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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / Please Don't Lauf (16756 Views)
If U Don't Want Ur Ribs To Crack, Please Don't Read These Jokes / Wise Joke'''' U Will Lauf So Tay U 4get Ur Name / Please Lauf With Me (2) (3) (4)
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Please Don't Lauf by mykali(m): 12:52pm On Jun 14, 2008 |
the period the kindergatten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. The teacher was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was. 'It's a period', Johnnie explained. 'Well I can see that,' she said, 'but what is so exciting about a period?' 'Damned if I know,' said Johnnie, 'but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack and Mommy fainted.' |
Re: Please Don't Lauf by mykali(m): 1:01pm On Jun 14, 2008 |
the Hot parrot This guy is not getting along so well with his wife and thinks maybe he'd like to have a pet he can get along with. So, he goes to a pet shop in search of a friend. After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?" "I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot." "Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me." "I understood every word," says the parrot. "I am a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird." "Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this; how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?" "Well," the parrot says, "this is a little embarrassing, but since you asked I'll tell you. I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can't see it cause of my feathers." "Wow," says guy, "you really can understand and answer, can't you?" "Of course. I speak both Spanish and English. I can converse with competence on almost any subject: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy , and I am especially good at ornithology. You ought to buy me. I am a great companion." The guy looks at the price tag. "$200!" he says. "I can't afford that." "Pssst," the parrot hisses, motioning the guy over with one wing. "Nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can get me for $20 just make an offer." The guy offers 20 dollars and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He's funny, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, sympathizes, gives good advice. The guy is delighted. One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, Pssst," and motions him over with one wing. The guy goes up close to the cage. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not," says the parrot, "but it's about your wife and the mailman." "What?" says the guy. "Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today your wife greeted him in a sheer nightgown and kissed him on the mouth." "What happened then?" asks the guy. "Then the mailman came into the house and lifted up the nightgown and began petting her all over," reports the parrot. "Oh No!" the guy says. "Then what?" "Then he lifted up the nightgown, got down on his knees and began to look at her body, starting with her breasts and slowly going down and down, " The parrot pauses for a long time. "What happened? What happened?" says the frantic guy. "I don't know," says the parrot, "I fell off my perch." |
Re: Please Don't Lauf by mykali(m): 1:09pm On Jun 14, 2008 |
the genie A man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened the bottle. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said, 'I am so grateful to get out of that bottle that I will grant you one wish. I can only grant one.' The man thought for a while and finally said, 'I have always wanted to go to Hawaii. I've never been able to go because I cannot fly. Airplanes are much too frightening for me. On a boat, I see all that water and I become very claustrophobic. So I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii. The genie thought for a few minutes and finally said, 'No, I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved. Consider all the piling needed to hold up a highway and how deep they would have to go to reach the bottom of the ocean. Imagine all the pavement needed. No, that is just too much to ask.' The man thought for a few minutes and then told the genie, 'There is one other thing I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with. Basically, what makes them tick.' The genie considered for a few minutes and said, 'So, do you want two lanes or four?' 1 Like |
