I promised I would write about this and I must say, I have wanted to, for quite a while. Recently there have been so many stories in the news about House-helps (domestic helps/cleaners) being abused by their employers.

Often its not a case of abuse but that of sublime slavery where the “agents” who are usually referred to as “Aunties” and “Uncles” take such a large portion of what the house helps earn that what these people end up with is less than half the minimum wage (they are often not paid directly). Last week my in law was shocked to discover the girl she had been paying a certain amount on a monthly basis hadn't even seen her salary for months . When the "Aunt" was asked, it appeared this was totally intentional.

I have visited homes where the housemaids were afraid to sit on chairs so they always found a corner on the floor to sit and eat their meals, they never seemed like they cared because they feel no one cared for them they were always tense.

So many women, especially in Africa ask themselves “Should I get a househelp?” at one time or another. There are so many schools of thought, from those who feel that having a maid is a necessity to those who feel they are performing a humanitarian service by offering education, housing, feeding in return for their chores being done and we also have those who judge those who have househelps, they feel if you need a househelp you are a lazy, unscrupulous, and a child abuser who does not deserve to be called a wife.

It is wrong to make such harsh generalisations, many women do require help and rightly so. If you take pride in being self-sufficient, but just because you can do something doesn't mean you always have to. Particularly when there are a lot of other somethings competing for your limited time and energy. Many women work hard in all aspects of their life, but there are no extra points awarded for working harder than you have to. Just what are we trying to prove, and to whom? We all pay for conveniences and we all choose different things in which to invest our time. I don't think I'm “too posh” to make bread just because I buy mine at the store.

However there are certain guidelines I think should be adhered to when to comes to the matter.

A house help should be capable of keeping all the cash she earns if she is not considered old enough to do this then perhaps she is not old enough to be a domestic help in the first place. This cuts off the harsh profiteering of the agents.

For young live-in househelps, they should be encouraged to have a life that does not only revolve around cleaning your home and taking care of your children. If she is not schooling then she should be enrolled in some kind of vocational training etc…An idle mind is the devils workshop, many women will agree with me when I say that washing the dishes and sweeping floors are tasks that don't require much thought, their minds need to be stimulated as a matter of course.
As a rule of thumb, if you cannot afford to pay them the minimum wage then having a house help might really not be an option. Before you work with an individual there is a lot to consider–one issue being whether you'll be using that person’s services frequently enough, and paying him or her enough for the frequency and duration of their labour. It just makes things feel simpler and frankly, less sticky and in line with your conscience.
Husbands and wives should come to the decision together. If you agree that there will be no hired help then both of you need to pull your weight. If there is going to be a hired help then you must agree to treat such a person with as much care, love and Godly counsel as you would any other member of you household.

Many of the people I know who have cleaning help have them come once a week, to do major scrubbing and other things while they maintain their homes themselves during the week. I think this is an option many families should explore.

You don't necessarily have to “import” someone from a faraway village who you are scared to leave around you kids because you are not sure what they might teach them, or if she or he is bitter because they feels "left-out". Find someone who would be pleased to make the extra cash without you taking on their entire responsibility because to be honest, that takes A LOT and very few people can do that efficiently without searing their conscience somewhere along the line.
Read full article here: http://www.covenantrelationships.org/2013/08/the-househelp-question.html#sthash.upNXzPER.dpuf

I for one prefer the cleaning help come in once a week.Its tidier, more convenient and often always done by an ADULT.I am not one of those people who judge and sneer at people that have house helps but I kinda draw the line at using a 12 yr old pre pubescent child as:

Nannny, Cook, Washman, Cleaner, sometimes shop girl etc

Heck some 12 yr old cant even bath themselves properly not to talk of shouldering such huge responsiblities.

We had househelps while growing up and they were always over 16.My mum never used to kid herself cos she would say she is not looking to take on another baby .But she had friends who thought she was tempting my dad . My mum gave them 2 weekends a month off and even gave them money aside their salaries to fix their hair.Her response was often if I cant trust my husband not to behave himself with hired help I truly have no businesd being married to such a person.

I know everyone says this but we really treated them well, like 2 are still in touch with my mum and are now madams in their own right. They both played active roles at my wedding.I remember one (cant forget she was so nice she was like my elder sister) Sister Adijah.My mum fought tooth and nail for them not to take her into a forced marriage.I think she was about 19 and she had been betrothed to one old alfa (islamic cleric).She was already writing GCE with us and was very very brainy, one thing my dad was very passionate about was the girl child being empowered.It was such a tense time in our house cos my parents did not want to let het go and her ' uncle' accussed my parents of using her her 'head' for spiritual purposes .It was messy and eventually my grandpa told my mum to let her go.I wonder where she is today

Very pretty, sophisticated no one ever believed she was our house help.

