@Chillisauce,Ileobatojo
From the beginning of my post, you will see that I never mentioned divorce or sending her away because of my kids. I only sort help on how to manage the situation especially as I wasn't sure what her intentions were. But after she opened up, I was convinced she meant no harm and that made the whole healing process faster. The best advice was actually from those who asked that I keep my cool and watch. That did the trick.

2ndChance: @Chillisauce,Ileobatojo
From the beginning of my post, you will see that I never mentioned divorce or sending her away because of my kids. I only sort help on how to manage the situation especially as I wasn't sure what her intentions were. But after she opened up, I was convinced she meant no harm and that made the whole healing process faster. The best advice was actually from those who asked that I keep my cool and watch. That did the trick.

Sounds to me like the best advice was from the people who actually told you to get her to open up so you can heal faster and that she meant no harm.

By the way, most of those that told you to keep calm are the ones you decided to insult in your post today.

ileobatojo:

Sounds to me like the best advice was from the people who actually told you to get her to open up so you can heal faster and that she meant no harm.

By the way, most of those that told you to keep calm are the ones you decided to insult in your post today.

I am sorry if that is the message that my post conveyed but the truth is that my wife is a NLer and has seen this post, we have even discussed some of the responses here together. Most of her friends and people around her who have been pulling the strings behind the scene are NLers too. That is why I adressed the post at them.

For all who genuinely gave unbiased advices, I am sorry if I hurt you by any of my posts. It was not intentional, please forgive me and thank you for all your contributions.

Don't you just love Nairaland?

2ndChance:

I am sorry if that is the message that my post conveyed but the truth is that my wife is a NLer and has seen this post, we have even discussed some of the responses here together. Most of her friends and people around her who have been pulling the strings behind the scene are NLers too. That is why I adressed the post at them.

For all who genuinely gave unbiased advices, I am sorry if I hurt you by any of my posts. It was not intentional, please forgive me and thank you for all your contributions.

I see.....next time address those her friends offline, while the address we your online friends.
Sorry about the mix up. I hope your family gets stronger than before.

2ndChance:

I am sorry if that is the message that my post conveyed but the truth is that my wife is a NLer and has seen this post, we have even discussed some of the responses here together. Most of her friends and people around her who have been pulling the strings behind the scene are NLers too. That is why I adressed the post at them.

For all who genuinely gave unbiased advices, I am sorry if I hurt you by any of my posts. It was not intentional, please forgive me and thank you for all your contributions.

Ok o.

But, if your main concern was for those that wanted to destroy your marriage for no good reason, you could have also directed some words of advice at those that told you to kick her out and all other such nonsense so they too can amend their ways.

By the way, now that you know the reason for her actions, do you care to share it? Cos I've been waiting with you for that part like you asked me to. I will understand if you don't want your wife's advisers to know though.

ileobatojo:

Ok o.

But, if your main concern was for those that wanted to destroy your marriage for no good reason, you could have also directed some words of advice at those that told you to kick her out and all other such nonsense so they too can amend their ways.

By the way, now that you know the reason for her actions, do you care to share it? Cos I've been waiting with you for that part like you asked me to. I will understand if you don't want your wife's advisers to know though.

The reason is baseless actually........... as far as my home and marriage is concerned anyway.
Her friends made her feel insecure and advised her to start having plan B simply because they are having issues in their homes, brainwashing her with "men cannot be trusted". But unlike her, most of the people who advised her have no issues yet in their marriages (we pray for them daily) while those who do have no male children. The husband of one of those who advised her was once rumoured to be fathering a baby outside his matrimonial home (can't verify the story though). Besides, there were those also who had selfish motives to exploit her while pretending to be helping her. I have warned her about all the people involved severally in the past but she wouldn't listen but I am happy she knows better now.

2ndChance:
The reason is baseless actually........... as far as my home and marriage is concerned anyway.
Her friends made her feel insecure and advised her to start having plan B simply because they are having issues in their homes, brainwashing her with "men cannot be trusted". But unlike her, most of the people who advised her have no issues yet in their marriages (we pray for them daily) while those who do have no male children. The husband of one of those who advised her was once rumoured to be fathering a baby outside his matrimonial home (can't verify the story though). Besides, there were those also who had selfish motives to exploit her while pretending to be helping her. I have warned her about all the people involved severally in the past but she wouldn't listen but I am happy she knows better now.

When you see a marriage having problem its either as a result of 3rd parties, sex or money. I hope your wife has learnt her lesson going forward.

