A very close friend came to my house today and discussed this with me.... He said he met his wife sometimes July, 2013 and after few weeks, he impregnated her and this led to Introduction ceremony which was held late September same year. Hence the wife works with one of these new generation banks as TSR (Teller) while my friend is a federal civil servant.

They had their wedding early December same year. Immediately the wife moved in, my friend said he started noticing strange things like change in attitude, most of the things she once told my friend about herself and family background before their marriage were lies.

Be informed that my friend single handedly sponsored their intro and the wedding proper in which he spent millions because the wife claimed she is into contribution (Ajo) as a result of which she doesnt has anything left from her monthly take home.

Between when they met and now, my friend said he doesn't know how the wife spends her salary because all she keeps saying is her money goes to monthly contribution and she has never brought a penny home being the proceed of the contribution since they met. My friend said he is the one running the expenses of their home as the wife doesn't support him. In addition, they have a son now who is 18 months old.

The question is should my friend continue with this marriage or file for divorce considering the fact that the wife doesn't support him even buying of baby's food and paying of house rent and creche money and other family expenses, the wife doesn't support him at all. What can he do please?

Please what is the duty of a husband ?

He should file for divorce ni ...and he should remember to state reasons clearly in court! Trust me, he would be granted his wish with spousal and child support thrown in! Whew!


Pls tell him to talk to his wife. If it doesn't work, he should form his own ajo too by making the money abit scarce in the house.simple. Really, finance is no longer a one man show in marriage now...it's a collaboration.

Above me lies d solution thy friend's problem,....

Make he form him own Ajo too

Relates to a family story.

Over 30years the man's the one taking care of the home.
Shouldering all responsibilities from food, housing, fueling of cars, school fees, everything......the man cares not tho they are on the same level and step in federal secondary schools as principals in their respective schools.
Even before the need arises he would have provided.
The wife doesn't know how she spends money...will even ask for cash from hubby when out of money.
Your friend should continue providing for his family.

OP, were you joking when you mentioned divorce? Because that would be one of the most stupid reasons for divorce I have ever heard.

That is what happens when you rush into marriage. They barely know each other and he is just discovering the kind of woman he married.

Solution is to explain things to his wife. He also needs to know what she does with her money. She's probably sending it to her family or building a house somewhere, but he needs to know for his own good.

Saylawchar:
A very close friend came to my house today and discussed this with me.... He said he met his wife sometimes July, 2013 and after few weeks, he impregnated her and this led to Introduction ceremony which was held late September same year. Hence the wife works with one of these new generation banks as TSR (Teller) while my friend is a federal civil servant.

They had their wedding early December same year. Immediately the wife moved in, my friend said he started noticing strange things like change in attitude, most of the things she once told my friend about herself and family background before their marriage were lies.

Be informed that my friend single handedly sponsored their intro and the wedding proper in which he spent millions because the wife claimed she is into contribution (Ajo) as a result of which she doesnt has anything left from her monthly take home.

Between when they met and now, my friend said he doesn't know how the wife spends her salary because all she keeps saying is her money goes to monthly contribution and she has never brought a penny home being the proceed of the contribution since they met. My friend said he is the one running the expenses of their home as the wife doesn't support him. In addition, they have a son now who is 18 months old.

The question is should my friend continue with this marriage or file for divorce considering the fact that the wife doesn't support him even buying of baby's food and paying of house rent and creche money and other family expenses, the wife doesn't support him at all. What can he do please

he should continue with the marriage & he must make sure the relationship is symbiotic instead of the parasitic relationship your friend seems to be having. your friend should go back to the tactics board......

he's a man & he should be proud that he can provide for his wife & family. since the woman isn't bringing any bacon home at all, she must contribute in the form of domestic service.

washing, cooking, ironing, etc must be the exclusive preserve of the wife. illness or tiredness isn't an excuse. she must be available at all times to contribute her quota to the family.

