Whether we believe it or not, there are guys who still lack the gut when it comes to wooing a lady they admire. As a strong macho, who knows exactly what he wants, the truth is no lady should be "too big" for you to approach no matter the height of the stiletto heel she's wearing or wetin she gather follow body (permit me to use our local parlace). It's not a crime to like somebody but it would if you are waiting for the perfect time to say how you feel because that "perfect time" may never come until you eventually lose her to some sweet talkers. Notwithstanding, there are few lessons that could be of help to ginger your swagger in that department.
Lesson 1: Self Confidence
A man must be and show that he's a man otherwise he's still a boy. If a man does not know what he wants, i can definitely tell you he can never get what he wants. A guy must have first convinced himself why he deserves or should have a lady before he can gainfully convince her. As a guy, you should start by asking yourself the five good qualities you possess that would push a girl to want to have anything to do with you - is it your look? the way you talk? your brilliance? etc But if you cannot answer that question, then you've not done your homework well. The easiest way to get knocked down even before her rejection or "initial gragra" is when you feel you are not good enough to have her. Look yourself in the mirror and say "I LOOK GOOD!"
Lesson 2: Breaking the ice (Starting a conversation with somebody you've been eyeing)
- Approach the person with morale by the way you walk towards her and through your communication
- Follow it up with some nice compliments to begin a conversation. "Hello! you look good" is a good start. Keep your compliment on a modest level; there's no need sending off a wrong signal even when you seldom do not exactly mean what you say. Contrary to what some guys may think, ladies do think very fast especially when a guy is approaching them for the first time. Telling a lady she looks sexy when actually she knows she looks quite simple in her dressing, quickly tells her the kind of person you are and what you are after. So you may want to be careful of what you say in order not to be misunderstood.
- Always be yourself - no dey form. Talk normal and cut the crap about trying to evoke a personality you do not possess.
- Learn to smile even when she wearing a long face - trying to give all that attitude.
Lesson 3: The art of conversation
Let's assume she has agreed to give it a try. The only thing that keeps any relationship going is communication. It is a known fact that ladies like to talk - (ladies abi na lie?) but the onus most of the time lies on the guy to lend an ear. Conversation is all about listening and answering questions. Bros, if she has nothing to say, you'd better got something to say or else both of you may just end up staring at each other - most ladies can be very reserved especially on their first outing. If you can win a girl's attention on your first date then you can be rest assured it may go all the way...
Before i forget, this is the nitty-gritty (the koko) if you desire to add more flavor in your conversation. A guy should be flexible and have a great sense of humour - don't be too formal even in your choice of questions. Asking a lady you just met "what are your long term goals?" for instance makes you sound kind of rigid or don't you think so? Most ladies like to hang around with guys whose ambiance is never a dull moment.
Lesson 4: Start sharing
Getting close to somebody means talking about the things that matter to you, things you are passionate about and they get to love you for who you are. It is at this juncture couples begin to learn to trust each other. I tell you how I feel, you tell me how you feel too; I tell u how it's doing me, you tell me how it's doing you too...lol
Once more, you may want to also make your intentions clearer during this moments and by so doing you frame a new picture of yourself in her heart and mind. She begins now to see you differently besides whatever idea she had from her past or what she might have heard.
Lesson 5: Make her feel special
Guys hear me and hear me well: the only thing or jazz or call it whatever you like that would put a lady in a condition where her friends thinks she's been hypnotize is knowing her to make her feel special. You can give without loving but you cannot love without giving - we've heard this several times. Make her feel special whether in coin or in kind. Take her out, buy something for her no matter how little it is, tell her how beautiful she is, make her know that she means the world to you and one very important thing, no venture try forget some special moments of her life most especially her birthday - don't try it! A man that treats his girl like a Princess shows he was raised by a Queen.
Lesson 6: Getting closer
As the relationship grows, emotions become more intense. We go beyond shaking hands to sharing hugs; from just saying good night but topping it with a simple good night kiss and so on. But mind you, it's at this stage of the relationship most guys begin to show their true colours and they end up destroying something that was beautiful. There is more to hidden text than just having some few minutes of passion on the bed. I know guys don't like to hear this but it's the truth and it can never be outdated - SEX IS NOT LOVE AND LOVE IS NOT SEX. Two things play out here: he shows if he's either desperate or mature by how he controls his emotions. You are a man not because of the "long rod" you have between your legs but because you know that certain actions will require you taking the needed responsibilities. So many accidental parentage, unwanted fatherhood because the guy thinks he should do it before someone else does it behind his back. Some say "you never can tell what will happen tomorrow, so i better have something to console myself with, let it not be as if i spent all my time and money for nothing." Don't put yourself in a situation where you can't walk away from a relationship even when you know it's not working between the two of you just because you don't want to break her heart after sleeping with her. I hope am talking to real dudes and not some players or philanderers? It is easier to call it quit and move on when you no say at least you no spoil something.
