Edited


Summary: A friend wanted to crash in my house. My sister
disallowed it (because the dude is a friend to our cousin whom she
dislikes) to my annoyance and the guy left. My sister brings her
friends to stay in our house. This has been an issue between my
parents and now us.


Your comments please.

Uyi Iredia:

Long version below.

















I'll ask because I had a particular irksome ish about 11pm yesterday.

The background

I entertained my paternal cousin in the house. We have a grouse with my paternal side since they sold a property of my Dad which was his by inheritance and used the money for themselves only. My sister in particular hates them. She might not admit such but it is truthful to say such given her strong aversion to them. Now in the process of staying this dude did some things we disliked: keeping late nights, nosing in house issues to the extent of asking for rents, and on one occassion bringing a girl to the room we allowed him in our house without permission. In particular his talk of me not being able to send him out unless my Dad said so was inane. My Dad suffers partial stroke and so running the house (and his other assets) has fallen on the shoulders of us, his kids. After threats and damage to our property we got him out with the aid of the police but allowed him visit our Dad, his maternal uncle.

The issue.

A friend of his known to us and introduced as his childhood friend needed help with accomodation this night being sent out of where he was domiciled before. As I do in matters relating to the house I told my sister whose aversion was quick to rise stating she won't allow him in, I suggsted we accomodate him that night whilst tommorrow we ascertain how long he intended to stay. I then told him he could crash for the night, asked some questions as to his welfare and we started talking. The my sister came out only to say she didn't want him in to which I replied I didn't agree. Noting my resolve she called my uncle, living in our house, since she knew he would oppose the guy staying for the night, due to his association to my cousin. After his talk of the boy not welcome in the house I got annoyed, told my uncle off and insisted the guy could stay. To cut the long story short, the dude left for reasons obvious to a discerning person. In the course of arguments she stated she wouldn't mind not bringing her friends which I will FULLY expect her to keep to give the nonsense she did this night.

Some thoughts

Whilst I've been asked I haven't entertained a friend to stay in my house, only as a visitor not as a lodger. My sister has done that multiple times without telling me save for one instance recently. She disallowed him not for his character but his association with a person who misbehaved. In the process, she calls on an uncle living a neat self-contained in my Dad's house who happens to cost us money by virtue of possible rentage. She knows our parents have on multiple occassions harbored strangers charitably. From missionaries to even friends of friends or relatives (as in this case).
Lodging by relatives did cause problems between my parents but for the most part, my Dad held sway since it was his house. However, he allowed many if not most of people my mum brought into the house. She disliked his some of his relatives and stopped him from bring in some but then he lodged lots of folks.


Questions.

Wide-ranging given the matter.

Your take on the matter presented above ?

Was I wrong ?

How to balance bringing relatives in between couples ? Stories ?

Do you avoid such issues by not allowing anyone in a home. And would this be ethical ?

Please, I have more than ONE residence AT ANY GIVEN TIME!!!!

Trust me ke!
I just move to another with my darling children and leave my dear husband to deal with his local relatives. I ain't gat time for such SHYTE!!!!

I don't deal with my relatives, not to mention his.

Naaaaaah, I don't play that kind of NOLLYWOOD-VILLAGE-CRRRRRAP!!!!


Levels, PLEASE!!!!!


Shiiiiiooooooor!

mgbeketoto: Please, I have more than ONE residence AT ANY GIVEN TIME!!!!

Trust me ke!
I just move to another with my darling children and leave my dear husband to deal with his local relatives. I ain't gat time for such SHYTE!!!!

I don't deal with my relatives, not to mention his.

Naaaaaah, I don't play that kind of NOLLYWOOD-VILLAGE-CRRRRRAP!!!!


Levels, PLEASE!!!!!


Shiiiiiooooooor!

U sure say u no be Callotti. In any case, not all of us here have that luxury you do. If I did, I wouldn't be having this problem.

ighoosagie: Edo boi , nice one

Sure I am Edo by birth and proudly so. But I'm a Lagos boy, born and bred here.

Uyi Iredia:

U sure say u no be Callotti. In any case, not all of us here have that luxury you do. If I did, I wouldn't be having this problem.

CALLOTTI nor dey 'IDE o!
Abeg, work 'ARD like moi TO BUY HEALTH, love, peace and happiness like moi!!!

SHIKENA-SHIKENA!!!!

mgbeketoto:


CALLOTTI nor dey 'IDE o!
Abeg, work 'ARD like moi TO BUY HEALTH, love, peace and happiness like moi!!!

SHIKENA-SHIKENA!!!!

Sure thing. It's quite tricky given my situation but I hope to be, at least, financially comfy and working to it.

Uyi Iredia:

U sure say u no be Callotti.

Hehehe...one and only!!


Mr Uyi Iredia, some questions for clarification!!

How old is your sister? Is she older than you or younger? How come she still stays in "the family house" and exerts much authority?

