Good day ladies and gentlemen,

You are welcome to the first stage (elimination round) of the Family Section Debate

The debate is starting today, 15th November, 2013

Time: 8pm Nigerian time.

Results will be announced on the 16th of November.

Topics for the Debate are:

1. Spare the rod and spoil the child : True or False

2. Should the man be 100% financially responsible for the family? Yes or No.

3. Abusive Marriage, who is to be blamed? The abuser or the abused.

The contestants are to pick one from any of the 3 topics to write on. Their presentation should be sent to Tgirl4real - tgirl4real@ ymail.com on or before 12 midnight on the 15th on November, 2013.

DEBATE STRUCTURE/GUIDELINES

1. For the purpose of this debate, debaters would be identified as Contestant 1, Contestant 2 and so on. Numbers will be given to debaters before the D-day.

2. Topics were selected from the list of nominated topics by Nairalanders.

3. 10 topics were adopted. 6-7 will be used for the debate and 3+ will be reserved.

4. Debaters were selected from the list of volunteers and everyone will be given equal right to debate and progress accordingly.

5. There will be a total of 4 rounds. Elimination round, Quarter-final, Semi-final and the final round.

6. All first presentations will be posted by the moderator in-charge. This method was adopted to avoid – points lifting (Plagiarism)

7. A separate thread will be created for each round.

8. Each thread will be moved to the homepage on the appointed time and day.

9. As the debate progresses, debate text colours would be adopted for opposing sides.

Each debater will be judged using the following
criteria;

Style: writing style, use of grammar, punctuation, spacing, paragraphs.

Delivery: Structure of argument. Does the argument have
brief intro and as well as meaningful summary

Content: how relevant is the argument, persuasive skills.

Evidence: Statements supported by facts/Stats?


Each point with carry 5 marks totalling 20marks.

Below is a list of participants;

- TV01
- Bellong
- Obinoscopy
- Xynerise
- Baba Oyo
- Efemena_xy
- Ayobase
- Wildchild00
- Teeo
- Fhemmy
- Joker5180
- Pataki
- Dominiquez
- Caracta
- Des.Chyco
- Chamotex
- Oluchi Jud
- quivah
- Lerrie John
- Mondisweets

Judges
Jaybee, Debosky, Sagamite, Ileobatojo, Sisikill, Coogar

Our judges’ selection is a mix of both male and female (seasoned) Nairalanders who are known for their intelligent and unbiased contributions to the NL community. Some of them have participated on NL debates in one capacity or the other. And you can be sure that they will be fair and unbiased in their judgement.


Coordinators:
Family Section Moderators – Tgirl4real and RoyalRoy

Thread will be officially opened by 8pm today.

Tgirl4real:

Okay.
RESULTS

1st - Contestant 5 - 109 points
2nd - Contestant 6 - 96 points
3rd - Contestant 9 - 91 pts
4th - Contestant 8 - 84pts
5th - Contestant 3 - 83 pts
6th - Contestant 7 - 71 pts
6th - Contestant 1 - 71 pts
8th - Contestant 10 - 63 pts
9th - Contestant 4 - 59 pts

Feedback thread:

https://www.nairaland.com/1496463/family-section-debate-2013-make/2#19562876

Debate is officially open.

It's Elimination Round.


Let the battle begin.


P.S.

Audience will be allowed to make comments once all the arguments have been posted.

Thanks.

Contestant No. 1:
Topic: Should the man be 100% financially responsible for the family? – Opposing

Good Evening our unbiased Judges, co-debaters and our patient audience. My name is XYZ.

I am opposing the topic which says '' should man be 100% financially responsible to his family

First and foremost, let me give a brief explanation of the keywords-Financial responsibility.

WiseGEEK defines ''Financial Responsibility'' as the process of managing money and other assets in a manner that is considered productive and in the best interests of the individual or family.

Traditionally, the father has been the breadwinner-working several days a week to provide for his family financially.

The mother has traditionally been the homemaker—taking care of the children and the house. In recent years, our society has seen a rather dramatic shift in the expectations of both the father and mother. We now expect the father to play a more active role in the lives of his children and in the running of the household. We also expect the mother to be more active outside of the home, often by working.