Lesson 7: Compromise
By this, i mean events or things that one can adjust to and not something or demands that are nonnegotiable. If you want to be with someone you love, you do what you got do to be with them but not to lose them even if it means dressing the way she likes (modestly), finding interest in her favorite activities etc Always try to enjoy what they like and be patient to teach them what you like with enthusiasm. One of the easiest ways to lose your lady to or your man ( for the ladies) into the arms of another is when she/he enjoys doing what she likes doing most of the time with an opposite hidden text. If another man enjoys playing ludo as much as she does with her and you're always found wanting in that area; if you no take time, they may not only play ludo but also combine snake and ladder and before you know it her feelings has cross carpet - she don decamp to chelsea...lol
Lesson 8: Be in charge
Man, you gotta be in charge emotionally, physically, spiritually and otherwise. Don't ever allow yourself get too carried away that you condescend to the level where your emotion becomes the driver of your life whereas your brain is the passenger. I've seen guys crying like a baby because of a girl. For your information, girls "bad" gwon - they claim the guys started it but i'm not into that topic for now. "I so much love her" and that's why you've suddenly become her ATM, laundry boy, Sammies best customer etc ehn Mr "the guy is in love"? The truth is if you give a girl the chance to make you her puppet, she'd gladly do it so well. What a girl needs is a guy who'll make her the better girl she ought to be and not some guy who keeps running to cry on the shoulders of his friends (mummy's boy) because he's not man enough to shun and put her at her rightful place when her excesses have gone haywire and overbearing. Be careful though so you don't seem kind of too bossy but a girl needs to know that you're still in charge even when it comes to making good decisions.
I'm going to expose something I know which only a few guys may have noticed too but a majority of some other guys are still not very aware of. You hardly find a guy (i don't mean a player) "managing" a girl as he awaits until his "true love" or "Paloma" surfaces but you find this a lot common with girls. She may not be with you because she loves you or planning to let herself grow to love but the reason being she doesn't want to be left alone - she just want to "become" like the rest of her friends. By the time she finally meets her "Prince charming", the kind of guy she has always dreamt of, church abasala ( church close) - the game is over for you. This takes us to the next lesson...
Finally, Lesson 9: Follow your heart and always be honest to yourself and the other person
The truth is not all relationship leads to marriage. The worst thing that can happen to any man or woman is being hooked to the wrong person. It's a thing of the heart and not out of pity or mere sentiments. If after trying and trying and perhaps you tried more but that thing, i can't really find the right words for it; in soap opera they say it's that magic feeling that makes you feel like there's a butterfly in your belly. If she's not giving you goose bumps and you've noticed she's hardly high-spirited when you're around, that panache you can sense even from a thousand mile when a girl is in love; you must be a man and confront the truth - you are better-off a girl trying to "manage" you. Yea, it can be very painful but you just have to put your pride and ego aside and go look for your own Cinderella and not someone else's. I just got this fantastic words in my head as i was typing - i guess it came out of what i may have felt or i'm feeling for someone, lol. This is it: We can't see love but we can feel it and we can spell it. If you know, the word {L O V E} is not engross in your heart when you think or you are with that someone there's no need deceiving or suffering yourself - you're not in love with that person.
It is better to hurt someone with the truth than comfort them with lies. Know when and how to burst the bubble when it's obvious you're just not meant for each other. Life must go on!
I hope you find someone you love and who truely loves you....ciao
Source: UNIPORT FORUM

That's a nice one. You are a genius. Unfortunately, I realize that most marriage/dating counsellors hardly do well in their relationships. Infact, a number of them are divorcees. Lets hope you are a different one.

ify@nairaland:
That's a nice one. You are a genius. Unfortunately, I realize that most marriage/dating counsellors hardly do well in their relationships. Infact, a number of them are divorcees. Lets hope you are a different one.

tanx a bunch... i aint married yet but by God's grace i can beat my chest dat my marriage will work wella cuz i no and follow d principles. Most of my write ups r based on personal experiences and odawise... tanx once more and pray for us

ify@nairaland:
That's a nice one. You are a genius. Unfortunately, I realize that most marriage/dating counsellors hardly do well in their relationships. Infact, a number of them are divorcees. Lets hope you are a different one.

tanx a bunch... i aint married yet but by God's grace i can beat my chest dat my marriage will work wella cuz i no and follow d principles. Most of my write ups r based on personal experiences and odawise... tanx once more and plz continue to pray for us