slept with my colleague X (the guy at the event some months ago), I also slept with Mr. Y and Mr. Z (Mr. Z being my neighbor). I was devastated. After she had calmed down, she came around and apologized, claiming it was a lie and she said it to get back at me. I believed her and forgot all about the incidence until yesterday.

Did you accuse her of infidelity ( ur silly prank) for her to blurt the bolded out? If not, then most likely she is cheating.

BTW A guy comes to meet you and says he is sleeping with your wife. Dude, guys usually don't do that ish playfully unless there is an element of truth and come to think of it, she replied you calmly. A serious innocent partner go para no matter the temperament. That is even if this story is true

guy, sorry to say this but if you cannot live with the allegations of adultery and her suspicious moves divorce ger, if you can relax and forgive her. ps next time go to mr x office and harrass him for that statement.