There has been a division amongst people as to the benefits and consequences of having women work outside of the home.

While some believe that working women are harming the family, I feel that working women are benefiting their families and teaching their children valuable life lessons.
Working parents and non-working parents alike have a common goal in mind for their family: that their children are well taken care of and provided with everything that they might need.

In “Working Mothers are Harming the Family,” Richard Lowry argues
that when given the choice, most mothers would choose to stay home with their children. I disagree with Lowry. In today’s
competitive society, in order for a family to do well, it is often necessary for both parents to work. Parents work because of
the undeniable financial benefits that come with having both parents work. Two-parent families in which both parents work make an average of N150,000 more than families in which only one parent works. I have seen many examples of this in my own life.

My family and many of my
relatives live in households in which both parents work. For my family, having my mother work has had enormous financial
benefits.

I hope with the aforementioned points, I am able to convince the judges and the audience.

Thanks

[Contestant NO. 2[/b]

~Reserved~

Contestant No. 3:
Topic : Spare the rod and spoil the child : True or false – Opposing

All protocol is duely observed.
My name is XYZ and I am here to oppose the topic "spare the rod and spoil the child, true or false".
I will like to define some key words in the topic using Oxford dictionary.
Child : person who is below the age of adulthood; below the legal age of responsibility.
Rod: a stick, pole, or bundle of switches,to administer corporal punishment by whipping.
Spare: (to show mercy) To refrain from inflicting harm
Spoil:  to ruin; to damage (something) in some way making it unfit for use.
Before I go any further, I have to be very clear about my position on this topic. Any situation in which you are at the mercy of people who can not be guaranteed to have your best interest at heart is not a desirable situation,but sometimes such situations are unavoidable and even necessary. In such cases,there is a need to absolutely restrain people in charge from using violence (which arises from the use of 'the rod') and opt for other means to discipline children,reasons for this are many;

The use of 'the rod' tends to be more common with younger children and tapers off into adolescents in most families. What a lot of parents may not realize is that the punishment is not responsible for child learning to following rules and respect authority, its their ability to understand that their actions affect others(or not). The prefrontal cortex of the brain that allows to resist impulses and inhibit behaviours has such along way to go when we are children. As the child matures,the parents might believe their punishments caused this change but it's just maturation.This is to say,Discipline is learnt and not taught,it is internal,while the attempt to impose throught the use of 'the rod' is external which basically can not work. This show, physical punishment is not a means of discipline but an abuse.

Taking for instance, The parents of a child came home from a long day work and there sits a six-year-old Shade with milk all over her face, Shade's parents were quite upset because Shade had been warned,spanked time and time again not to go to the fridge to take milk but it's obvious the message has not stuck. The parents kept spanking Shade with hopes to pass their message accross. But here, we need to acknowledge that parents are in control of the environment. The environment always allows for behaviours to occur, and if the child's behaviour isn't acceptable, you  simply change the environment. In the example above, if the milk is kept in an area where the child can access it,perhaps it should have been moved out of sight. The child can not fixate on what's not there.Here we see, using the rod on little Shade did not correct her,but a non-rod means of discipline(changing of environment) would.
this shows physical punishment may only deter a child from repeating act of indiscipline to some extent but it can not improve his understanding of the subject or make his/her intelligent "more" than his standard.

For every guy or girl who recounts such incidents (physically punished) and laughs at them, there is another guy and girl who can never forget the fear, humiliation and violence, the run-away emotions. This experience of 'the rod' on them may convey the message that violence is an appropriate way to settle differences and solve problems among their peers and even family. The parents may not realize the negative behaviour these children learnt from the interaction which creates externalizing issues and anti-social behaviours. So, it is note worthy that those children may use violence as a parenting method when they have their own family, its a vicious cycle.

Perhaps the strongest argument in favour of this theory is that physical punishment is one of the sole factors responsible for delinquent behaviour among children than other means of discipline(sparing the rod), and is always under control but haven't we heard stories oglf how using the rod on children led to death and some physical disabilities which may never be corrected? , this definately shows that the difference between physical discipline and abuse is clear cut.
It is funny when people run back to the bible as their guide to using the rod, but the problem is it is no where in the bible that whoever spares the rod spoils the child!

