Hi there,

What I am about to ask is MAINLY directed to the married couples in the house, as your contribution would be highly appreciated.

I was going through the dailies and came across the above topic and its really tricky.
Can a married person maintain a platonic relationship with the opposite sex without compromising their marriage?

As much as we are aware that so many things compete for our love and affection, Can these "external force" make or mar one's marital life?

It is advised that you get married to your spouse, but no matter how close you are to your spouse/kids, we often desire to have a kinship with others. Is it possible to have a healthy extra marital friendship?

While I have read about cases of where extra marital friendship have saved marriages from collapsing, the other way round is inevitable.

So, what's your say?

Yes, a married person can maintain a PLATONIC relationship with other MARRIED OR SINGLE EX-LOVERS OR CURRENT CRUSHES!

Too bad I don't keep friends. . . . MALE OR FEMALE!

I just PHOCK ya azzzzze and gerrrrid of ya!

I don't need no EMOTIONAL FERTILIZATION in my life. I can solve ALL my problems MYSELF!!!!

I absolutely have no such desire to keep TAGALONGS in my life, especially where MOST, if not ALL are such SOCIO-ECONOMIC MISFITS aka MGBEKES. . . . OR OKONGWUS . . . . . no matter how 'travelled'!!!

mgbeketoto: Yes, a married person can maintain a PLATONIC relationship with other MARRIED OR SINGLE EX-LOVERS OR CURRENT CRUSHES!

Too bad I don't keep friends. . . . MALE OR FEMALE!

I just PHOCK ya azzzzze and gerrrrid of ya!

I don't need no EMOTIONAL FERTILIZATION in my life. I can solve ALL my problems MYSELF!!!!

I absolutely have no such desire to keep TAGALONGS in my life, especially where MOST, if not ALL are such SOCIO-ECONOMIC MISFITS aka MGBEKES. . . . OR OKONGWUS . . . . . no matter how 'travelled'!!!

How true is the bolded?

Not a good idea


Humans are extremely possessive

Thanks

iebanehita:

How true is the bolded?

I have not encountered ANY problem I could not solve!
Abi you don hear of problem wey no get am for soluSHUN?

Not into FASTING AND PRAYING . . .for the mentally-challenged/handicap!

^^

You said "all by yourself?". I get to wonder if you possess all the knowledge in solving ALL your problems?!!

chaircover:


apologies, but I dont really understand your post

First you say platonic relationship, then you go on to say extra marital relationship. These are 2 different things, or have i got the meanings wrong.

I have on the odd occasion heard where a couple claim that an extra marital relationship healed their marriage/made it better, but I very much doubt the authenticity of that, bearing in mind this goes against the foundations of a good marriage.

As for having friendships with the opposite sex only if all parties, are honest, open about it, respect their partners feelings, there is trust, integrity and all parties are OK with it. It will be better if the friend is a family friend rather than just one partys friend

Thanks ma'am for your response.

I meant that can someone have an extra-marital relationship/friendship that will be platonic?

I believe extra-marital relationship means relationship outside marriage. Your response was on point.

iebanehita:

Thanks ma'am for your response.

I meant that can someone have an extra-marital relationship/friendship that will be platonic?

I believe extra-marital relationship means relationship outside marriage. Your response was on point.

You keep contradicting yourself . .

'relationships' = affair . . . One can be friends with someone without necessarily having an affair with the person.

Much as we claim to be enlightened, etc and can have platonic relationships, I would like to say you shouldn't make it ' extra marital'if you like a person of the opposite sex and want to be friends introduce them into it marriage. let them also be friends with your spouse. Because the truth is when you are no longer single so you need to learn that when you spend time with this person away from your spouse, without your spouses knowledge or permission you are cheating emotionally. Plus when u have to lie to it spouse about where you've been, what does that do to honesty in your relationship?

iebanehita: ^^

You said "all by yourself?". I get to wonder if you possess all the knowledge in solving ALL your problems?!!

Yes!
I have ALWAYS done JUST THAT!
By using what I have TO GET WHAT I NEED/WANT!!!
ALL BY MYSELF!!!!

Ujujoan:

You keep contradicting yourself . .

'relationships' = affair . . . One can be friends with someone without necessarily having an affair with the person.

I get your point, but isn't friendship a kind of relationship?
Correct me if I am wrong?

biolabee: Not a good idea


Humans are extremely possessive

Thanks

Are you generalizing that its all humans?

Bludeville:

You have said well. Provided that both partners respect each other's feeling and there is trust and honesty, it is OK to have one outside marriage.

mgbeketoto:

If I may ask, are you married, with kids?

What has been your greatest challenge, and how did you overcome it?

iebanehita: Hi there,

What I am about to ask is MAINLY directed to the married couples in the house, as your contribution would be highly appreciated.

I was going through the dailies and came across the above topic and its really tricky.
Can a married person maintain a platonic relationship with the opposite sex without compromising their marriage?

As much as we are aware that so many things compete for our love and affection, Can these "external force" make or mar one's marital life?

It is advised that you get married to your spouse, but no matter how close you are to your spouse/kids, we often desire to have a kinship with others. Is it possible to have a healthy extra marital friendship?

While I have read about cases of where extra marital friendship have saved marriages from collapsing, the other way round is inevitable.

So, what's your say?

My reply is in response to the bolded bit ONLY. The rest of your post is misleading, contradictory and I won't bother trying to 'untangle' it.

