byvan: He must not necessarily marry her but your family have to figure out a way of taking care of the child, they can get married in future if they are compatible and wish to . nobody should be forced into marriage irrespective of the circumstances.Please calm down and think of a way forward,shit happens.

swts tnk you. I appreciate alot

what shall i say

byvan: He must not necessarily marry her but your family have to figure out a way of taking care of the child, they can get married in future if they are compatible and wish to . nobody should be forced into marriage irrespective of the circumstances.Please calm down and think of a way forward,shit happens.

ds All I can say....

OP, your brother is in a mess now. I can bet he cant think straight, such kind of things are fit to destabilse a man who was not prepared for it.
My thoughts goes alongs these lines, you can not force decisions on him, he is a man. He wont open up to any one of you for fear of criticism. I'm sure you want the best for your brother. The best you can do is to show him love, love him as though nothing happened and show him that love. This should help him to be free around you. Then you both can talk. And he would aptly want to follow your advice, simply because you have shown him concern.

idnoble135: OP, your brother is in a mess now. I can bet he cant think straight, such kind of things are fit to destabilse a man who was not prepared for it.
My thoughts goes alongs these lines, you can not force decisions on him, he is a man. He wont open up to any one of you for fear of criticism. I'm sure you want the best for your brother. The best you can do is to show him love, love him as though nothing happened and show him that love. This should help him to be free around you. Then you both can talk. And he would aptly want to follow your advice, simply because you have shown concern for him.

thnks alot

There is one thing people don't understand in marriage, A man might be 38 and above and yet not ripe for marriage. While another guy might be just 18 and is good 2go. It depends on packaging .just allow your brother to enjoy his marriage Happy wedlock

Jaynec: Dear d girl is nt even educated , she just finished sec

You said she is much older than him and then you said she just finished secondary school. Which one is it? How old is this girl?

Jaynec: Am from a family of 7 including our parents. Am the eldest 25 n d only lady in the family of 4 boys. My immediate younger bro is 24 still an undergraduate in a federal poly, he got a part time job with an engr firm in kd. My family reside in PH. Dad retired since 2009 n still struggling to take care of his family. I got a shocking news from my mum that my immediate younger got some one pregnant , d lady gave birth to a baby boy . D lady in question is quite older than him, my bro agreed to marry her. Am really hurting cos my bro is very tender n doesnt knw wat life n marriage is all abt. Please pals i need your advice n contributions. God bless you.

. It has absolutely nothing to do with you.

His first child is on the way, with a women he may love, I don't think he'll be listening much to you tbh. Save your breath for your other siblings.

Yes!! You don't want your brother to marry his baby mama. Because he's your brother. What happens to the girl? She should now be a single mother waiting patiently for your family to decide when and if your brother is ready to get married. If she doesn't hold your brother tight now, she no go see am tomorrow.

He's 24, she's 25. Wats the bigdeal? Una no dey pity the baby at all?

Lets turn the table around. You are 27. If you fall for and get pregnant for a 26 year old undergraduate, will you tell him to leave you and focus on his life? Wouldn't you want the both of you to swim acoss the tides of life together?
Think!

Vivly: Yes!! You don't want your brother to marry his baby mama. Because he's your brother. What happens to the girl? She should now be a single mother waiting patienly for your family to decide your brother is ready to get married. If she doesn't hold your brother tight now, she no go see am tomorrow.
He's 24, she's 25. Wats the bigdeal? Una no dey pity the baby at all?

She's 25? LOL. Well the poster loses all credibility now because she is a liar. She said the girl was "quite" older than him giving the impression that she could even be 40. SMH. The poster should stay out of her brother's life and focus on hers. In my opinion a 24 year old getting married is not the worst thing. Especially when he is marrying a woman his age. The only problem I see here is the OP

zeelo2014: If u can,ensure he doesn't marry now. No man should get married till he is financially capable of taking care of himself,his wife & coming children if not he's gonna regret it.

what sort of comment is this? I just can't "understand" humans !
They should "ensure" he does not marry now,pray tell how?

@OP, done is done. Your brother has become a man,accept and deal with it.
He has not asked for y'alls help or opinion so I see no need for labeling him a "disgrace". Marriage now can make him become "more responsible" or maybe not. His life, his decision,he'll learn.
Sit him down and talk to him in love, not with this judgmental/ condescendly (as you exhibited here). Explain to him that he does not have to marry now JUST cos the lady is pregnant as marriage entails more ,see if you can reach out to the lady too and talk to her with respect. If at the end of the day both insist on getting married, accept and deal with it.