As we can plainly see,sparing the rod does not spoil the child.  punishing a child by using 'rod' creates a child who is more likely to use physical aggression as a method of persuasion. certainly, it works/worked for some but there is a pattern here. No matter what the potential for good is, if there is a small possibility of irreparable harm or unchallenged power, then it shouldnt be accepted!.
If the indiscipline of a child can be complained and responded to,where is the way to establish the indiscipline of adults in the home?

With these few but cogent points above,it is clear using the rod will spoil the mental,physical and pyschological behaviours of children creating an anti social,low self esteem and violence man/woman by affecting their long term personalities and behaviours and not sparing the rod

Thank you.

References:
www.stophitting.com/disathome/sureshrani.php
Lansford  J, Dogde K, Pettit G,  Criss M, Bates J(2009) Trajectory of physical discipline: early childhood antecedents and development outcomes. Child development, 80(5) , 1385-1402
http://www.legalservicesindia.com/articles/punish.htm

Contestant No. 4:
Topic: Should the man be 100% financially responsible for the family? – Opposing

Good day my fellow Nairalanders, my name is XYZ and I am here to oppose the motion which states "Should the man be 100% financially responsible for the family?"

The prevailing framework with which men approach their role as a husband is as an equal partnership with their wife. Many men describe their responsibility in the partnership as a leadership role and a support role simultaneously. Men tend to view their leadership role as consisting of sacrificing for the family, protecting them, and being stable in the midst of emotional turmoil. They see their support role as listening to their wives when she needs to talk, upholding her decisions, and doing the chores that she doesn't want to do.

Providing, especially financially, is the most commonly cited duty of a husband. While all men see providing for the family as a crucial element in their role as the husband, their definition of providing varies greatly. The most traditional men see financial provision as their sole responsibility. The wife's basic need might not be met if the husband decides not give her money for that. At this point if the man loses his job,dies or his business collapses, the family will face a serious financial difficulty in all round.
Is it to be understood between both partners that an equal share is to be injected towards the family’s
expenditure? After all, isn’t ‘equality’ what women all around the world have been fighting for?

Do husbands get a clean sheet for not financially supporting their wives even if their wives are employed?
Do wives get to disconnect themselves from rent and utility bills and declare their salaries to be personal just because they are wives?
If wives keep their salary to themselves, then is it so unfair for a husband to expect them to take care of the house chores?
Is it fair for a wife to expect the husband to share household responsibilities if she does not share financial responsibilities?

Ladies and gentlemen, with these few points of mine, I hereby categorically state the financial responsibilities of every family should be shared between the both partners.

Thank you

Contestant No. 5:
Topic: Should “Spare the rod and spoil the child? – False

The clause: “Spare the rod and spoil the child,” has been used too often in our society that it has become a cliché. And, as a cliché that it is, many parents and teachers have believed it to be factual. A cliché most pundits believe cannot be controverted, even by the best eristic. It is my hope that this presentation will prove those pundits wrong. Permit me dear reputable Judges, illustrious coordinators, fellow contestants and enlightened viewers to prove to you all that the statement: “Spare the rod and spoil the child” is nothing but mere fallacy.

To spare the rod is an English saying which means to desist from spanking someone. Oxford advanced dictionary defined “the rod” as a stick that is used for hitting people as a punishment.¹ Thus those in support of “the rod” are the proponents of corporal punishment. Corporal punishment is defined as any punishment in which physical force is used and intended to cause some degree of pain or discomfort, however light.² It usually involves the spanking or slapping of the child with an open hand or with an implement such as a belt, slipper, cane or paddle.

A child is one is who is between the stages of birth and puberty, mostly from 1 to 18 years. That age range is the formative period of the child. Whatever is inculcated into that child stays with that child forever. Thus we must be careful of what we inculcate into these little ones. The act of flogging little kids is tantamount to violence on them. Such violence becomes internalized and is manifested later on in life. According to Cohen’s study, older children who receive corporal punishment may resort to more physical aggression, substance abuse, crime and violence.³ This aggression can even progress into the married life of the affected person. A study by Straus established that children who were spanked were more likely to be angry as adults, use spanking as a form of discipline, approve of striking a spouse, and experience marital discord.⁴

Furthermore, it has been shown that the flogging of children makes the child less intelligent. There is Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI) evidence that children treated with corporal punishment have reduced gray matter in their prefrontal lobe. This resulted to reduced IQ.⁵ So from the little I said thus far, it can be seen that the saying should be modified to “Spank with rod and spoil the child.”

