A Critique Of Poems Featured In Nairaland's "The Poets" Competition Season 2 (2) - Poems For Review (2) - Nairaland
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NPC Collaboration Poetry Competition Season 2: The Renga Fiesta / Nairaland Collaborative Poetry Competition (season One) / Nairaland's "The Poet" Competition (2) (3) (4)
| Re: A Critique Of Poems Featured In Nairaland's "The Poets" Competition Season 2 (2) by badmusace(m): 10:23pm On Sep 05, 2013 |
nice review. Keep it up |
| Re: A Critique Of Poems Featured In Nairaland's "The Poets" Competition Season 2 (2) by princesa(f): 10:39pm On Sep 05, 2013 |
timpaker: you're scared over those amateur pseudo scary scribblings?  anyway that was years ago and i don't do darkside anymore, saw ur own bloody piece, thanks for dropping by  |
| Re: A Critique Of Poems Featured In Nairaland's "The Poets" Competition Season 2 (2) by timpaker(m): 10:45pm On Sep 05, 2013 |
princesa: You call those poems amateur? Those scary piece? Well, I'm gonna be sleeping with my teddy bear all thanks to you. How can you lure me into that thread and say you don't do dark side anymore? Jheez! I'm seeing thingz |
| Re: A Critique Of Poems Featured In Nairaland's "The Poets" Competition Season 2 (2) by badmusace(m): 5:54am On Sep 06, 2013 |
princesa: #walks in for defence of my poem# Well, lemme just say this, I believe if one slays grammar in a poem, it should be for a cogent reason and not just solely for the purpose of flounting poetic license. Poetic license is given to a poet to use language as he deems fit, to perfectly potray his thoughts. Assuming you had said the reason for the 'i' was bcz of the way the persona had felt below human or as a way of castigating herself for her deed, then you may have justifiably used ur license. But this is just my opinion and I may be wrong, for who am I to say a whole Princesa was wrong? |
| Re: A Critique Of Poems Featured In Nairaland's "The Poets" Competition Season 2 (2) by badmusace(m): 6:10am On Sep 06, 2013 |
ayd91: .Badmusace's Rapture. Lovely review btw. Thanks for taking time out to do this. Well, I just wanted my first stanza to be like a background for the impending rapture. I guess I got carried away. Well imma keep writing.for improvements. |
| Re: A Critique Of Poems Featured In Nairaland's "The Poets" Competition Season 2 (2) by ayd91(m): 4:27pm On Sep 06, 2013 |
badmusace: thanks Badmusace  , as long as we strive for better, we'll surpass our expectations. Goodluck sir. |
| Re: A Critique Of Poems Featured In Nairaland's "The Poets" Competition Season 2 (2) by ayd91(m): 5:21pm On Sep 06, 2013 |
1mic_cza's What If Tomorrow Starts Without Us? With all sincerity, I ENJOYED READING YOUR POEM. Its really interesting and the repetition "What If Tomorrow Starts Without Us?" re-enforces the theme of the poem. It takes us blasting on a journey into a tomorrow we don't exist in and bring us back with a cool "What If Tomorrow Starts Without Us?" You did Justice to the topic and did it with style.  .What I didn't Like. I'll check back, just incase my mood influenced me .Classicdea's Alter Ego. Nice poem, 'Two Side Of The Same Coin', that in its own right defines the physical relationship between you and your alter ego. Stanza 1, line 7 'escape my impending fate' what do you mean by that? What I didn't like. You portray your Alter Ego as being negative, doesn't he have a positive side? Sure would have loved to see that added. Stanza 2 Line 8: 'He is the villain of the show'. So he is the bad one? Also, you said in stanza 3 line 3: 'different views of single sight', thus you see things differently. Stanza 3, Line 5: 'but I guess he is always right'. So he is the good one? Now I am confused which is he? The letter stuff rocks .Piresg24's Dreams Can Come Through. Your poem is spiced with hope, hope and more hope (it just might rescue a drowning soul). Your opening stanzas though not directly related to the main subject (dream can come true), lays the perfect foundation for the coming message. Displaying darkness (sought of a mental storm) and subsequently paving way for