Hmmmmm nice topic..

Interesting article.

It should also be noted that some of the reasons why a large percentage of househelp get raw deals at the hands if their so called employers are:

~ There aren't any checks in place to start with. Checks to ensure that people below a certain age - minors - are not taken advantage of. One cannot even claim that the system is broken, because it never existed in the first place. There should be stringent employment laws in place regarding the "employment" of children.

Take for example, children, even babies who appear in adverts or entertainment soaps in the west. There are strict rules which must be adhered to, one of which includes the minimum/maximum number if hours a week they are allowed to work. But then again there is almost no basis for comparism with their Nigerian counterparts used for domestic services as these "domestic services" are little more than glorified recipients of slavery and child abuse.

~ Societal Acceptance: Let's face it - the Nigerian society does encourage this atrocity, and this spans across all social groups, ranging from your below average income earners (what ever that is) barely able to eke a living for themselves, to the top earners. Granted, those who earn more will be able to afford these helps a decent standard of living, but this is not always the case. Most times, the inhuman treatments metted out to these poor souls stem from the lower classes. And why not? In a society where these helps can be obtained at two-a-penny, and changed at will and just as easily as the "madams" switch colours of their nail varnish.

There is no denying this evil that sits comfortably in our society. The first step to achieving change is to overhaul peoples attitudes and perceptions. People need to realise that a child or young adult forced into servitude due to their financial curcumstances, does not make them any less human than you or I. They too are living breathing souls with blood running through their veins and they deserve to be treated like EQUALS.

Yes, there are some government campaigns like NAPTIP that address these problems, but a lot more needs to be done. There needs to be a safety net for people who report cases of child abuse, moreso for the children involved. The police and other government / charitable bodies / social services networks need to expanded so they can reach all corners of the country, even to those far out in rural areas. These bodies also need to well funded in order to swiftly perform their jobs, and properly. By doing so, doubtlessly lives will be saved. Innocent lives.

Finally, those in contact with these vulnerable souls: e.g. Neighbours, teachers, nurses, chemists, doctors, religious heads (pastors, Sunday school teachers, those at mosques...{sorry, not sure what they're called}) etc should all be encouraged to speak up at the first sign of child abuse and report to the relevant authorities without fear of persecution.

Bottom line: It should be our collective responsibility to look out for each other and be our brothers keepers.

Op Nice Topic!!

@CC and Efe You are right that its a thing that needs a mindset change.In the Nigerian Dad thread it seemed like I was kinda making my Dad into some kind of matyr but one of his many values he (my mum too but more him) impacted into me was you need treat EVERY human being irrespective of who or what they are as you would want to be treated.Everyone that knows me says I am kinda 'soft' when dealing with people but I just cant help being that way.Thats how I was brought up.

All our househelps were older so first off mum and dad made us call them sister. My younger bro still jokes that its only in our house that house helps had more rights than the children of the house .My Dads favourite mantra was they too are someone's children.My Dad's behaviour was consistently like that to all people you would consider beneath him.I remember the konk I got when he caught me sitting in 'owners corner' when his driver was taking me to school
I went to a quite superficial sec school and most people used to say my driver .Dem no born me well.My mum sef used to caution him cos he was kinda too lenient on his staff.

The flipside is sometimes (not all the time) in the Nigerian society, people like my Dad are seen as mugus.Haaa that my oga na real mugu.Someone who decided to treat the next person as a human being like himself is seen as a fool.I saw that happen too many times to my Dad.He was firm but certain liberties which should be normal anyway were often seen as ok yes this one can be taken for a ride.Its puzzling to know that some of these people actually are more comfortable being treated like less humans.

I'v got a question. Why do Nigerian women always say they need live-in help to take care of their families? The excuse is always juggling home keeping with husband pleasing and child rearing and work placing. This seems to be peculiar to African families as I don't see same in families from other countries. Why is this so?

LewsTherin: I'v got a question. Why do Nigerian women always say they need live-in help to take care of their families? The excuse is always juggling home keeping with husband pleasing and child rearing and work placing. This seems to be peculiar to African families as I don't see same in families from other countries. Why is this so?