The use of rod to correct a child is a touch-and-go attempt towards correcting the child. A 2002 meta-analytic study has shown that the compliance that resulted from corporal punishment was short-lived.⁶ Corporal punishment is associated with less long-term compliance. This is because a child will only desist from a wrongful act if he/she understands that such act is wrongful. The flogging of a child will only put fear on him, it has not made the child understand why that act is wrong. When that fear wears off he will go back to the same wrong act. But if the child trusts his parents/teachers, he would establish a bond and an understanding with them such that he would desist from anything they tell him is wrongful. This trust cannot be established by spanking. It can only be established by being close friends with the child. Even if we must punish the child, there are options such as time-outs, household chores, grounding, etc. The aim of every punishment should be in conveying a corrective message to the child, not inflicting pain. Sparing the rod will never spoil a child, not if the parent/teacher establishes a bond and trust with the child.

Most proponents of corporal punishment do so for religious reasons. They cling on to Proverbs 13:24 which say: “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” They however fail to realize that the “rod” as used in the bible has spiritual connotation. The rod, as used in the bible, is that which was used by Shepherds in taking care of their flocks. The rod is not used to flog but rather to draw a stray sheep back to the flock with its folded end. The Good News Bible version of Proverbs 13:24 is more explanatory. For those who cling on to the bible to spank their kids, my question is this: do you also support the spanking of fools? After all, the book of Proverbs 26:3 says so. Of course you will not! So the same way, I urge you not to hurt your children!

In conclusion, I wish to state categorically that sparing the rod will not spoil the child. Rather, it is using the rod that would actually spoil the child. If African countries like Congo, Kenya, South Sudan, Togo, Tunisia, South Africa, etc. and communist countries like Russia, North Korea and China can outlaw several forms of corporal punishments, I believe we can. I hereby end my essay with a link to Siena’s view on corporal punishment.⁷

Reference
1. UN Committee on the Rights of the Child (2001). General Comment No. 1. Par 11.
2. Hornby AS. Oxford advanced learner’s dictionary of current English (7th Edition).
3. Cohen P. How can generative theories of the effects of punishment be tested? Pediatrics 1996;98(4):834-836
4. Straus MA. Spanking and the making of a violent society. Pediatrics 1996;98(4):837-42.
5. Gershoff ET. Corporal Punishment by parents and associated child behaviors and experiences: a meta-analytic and theoretical review. Psychol Bull 2002;128(4):539-79
6. Tomoda A, Suzuki H, Rabi K, et al. Reduced prefrontal cortical gray matter volume in young adults exposed to harsh corporal punishment. Neuroimage 2009;47(2):T66-71.
7. www.nairaland.com

Contestant No. 6:
Topic: Should “Spare the rod and spoil the child? – True

Firstly, let us be clear what is meant here. Are we talking about wilfully beating or inflicting pain? No, we are not. Most especially when – as is often the case - it is more about the frustrations or lack of self-control of the adult or authority in question, than it is of the child or the child’ perceived misdemeanour. Do I mean disproportionate sanctions against misunderstanding children? No. Do I mean inhumane or barbaric punishment for minors? No, no and thrice no, that is simply abuse, and not what is being mooted here.

What I understand by this, is corporal punishment to help instil a sense of discipline, responsibility and morality in youngsters. And this should always be measured and proportionate, as well as the sanction being fully outlined and understood as a possible consequence prior to any offense being committed. Further, it is not recourse for carelessness or irresponsibility in adults who should be more watchful or take greater care to ensure a child does not have the opportunity to take certain actions.

This of a necessity rules out such punishment for youngsters who are not able to understand instructions or grasp the import of their actions. And a word here to clarify the difference between a child not having any understanding at all and one whom whilstunable to fully appreciate the ramifications of their actions, are none the less developed enough to understand instructions.