2ndChance:
The reason is baseless actually........... as far as my home and marriage is concerned anyway.
Her friends made her feel insecure and advised her to start having plan B simply because they are having issues in their homes, brainwashing her with "men cannot be trusted". But unlike her, most of the people who advised her have no issues yet in their marriages (we pray for them daily) while those who do have no male children. The husband of one of those who advised her was once rumoured to be fathering a baby outside his matrimonial home (can't verify the story though). Besides, there were those also who had selfish motives to exploit her while pretending to be helping her. I have warned her about all the people involved severally in the past but she wouldn't listen but I am happy she knows better now.

Good Lord. You wife is a grown ass woman. First it was the Priest, then it was her mother and now it is friends. Is she the only woman on earth? She built the house because she wanted to. What you should be focusing on is why your wife decided to build a house and outside influences is just not a good enough reason. It's not like you guys got married yesterday.

soul_glo:


Good Lord. You wife is a grown ass woman. First it was the Priest, then it was her mother and now it is friends. Is she the only woman on earth? She built the house because she wanted to. What you should be focusing on is why your wife decided to build a house and outside influences is just not a good enough reason. It's not like you guys got married yesterday.

Anyone reading this will not know you have not been making reasonable comments before this one; eventhough this is not entirely sensible but it seems 'the brain' is improving. . . You now suddenly realize the OPs wife has got issues to clarify, right? After defending her before as if she's the one feeding you. . . mptsseewwwww

meine:

When you see a marriage having problem its either as a result of 3rd parties, sex or money. I hope your wife has learnt her lesson going forward.

You just nailed it.
Her mother (ably supported by some of her sisters and even a brother), some of her friends and some supposed Priests all equal 3rd Parties in this case. This is something I have been preaching to her for ages now but in her somewhat over-religoius mind, she doesn't see things that way, seeing her mother as her confidant and equating Priests with God Almighty. And her mother noticing this flaw is easily able to manipulate her with the aid of some of these Priests. The bad ones among these Priests are also able to manipulate her for some selfish reasons at the detriment of her marriage and when you raise any eye-brow, she is quick to report to her mother who instantly rises in staunch defence of whatever she may have done thereby emboldening her the more.
I think the bible should be re-written to enjoin women too to leave their mothers and cling to their husbands.

Pattey:

Anyone reading this will not know you have not been making reasonable comments before this one; eventhough this is not entirely sensible but it seems 'the brain' is improving. . . You now suddenly realize the OPs wife has got issues to clarify, right? After defending her before as if she's the one feeding you. . . mptsseewwwww

Please go somewhere and scratch your balls or something. Your reasoning is infantile at best. My stance on the OP's wife has not changed. Right from my first post till the very last one. Your reasoning is just too immature to see it. You want me to call the OP's wife a lying conniving bitch and beg the OP not to cry. Is that what will make you feel better? Well I will not. So you will just have to stay salty over the issue. The idea that you think I could possibly even agree with you is mortifying. Keep jumping on every single post on this thread that dares ask the OP to look within.

soul_glo:

Please go somewhere and scratch your balls or something. Your reasoning is infantile at best. My stance on the OP's wife has not changed. Right from my first post till the very last one. Your reasoning is just too immature to see it. You want me to call the OP's wife a lying conniving bitch and beg the OP not to cry. Is that what will make you feel better? Well I will not. So you will just have to stay salty over the issue. The idea that you think I could possibly even agree with you is mortifying. Keep jumping on every single post on this thread that dares ask the OP to look within.

Why are you contradicting yourself? Don't kill yourself over another person matter Ooo

Btw, it will be an insult to me if U suddenly agree to my view. . . I'm allergic to sharing opinions with SlowPokes

soul_glo:


Good Lord. You wife is a grown ass woman. First it was the Priest, then it was her mother and now it is friends. Is she the only woman on earth? She built the house because she wanted to. What you should be focusing on is why your wife decided to build a house and outside influences is just not a good enough reason. It's not like you guys got married yesterday.

If you don't know how lethal the combination of the bolded above can be to any marriage as 3rd Parties, then I wonder what you really know about marriage.

2ndChance:
If you don't know how lethal the combination of the bolded above can be to any marriage as 3rd Parties, then I wonder what you really know about marriage.

Yeah keep blaming outsiders smh

The end.

OP, the fact is you never really knew your wife as you thought. You're not alone because most men don't.

I guess you were always the one with more earning power and main provider. Money is very difficult for many people to handle with humility, so your woman is no exception.

But it becomes difficult when another man (even if it is the pope) is doing business secretly with your own wife. Why would she trust another man more than you?

(1) Does she think you're envious of her income?
(2)The properties you have acquired are they in your name only or both of you?
(3) Is she the type who keeps all her money to herself and not even buy shoes for the kids?

If (1) is the case then she must believe telling you would fuel more envy.
If (2) is the case, then she must fear that God forbid if something happens to you, certain families do send their sister-in-law and kids packing. So why not build her own now that she can? Afterall even a good job can be lost one day. Insurance move.

