A Girl's status*
"BORED"
86Likes 54comment
*Boy's status*
"Thank God i finally passed Jamb!" 0 Likes 1comment from
Mom.

YEKPA is when you throw your 950naira change outside the
bus, instead of the gala wrapper

In a relationship, every girl treats her rich boyfriend as "GOD",
buh when he's Broke, the alphabets get reversed ☹

White gal FB statts: I luv U Tom.. 9ja gal FB status : I love u
@ U knw urself...Wen will our gals stop killin many birds with
one stone ?

I overheard a girl claiming to be a half cast when her dad is
from ghana and her mum kenya... I'm in tears brethen ☹

"I will blow your brains out!", the Nollywood actor said with a
gun pointed to the other actor's... Chest ☹
....Smh 4 naija movies

Breakfast U soak garri. Lunch U chew garri & peanut. Dinner U
eat eba. Yet U dey sing KC's "I wanna b Ur maga" ...Na Death
U dey sing for?

Guys if you wanna ask a girl out, go straight to the point. What
is how is mummy and daddy? E concern you

this post deserve homepage.. nice one op

You have over 10 Sex partners & you still refer to your
reproductive Organ as Private Part. No, You're wrong. It's A
UNIVERSAL CHARGER.

nice one op

ENGLISH BY MR AKPOS A
PRIMARY SCHOOL TEACHER

1. Don’t dare talk infront of my back

2. 1 2 3, both of you get out of my class!

3. Take 5cm wire of my length

4. All of you stand in a straight circle

5. Be quiet… the principal just passed away

6. Why are you looking at the monkeys outside
when I am here?

7. I have 3 daughters, they are all girls

8. Did you see me on the radio yesterday?

9. Everybody is entitles to 1 ball of kenkeyand1 ball of
fish

10. Stop making noise like empty sardinetins of milk

11. The son of the man is a boy

12. This is your permanent place,
sit herefor the mean time

13. Take the lead and follow me

14. I would rather kill myself than commit suicide.

Good stuff.

lwkmd

fflamingo: ENGLISH BY MR AKPOS A
PRIMARY SCHOOL TEACHER

1. Don’t dare talk infront of my back

2. 1 2 3, both of you get out of my class!

3. Take 5cm wire of my length

4. All of you stand in a straight circle

5. Be quiet… the principal just passed away

6. Why are you looking at the monkeys outside
when I am here?

7. I have 3 daughters, they are all girls

8. Did you see me on the radio yesterday?

9. Everybody is entitles to 1 ball of kenkeyand1 ball of
fish

10. Stop making noise like empty sardinetins of milk

11. The son of the man is a boy

12. This is your permanent place,
sit herefor the mean time

13. Take the lead and follow me

14. I would rather kill myself than commit suicide.

laff wan wunjure me ooooo

fflamingo: Who said English is simple
Read sister Nkechi's testimony! "praise the
rord.Hmmm its not a small something.well,actually
it all started a two day ago,which i'm in my
house.so a small hungry is catching me,so i look in
d house,nothing much 2 chop only small plantain which i' ave not fried before...so, i tell myself to fry
it and chop,as i'm fry dat plantain,so phone
ringing,so as i look,its a faring place,so i now
run,which i reach there,its my father which call,so i
now say ,father call after,plantain frying.I keep it.so
now i now turn arround,as i turn round,all of a suddenly everywhere in my house have turn to
smoke.Children of God as i'm approaching,smoke is
bigging,smoke is jst bigging and biginning.it's a
fearing thing o!if it's you self,afraid will catch
you.so i now cal the name of jesus three times.i
shout jesus jesus jesus!all of a miraculously,smoke start to be vanishing,to where?i no know its a
miracle something o!!!smoke start to dissapering
small small,small.then my plantain have burn to
matches.Hallelujah....praise the lort somebodies.But
my main testimony today be say,i chop that
charcoal and nothing is happen to me.praise the rord".Hahahaha.

lol,abeg wetin b d name of d guy who said this joke

Oya how many likes.............


If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a
couple of payments.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over
and put it back in your pocket.
The only mystery in life is why the arik pilots wore
helmets.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not
putting it in a fruit salad.
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument
when you realize you’re wrong.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They
should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died
peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers
in his car.

