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Stats: 2,773,549 members, 6,605,282 topics. Date: Saturday, 27 November 2021 at 06:11 AM
|I Think I Need Some Genuine Help. Please Open This. by Definitive(m): 8:33pm On Oct 23, 2013|
As a way of introduction, I'm a medical doctor. I'm gainfully employed. I live and work in the largest city in West Africa.
I'm a practising christian and of the Roman Catholic extraction. Honestly, speaking very modestly, I'm averagely good looking - if not very handsome. I'm adroit at my professional responsibility and communicate pretty well in English language.
Ordinarily, I have no problems. But that's where the problem indeed is: I seem to have huge problems getting a good woman to settle down with.
Now I'm almost losing my mind. Women often complain that men are fake, are smokers, womanisers and all of that. Now here is one who doesn't drink, smoke, womanise or party. I can't even dance to modern nigerian hip-hop. I get on well with the old school music however. That'a where the issue is: I seem to be too definitive, too God-conscious, too Catholic or too 'rigid' to whatever is right and appropriate in the sight of both God and man.
I would love to meet a woman who has my orientation about life - as I'm nearly 30 and haven't simply met a Catholic lady or willing-to-be-Catholic lady who is willing to keep a sex-free definitive relationship which would lead to marriage. Often times, when I get to meet a lady who can speak and present herself in the society as good as I do, they come as proud, unchristian or warped mentalities. On the rare occasion when I thought I had met the woman I so badly prayed for, we couldn't work out because she was rigidly stuck to her pentecostal faith.
So I have come to appeal to all of you: Nairaland please help.
I'm in need of a beautiful lady for marriage. I'll prefer a hardworking professional with global horizon who can communicate in impeccable English and who is a Roman Catholic or is willing to become one before marriage.
I can be reached by replies here or by texts to 08036698683. My whatsapp # is 08156133790.
I'm genuine. I'm optimistic that there is a lady out there who shares my orientation.
|Re: I Think I Need Some Genuine Help. Please Open This. by glimpse(f): 8:53pm On Oct 23, 2013|
lol...wow...sorry OP, i had to laugh. Impeccable english. Swthrt, you'd have to wait for a long time. Well,have safe trip in your quest to get a wife that suits your description. You could try Chaz B on rhythm fm.
|Re: I Think I Need Some Genuine Help. Please Open This. by kayjasper(f): 9:06pm On Oct 23, 2013|
Eeya ..I feel for you Doctor.
.I happen to meet your criteria ....and am Catholic too!!!!
But I wont call or message you simply because you have to shift ground to meet a good woman.
You want them to bend into you....why can't you bend into them?
If you still live by the church rules of having to marry a Catholic like yourself then maybe the choir will be a place to start your search.
Bottom line....drop this rigid criterias you have here .. and stop being too stuck up with Catholicism....Catholics have moved beyond this your reasoning .....except probably you are in your 70s!!!
|Re: I Think I Need Some Genuine Help. Please Open This. by Definitive(m): 9:33pm On Oct 23, 2013|
kay jasper: Eeya ..I feel for you Doctor.
@KayJasper: thanks for your kind reply. I'm pleased you are Catholic. It is even more heartwarming that U meet my criteria.
That's a fine way to start. U see dear, whatever got me to the point where I had to write this on NL, for a professional like myself, I'm definitely going for broke.
I'm willing to work at a relationship with a wonderful young lady, but I must avoid the pitfalls I have previously experienced. Therefore, on NL, I had to state the first criteria - the Faith. I have had beautiful friends that didn't work out only because I didn't shift ground on doctrine. The Catholic faith works for me. It built me and I want to raise a Catholic family too. That's all.
I'm not denying and would never controvert the known fact that christianity also exists outside the RC Faith. Certainly not, but this is a life time commitment and I'm willing to get into it only in the terrain I know best.
Faith and/or religion, I believe, are the most important matters that must be sorted as soon as an affair is contracted. Every other matter would rightly fall into place thereafter. Trust me dear, that's all.
So would U kindly let me know how to reach U now? *smiles*
|Re: I Think I Need Some Genuine Help. Please Open This. by andyanders: 10:13pm On Oct 23, 2013|
kay jasper: Eeya ..I feel for you Doctor.
My sister well spoken, I even pity the woman that would end up marrying this so called acclaimed Dr, who wants a woman he wants to control.
Unless a woman who wants to pretend and get involved to marry him and later bring out her hidden character.
With what this so called Dr who cannot differentiate between good and bad, I pity the woman who wants to get herself enslaved with such a man.
