I am in a bit of dilemma right now, this is not about a friend or someone i know but my own true story. During my NYSC in 2006, i met a girl of my own dreams though it wasn't my intention to fall immediately because i wanted things to take shape themselves. Prior to her agreement to date me, i told her a certain truth that seems or rather has broken us up now because i have not given it up(so she seems). I happen to smoke cigarette though i don't smoke what people know as 'igbo', i promised to give it up which was my real intention because i had or have no cogent reason to continue doing it but after giving it up i found myself doing it again and again; sometimes she gets to know and i deny(which was to protect the relationship). After passing out i was still doing it secretly then i relocated abroad for my masters degree in 2007 and the relationship was still good. after some months here i gave it up but she seems not to believe me again because of my previous denials. Precisely in april this year she stopped calling me and i confronted her over the phone and she said she couldn't bear the thought of whether i was still smoking or not. I got annoyed and sent her a text saying i was still smoking and that i don't want to be responsible for any delay in her life, so if she finds anyone not smoking she can go ahead with him not knowing there was already someone in the frame waiting for that oppurtunity(according to her). I miscalculated, because i thought the fact that she is an homely girl it would be difficult for her to come across a guy so quickly. For about a month now i have been on her neck trying to make her understand my plight but she told me it's already too late that she has a guy now. I shed manly tears everywhere i go especially when there is nobody around me. The emotional pain got into me that it affected my work and i am paying for that right now. I really loved this girl and still do and i am always calling her every minute but it seems i am fighting a lost battle because she cuts the phone sometimes and whenever i send a text she hardly replies. Its the same story i hear everytime that she can't take me back. Right now am in tears believe me because i have built my world around this girl(ready to settle down with her when i get a comfortable job) and my colleagues at work(fellow nigerians) laugh at me because of it(though am never moved).
All i want is criticisms and advices on how to move on because i don't want to destroy my life(i am far behind schedule in many things right now).
Thanx nairalanders.

samix:

I am in a bit of dilemma right now, this is not about a friend or someone i know but my own true story. During my NYSC in 2006, i met a girl of my own dreams though it wasn't my intention to fall immediately because i wanted things to take shape themselves. Prior to her agreement to date me, i told her a certain truth that seems or rather has broken us up now because i have not given it up(so she seems). I happen to smoke cigarette though i don't smoke what people know as 'igbo', i promised to give it up which was my real intention because i had or have no cogent reason to continue doing it but after giving it up i found myself doing it again and again; sometimes she gets to know and i deny(which was to protect the relationship). After passing out i was still doing it secretly then i relocated abroad for my masters degree in 2007 and the relationship was still good. after some months here i gave it up but she seems not to believe me again because of my previous denials. Precisely in april this year she stopped calling me and i confronted her over the phone and she said she couldn't bear the thought of whether i was still smoking or not. I got annoyed and sent her a text saying i was still smoking and that i don't want to be responsible for any delay in her life, so if she finds anyone not smoking she can go ahead with him not knowing there was already someone in the frame waiting for that oppurtunity(according to her). I miscalculated, because i thought the fact that she is an homely girl it would be difficult for her to come across a guy so quickly. For about a month now i have been on her neck trying to make her understand my plight but she told me it's already too late that she has a guy now. I shed manly tears everywhere i go especially when there is nobody around me. The emotional pain got into me that it affected my work and i am paying for that right now. I really loved this girl and still do and i am always calling her every minute but it seems i am fighting a lost battle because she cuts the phone sometimes and whenever i send a text she hardly replies. Its the same story i hear everytime that she can't take me back. Right now am in tears believe me because i have built my world around this girl(ready to settle down with her when i get a comfortable job) and my colleagues at work(fellow nigerians) laugh at me because of it(though am never moved).
All i want is criticisms and advices on how to move on because i don't want to destroy my life(i am far behind schedule in many things right now).
Thanx nairalanders.

this is where u finally dug ur grave, y d hell wld u think that it wld b hard for her to find anoda guy? am sure there were so many others waiting for u to hang ur boots, n u just did it at d wrongest time. well, there is nothing else i can say to u, except, MOVE ON!!

i know i messed up there but i felt disgusted that she didn't trust me afterall. well thanx anyway enque

samix:

i know i messed up there but i felt disgusted that she didn't trust me afterall. well thanx anyway enque

SHE DINT TRUST U cos like u claimd, sometyms she cught u nd u denied it.,

one tin is u were honest with ur self. and whoever wants to blame or criticise u should tink twice.