Please help me ask o!
My cousins with three,two and five kids respectively are not in nigeria yet no househelp. One is a dr,still they can cope.
Myopic mentality.
I live and work in nigeria and in my early yrs of marriage with all d stress involved but I can't imagine getting a gal I can load over. What r nannies there for?
Oh I forgot,we lv to show off very well.
Even a woman with kids in public school still has househelp(s)
I laugh in chinese!

That reminds me of something, over d weekend,I organised an out door party nd some ladies came with their househelps. I just don't want to say what my eyes saw. I developed headache overnight.
I stii laugh in chinese!!

Sorry, I am going to be lil source of diversion on the thread. . . . . .

Please Chaircover, I've been trying to reach you. I just sent you a message thru nairaland.

Please reply back or tell me how I can get accross

Cheap labor. Why get it for more when you can get it for less? Even if it comes at the expense of another human being's happiness and wellbeing.

Too many wicked people, sheep and non thinkers abound. Some are too daft to realize their wickedness, they just do it how they have seen it done. Can't differentiate between abuse and discipline.

The children are not empowered to escape abusive situations.

Greed; child trafficking. Parents/uncles who will collect the bulk of the poor child's wages only to sell her into marriage when she gets her first period.

Lawmakers and law enforcement that couldn't be arsed.

The lower class not on NL to see this thread.

God save the poor children.

Damiso, that post of yours is just spot on!

You know, we've had helps for as long as I can remember, but did it make a difference to our upbringing? Especially for us girls?? No!

Two mature female househelp (way older than me then), two drivers and a gardener - yet I had my own bit to play. Just check out my routine back then:

~ Wake up by 5:00am and wash both cars - mum's and dad's. Then check the oil level and colour (had to be clear and not black), then top up the radiator, take out the foot mats, dust and clean the interiors of both cars. Then rev / warm up the engines.

~ Both cars sorted, had to put some water to boil for momsie's bath, peel yams and put to boil for breakfast and while those where on fire, had to sweep both inside and outside the house and compound.

~ By 7:00am, breakfast already cooked, mum's bath sorted, ironed her clothes, then had to wake my younger ones for a bath. Then have my own bath, pack my school bag and check that all my assignments were completed the night before (with a thumping heart)

~ 7:30 ish: Drivers go don arrive and dey vex with me say I dey do their job. Wetin I wan prove?

~ Me yelling at my younger ones say make we commot na! And me threatening to storm off on my own to school. Who wated get flogged for late coming sef? Driver takes us lot to school - and yes, I had to sit in front o! No "owner's corner" too. But who cared anyway?

The pressure was less after school though but that didn't exempt me from cooking and ironing down for the next day.


Yeah, we had helps, but not for me or us. They were answerable to my parents and parents only. I can't even begin to tell you how many times they reported my misdeeds...left me wondering whose side my parents really were on!

It's all good sha. The hands in training was invaluable and I'll forever be grateful to my parents and the helps we had.

I hold this phrase in high esteem and it is the basis of my relationship with people.. "Do unto others as you want them to do unto you...."

This matter transcends house-helps and also include our relationships with people we think are lesser than us in the society as well as our peers. I always try to put myself in situations before reacting. The question I always ask people maltreating others especially house-helps is "if the table were turn, would you be happy to be treated this way or would you be happy to see your children being subjected to servitude and slavery because of condition you have no control over." If he/she would be happy to accept such treatment joyfully, then I have no problem with it.

I will not stop saying it, our principal problem in the nation is ourselves and not just the government. We are so self centered and greedy that we care less about others. How will somebody that doesn't even care about his extended family will pay attention to the needs of a low-lifer brought to be used as a slave.

The most painful aspect is that, this act is usually perpetrated by the religious hypocrites who leave substance and keep chasing shadows... I hope there is a strict enforcement on the law against child labour. There should be a minimum age and qualification for house-help, at least minimum of 16 and SSCE (it doesn't matter if it is f9 parallel).

I just shake my head when some People call me perfectionist and Ruth when house chores/ help discussion comes up ( not NL) ..... Just can't wrap my head around how people sleep at night with these strangers under thesame roof with their kids!

Dami... I remembered mine too, 2 precisely ,they are Ghanians in their late forties( could be ageing due to the uprising in their country back then) but remembered they went back and retired when the war was over( always thot it was war cos we literally had Ghanians everywhere in Nigeria then) shoemakers, teachers( hot cakes cos of their ascent ) etc.