light in the horizon. What I didn't Like. I recognize the relevance of highlighting 'the troubled times', I think you dwelt too much on it. Stanzas aren't just for fancy, they act as paragraphs do in essays, justifying points. Stanza 1, 2, 3, 4 for describing the prevailing dark reality? Isn't that a bit too much. Your punctuation made it a little bit difficult reading and understanding your poem, particularly the last three lines. Timpaker's The Seductress Is Hapless. Hmmm, your diction is heavy (its cool that you can string these words together and still make sense with them but it also constitutes a problem to the average reader). That's what I wish to point out first. Next, I really enjoyed the story behind the poem (that's priceless and movie worthy). You poem features a barrage of poetic devices deployed with a touch of demiurge .What is also admirable is the way you seemed to shower Madina with admonition preparing her for her fall (that's brutal, I loved it). The employment of metaphor and simile helps the readers see her through your mind (sharing similar mental picture). 'All snubbed the lass'....so sad. "he that stands should take heed, lest he falls"(1 Corinthians 10:12). What I didn't Like. No flaws to point out . I'll keep checking nonetheless .1 Like |
| Re: A Critique Of Poems Featured In Nairaland's "The Poets" Competition Season 2 (2) by princesa(f): 5:45pm On Sep 06, 2013 |
timpaker: seeing things? next thing you're gonna be saying is 'I see dead people' well, indeed sir, i dnt do darkside anymore and please easy on the poor teddy. |
| Re: A Critique Of Poems Featured In Nairaland's "The Poets" Competition Season 2 (2) by princesa(f): 5:51pm On Sep 06, 2013 |
badmusace:Lol...princesa ain't an authority on poems, so she can indeed be wrong sometimes well i guess you're right about the 'i' thingy, poetic licence don't justify it... well i thought things like that could, you know... be overlooked. |
| Re: A Critique Of Poems Featured In Nairaland's "The Poets" Competition Season 2 (2) by timpaker(m): 9:43pm On Sep 06, 2013 |
ayd91: Heheheheheheeh. The use of such dictions wasn't intentional (as I was typing that poem those words kept bursting off my head for it better portrays the thought I had). I will try as much as I can to minimize such grammars. Lastly, I'm surprised you found nothing in my poem. I'm also very glad you loved it. |
| Re: A Critique Of Poems Featured In Nairaland's "The Poets" Competition Season 2 (2) by timpaker(m): 9:54pm On Sep 06, 2013 |
princesa: Hmmm...interesting... You don't do dark side anymore neither do I. As for the Teddy, the real owner just collected it and I'm afraid of what is gonna befall the innocent bear ( I feel that its flesh might be used as cotton bud or given out to those you go to for your pedicure and manicure. |
| Re: A Critique Of Poems Featured In Nairaland's "The Poets" Competition Season 2 (2) by ayd91(m): 10:26am On Sep 07, 2013 |
timpaker: . Your diction is fine, you only need to adapt to flow with your targeted audience (heavy diction for the literary minded and perhaps light diction for the average readers).And what's that about the Teddy Bear and wool? Crime against teddy? |
| Re: A Critique Of Poems Featured In Nairaland's "The Poets" Competition Season 2 (2) by timpaker(m): 10:43am On Sep 07, 2013 |
ayd91: Hehehehehe. Sue me! |
| Re: A Critique Of Poems Featured In Nairaland's "The Poets" Competition Season 2 (2) by princesa(f): 10:56am On Sep 07, 2013 |
timpaker: offcourse i will! such poor and defenseless thing now turned a saloon waste  |
| Re: A Critique Of Poems Featured In Nairaland's "The Poets" Competition Season 2 (2) by ayd91(m): 11:01am On Sep 07, 2013 |
princesa:I second. |
| Re: A Critique Of Poems Featured In Nairaland's "The Poets" Competition Season 2 (2) by timpaker(m): 12:11pm On Sep 07, 2013 |
princesa: Nah! I didn't turn it so, I think you did. Yes! You and your murderous beautician. You all would hear from my 'super' lawyers |
| Re: A Critique Of Poems Featured In Nairaland's "The Poets" Competition Season 2 (2) by Tinkybabe(f): 12:11pm On Sep 11, 2013 |