my guess is u loved her, but like d stupid habits we sometimes crave but find hard to stop, smokin bcame ur undoing.

pls dont get mad over loosing her, u have shown enuf remorse. for her to have some1 lurkin around for u to mess up, tells a lot about her loyalty and faithfulness.

your continuos beggin will make d new guy sit up and not show his new colour, cos he knows u are also lurkin around d corner.

u just back off, go out in d company of ur friends and b4 u know it u will b emotionally stable.
there is no one we cant live without, our emotions only overwelm us.

admit u have a smokin problem and please seek medical help.

look what i will tell u is that she already had some1 b4 she even said she wasnt interested anymore.
haba wetin person dey smoke for ur front no make u breakup , anh when him go abroad.
leave her alone.

@noetic,
i really appreciate your post but she's someone that can be trusted cos i know everything about her even her dark sides. Thanx anyway

All this because of Cigar? Abeg jo leave that thing! what is wrong with smoking? yes its wrong but its not a capital offence! pls ignore the girl. what of women that unknowingly marry drug pushers and addicts? pls move on. so what if you are smoking

4get about her and move on with your life,how can she leave you just because you smoke.

moving on seems to be the right option right now but its very difficult to let go what you have put ur strength and everything into

I understood you guy but in a case like this you just have to take another step,I know how you are feeling.Don't let this affects you.

she was already in a relationship,and i guess d best way for her to break up wt u was d cigarette issue

jennykadry:

she was already in a relationship,and i guess d best way for her to break up wt u was d cigarette issue

You are right.

jennykadry:

she was already in a relationship,and i guess d best way for her to break up wt u was d cigarette issue

maybe, maybe not

samix:

maybe, maybe not

take it or leave it,how can she just jump into a relationship like dat wtout delay?for her to have gotten someone so soon then she was already having sthg to do wt dat person,afterall its not every guy dat asks her out she dates?before a girl dates a man she has already screened him properly

she was having sthg to do wt dis guy and d ciagrette was just an excuse,if not y will she be so hard hearted dat she wont even reconsider


dis girl stopped loving u for a long time,and like i said cigarette was d best excuse for d break up

The most meaningful post on nairaland today.

Anyway , sorry sorry sorry.

U no ladies at times.

Any excuse to terminate a relationship is genuine to them.
If u are not a smoker u'll rather be too tall , too short, ugly, and so on when the luv is begining to fade

samix:

moving on seems to be the right option right now but its very difficult to let go what you have put your strength and everything into

well you can do what suits you but really she is not for you cuz she has refused to understand.

samix:

i know i messed up there but i felt disgusted that she didn't trust me afterall. well thanx anyway enque

She's not good enough for u. . . . . .You deserve a better chic.
Forget about her and fucking MOVE ON. . . . . There are many pebbles on the beach waiting for you.
Why sulk over a woman? Tssssssk. . . . .tsssssssk!!

she might have used that as an excuse yes, but knowing some gals, I feel they're rather passionate about the smoking and non-smoking thing.

One things clear: you really love this girl. Getting a good thing isn't easy. Firstly you have to convince yourself (probly by seeking professional help) that you've quit totally. Secondly try and look at things from her point of view. If you were passionate about something and she was unrepentant, what would be your reaction? Your fear would probably be that even if she claims that whateva habit has ended, what stops her from going back to it.

Hardwork pays, she'll probobably see that you're genuine with time, if you decide to keep at it (try to keep a level head though cos she'll defntly test you). While you're at it though try (not going to be easy) to dislodge yourself from the whole issue by doing what you know best (Not smoking!!!). By doing this you'll have satisfied yourself that it wasn't meant to be and you'll probably come off a better person (experience is always the best teacher).

The whole new person thing might just be to check if you really care, OR NOT

Good luck though

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The girl seems to be out of the relationsip before that issue came up and has used the issue as an excuse.Long distance relationship can lead to issues like this and you both need to trust yourself very well before you can keep a successful LDR which is obviusly absent in your relationship.

You should have kept your promise and stop smoking,the fact that you have sometimes denied it and you know she's far away from you can renforce the habit,hence that could be the reason why she just couldn't trust you.

Anyway,there's no point crying when the head is off.It will be good idea if you can pick yourself up and move on.

Persona82:

she might have used that as an excuse yes, but knowing some gals, I feel they're rather passionate about the smoking and non-smoking thing.

One things clear: you really love this girl. Getting a good thing isn't easy. Firstly you have to convince yourself (probly by seeking professional help) that you've quit totally. Secondly try and look at things from her point of view. If you were passionate about something and she was unrepentant, what would be your reaction? Your fear would probably be that even if she claims that whateva habit has ended, what stops her from going back to it.