If (3) then probably wants to conceal just how much she has.


Either way your marriage has been shaken badly. Trust is one of the most valuable commodities in marriage. I certainly would find it tough.

If there was a sinister motive behind the move, if may have been scuttled temporarily but not permanently. If there wasn't any, then all good.

Oh, nothing is really sorted DNAwise until you see the results koro koro.

Area-Fada:
OP, the fact is you never really knew your wife as you thought. You're not alone because most men don't.

I guess you were always the one with more earning power and main provider. Money is very difficult for many people to handle with humility, so your woman is no exception.

But it becomes difficult when another man (even if it is the pope) is doing business secretly with your own wife. Why would she trust another man more than you?

(1) Does she think you're envious of her income?
(2)The properties you have acquired are they in your name only or both of you?
(3) Is she the type who keeps all her money to herself and not even buy shoes for the kids?

If (1) is the case then she must believe telling you would fuel more envy.
If (2) is the case, then she must fear that God forbid if something happens to you, certain families do send their sister-in-law and kids packing. So why not build her own now that she can? Afterall even a good job can be lost one day. Insurance move.

If (3) then probably wants to conceal just how much she has.


Either way your marriage has been shaken badly. Trust is one of the most valuable commodities in marriage. I certainly would find it tough.

If there was a sinister motive behind the move, if may have been scuttled temporarily but not permanently. If there wasn't any, then all good.

Oh, nothing is really sorted DNAwise until you see the results koro koro.

Chairman, you talk well! God continually bless ur tongue unlike some other slowpokes on this thread. . . Btw, I tink OP had clarified '2' that assets he acquired are in both names. . .

Keep thinking straight jare my good broda

2ndChance:
You just nailed it.
Her mother (ably supported by some of her sisters and even a brother), some of her friends and some supposed Priests all equal 3rd Parties in this case. This is something I have been preaching to her for ages now but in her somewhat over-religoius mind, she doesn't see things that way, seeing her mother as her confidant and equating Priests with God Almighty. And her mother noticing this flaw is easily able to manipulate her with the aid of some of these Priests. The bad ones among these Priests are also able to manipulate her for some selfish reasons at the detriment of her marriage and when you raise any eye-brow, she is quick to report to her mother who instantly rises in staunch defence of whatever she may have done thereby emboldening her the more.
I think the bible should be re-written to enjoin women too to leave their mothers and cling to their husbands.

I keep seeing 3rd parties able to convince your wife to go against you even the priest yet you are this good man, who loves his wife so much and has given her everything save his life. This same woman is sooooo religious and yet she stabs you so easily just because her mother who wants to inherit her house pushed her to it. I've not seen you own any mistake in your affairs and dealings with your wife. It doesn't add up.

andromida:

I keep seeing 3rd parties able to convince your wife to go against you even the priest yet you are this good man, who loves his wife so much and has given her everything save his life. This same woman is sooooo religious and yet she stabs you so easily just because her mother who wants to inherit her house pushed her to it. I've not seen you own any mistake in your affairs and dealings with your wife. It doesn't add up.

You are very right. As a matter of fact, I am even more puzzled than you that she has not been able to attribute any tangible fault on my part to her action. When I didn't get something meaningful from her, I contacted her mother twice and on each occasion,she exchanged very warm pleasantries with me and never raised the issue even when I alluded to it.
The fact is that I know my wife is feeble-minded and should not have been left unsupervised with huge sums of money at her disposal but I got so pissed off the day she told me I was poking nose into her finances that I decided to let her be. That freedom is what brought us to this situation.
Going forward, I have recommended complete and unconditional financial openness by both of us as a panacea for the situation and good enough, she has embraced that with both hands now, contrary to her earlier stand on the matter. And of course, the documents are changing to Mr & Mrs like all others before them.

2ndChance: @Chillisauce,Ileobatojo
From the beginning of my post, you will see that I never mentioned divorce or sending her away because of my kids. I only sort help on how to manage the situation especially as I wasn't sure what her intentions were. But after she opened up, I was convinced she meant no harm and that made the whole healing process faster. The best advice was actually from those who asked that I keep my cool and watch. That did the trick.

when a man is having problems with his wife or in laws ,the best weapon is silence.this is because they will always want you to say something or react in a certain way in order for them to move ahead , but when you keep quite and watch ,you throw them into confusion because they won't know what you are planning or thinking. Silence is indeed golden when used properly. Reading through this last page I can't help but wonder why some posters are just hell bent on seeing the op divorce his wife .if they have resolved their issues then let's just support them and in whatever little way we can let's help heal the wound in their marriage .texaco1

Thank God there is a light at the end of the tunnel

OP, it is well with you and home