Is your "house" like a big estate or hotel of some sort that people can come in & go without much invasion of space?

Is your Dad polygamous in nature?

Seems the ladies, including your mum have a domineering (for lack of better words) attitude.

Why would your sis not allow someone who didn't offend the family sleep over for a night just because he is a friend to a bad cousin? Is she naturally vindictive or just on your cousin's case?

Hope u answer those questions to put the topic in a better perspective!!

Pls in everything u guys r doing, ur dad's health first. Its equally his house.

Uyi Iredia:

Sure thing. It's quite tricky given my situation but I hope to be, at least, financially comfy and working to it.

You will learn. . .REEEEEEEAL FAST!

My husband dey work for day time. . . me dey work for night. . . YOU CANNOT HAVE 2 GROUCHY INSOMNIACS IN MY HOUSE O! Kai!

You will learn when you start calling the police on each other ke!

MU HE HE HE HE HE

Royal Roy:
Hehehe...one and only!!

Royal Roy:
Mr Uyi Iredia, some questions for clarification!!

Okay.

Royal Roy:
How old is your sister?

21.

Royal Roy:
Is she older than you or younger?

Younger.

Royal Roy:
How come she still stays in "the family house" and exerts much authority?

All 3 of us kids stay in the 'family house', save for my half-sister who stays with her mum.

Royal Roy:
Is your "house" like a big estate or hotel of some sort that people can come in & go without much invasion of space?

No. But depending on how you look at it. It does have space. Definitely bigger than the house my Dad got from his father.

Royal Roy:
Is your Dad polygamous in nature?

Yes but he dropped his second wife after turning a Christian.

Royal Roy:
Seems the ladies, including your mum have a domineering (for lack of better words) attitude.

Unfortunately my mum is late. If she wasn't I won't be facing this. And she was as your rightly say domineering when she felt strongly on something but submissive too.

Royal Roy:
Why would your sis not allow someone who didn't offend the family sleep over for a night just because he is a friend to a bad cousin?

She believes he'll cause the same problems my cousin did.

Royal Roy:
Is she naturally vindictive or just on your cousin's case?

Both. She can be a pain in the a$$ but I'm used to ignoring her when I deem fit.

Royal Roy:
Hope u answer those questions to put the topic in a better perspective!!

I hope they clarify things.

Uyi Iredia: I'll ask because I had a particular irksome about 11pm yesterday.

The background

I entertained my paternal cousin in the house. We have a grouse with my paternal side since they sold a property of my Dad which was his by inheritance and used the money for themselves only. My sister in particular hates them. She might not admit such but it is truthful to say such given her strong aversion to them. Now in the process of staying this dude did some things we disliked: keeping late nights, poknosing in house issues to the extent of asking for rents and on one occassion bringing a girl to the room we allowed him in our house without permission. In particular his talk of me not being able to send him out unless my Dad said so was inane. My Dad suffers partial stroke and so running the house (and his other assets) has fallen on the shoulders of us, his kids. After threats and damage to our property we got him out with the aid of the police but allowed him visit our Dad, his maternal uncle.

The issue.

A friend of his known to us and introduced as his childhood friend needed help with accomodation this night being sent out of where he was domiciled before. As I do in matters relating to the house I told this young lady whose aversion was quick to rise stating she won't allow him in, I suggsted we accomodate him that night whilst tommorrow we ascertain how long he intended to stay. I then told him he could crash for the night, asked some questions as to his welfare and we started talking. The my sister came only to say she didn't want him in to which I replied I didn't agree. Noting my resolve she called my uncle, living in our house, since she knew he would oppose the guy staying for the night, due to his association to my cousin. After his talk of the boy not welcome in the house I got annoyed, told my uncle off and insisted the guy could stay. To cut the long story short, the dude left for reasons obvious to a discerning person. In the course of arguments she stated she wouldn't mind not bringing her friends which I will FULLY expect her to keep to give the nonsense she did this night.

Some thoughts

Whilst I've been asked I haven't entertained a friend to stay in my house, only as a visitor not as a lodger. My sister has done that multiple times without telling me save for one instance recently. She disallowed him not for his character but his association with a person who misbehaved. In the process, she calls on an uncle living a neat self-contained in my Dad's house who happens to cost us money by virtue of possible rentage. She knows our parents have on multiple occassions harbored strangers charitably. From missionaries to even friends of friends or relatives (as in this case).
Lodging by relayives did cause problems between my parents but for the most part, my Dad held sway since it was his house. However, he allowed many if not most of people my mum brought into the house. She disliked his some of his relatives and stopped him from bring in some but then he lodged lots of folks.


Questions.

Wide-ranging given the matter.

Your take on the matter presented above ?

Was I wrong ?

How to balance bringing relatives in between couples ? Stories ?

Do you avoid such issues by not allowing anyone in a home. And would this be ethical ?