Hardwork pays, she'll probobably see that you're genuine with time, if you decide to keep at it (try to keep a level head though because she'll defntly test you). While you're at it though try (not going to be easy) to dislodge yourself from the whole issue by doing what you know best (Not smoking!!!). By doing this you'll have satisfied yourself that it wasn't meant to be and you'll probably come off a better person (experience is always the best teacher).

The whole new person thing might just be to check if you really care, OR NOT

Good luck though

well u sound very correct on this, right from d beginning d issue as being the yardstick for the success of d relationship. she never wanted d smoking habit n i respected her by not smoking around her

she might have used that as an excuse yes, but knowing some gals, I feel they're rather passionate about the smoking and non-smoking thing.

One things clear: you really love this girl. Getting a good thing isn't easy. Firstly you have to convince yourself (probly by seeking professional help) that you've quit totally. Secondly try and look at things from her point of view. If you were passionate about something and she was unrepentant, what would be your reaction? Your fear would probably be that even if she claims that whateva habit has ended, what stops her from going back to it.

Hardwork pays, she'll probobably see that you're genuine with time, if you decide to keep at it (try to keep a level head though because she'll defntly test you). While you're at it though try (not going to be easy) to dislodge yourself from the whole issue by doing what you know best (Not smoking!!!). By doing this you'll have satisfied yourself that it wasn't meant to be and you'll probably come off a better person (experience is always the best teacher).

The whole new person thing might just be to check if you really care,  OR NOT 

Good luck though

why give hope where there is no hope huh?how r u so sure d girl will spare him a glance not to talk of testing him?

poster i can see u just want to keep hoping till u grow old

good luck

jennykadry:

why give hope where there is no hope huh?how r u so sure d girl will spare him a glance not to talk of testing him?

poster i can see u just want to keep hoping till u grow old

good luck

u got me laughing over this i swear, thanx for making me understand that time waits for nobody

samix:

u got me laughing over this i swear, thanx for making me understand that time waits for no nobody

sorry if i was rude anyways,but i just have to tell u the truth,u see sometimes people r not meant to be,no matter how hard they (one of them or the both of them) try,im talking out of experience-----she might come back to u and she might not,but im just telling u this so that u don't hope upon hope,move on wt your life,i swear to u if she is yours she will surely come back ,no matter what,just have that at d back of your mind

nigeria girl can break up, any how as if its just a mere pick[stick]

guy
everyone are just sayin u should move on as if it can be done at the drop of a hat but i knw it can be very hard, especially if its someone u were really emotionally attached to.
the feelings will wear off, but it'll take quite some time. meanwhile ill profer a remedy (used it, didnt work entirely but it made me feel good bout myself)
grow ur beard and look scruffy (it gives u that real manly look)
take to drinking alcohol a lot especially beer (now thats what real men do)
try and get with as many women as possible, in short fornicate. the time you spend with other women will make you think less of ur ex. hell u might even get someone else from ur fornication.

note, there is a slight side effect, u might always be comparing every girl u meet with ur ex, but u'll get over it.

gabe_logan:

guy
everyone are just sayin u should move on as if it can be done at the drop of a hat but i knw it can be very hard, especially if its someone u were really emotionally attached to.
the feelings will wear off, but it'll take quite some time. meanwhile ill profer a remedy (used it, didnt work entirely but it made me feel good bout myself)
[b]grow your beard and look scruffy (it gives u that real manly look)
take to drinking alcohol a lot especially beer (now thats what real men do)
try and get with as many women as possible, in short fornicate. th[/b]e time you spend with other women will make you think less of your ex. hell u might even get someone else from your fornication.

note, there is a slight side effect, u might always be comparing every girl u meet with your ex, but u'll get over it.

all because of a grl abbba

Samix don't take gabe_ logan seriously and stop smoking. It kills.

thanx everyone, i have taken the possible and positive advices and really considering how to move on up

Hi Samix I'm sorry to hear of your pain, but I must tell you I think she was already seeing this person , smoking is something that most people do not like , but its something you will endure if you love your partner and you see that their trying hard to quit, She didn't even know you were smoking no one is that good. She already was seeing this person and she used your smoking as an excuse , because she was a coward and couldn't tell you the truth. Right now what you need to do is pray and ask God to heal your hurt, you can't lose focus and not get through school its hard enough as it is , but if you get behind it will be even harder, Another woman will come along and love you for you and if she hates that you smoke she will help you to quit but with love and patience,