Lol, that place is sweet abi? Me sef I know. If u bro doesn't marry the girl, who would? U want her to be a single mum with all the stigma attached.
Most of our parents married at 24 and did fine so why can't ur bro? Marriage even makes a man work harder. Ur brother should roll his sleeves, get his chin up and go bring home d bacon. Marriage is doable at this age if they are both determined to go down that road.

ifyalways: what sort of comment is this? I just can't "understand" humans !
They should "ensure" he does not marry now,pray tell how?

@OP, done is done. Your brother has become a man,accept and deal with it.
He has not asked for y'alls help or opinion so I see no need for labeling him a "disgrace". Marriage now can make him become "more responsible" or maybe not. His life, his decision,he'll learn.
Sit him down and talk to him in love, not with this judgmental/ condescendly (as you exhibited here). Explain to him that he does not have to marry now JUST cos the lady is pregnant as marriage entails more ,see if you can reach out to the lady too and talk to her with respect. If at the end of the day both insist on getting married, accept and deal with it.

You so much on point.

Life brings out the best in us when it throws us in the downside of itself.

OP: You are concerned for your brother and it is natural for u to also be concerned about the ripple effect it might have on your family financially when he comes running for help.( I bet it will happen now or later).

My advice is this, for the good of all the parties involved (your brother, the girl and the baby), let your family representatives go to Kd and hold a meeting with the girl's family and come to an arrangement that will work for all of you.

BTW there are instances when situations like this become great stories in the future. So chin up and be prayerful

jay bee:
I do understand that but at the same time, it's not nice having other people involved in one's relationship so long as he hasn't specifically asked for help.
Dude is an adult and should be responsible for his actions.

this is AFRICA last time i checked,everybody gets involved in a family member's life,w.t.f r u saying dude? if he doesn't ask 4 help now,believe me in d future he will.

sweetntart:
this is AFRICA last time i checked,everybody gets involved in a family member's life,w.t.f r u saying dude? if he doesn't ask 4 help now,believe me in d future he will.

And you're so sure he will. Wow!

A woman in the other thread wants to get married at 23 and still a student and people encouraged her . . . .

This man is 24 and working . . . . what exactly is the problem here

Omo see snitchin

Mr OP! Since you have made up your mind as to what you'll either do to your brother or say to him, why seek any further advice? Cos u're selecting from the opinions above...

Your 24 year old brother is a father, thank God. So you want the lady to be a single mother? Your bro has to be responsible for his actions. Don't worry to much about him! Whether he's slim or old, nothing good comes easy. Just support him with prayers and cash if you have simple

The lady's only one year older than him and OP made it seem like his brother slept with a 38-year old. He's 24, she's 25, what's the big deal?

[quote author=Vivly]Yes!! You don't want your brother to marry his baby mama. Because he's your brother. What happens to the girl? She should now be a single mother waiting patiently for your family to decide when and if your brother is ready to get married. If she doesn't hold your brother tight now, she no go see am tomorrow.

He's 24, she's 25. Wats the bigdeal? Una no dey pity the baby at all?

Lets turn the table around. You are 27. If you fall for and get pregnant for a 26 year old undergraduate, will you tell him to leave you and focus on his life? Wouldn't you want the both of you to swim acoss the tides of life together?
Think

Spot on. Dunno why she's taking PCM for her brother's headache. There's a child involved already and the guy in question is already maning up to his responsibilities.

Infact the things some pple say baffles me, i believe whenever an advice is sought it is best to put urself in d person's shoes and think of wot u would do if it was u, and smone was actually talkin about d op takin pcm on behalf of the brother, its only natural to feel for one's brother or another family member.



@op i will suggest that the girl no longer stay with ur brother in kd, let her go to her family but ur brother and family must send the baby's upkeep (i mean financial upkeep) every month so that she can continue to take care of him(the baby), ur brother must bring d lion share as this will keep on reminding him of wot he got himself into, the whole family should be involved, if ur parents dont know about it and let him be warned sternly to face his studies.
i dont believe anyone should be made to marry because of a mistake, divorce is usually d end result.
God will help ur family indeed.

@Jymes

Getting someone pregnant is not a prerequisite for marrying them. That can actually be a huge mistake and it's the baby who will suffer. It's not good for a baby to grow up in a home where the parents aren't prepared to be parents or where they don't really love each other and are just married because of what their family thinks. If they love each other, are ready for marriage and feel they can give the baby all the love he/she deserves, then by all means they should get married. Otherwise they shouldn't jump at marriage because of a baby. That doesn't mean the man should leave the woman, of course not! They can still raise the baby together, without marriage. That might even help them bond better and help them figure out if they want to get married, but right now the last thing they should be thinking about is marriage.