Yes, it is possible to have platonic friendships with the opposite gender whilst married. Why not? No man is an island and in this day and age, you get to meet people from different works of life as part of your day-to-day activities:

~ At work, you get to work with colleagues of the opposite s.ex. You communicate with them, go for team nights / lunches / pub quizzes as part of the team-bonding spirit. To regularly refuse to partake would do you no favours and only help in making you stick out as a sore thumb. As long as you keep your other half informed esp. if the event is scheduled for after work, then I see no problem.

~ Baby toddler groups: If you've got a little one of pre-school age, you're bound to come across other mums and dads at your local library under 5 sessions or activities held for the little one. Won't you communicate with them whilst there? You even get to share one or two handy tips regarding stuff concerning your kids. Same thing again if you've got older kids in primary / secondary school. You get to meet the other parents and interact with them

I could go on and on listing instances of when you meet people of the opposite s.ex but that is life in itself isn't it? So what's wrong with forming platonic friendships. As long as you're able to hold a conversation with these person's in the presence of your spouse without feeling guilty (i.e: proving you've got nothing to hide), then what is the problem?

Double post.

^^
Great response.

Hope this would clarify the "supposed misinterpreted question is given below:

I read a story of a wife, whose hubby was based here in Nigeria, but she went for a training abroad and met a great guy in the course of the programme.

When she comes home, she discussed her new found friend with the hubby and how he has been of great help to her. hence, the hubby was cool with it.


After a while........


Wifey who was so keen to have sex, as before, started withdrawing, whenever she is at home during holiday. There was a noticeable difference in the way wifey responds to touch from the hubby.

Whenever hubby mentioned it, she brushes it aside and said its nothing to worry about. That "its one of those things that happens in marriage when you are far apart."

Hence, hubby suspected cheating and starts nurturing the idea of having casual sex with his female friends, just like he thought wifey is doing.

In this scenario above, is the extra-marital friendship healthy?

Is the "external force"(the supposed great guy)making or marring the marriage of her married friend?

Why not

iebanehita:

If I may ask, are you married, with kids?

What has been your greatest challenge, and how did you overcome it?

Yes darling. . .VERY-VERY-VERY-HAPPILY MARRIED WITH KIDS!
3 MARRIAGES UNDER MY BELT DARLING(will get to the 4th one in 2015 if my sugar daddy pays the right price ). . .LIFE IS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!
No challenge sweeerie at all darling!
Nothing money cannot buy. . .INCLUDING HAPPINESS!
Absolutely NO CHALLENGE.

Even on my death bed. . .life will not be a challenge darling!
Na 'una' level be dat o!
Abi you see moi for 'are-you-having-problem-making-babies'/letter-to-my-future-husband sections of NL. . . fasting and praying for this in or out of NL?

*Sorry had to change to another ID. . .Sick of the old ones!

Friends of the opposite sex in a marriage is a big no for me.

Hmm..

Ok maybe not all humans but every warm blooded human

Efemena has explained it perfectly


You need relationships around you as no (wo)man is an island

So with your story, the man suspects the woman and suddenly your solution is that we should keep or not keep opposite gender friends

iebanehita:

Are you generalizing that its all humans?

Kanwulia:

Mgbeketoto or Kanwulia..lol

Never knew you were a babe!.. Are you a Nigerian sef?. Your last post was really funny.

3Marriages ke?... What kind of life would you want your kids to live? You are one weird lady!

@chaircover.. I have to brainstorm in answering your questions ma'am. I am in church now. Decided to take a break. Will get back to ya'all later.

chaircover:


All said and done, friendships of the opposite sex are on shaky ground when one of the relationships is not working and the person is vulnerable and the friend is acting as an agony uncle/aunt.

After getting to the bottom of the whole issue and sorting out the wife's cold attitude towards him, are you ruling out the fact that friendship with the opposite sex, outside marriage can't be worked on?

Because in your previous post, you said its OK to have one, provided the necessary conditions are in place.

dayokanu: Why not

What's why not?
how do you handle the challenges that comes with it?

^^ You're awfully keen on this topic, aren't you? Or are you the lady in question?

biolabee: Hmm..

Ok maybe not all humans but every warm blooded human

Every warm-blooded human is as good as sayin all human na. Or are some humans cold-blooded?

biolabee:

Efemena has explained it perfectly


You need relationships around you as no (wo)man is an island

So with your story, the man suspects the woman and suddenly your solution is that we should keep or not keep opposite gender friends

Can we do without friends, ásides our wife(who is our best friend)?

What I am saying is that we encounter challenges in our daily lives. So, how do you tackle the challenges as they come?

Efemena_xy: ^^ You're awfully keen on this topic, aren't you? Or are you the lady in question?

Lady ke?

Am a dude na, who wants to learn.
I guess you are a ma'am?

iebanehita:

Lady ke?

Am a dude na, who wants to learn.
I guess you are a ma'am?

I am neither. I am a transgender. Was born a male trapped in a female body, but ever since my budget operation at Brazil, I've become a happy, fulfilled individual.

Hope you haven't got a problem with that??

chaircover:

I dont really understand what you are saying. You seem to be speaking in a lot of parables. How about coming out with it all rather than piece meal.

What I meant in my quoute is this

If you are going through a rough patch in your marriage, having a friend of the opposite sex acting as an aginy uncle or aunty may not be the best as you are quite vunerable in this situation and may not be thinking straight and you are more at risk of being taken advantage of

and since these marital tiffs are almost inevitable, it then means such friendships should be discouraged. a woman in her lowest ebb can be taken advantage of....

in my opinion, no true friendship exists between a tiger and a gazelle.