I'm just confused and can't grasp why some women can't do their own chores themselves .... I don't get it honestly.

chaircover:

I think your answer lies in a number of reasons

1. many times the husbands dont help around the house

2. The houses are larger and so need more maintenance. For example the larger the house, the larger the space that needs sweeping in and outside the house. The more the bathrooms, the more that need to be cleaned. There is also the dust issue

3. Some people are just plain lazy

4. Life is generally more difficult and what will take me a couple of minutes to do here may take me much longer in Nigeria. e.g going to market. Here I can buy everything I need in one shop, but in Nigeria I will have to go from stall to stall, pricing etc
Here I plug my hoover and away I go. In Nigeria, if there is no light, I either have to sweep with broom, wait for nepa to bring light or go and switch on my gen

5. Bad management - some people dont have house-helps and they still maintain clean and tidy homes. If people sat down and managed the jobs properly, then it wont be so difficult. I see people cook stew, turn off burner, then put on rice. what a waste of time! why not use two burners at the same time?

6. Big madam syndrome - I know of someone whose house-girls help her carry her bag to the hairdresser on the next street.

These are the few I can think of

I will add some more:

-Wages. If people in other countries could pay peanuts to have people do all this stuff for them, there would be more people doing it. To be able to afford a live in housekeeper in the west, you probably have to be in the top 2% of income earners.

-Laws protecting children and workers.

-Government resources to help the poor take care of their own children so they don't feel the need to traffic them for money.

ileobatojo:

I will add some more:

-Wages. If people in other countries could pay peanuts to have people do all this stuff for them, there would be more people doing it. To be able to afford a live in housekeeper in the west, you probably have to be in the top 2% of income earners.

-Laws protecting children and workers.

-Government resources to help the poor take care of their own children so they don't feel the need to traffic them for money .

Government should enforce china like law on family planning based on income Or they ( poor) should stop having more kids they can't cater for.

jidegirl12:

Government should enforce china like law on family planning based in your income Or they ( poor) should stop having more kids they can't cater for?

I'm sorry. What?

4rm my sista's experiences, all I can say is if u need any form of domestic chores done, pay a NANNY. Does her chores n goes back home, every1 is happy.

ileobatojo:

I'm sorry. What?

Wasn't referring to you.. I rushed my typing sorry modified

jidegirl12:

Wasn't referring to you.. I rushed my typing sorry modified

No yawa.

In a country or continent that believes children come with what they need to prosper from heaven, it weill be difficilt to introduce birth control

If the govt were fair and social justice existed, this issue will have been phased out

Is it not this same country that believes an underage girl can marry and is full age

So why should they give 2 if the girl is a househelp

Go to the streets, the children hawking do they have no head?

Until there is a social safety net and enforcement of existing legislation, there would be another househelp thread in 2 weeks time

Jeez CC, it was tough o!

I even forgot to mention the weekend gardening and poultry! We had a large chicken farm at the far end of that garden. 250 black layers and 100 broilers. Guess who had to shoo the chickens to one end of their open cooch? Then carry shovel begin shovelling the 5 inch layers of chicken shyte mixed with saw dust?

Moi! And my siblings. Then we'll sweep, rinse and disinfect with Izal or Dettol, then add a fresh layer of saw dust, clean their drinking bowls and feeding troughs, add clean water + their medicine in it, plus a rock to stop those birds from upturning their bowls! Put fresh feeds in their troughs, then shoo the "happy" birds back in.

Afterwhich we'll collect the sacks of shyte Abi manure. Choi! See life! And if dem take light or seize tap water after all that work...

Guess who had to clean the whole lot come Christmas season? Thankfully, mumsie did the killing, but we had to dip them in boiling water, pluck off the feathers and remove the entrails. Sometimes as much as 20 fowls per girl! Ha!

Other times it was proper gardening...weeding around the flowers, watering it even planting bitterleaf, Ugwu and Okro... Loved planting though...corns, pineapples, and yams...

ileobatojo:

No yawa.

Yawa (weird, when do you start saying slangs? )

@Topic ..I hope that kind of law is enforced in Nigeria tho.

chaircover:

I think your answer lies in a number of reasons

3. Some people are just plain lazy

4. Life is generally more difficult and what will take me a couple of minutes to do here may take me much longer in Nigeria. e.g going to market. Here I can buy everything I need in one shop, but in Nigeria I will have to go from stall to stall, pricing etc
Here I plug my hoover and away I go. In Nigeria, if there is no light, I either have to sweep with broom, wait for nepa to bring light or go and switch on my gen

5. Bad management - some people dont have house-helps and they still maintain clean and tidy homes. If people sat down and managed the jobs properly, then it wont be so difficult. I see people cook stew, turn off burner, then put on rice. what a waste of time! why not use two burners at the same time?