What's the real issue: that bro was irresponsible, got a woman pregnant and is trying to do the right thing OR that there are two additional mouths to feed on his paltry salary? Think really hard about this because you mention your father not having much money and it seems you lot are looking at your brother as a potential source of income. NEWSFLASH: he's not responsible for your welfare; your parents are. He's responsible for his wife and child.

Girl, what exactly are you doing with your life that your brother's choices are your personal headache?? Have YOU finished school? Are YOU working? Do YOU have a relationship? If not, I suggest you get on the path to adulthood. Get to know the mother of your niece/nephew and be respectful and see about getting your own life.

Travelista: What's the real issue: that bro was irresponsible, got a woman pregnant and is trying to do the right thing OR that there are two additional mouths to feed on his paltry salary? Think really hard about this because you mention your father not having much money and it seems you lot are looking at your brother as a potential source of income. NEWSFLASH: he's not responsible for your welfare; your parents are. He's responsible for his wife and child.

Girl, what exactly are you doing with your life that your brother's choices are your personal headache?? Have YOU finished school? Are YOU working? Do YOU have a relationship? If not, I suggest you get on the path to adulthood. Get to know the mother of your niece/nephew and be respectful and see about getting your own life.

Let me answer your questions. Am a medical lab scientist, i finished 2010, am working in a govt hospital. I have plans to further my studies n i dont want anything to deter my dreams n reputation. My bro made a mistake, but i would nt let him suffer . He still have along way to go.

Jaynec: Let me answer your questions. Am a medical lab scientist, i finished 2010, am working in a govt hospital. I have plans to further my studies n i dont want anything to deter my dreams n reputation. My bro made a mistake, but i would nt let him suffer . He still have along way to go.

What's wrong with you? You're actually sitting here and referring to your brother's child (that shares your own blood) as a 'mistake'? Have you even asked your brother how he feels about the mother of his child? Again, his responsibility is to his wife and child...not you or anyone else. He's a father now and to ask him to run away from his obligations due to selfish reasons is wrong. How you think your brother choosing a wife and having a child deters your dreams and/or reputation beyond me but here you are making such a claim.

You've been asked over and over in this thread and not answered once: what if the roles were reversed? What if YOU were in the young mother's position? Would you be happy to know that your in-laws want your husband to abandon you and your child? Offer your brother support but realize it. Is. Not. Your. Business.

Travelista:

What's wrong with you? You're actually sitting here and referring to your brother's child (that shares your own blood) as a 'mistake'? Have you even asked your brother how he feels about the mother of his child? Again, his responsibility is to his wife and child...not you or anyone else. He's a father now and to ask him to run away from his obligations due to selfish reasons is wrong. How you think your brother choosing a wife and having a child deters your dreams and/or reputation beyond me but here you are making such a claim.

You've been asked over and over in this thread and not answered once: what if the roles were reversed? What if YOU were in the young mother's position? Would you be happy to know that your in-laws want your husband to abandon you and your child? Offer your brother support but realize it. Is. Not. Your. Business.

you talk according to ur level of understanding. I can neva be in such position .24yrs old undergraduate ,he doesnt even know his left frm right. He may abandon d girl 2morow cos of exposure later in life.

I love kids

Jaynec: you talk according to ur level of understanding. I can neva be in such position .24yrs old undergraduate ,he doesnt even know his left frm right. He may abandon d girl 2morow cos of exposure later in life.

Never say never.

i know it hurts...
people make huge sacrifices because of love...
please give your bro all the encouragement he needs. getting married to the lady shouldnt be the final bus stop.
what does she do for a living?

Poster,I can't c any disappointment instead all I c is bleeeeesing!!!
Why r u embittered that ur bro gave a woman belle at 24? Assuming he is 17 yrs nko?
If I were u, I will gladly welcome d lady.
We will go and do intro and court wedding sharp sharp. She will come and live with us. As we hustle for daily living, she will join hand(unless she is d type pregnancy de disturb well well). We drink garri, she drinks with us. After giving birth and nursing, all hands must be on deck. Wait a minute, ur bro looks very promising and having a wife and a kid will make him to try more.
Give them ur blessing jor! ( This ur mindset no gel at all).
In a civilised society, a 24yrs old is a complete adult!
Tell us when she born o!