I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching
them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling
them to sit down and shut-up.
Never interrupt your opponent while he’s making a mistake.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and
carry a clipboard.
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail. A best
friend is the one sitting next to you saying ‘boy was that
fun.
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before
the police.
It may look like I’m doing nothing, but I’m actively waiting
for my problems to go away.
Every rule has an exception, especially this one.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from
many is research.
Three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere:
‘Hold my purse.
Men have two emotions: hungry and Hot. If you see him
without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Death is life’s way of telling you that you’ve been fired.
Suicide is your way to tell life, “you can’t fire me, I Quit!”
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their
level then beat you with experience.
Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof
things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better
fools. So far, I think nature is winning.

America is a country where half the money is spent buying
food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight.

NaijaBloggers be like "Rihanna hasn't had her bath for 3 days. Click here to smell armpit."

this one Tecno now runs on Android and BBM's available on androids. China na still China. PINGS gonna' be sounding like Bomb blast."

That awkward moment when a prostitute tells you "Oga do quick, i get choir practise to attend"."

Are u feeling abandoned,neglected & u want your friends to have u at heart & constantly stay in touch? Borrow money from all of them &travel"

What Nonsense! This has got to
stop!
When CL0SE-UP does an advert,
they will show you someone's
teeth and how to brush properly.
When GILETTE Does an advert,
they will show you someone's
beards, armpit and they will show you how well the shaving
stick works.
When DETTOL does an advert,
they will show you someone taking his or her bath in the
bathroom with the soap...........
......But what the hell is wrong with
ALWAYS ULTRA Sanitary PAD?
When they are doing their advert, they will never show us
anything!
All we see is a girl rolling on her bed or secondary school
girls singing on the field... How does that show us what the
pad is used
for?

-RACISM is when a white BB
Bold
6 cost more than a
black BB Bold 6.
-NEMESIS is when you submit
your answer
sheet
with your expo inside.
-LONG THROAT is when you
take
a girl out on a sunny day &
she orders for a
hot
plate of pepper
soup.
-A WITCH is that girl that eats
nkwobi, fish
pepper
soup, shawama, suya,
chicken, smirnoff,
fayrous &
when you take her home she
says
sorry I'm on my
period.
-OVERSABI is when you are
eating salad
witha girl
& she says 'honey, this food
no
done'.
-OLODO is when you are in a
plane
with a girl & she says 'honey
I'm hot, can you
please roll down the glass'.
-A HUNGRY CHILD is that kid
that sees you
eating &
says 'my mummy said I
shouldn't take food
from
strangers'.
-A STUBBORN CHILD is that kid
that
wakes up in the
middle of the night when
daddy &
mummy are
having good time & says
'mummy
I want to piss'

Ibadan girls be like my names are 'Deola Suliake Titi Victoria'
but you can call me DSTV !

Yoruba boys be-like my name is Babatunde Balogun Michael,
you can call me BBM.

Grandma Goes to Court
Defense Attorney : What is your
age ?
Little Old Woman : I am 86 years old.
Defense Attorney : Will you tell us, in
your own words, what happened to
you ?
Little Old Woman : There I was,
sitting there in my swing on my
front porch on a warm spring
evening, when a young man comes
creeping up on the porch and sat
down beside me.
Defense Attorney : Did you know
him ?
Little Old Woman : No, but he sure
was friendly.
Defense Attorney : What happened
after he sat down beside you ?
Little Old Woman : He started to rub
my thigh.
Defense Attorney : Did you stop
him ?
Little Old Woman : No, I didn't stop
him.
Defense Attorney : Why not ?
Little Old Woman : It felt good.
Nobody had done that since my
Abner passed away 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney : What happened
next ?
Little Old Woman : He began to rub
my breasts.
Defense Attorney : Did you stop him
then ?
Little Old Woman : No, I did not stop
him.
Defense Attorney : Why not ?
Little Old Woman : Why, Your Honor,
his rubbing made me feel all alive
and excited. I haven't felt that good
in years.
Defense! Attorney: What happened
next ?
Little Old Woman : Well, I was
feeling so spicy that I just spread my
old legs and said to him, "Take me,
young man,Take me!"
Defense Attorney : Did he take you ?
Little Old Woman : Hell, no. That's
when he yelled, "April Fool's!".….And
that's when I shot the son of a bitch.

Why men have better friends
Friendship between women: A woman didn't come home one
night. The next morning she told her husband that she had
slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10
best friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship between men: A man didn't come home one night.
The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a
friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best
friends, 8 of which confirmed that he had slept over, and 2
said that he was still there.!!! =))

No encouragement so just wasting my mb.....how many likes and I will post ...........

Getrich47: NaijaBloggers be like "Rihanna hasn't had her bath for 3 days. Click here to smell armpit."