No two perfect individuals on the face of this earth. Both of you must be able to understudy yourselves and also learn to tolerate each other and too, learn to know the difference between dating, courtship and marriage.
|Re: I Think I Need Some Genuine Help. Please Open This. by ifyalways(f): 10:22pm On Oct 23, 2013|
If you are all that,women(good,bad,ugly,catholic,penticoastal,sharia,ogboni-okija etc) would be all over you.
Definitive: As a way of introduction, I'm a medical doctor. I'm gainfully employed. I live and work in the largest city in West Africa.@Bold,look in the mirror first cos that's exactly you come across as !
|Re: I Think I Need Some Genuine Help. Please Open This. by Nobody: 10:41pm On Oct 23, 2013|
As someone said if you are that rigid, your church choir is the best place to haunt.
But personally, I have come to understand that Christianity is not about church denomination. People need to read their bibles themselves and uphold God's words and not man made traditions/doctrine. I do not even agree with some of my church doctrine, but I've learned to agree to disagree for peace sake. Their doctrines/traditions would not stop me from going to church. The bible says in James 1:27
Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world. (James 1:27 KJV).
True religion is not by the church denomination you go to. As I keep on reading my bible, especially Jesus words, He was fixated on Love and giving to the poor. Look for a woman with such attributes. Love is what would hold your family together and not because you go to the same church. Have you wondered why you've been so unlucky in your pursuits?
My father is Anglican and my mum's Pentecostal. He goes to his own church and she goes to hers. If there's a special program in their churches they invite the other. He makes fun of Pentecostals but it's just fun, nothing to feel resentment over because there is love in the family. People should take life easy. Jesus has already paid the price for you, you should not be under any bondage of church doctrine/tradition.
|Re: I Think I Need Some Genuine Help. Please Open This. by Definitive(m): 10:43pm On Oct 23, 2013|
I was going to reply @andy until I got the latest update from @ifyalways...
NL can be a tough place to seek anything, U know... Phew! See yabbing... She went on to write passionately 'so-much-acclaimed-Dr' on more occasions than one. It doesn't change the work I do daily ma. That's simply my job.
Okay, let me say this: women have never been far from me. How close they get is what I define however. That's one.
2. The Catholic Faith is conservative, as U can see I am too. Matters like rosary, confession, novenas, sacraments and all that are the pillars of the Faith. They are best understood when willingly taken up, and not with the pressures of marriage or the need to get hooked/ 'settle down'.
3. Gentlemen and responsible ladies do not rush. We simply take our time and assess our options. That's what I'm doing - NL is only a broader scale.
Finally, don't rush to castigate. This isn't Wale Adenuga Productions or some nollywood flick. I wouldn't be too bothered by criticism though. Jesus had more than a fair share of such - even till death. Today, 2000 years after his demise, his native people in Israel still deny him - only 10% of them are Christians... So why would I be perturbed if I'm unduly villified here?
P.S: I'm sincerely grateful for the kind replies I'm receiving privately. God bless you all.
|Re: I Think I Need Some Genuine Help. Please Open This. by Nobody: 10:58pm On Oct 23, 2013|
Is this for real!
|Re: I Think I Need Some Genuine Help. Please Open This. by kayjasper(f): 3:45am On Oct 24, 2013|
Well Doctor, I am impressed you believe so strongly in your catholic faith. Good to know you are not one of the numerous catholic men who consider we catholic girls as boring.....lol.
I wouldn't say am much available. If your assertion is true then I think women should be flocking around you...even in your local parish.
If I recommend well brought up Catholic ladies with 4yrs convent experience would you be willing ?
You know some people for one reason or the other couldn't make their final profession.
But I will still say, look inwards first...attend more of the N.F.C.S conventions, meet with leaders of C.Y.O they can identify the good ones for you cos in reality being a Catholic girl does not guarantee you a sure and pure wife.
IF YOU HAVE DONE THIS AND STILL CAN'T GET A GOOD GIRL TO MARRY, THEN I WILL VOLUNTEER TO DATE YOU FOR JUST 6 MONTHS...AFTER THAT YOUR LIFE WILL NOT REMAIN THE SAME AGAIN.
In a positive way o..... ; D
Glory to Jesus..........Honor to Mary!!!!
|Re: I Think I Need Some Genuine Help. Please Open This. by LewsTherin: 4:35am On Oct 24, 2013|
I'm not going to comment on issues concerning your faith. I'm not going to comment on your "strict principles". God knows I've got sone of those too. However, I am going to comment on your behaviour as it appears in your post. You sound like you have a ....what's the best way to put this... "proud, unchristian and with a warped mentality".