6. Big madam syndrome - I know of someone whose house-girls help her carry her bag to the hairdresser on the next street.

These are the few I can think of

No doubt. Mostly I just think it's a combo of big madam and lazy dumasses.

I live in Nigeria. Lagos sef. Wifey and I do major shopping once a month. That should take care of the tine issue. No? Cleaning lady comes in once a week. Does the serious stuff. It's all about management. I know people that need the help to hand them the TV remote so they can change channels. I mean wtf! And nobody should tell me we're not busy. Try running a biz with a 7 to 8 time period. 6 bloody days a week!

chaircover:

I think your answer lies in a number of reasons

1. many times the husbands dont help around the house

2. The houses are larger and so need more maintenance. For example the larger the house, the larger the space that needs sweeping in and outside the house. The more the bathrooms, the more that need to be cleaned. There is also the dust issue

3. Some people are just plain lazy

4. Life is generally more difficult and what will take me a couple of minutes to do here may take me much longer in Nigeria. e.g going to market. Here I can buy everything I need in one shop, but in Nigeria I will have to go from stall to stall, pricing etc
Here I plug my hoover and away I go. In Nigeria, if there is no light, I either have to sweep with broom, wait for nepa to bring light or go and switch on my gen

5. Bad management - some people dont have house-helps and they still maintain clean and tidy homes. If people sat down and managed the jobs properly, then it wont be so difficult. I see people cook stew, turn off burner, then put on rice. what a waste of time! why not use two burners at the same time?

6. [b]Big madam syndrome - I know of someone whose house-girls help her carry her bag to the hairdresser on the next street.

These are the few I can think of

The bolded join am.You know I am always joking that I want to move to Nigeria to do oga madam ..Madamism ( I need to copyright that word ) is also a big factor.
Like yellowpaw paw said some people cannot anywhere with their kids without the househelps.

When I visit Nigeria, my friends some who dont have 9 to 5 jobs will come and visit.Here are some of the scenarios;

The housegirl carrying everything plus the baby tagging along behind.She walks in tells the housegirl to go and tell the driver to switch off the AC in the car as her fuel is wasting.I say ahan in this heat let him come in now, she says no its not necessary let him stay in the car.I say ahan in this heat let him come In jo, she says so where will he stay, abi you want him to be listening to our conversation. Thankfully my mums flat has one small sitting area so he can stay there.She banishes housegirl there too till she is needed.She wants her to take the kids I say no.


Our kids are playing and then feeding, me I don sort everything dey feed my pikin, she calls housegirl, to come feed child.Tells me to let housegirl take over mine too. I say how many hands does the girl have.They soil their diapers, I want to change my daughter she what are you doing let patience come and change her, I say patience ko jonathan ni who changes it for me in the Uk.Kids are getting boisterous, I give my daughter a look and tell her does she want a treat so she has to behave, get out crayons and paper.My friend says what are you doing let patience come and take them outside to play.I say why patience let them colour a lil after we take them outside.She is like who has time for all this one, you don dey think like oyinbo. They are disturbing our gist naa.What am I paying patience (had to change the name who knows whose reading what ) for? .I SMH and say na wa o.Its meant to be a playdate if we want to gist without them we go out and organise the grandmas to have them so we have OUR time away from the kids.

Maybe because I do it all myself sha, I puzzle at the over dependence.

Efemena_xy: Jeez CC, it was tough o!

I even forgot to mention the weekend gardening and poultry! We had a large chicken farm at the far end of that garden. 250 black layers and 100 broilers. Guess who had to shoo the chickens to one end of their open cooch? Then carry shovel begin shovelling the 5 inch layers of chicken shyte mixed with saw dust?

Moi! And my siblings. Then we'll sweep, rinse and disinfect with Izal or dettol, then add a fresh layer of saw dust, clean their drinking bowls and feeding troughs, add clean water + their medicine in it, plus a rock ti stop those birds from upturning their bowls! put fresh feeds in their troughs, then shoo the "happy" birds back in.

Then collect the sacks of shyte Abi manure. Choi! See life! And if dem take light or seize tap water after all that work...

Guess who had to clean the whole lot come Christmas season? Thankfully, mumsie did the killing, but we had to dip them in boiling water, pluck the feathers and remove the entrails. Sometimes as much as 20 fowls per girl! Ha!

Other times it was proper gardening...weeding around the flowers, watering it even planting bitterleaf, Ugwu and okro... Loved planting though...corns, pineapples, and yams...

You did all that?? *gulps*