Re: Please Don't Lauf by ituen(m): 4:45pm On Jun 14, 2008 |
Nice joke abt the parrot |
Re: Please Don't Lauf by nightnurse(f): 4:58pm On Jun 14, 2008 |
the period joke is cool |
Re: Please Don't Lauf by pappylolo: 5:01pm On Jun 14, 2008 |
Nice one for the genie stuff women are too difficult to understand.So,ten lane road is easily constructed to Hawaii . |
Re: Please Don't Lauf by routik(m): 7:12pm On Jun 14, 2008 |
You guys really tried in your post. I like funny stuffs . lol cheers |
Re: Please Don't Lauf by dreday(m): 7:30pm On Jun 14, 2008 |
@ poster You got that genie joke right down to a 'T'. I've lived a a woman or the other all my life and I've still not come anywhere near understanding them. |
Re: Please Don't Lauf by Jeovy(m): 7:43pm On Jun 14, 2008 |
dem wahala too much,even genie know |
Re: Please Don't Lauf by CrazyMan(m): 7:46pm On Jun 14, 2008 |
Cool |
Re: Please Don't Lauf by mykali(m): 4:04pm On Jan 07, 2010 |
thanx guys. . . . . |
Re: Please Don't Lauf by mykali(m): 4:10pm On Jan 07, 2010 |
the blonde A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road in her new sports car when something goes wrong and it breaks down. Luckily, she happens to be near a farmhouse. She goes up to the farmhouse and knocks on the door. When the farmer answers, she says to him, "It's Sunday night and my car broke down! I don't know what to do! Can I stay here for the night until tomorrow when I can get some help?" "Well," drawls the farmer, "you can stay here, but I don't want you messing with my sons Jed and Luke." She looks through the screen door and sees two men standing behind the farmer. She judges them to be in the early twenties. "Okay," she says. After they have gone to bed for the night the woman begins to get a little Hot just thinking about the two boys in the room next to her. So she quietly goes into their room and says, "Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?" They say, "Huh?" She says, "The only thing is, I don't want to get pregnant, so you have to wear these rubbers." She puts them on the boys, and the three of them go it all night long. Forty years later, Jed and Luke are sitting on the front porch, rocking back and forth. Jed says, "You remember that blonde woman that came by here about forty years ago and showed us the ways of the world?" "Yeah", says Luke, "I remember." "Well, do you care if she gets pregnant?" "Nope," says Luke, "I reckon not." "Me neither" says Jed, "Let's take these things off!" |
Re: Please Don't Lauf by baybbootz(f): 4:20pm On Jan 07, 2010 |
lol rotflmfao @ d genie joke, bt wait a min, guys arnt eazyyy 2 undastnd either, i fink its eazya 2 undastnd a woman 1nce u undastnd ha feelings. |
Re: Please Don't Lauf by Kunbee: 2:42am On Jan 09, 2010 |
:d |
Re: Please Don't Lauf by dani1luv: 3:38pm On Jan 09, 2010 |
Well done |
Re: Please Don't Lauf by Ben13: 4:00pm On Jan 09, 2010 |
Dani, the time keeper. Please don't lauf, it's 18+ |
Re: Please Don't Lauf by Kunbee: 10:09pm On Jan 09, 2010 |
Re: Please Don't Lauf by mykali(m): 7:50pm On Jan 13, 2010 |
Re: Please Don't Lauf by clemcykul(f): 3:24pm On Jan 14, 2010 |
nice one mikey, havent forgottn old times hve ya? |
Re: Please Don't Lauf by Ogaga4Luv(m): 6:31pm On Jan 15, 2010 |
[size=13pt]Cooooooooooooooooooool[/size] |
Re: Please Don't Lauf by bashydemy(m): 10:43pm On Jan 15, 2010 |
nice joke bro keep it up |
Re: Please Don't Lauf by mykali(m): 8:10pm On Jan 17, 2010 |
clemcykul: i am planning to keep this thread alive till 3010. so i'll keep resurrecting it. |
Re: Please Don't Lauf by bashydemy(m): 8:03am On Jan 19, 2010 |
hmm 3010 may God help you |
Re: Please Don't Lauf by Kunbee: 1:04pm On Jan 20, 2010 |
Amen |
Re: Please Don't Lauf by tanimz(f): 2:16am On Jan 21, 2010 |
Re: Please Don't Lauf by Kunbee: 10:39pm On Jan 21, 2010 |
Re: Please Don't Lauf by mykali(m): 11:19pm On Jan 21, 2010 |
You jamb electric pole ni? |
Re: Please Don't Lauf by Kunbee: 12:02am On Jan 22, 2010 |
Maybe |
Re: Please Don't Lauf by mykali(m): 10:01pm On Jan 22, 2010 |
No wonder . . .i've been suspecting it. |
Re: Please Don't Lauf by D1KeleVra(m): 8:52pm On Jan 24, 2010 |
collins465: me too. . . mostly so i could type in lwkm, lwkmd, lol, lmao, lmfao. . . etc |
Re: Please Don't Lauf by Kunbee: 10:23pm On Jan 24, 2010 |
Na u sabi Mykali i am fine now |
Re: Please Don't Lauf by mykali(m): 8:16pm On Jan 26, 2010 |
how do i know you are fine? you have to prove it. |
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