I am not trying to be offensive, please. I want you to know that you need to realise marriage is not the hospital with the doctor giving his directives and opinions and expecting everyone (including the patient) to take it all as given. It's more like Parliament where your party's coalition has only 51% of the seats - lots of compromise and negotiations.
When next you meet a woman who may meet your standards, try not to be to lordly and stiff over it. When you do find your wife (and I know you will) try not to be the boss of the house. Just the team captain.
Remember, a great marriage completes you. A poor one finishes you!
But then, I don't know you personally so how you come off on Nairaland may not be how you really are.
Good luck dude.
|Re: I Think I Need Some Genuine Help. Please Open This. by Nobody: 7:54am On Oct 24, 2013|
kay jasper: Eeya ..I feel for you Doctor.you are correct.I am also a catholic and you spoke my mind
|Re: I Think I Need Some Genuine Help. Please Open This. by bellong: 8:22am On Oct 24, 2013|
You can ask your thread to be moved to the romance section. I guess the section will attract more potential candidates.
Goodluck in your ultimate search
I think you should pay a visit to the convent in England, you will get a person with an IMPECCABLE Engrish and Roman Catholic. Or possibly bend your engirish clause and visit the Vatican.....
|Re: I Think I Need Some Genuine Help. Please Open This. by obayaya(m): 9:15am On Oct 24, 2013|
lmao... I no fit laugh!!! and you feel you will Find the perfect lady here? Mr. Doctor, this is a very big mistake.. you'll just end up in a sorry situation.
Nairaland no be match making site jare
|Re: I Think I Need Some Genuine Help. Please Open This. by lertee(f): 9:26am On Oct 24, 2013|
OP yes you need help for real. You sound to me like an archaic,dominating,selfish, knowitall guy.
I am sorry for using those adjectives. In searching for a partner,one has to loosen up and be ready move freely with anyone,love doesn't force someone to bend to his or her own want,that is selfishness.
I am sure you ve met many good women who are ready to settle down but you chased them away with your attitude.
Mind you it is not only when you smoke,drink or womanise that you are considered bad,other bad attitudes are inclusive,example,human relation.
|Re: I Think I Need Some Genuine Help. Please Open This. by ifyalways(f): 9:45am On Oct 24, 2013|
obayaya: lmao... I no fit laugh!!! and you feel you will Find the perfect lady here? Mr. Doctor, this is a very big mistake.. you'll just end up in a sorry situation.I think he already "found" Kay jasper volunteered to take him on "trial marriage"
Very funny man, the OP.
If you fail to get that perfect woman please consider becoming a priest. That way,you'll share your perfect genes,spread your impeccable English prowess with a larger audience.
|Re: I Think I Need Some Genuine Help. Please Open This. by Nobody: 10:03am On Oct 24, 2013|
And gals r already contacting him.
I no no say husband scarce reach like this o!
And he is a great catch! E easy to be nwa dokita!
I'm def making here my last bus stop!
This happens to be one of the most insightful threads I've seen for a looooog time in family section!
Its gonna be fun reading the posts!
|Re: I Think I Need Some Genuine Help. Please Open This. by Nobody: 10:10am On Oct 24, 2013|
Op, I really donot have any problems with you specifically wanting to settle down with a Catholic lady. That is your choice. Don't let anybody make you feel bad about it. People have priorities. If yours is Faith, then so be it. I've seen people that say "I can't marry from another tribe", "I can't marry a Teacher", "I can't marry a short man" etc. Faith is not different.
However, I think you are looking in the wrong places. You should start from your local church, choir, Youth fellowship, etc. If you can't get any lady there, then go from one Catholic church to the other on sundays, different masses. Look out for those very conservative rosary wearing types. I'm sure before you attend 10 you will see your choice.
But seriously, I think you might have to shift ground on some of your criteria. If Faith is top priority, then go for it. But it will be difficult getting a combination of all those qualities you mentioned; professional, very reserved catholic, beautiful, ability to speak impeccable english etc.
So, you either keep searching for that kind of lady, or shift ground on some criteria. No one is perfect. Ask the married people here, most of them didn't marry someone that possessed all the qualities they earlier wanted in their spouses, but they have now learned to live with it and be happy.
On the flip side, don't we all just want that "perfect" spouse? If only God can let us create them.
|Re: I Think I Need Some Genuine Help. Please Open This. by bellong: 10:16am On Oct 24, 2013|
A person can only get this if he/she is perfect him/herself............