Talk to her about it and while at it find out or investigate Independently on what she's spending money on apart from cooperative because I don't think it's possible saving all your salary on cooperative

coogar:


he should continue with the marriage & he must make sure the relationship is symbiotic instead of the parasitic relationship your friend seems to be having. your friend should go back to the tactics board......

he's a man & he should be proud that he can provide for his wife & family. since the woman isn't bringing any bacon home at all, she must contribute in the form of domestic service.

washing, cooking, ironing, etc must be the exclusive preserve of the wife. illness or tiredness isn't an excuse. she must be available at all times to contribute her quota to the family.

gbam. Seconded at least if she cant contribute financially she should be able to contribute domestically except when she's sick or tired.compelling her to work when she's sick or tired shows insensitivity and lack of consideration for the wife's feelings

his wife is stingy let him talk to his wife or better still reduce the money he provides a little bit she must contribute at least a little but the husband must help her in household chores if he is not helping in house hold chores and he wants his wife to bring money into the family that will not work

SAMBARRY:
gbam. Seconded at least if she cant contribute financially she should be able to contribute domestically except when she's sick or tired.compelling her to work when she's sick or tired shows insensitivity and lack of consideration for the wife's feelings

the husband has never used illness/sickness not to contribute financially to the family. why should the wife hide behind illness to avoid responsibility?

if she's really sick then she should call her mother to stand in for her while she's recuperating. the house must be squeaky clean at all times.

coogar:


the husband has never used illness/sickness not to contribute financially to the family. why should the wife hide behind illness to avoid responsibility?

if she's really sick then she should call her mother to stand in for her while she's recuperating. the house must be squeaky clean at all times.

You sef

So an elderly woman WIll leave her own house to come and clean the daughters house and then one thing WIll lead to another. Abi you no dey hear of son in laws sleeping with their mother in-laws

Why do I have this feeling that it's your story.

coogar:


he should continue with the marriage & he must make sure the relationship is symbiotic instead of the parasitic relationship your friend seems to be having. your friend should go back to the tactics board......

he's a man & he should be proud that he can provide for his wife & family. since the woman isn't bringing any bacon home at all, she must contribute in the form of domestic service.

washing, cooking, ironing, etc must be the exclusive preserve of the wife. illness or tiredness isn't an excuse. she must be available at all times to contribute her quota to the family.

this is it, no more story

SAMBARRY:


You sef

So an elderly woman WIll leave her own house to come and clean the daughters house and then one thing WIll lead to another. Abi you no dey hear of son in laws sleeping with their mother in-laws

if she cannot trust her own mother to keep her legs closed then she'd better not put herself under the weather.

a wife that cannot contribute financially must find other ways she can contribute to her family. that to me is the fair deal!

coogar:


if she cannot trust her own mother to keep her legs closed then she'd better not put herself under the weather.

a wife that cannot contribute financially must find other ways she can contribute to her family. that to me is the fair deal!

yes you are right except in cases where I'll or tired.we're all human beings na.In a case where you compelling her to mop when she's tired and she slumps nko?

coogar:


he should continue with the marriage & he must make sure the relationship is symbiotic instead of the parasitic relationship your friend seems to be having. your friend should go back to the tactics board......

he's a man & he should be proud that he can provide for his wife & family. since the woman isn't bringing any bacon home at all, she must contribute in the form of domestic service.

washing, cooking, ironing, etc must be the exclusive preserve of the wife. illness or tiredness isn't an excuse. she must be available at all times to contribute her quota to the family.

My friend told me that he even employed someone that comes to the house and washes their clothes on weekends including the wife clothes and the baby's clothes. He also employed a cleaner that comes home every weekend to clean the house. That the wife claims she doesn't have the strength to be doing both considering her work schedule and she wakes up 5am to bath for the son and get him prepared for creche. My friend further said the wife doesn't make him breakfast nor keep food for him to eat. He cooks for himself most times.

SAMBARRY:
yes you are right except in cases where I'll or tired.we're all human beings na.In a case where you compelling her to mop when she's tired and she slumps nko?

The only thing she does that makes her tired is waking up 5am and get the son prepared for creche and drops him off by 7am because she has to resume to her bank latest 7:15am and she comes back home 7/8pm every day claiming that she's always tired.

coogar:


if she cannot trust her own mother to keep her legs closed then she'd better not put herself under the weather.

a wife that cannot contribute financially must find other ways she can contribute to her family. that to me is the fair deal!

What other ways can she be contributing please?

lilmax:
this is it, no more story

Mind you, most times family needs might be more than his financial capacity whereby the wife is suppose to come to his aid but she won't, rather start shouting that she will go and report the husband in his work place that he doesn't take care of her and her baby.

Brandnew2:
Why do I have this feeling that it's your story.