@OP

Did you read this shiit before posting it?
I had great difficulties dissecting your posts.
Did you pass through secondary schl?

Pls dont be offended, am just been honest.

mobuch:

@OP

Did you read this shiit before posting it?
I had great difficulties dissecting your posts.
Did you pass through secondary schl?

Pls dont be offended, am just been honest.

You try read the thing,I only read the heading and proceeded to comments

No time abeg.


Anyway, OP....you can welcome them and take the pain or kick them out. Your call

Am Not Reading This!

And wo says its a problem..? Dat person must not knw the value of BLOOD.. Nonsense.. Dat person must be an !diot.. Or a kid cause it normal wif kid being jealous...!(Sic)

baynix: Am Not Reading This!

Okay. After reading this in addition to Chillisauce's I see no reason why we won't continue to have people type in attimes illegible shorthand or make no attempt to write properly. There's incentive against it as implied by some comments here.

*speechless*

Chillisauce:

You try read the thing,I only read the heading and proceeded to comments

No time abeg.


Anyway, OP....you can welcome them and take the pain or kick them out. Your call

Summary: A friend wanted to crash in my house. My sister disallowed it (because the dude is a friend to our cousin whom she dislikes) to my annoyonce and the guy left. My sister brings her friends to stay in our house. This has been an issue between my parents and now us. Your comments now

if u are the first son and the elder its obvious u have lost control of ur family or was never incontrol. so u have to up ur game and earn back that respect. where am from now dat ur dad is down u are incharge and u shld asume that role unless u have given ur sibblings d reason to think u are not capable.

you guys should learn how to tolerate each other. life without relations and love ones is meaningless

mobuch:

@OP

Did you read this shiit before posting it?
I had great difficulties dissecting your posts.
Did you pass through secondary schl?

Pls dont be offended, am just been honest.

I swear,i thought i was the only one.

If she strongly disagrees with you bringing people over to spend the night, then she shouldn't be allowed to do same. Simples!

And there's definitely a need for an authority figure in your household. With this tussle for power between you and your siblings, this may keep happening time and time again.

Uyi Iredia:

Summary: A friend wanted to crash in my house. My sister disallowed it (because the dude is a friend to our cousin whom she dislikes) to my annoyonce and the guy left. My sister brings her friends to stay in our house. This has been an issue between my parents and now us. Your comments now

If not for the title, i didn't quite understand the long post. But thanks for this summary though.
Most family members always remember you when they need your help. Just do the little you can. It's not compulsory you accomodate all of them.

The heading does not suit the story

Uyi Iredia:

Summary: A friend wanted to crash in my house. My sister disallowed it (because the dude is a friend to our cousin whom she dislikes) to my annoyonce and the guy left. My sister brings her friends to stay in our house. This has been an issue between my parents and now us. Your comments now

Now,you're talking.If she tells you,you have no right in bringing people in to pass the night,then she has no right to bring her friends in.You,on the other hand need to be mindful of the people you take in.She knows her friend and you,you don't know the kind of person your cousin's friend is or do u? cos u called him a friend.Is he your friend too?

I don't know why but I'm struggling to comprehend your post. Are you one of the mods? because this post shouldn't made the front page.

d problem is u. First she is ur yunger sister.second she brings her friend to sleep over.third she is well aware that ur parents allow pple to stay in ur haus wen d need arises. Y can't u exert ur authority well. Also watch dat sis of urs close there's more to her disagreement than wat u r seeing. #experience#

chuksbogus: if u are the first son and the elder its obvious u have lost control of ur family or was never incontrol. so u have to up ur game and earn back that respect. where am from now dat ur dad is down u are incharge and u shld asume that role unless u have given ur sibblings d reason to think u are not capable.

.

A bit tricky. His Dad is alive, even if partly slowed down by illness, so his authority is still limited. You don't begin fight over control of property when father is still alive. It easily tears families apart.


@Uyi try to simplify your write up. You must be a scientist/Mathematician/numbers person, writing is not our forte. Lol.

I had an experience that is a bit analogous to yours.

A friend brought his friend to stay with me for a week as my friend's house was temporarily overcrowded. A week became 1 year plus. Free of charge. In Europe. He found a decent job in my area but wasn't sure of being retained for long. About half way through his stay in my house, my friend and my lodger fell out. My friend now asked me to kick him out.

I refused to kick him out, because my lodger did not offend me. Ok he was tight-fisted and hardly shopped beyond a few things (but loved eating my assorted food) and lived rent free but he didn't cause me any problem.

My point was if two people are fighting, the third party should help make peace between them. My friend was complaining that I didn't take his side as a friend. I didn't care.

Uyi I think you were right to house the guy.

A younger sister ? OMG something is wrong somewhere. Younger brothers shouldn't even be able to challenge your decision, let alone a younger sister.

Be wise. Don't do anything out of anger!