If there is a perfect spouse, I bet you the marriage will be as dull as whatever you can think of. It is the imperfection and working towards perfection that makes the institution of marriage one of the best gifts (if not the best) to humanity. No wonder, Apostle Paul always liking the relationship in marriage to that with us and Christ.
|Re: I Think I Need Some Genuine Help. Please Open This. by Nobody: 10:23am On Oct 24, 2013|
I totally agree with you. Imperfect couples complement each other. But humans seem to crave that "perfect" person. Like he/she even exists. . .
I for one, can't imagine marrying someone exactly like me. It just won't work. And that is where the Op is getting it all wrong. He wants someone who is like him in everything. Where is the variation? Where is the fun? Where is the disagreement that makes a relationship/marriage even stronger?
|Re: I Think I Need Some Genuine Help. Please Open This. by Definitive(m): 10:43am On Oct 24, 2013|
@Lews: God bless you for your kind comments. I honestly appreciate them. I guess my words in describing my few experiences in the past are now being used against me. Let me explain it here:
In med school, I was the regular bookie. In other words, I didn't socialize as such. I learnt to make a few good friends and keep them pretty close.
I've lost some one or two friends in the past to the RC Faith matter - after sorting every other issue of compatibility and mutual interest.
That's why I've publicly stated it here and done that early. The phone numbers I made available here are alternate phone numbers to reach me. Please notice that there are 2 different phone numbers for whatsapp and text messages. I have kept my direct line private. It might be unusual but I'm only airing my private need, albeit without desperation however.
Trust me Sir, I'm a team player. In marriage, yourself and your spouse are mates. Nobody is a Dr or lawyer. All that ends the moment U make a commitment to yourselves. I only wrote out the most important criteria. Trust me, I might not be the party type but I'm humorous and playful in my way.
Why have I put up all this on NL? Well, NL is where everything happens - good and bad. There are all manners of people here - bad, ugly, wicked and all what have you - but there is no gainsaying that there are also kind hearted, tolerant and understanding souls here.
If we can talk about admission, visas, politics, socio-economic and many private matters here, why must I be excoriated for doing no wrong?
@KayJasper, since you aren't open, I'll go no further. I respect people's private affairs. *smiles*
|Re: I Think I Need Some Genuine Help. Please Open This. by mysticgal(f): 11:00am On Oct 24, 2013|
|Re: I Think I Need Some Genuine Help. Please Open This. by kreamidiva(f): 1:13pm On Oct 24, 2013|
Ify and "trial marriage"! Oga,I'm available o. I'm married o with two kids.
I'm a Pentecostal married to a catholic. My marriage is blessed. So look for a lady who isn't as rigid as you are. Who would be flexible to change her faith because of the love she has for you.
I wish you luck.
|Re: I Think I Need Some Genuine Help. Please Open This. by Definitive(m): 5:57pm On Oct 24, 2013|
kreami diva, I appreciate your comments. You are such a wonderful person. God bless you. I'll certainly take the advice. The good part is that my orientation about this matter is known ahead of time....
But what can't change anyway? Almost nothing... I doubt if I'll ever change my RC ideation tho.'
That said, how do U balance your family with ur different denominations? When U pray and speak in tongues, what does he do? *Very few Catholics do so. That's not to say Caths don't speak in unknown tongues...* On Sundays, do U go to different Churches? How about the kids - are they Catholics or pentecostals?
These are the fears I have ma'am...
|Re: I Think I Need Some Genuine Help. Please Open This. by TV01(m): 7:44pm On Oct 24, 2013|
Good to hear that you have a keen sense of what you’d like and what is essential for marriage. That is lacking in many these days, hence the "car crash" type unions that abound these days. Please proceed, there is nothing to allege against you on account of this (or carry go, nothin’ do you - appreciating your preference for impeccable grammar!).
A friend once introduced me to a lady. “What’s the deal” I asked? During our discussion it came out that “she wants a really tall man”. Why should I bother I queried? Well “when she meets you and discovers your sterling character, she’ll see sense. “Let’s just leave it” I said. “At all” insisted my friend, I’m sure it will be fine. Wearied from accusations of being too fussy, overly picky and not giving people a chance etc. I acquiesced.
After a brief phone intro and a few convos, we fixed a date. As agreed & bang on time, TV rocks up to her place. Beautifully attired in a tailored blue-grey suit with a fine birds-eye pattern. Matched with a crisp tailored white shirt and gigolo loafers. Shaved and trimmed Needless to say, all this was lost on the sister, whose eyes were fixed at a point some way above my head as she opened the door. She had a wide smile to begin, but as she gradually lowered her gaze, her smile faltered then totally disappeared, until finally, by the time our eyes met, she had a facial look of just having trod on dog mess.