ayd91:Did you study literature or poetry?Your critique of these poems is profound |
| Re: A Critique Of Poems Featured In Nairaland's "The Poets" Competition Season 2 (2) by ayd91(m): 10:15pm On Nov 02, 2013 |
Tinkybabe:No, literature/poetry is something I stumbled on while venting my pains. *apologies for my delayed response* |
| Re: A Critique Of Poems Featured In Nairaland's "The Poets" Competition Season 2 (2) by ayd91(m): 10:16pm On Nov 02, 2013 |
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| Re: A Critique Of Poems Featured In Nairaland's "The Poets" Competition Season 2 (2) by ayd91(m): 10:17pm On Nov 02, 2013 |
Jadelord's My Alter Ego in your words, your poem is a 'simple one', easy to read and understand. I wish you put more effort into making it a little complex. Your poem fulfils the requirement of the topic (that's a good thing ), but flare and colour was somewhat lacking (that's not a good thing ).I feel like you were being careful so as not to step over the edge. You, no doubt are a good writer, you wet my appetite but left me unsatisfied. There is more you could have done, break free and let your creativity bloom. Pasionate's The Morgue. It is an interesting topic, and your point of approach is revealing. Your selected style of narrative doesn't exactly suit your message. Its somewhat too passive. Your topic is "The Morgue", where is the anguish, endless sweats, frozen blood, trembling hands? All the emotions of loss? You weren't able to make me see or feel your pain. Your punctuation needs work, it makes it a bit difficult reading your work. Your poem opened up with a fine first stanza, laying a good foundation for the poem. Nice description. Stanza two: more description, expression of fear/disbelief. Stanza three: lamentation. Stanza four: the end, she is carried away, it all ends. No wails, no shock, just calm. Didn't feel the end. This is the point of no return a confirmation of her demise (if you ever needed one) and that she'll NEVER come back, emotions brother, emotions. Lets feel it flow. Henryvirus's The Devil In My View. I admire your courage and commitment to seeing the competition till the end despite your limitations. I'll be as sincere as I can. Your poem is not what I expected at all. The angle of approach is direct (I would have loved it if the devil had been portrayed in a different manner other than the conventional way) and your poem was unnecessarily long. You could have concluded in two stanzas. (my opinion). Your punctuation needs work. InsaneTamie's Dreams Can Come True. Okay? Lets start. Thanks for making it short and rich in content. Its simple, straight forward and most of all, it makes sense. You did justice. Uniqueval's My Alter Ego. One question: is the poem complete? I think not. Like there is a stanza missing. Don't get me wrong I loved it, but can't help but think your conclusion was hurried. You ought to have explored the theme more. Yours is a short poem I wish were long. Nice message. Oahray's The Demon In My View. Kudos to you. Ethnicity/tribalism, the demon in our view. Indeed you are correct. A true poet, takes pressing issues from his surrounding and makes a book worthy poem. You addressed this topic well. Your poem is indeed a good one. Congrats. Pdizzle's The Demon In My View. I have little to say about your poem. Its direction is appreciable, fulfils the topic. Its poem is easy to read. Its also revealing. Thanks. Thanks guys for the quality of works displayed. A wiseman once said, "if you think that which lies before you is inferior, show a superior one and soon enough another person will call it inferior". Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and what beauty I have beheld here. Thanks again, to the organizers and competitors. |
for crying out loud, its a poem not some English essay! Have you Heard about poetic licence before? Okay, am not trying to say am right, but just that error like that should easily have been over looked, especially by the infamous judge 1 who am sure marked people down because of it 
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