Why do we presume we have found the love of our life and then suddenly the excitement is not there as when we started? Then we ask ourselves if it were love or infatuation. This is the problem marriages too face and results in so many cases of divorces or separation; in the case of love relationships, it could become estranged.

GRANTEDNESS A QUIET BUT DAMAGING LOVE VENOMFact is we human beings easily get accustomed to a thing and may not know the value of it until we lose it, or almost lose it. We take life for granted until we have a close brush with death and then this sharpens our closeness to God; this is because we are used to seeing ourselves alive every day and forget the reality that people die or the possibility of dying.

We scrape money to buy the latest car or phone, but after a while, we get so used to it the excitement felt for the object diminishes until a day comes when we lose it, or almost lose it to robbers. Truth is, we cannot indeed go gaga over the new TV we bought a year after we bought it and expect our excitement to be the same as when we first bought it.

Reality seeps in, and with so many things catching our attention daily, it is a miracle, if not an impossibility, to remain excited the same level all the time over the same thing. Even the way a newborn baby will be smothered with love at birth will not be the same after the baby has grown into an adult; this is why last-born children are showered with more attention than firstborn are.

The same thing therefore applies in love. Slowly, without being conscious of it, we tend to take the other person for granted and doing things (or not doing things) that we would have done (or not done) before. This should not be seen as a sign that we do not love the other person, it is simply man’s nature coming to play. Because the moment it seemed we are about to lose our partner, lover or wife, we either panic or frightened inwardly of losing that person. Then we try to make up by buying gifts or apologizing. However, this is not an excuse for infidelity, for there are ways you can bring this under your control.

Sometimes, either one or both of you need to withdraw. Let the imagination of the other person play. At the beginning when lovers just meet, imagination is used a lot but after starting a relationship, reality takes over imagination.

Humans prefer fantasy to reality, therefore give room by letting the other person shape love or the lover in his/her fantasy or imagination. The more you are seen or heard from in any group or among friends, the more common you appear. But if after becoming tight friends or close-knitted and then you withdraw for a while, you become more desired, and everyone cannot wait for the next time they will see you again. Your value has gone up after people have painted images of you in their fantasy and crave for you again; a company they are likely to take for granted when they see you all the time.

Distance magnifies people, but after coming close to them and become used to their friendship, they suddenly become like any other person to us. This seeps into love too, especially when one or both lovers become too possessive. Hounding your loved ones only produce the opposite effect, for you have made your presence too much, even to the point of making the other person feel like a prisoner being monitored.

The feelings from peace and re-unification are often sweet after two fighting lovers make up. The rapprochement becomes like a renewal of starting again and refreshing the love. The joy of reconciliation heightens your value after some absence. Mind you, in the beginning of a relationship, your constant presence is required or too much absence would not allow the relationship to take off properly. But in the course of the relationship, too much constant presence soon wears the relationship into what we become so used to (this doesn’t mean we don’t love our partner) that we began looking for a newer form of excitement. Note too that too much absence wanes love though.

Therefore, occasionally, we should go for holidays with our lovers to change environment. And, occasionally, you should find an excuse to get away for some time. But your need to get away should be responsible, and not a reason to hop into bed with someone else. When you have a disagreement with your lover, make good use of it by taking your presence away for a while. It would not only help you to know if your lover loves you by wanting you back, it would help you desire him/her again in a form of making up.

Do not do this however, at the beginning of a relationship; it should only be done when the flames of love are dying. The aim is to rekindle the love after it has been taken for granted. Renew it with romance to win back your lover.

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