This all happened in an instant, but was unmissable. I held form – even as I thought “what is it with me, rocks and hard places”?
What’s my point? Peoples preferences no matter how silly, childish or immature are to be respected. They have every right. Even if with hindsight they turn out to be misguided and regrettable. And as they have every right, they must also bear responsibility for their choices.
I feel you have done well and taken the right approach. Set your standards high and stick with them. Otherwise there is a real danger of you never being really content, resentful or even worse. And in this regard, faith as a priority is right up there. If you do for any reason compromise on any aspect, be sure to think it through and accept you can live with the outcome. Please, don’t let your eventual union fall in to the bucket of “manage-manage” or “tick-box” affair. Be wise.
One good thing about the “date” was she lived close by. That was particularly good as when I turned up for date number two – lest I be accused of not giving people a chance, I arranged a second date even though I didn’t particularly feel her – she claimed not to remember making it? And good because some while later I saw her up close with a guy at our local train station. He was shorter, stockier, not as pleasant looking – and needless to say - not as well attired as I am. Good as the woman God finally blessed me with is taller, more shapely, better looking, more accomplished, beautifully mannered and with a character to die for. And she frequently saw us together before we upped sticks to a better area.
So I repeat, do not compromise. Pay no heed to those, who don't have it, can't see it, won't get it or would fail to recognise it, even if it sang love x love to them at a candle lit dinner for two at the Ritz (in Ibadan I think you call that Premier hotel ).
Continue to believe and trust God. By all means, allow room for introspection, consider your own ways. Work on yourself and continue to absorb the “essence” of holy matrimony. But I re-emphasise, please do not compromise.
Be encouraged sir. At 30 you are still relatively young and there is all to play for. Please be patient - it will all be worth it in the end - and considered. God never fails. Blissful uxory will be yours.
I love catching them at the "wanna wed" stage
|Re: I Think I Need Some Genuine Help. Please Open This. by RoyalRoy(m): 7:53pm On Oct 24, 2013|
nice one TV01
Been a while we saw you around here!
Hope you bubbling with all the good and besties of life?
|Re: I Think I Need Some Genuine Help. Please Open This. by Nobody: 8:02pm On Oct 24, 2013|
TV01: Bro' Definitive,TV01, where hv u been?
I've been missing u and ur posts!
|Re: I Think I Need Some Genuine Help. Please Open This. by EfemenaXY: 8:17pm On Oct 24, 2013|
*** Rolls eyes ***
You don't mean that...
|Re: I Think I Need Some Genuine Help. Please Open This. by Nobody: 8:22pm On Oct 24, 2013|
Any staunch Catholic wouldn't want to compromise on h/her faith no matter how 'secular' the world is becoming.
I had a no non-Catholic rule too while I was dating because like you, I couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life with someone who wasn't as Catholic as I am. I know I turned down a lot good men just because they were not Catholics.
@ poster, please do not settle for anything short of what you want.
Nld might not be a good place to search for your dream girl but it's a start. But the best place will be the church. Go for morning masses, benedictions, devotions etc. Good Catholics never take these things for granted.
Those kind of ladies still exist and if you wait long enough, you'll find the right one for you.
|Re: I Think I Need Some Genuine Help. Please Open This. by TV01(m): 8:50pm On Oct 24, 2013|
Royal Roy: Hmmmmm
Thank you sir. Wifey and I have been putting the 10'000's to flight. God is good. I heard about your exploits. I pray that it is not only men that have cause to give a good testimony of you. Your reward is assured.
I haven't actually been anywhere. I think the occasional hiatus, followed by a brief "reading only" return, before re-joining fully helps one keep things in perspective.
And thank you. I trust all is well with you and yours. Appreciate your keeping me in mind.
|Re: I Think I Need Some Genuine Help. Please Open This. by parismarc: 9:10pm On Oct 24, 2013|
Hi Op,what's your take asper the age of the Lady? I know someone that meets ur criteria 100 percent but she clocked 30 in June,do u have a specified age limit?
|Re: I Think I Need Some Genuine Help. Please Open This. by kreamidiva(f): 9:29pm On Oct 24, 2013|
Definitive: kreami diva, I appreciate your comments. You are such a wonderful person. God bless you. I'll certainly take the advice. The good part is that my orientation about this matter is known ahead of time....
I'm a catholic now. I prayed the precious blood chaplet all through my first pregnancy. God is everywhere. My children and i attend Maria Assumpta cathedral in my town.
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