So then why am I in favour? Because the same wisdom that gave us this saying – as well as vast experience – means we understand that children, if left to their own devices, will typically tend to waywardness. And the rod – as one of a range of disciplinary methods – can be quite effective as a corrective measure and should remain an option. Ideally, it should be used as one of an array and appropriately appliedpunitive measures.

To be clear, am I saying it should be used in every instance? No I am not. And neither do I claim that it will necessarily be required for all children. There will always be exceptions and indeed, some for whom other measures will prove more effective. But the rod should remain an option, even if not the preferred one and even if one never actually has recourse to using it. The threat of it alone may prove a sound enough deterrent to some. And it’s worth bearing in mind – even if it’s pretty obvious – that there will come a point in time, when the benefit or application of the rod as a disciplinary measure will becounter-productive.

As toothe purpose.? Ultimately it is for the good of the child, which buildsinto the good ofsociety. The goal is to raise well-adjusted and responsible adults, who are able to take their place in the community. Who have a healthy respect for discipline and the authority that wields it and are able to measure their own use of discipline in an appropriate manner.

And lest anyone think otherwise, I am not talking about a means to produce mindless conformity in children or dull a their inquisitive sparkThere will be nary a child who grows up without needing to be punished for some wrong-doing or other and none that should be raised without understanding that wrong actions, bad-behaviour or wilful misconduct have consequences.

I am fully aware that some may consider any use of corporal punishment inhumane and others who feel the possible trauma of using a cane on a child make it a punishment best avoided, but I have no such view or fears if used appropriately.

It may be further argued that one should be able to enter into dialogue with children and that they are intelligent enough to understand when they have done wrong and “flogging” them makes no difference to this. Indeed, it may well diminish in effectiveness if over applied and possible produce mean and/or rebellious streaks if used inappropriately.

Whilst I agree that one should develop real on-going dialogue with children, often their capacity for mischief and wrong-doing far exceeds their ability to appreciate the effect of, or apply appropriate limits to their behaviour. The wilfulness and impetuosity of childhood mean firmer disciplinary action is often required and useful in re-affirmingdialogue. And of course children should be under no uncertainty as to why they are being punished.

Thanks
XYZ

Please note that no children were punished – humanely or otherwise - with the rod in the preparation of this submission. However, I must admit that the rod – quite a number and variety of them actually – played no small part in the writers own upbringing. Needless to say, the Bible was referenced (Pr 22:15, 23:13, 29:15). Don’t particularly like the idea of caning girls, so perhaps as a very last resort here.

Contestant No. 7:
Topic: Should “Spare the rod and spoil the child? – True

"Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old it will not depart from him"
Proverbs 22:6.

Good training is not by punishing violently or over pampering a child neither is it a tool to use when your child misbehaves but rather what you do or have done before the need to discipline your child arises.

A well trained child knows how to behave at home and in public. A well trained child is the one who looks at his parents when they call his name and understands what they mean by the look on their face. We all remember when we were little just one look from our parents and we understood it all, today if you look at a child he will be like mommy why are you looking at me like that. A well trained child is one that you as a parent are confident about and makes you proud. There is no worse thing for a mother than a child who is rude, out of control, a menace to himself and to the society.

These days children have no respect or regard, they raise their voices, walk out and slam the door, are outright rude to everything and everyone and have no consideration for the next person, and in short they are just egoistic. If it were in our days as children fear nor go fit let you open mouth talk because na backhand you go receive before the words commot for your mouth. When I hear mothers complain about their kids I just smile because your child is a result of the education you have given it.

Of course there are exceptions where a child has decided to be wayward notwithstanding its good home bringing, in that case what does a parent do? Nothing! You have done your best and the rest is up to that individual or God if you are a Christian. After all you can take a camel to the water but you can't force it to drink.