You might be right but mind you, the dude in question is my childhood friend. So am more concerned about it than anyone else. Most times I go to their house to settle issues

SAMBARRY:
yes you are right except in cases where I'll or tired.we're all human beings na.In a case where you compelling her to mop when she's tired and she slumps nko?

the husband could have slumped all these years too.

Saylawchar:

What other ways can she be contributing please?

domestic chores!

Saylawchar:

My friend told me that he even employed someone that comes to the house and washes their clothes on weekends including the wife clothes and the baby's clothes. He also employed a cleaner that comes home every weekend to clean the house.

your friend should sack all those people. the wife has lost the rights to be spoon-fed. if she's not contributing to the family financially, she doesn't deserve house-maids.

That the wife claims she doesn't have the strength to be doing both considering her work schedule and she wakes up 5am to bath for the son and get him prepared for creche.

work schedule?
she brings nothing home from the work schedule.....what's the point in going to work when her salary does not add a single dime to the family? your friend should make her tender her resignation at work & become a full time housewife.

My friend further said the wife doesn't make him breakfast nor keep food for him to eat. He cooks for himself most times.

tell him to cut out all those incentives.
the wife is taking the piss......your friend has been taking care of all the utility bills & that simply means he can cope even if the wife is unemployed.

coogar:


the husband has never used illness/sickness not to contribute financially to the family. why should the wife hide behind illness to avoid responsibility?

if she's really sick then she should call her mother to stand in for her while she's recuperating. the house must be squeaky clean at all times.

Mother ko, grandmother ni

What a world.....

Divorce bawo?

PresVA:


Mother ko, grandmother ni

as long as the job is done......
her grand-dad can join in as well.

Saylawchar:


The only thing she does that makes her tired is waking up 5am and get the son prepared for creche and drops him off by 7am because she has to resume to her bank latest 7:15am and she comes back home 7/8pm every day claiming that she's always tired.

That in itself can make any woman tired actually

It is possible that your friend's version of things isn't completely accurate. Perhaps he believes she earns a lot? Do bank tellers earn a lot? I suspect she's buying food into the home but her husband may not fully realise how financially overwhelming that can be. My husband for eg initially felt that buying food items in Lagos was like in his village where tomatoes are N5 a bowl as opposed to N400 for same bowl or smaller in Lagos.
She transports herself to work Abi? That's part of it too.the only issue I see here is a breakdown or lack of communication between them

coogar:


if she cannot trust her own mother to keep her legs closed then she'd better not put herself under the weather.

a wife that cannot contribute financially must find other ways she can contribute to her family. that to me is the fair deal!

I thought the wife in the OP was a model wife to you?

Saylawchar:



My friend told me that he even employed someone that comes to the house and washes their clothes on weekends including the wife clothes and the baby's clothes. He also employed a cleaner that comes home every weekend to clean the house. That the wife claims she doesn't have the strength to be doing both considering her work schedule and she wakes up 5am to bath for the son and get him prepared for creche. My friend further said the wife doesn't make him breakfast nor keep food for him to eat. He cooks for himself most times.

Considering her schedule, she would obviously be very tired.

Like my mom says.... if a job will choke your life, make sure it. is paying you very well

I think she needs to resign or restragetize her life.

Very soon, the husband will start feeling used and conned.

coogar:


the husband could have slumped all these years too.



domestic chores!



your friend should sack all those people. the wife has lost the rights to be spoon-fed. if she's not contributing to the family financially, she doesn't deserve house-maids.



work schedule?
she brings nothing home from the work schedule.....what's the point in going to work when her salary does not add a single dime to the family? your friend should make her tender her resignation at work & become a full time housewife.



tell him to cut out all those incentives.
the wife is taking the piss......your friend has been taking care of all the utility bills & that simply means he can cope even if the wife is unemployed.

I agree

babythug:
It is possible that your friend's version of things isn't completely accurate. Perhaps he believes she earns a lot? Do bank tellers earn a lot? I suspect she's buying food into the home but her husband may not fully realise how financially overwhelming that can be. My husband for eg initially felt that buying food items in Lagos was like in his village where tomatoes are N5 a bowl as opposed to N400 for same bowl or smaller in Lagos.
She transports herself to work Abi? That's part of it too.the only issue I see here is a breakdown or lack of communication between them

Agreed sometimes she transport herself to work but most times the husband pays. The husband drops money for upkeep from time to time.
There's two sides to each girl: The one you meet when's she's in public and the one when she's alone. Don't date her until you've seen both.