Is it best to ensure discipline? Yes. Is it best to punish a child when he misbehaves? Yes, as long as you don't exaggerate with the whole thing. Is it best to pamper a child? No, how can you teach him to be responsible if you are always finding excuses for him. Remember, loving a child isn't pampering only.
Enough with protecting children and finding excuses for every of their mistakes. Let's prepare our children to face life and any situation that comes their way, after all life isn't a bed of roses and manna doesn't fall from the sky. Let's teach our kids to have "self control" avoid giving in to their every desire especially when they are very young. It doesn't matter how much they cry. A tear doesn’t kill. For instance, I met a friend the other day at the supermarket and all the while we "tried" to exchange a few words her child kept on screaming at her that he wants water. After a minute I had to wish her goodbye while he pulled her away with him towards the water section. She was really embarrassed.

Let's teach our kids to "learn to do it themselves" even if they are 3years they can do things like feed themselves. Encourage them with difficult school work or with difficult class mates and school teachers, teach them to face difficulties and remind them that it's not all about winning there are times in life when they will fail, it's not the end of the world. Most especially keep communications alive within the family. Your kids should respect you not fear you. They should be able to talk to parents about anything.


So while good training ensures Discipline it is essential not to mistake it for Punishments (shouting, beating or bullying). It doesn't mean you shouldn't smack your child on the behind but avoid pushing, slapping or hitting with objects. There are plenty ways to punish a child. For example, kneel down and face the wall.

[b]Over pampering [/b on the handle hand doesn't prepare a child for the world and creates dependance on parents in other to achieve everything from school certificates to jobs and even future partners. We have those plenty today in our society.

Therefore, parents do not prepare the path for your child but prepare your child for the path and they will be responsible, successful and happy individuals.

Thank you.

Contestant No. 8:
Topic: Should “Spare the rod and spoil the child? – True

The "rod" in this context is an ambiguous word, because it means a lot more than the literal rod used for chastisement. The statement spare the rod and spoil the child is a popular proverb paraphrased from a verse in the Bible, where it is written in Proverbs13: 24 "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly" KJV. The relation between the rod and the child is discipline The Amplified Version "He who spares his rod (of discipline) hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines diligently and punishes him early" and my favorite translation is the Good News Bible translation "If you don't punish your son, you don't love him, if you love him you would correct him".

Correction, punishment, discipline, rebuke and parental display of authority are all normal basic processes of bringing up a child. Children simply choose to misbehave in order to gain something (e.g. attention, an object, peer approval amongst others). All these are proper characteristics of a child, but as they grow it is necessary to stamp out these tiny revolutionary tendencies, which if fully imbibed can become a character or an attitudinal trait.

Every parent wants what's best for their child, they all want a child who excels in academics, who is upright and courteous, a child who has great social skills and as an African, a child who greets. No one wants a child whose paternity would be a subject of debate at family meetings; the father saying "you took after your mother" and the mother replying "Indiscipline is a common trait in your fathers family". All of these can be avoided if the rod of discipline is used on the child to help shape his future.

The rod of discipline is the tool which involves a
teaching process to sharpen the minds of the child to understand the need to do that which is right, regardless of the pain in taking the right action. An adult won't likely commit a crime if he or she knows there is a grievous penalty attached to such a crime, a child is in his formative stage of development and having no sense of right or wrong. The rod for a child can be likened to a point of reference to determine what to choose from, whether i sway to that which pleases me and take the discipline as a repercussion or I totally avoid the wrong and enjoy bliss. These little corrections are picked up by children which in turn forms human behaviour.

Human behaviour refers to the range of behaviours exhibited by an individual which are influenced by culture, attitude, motion, values, ethics, authority, rapport, persuasion, coercion and or genetics. The behaviour of a man is greatly influenced by the things he does on a daily basis. The formation of what not to do or what to do is implanted after repeated actions and the rod is a tool given the parent by the creator or whosoever places the child under their guidance, to make sure that what the child does is right.

I would like you to visualize this scenario; Junior and his mother walks into the doctors' waiting room, there are two seats available, a big chair for grownups and a stool for kids. Junior seats on the adult chair and starts to throw a tantrum after mom asks him to move. The mother just seats on the small stool leaving Junior to have a field day jumping on the chair. I can imagine my mother smacking my head, or looking at me with her eyes which alone would send me cowering to seat on the small stool. That correction has made me a better person who wouldn't mind standing on the bus ride just for an older man to have a place to seat on the bus.

In conclusion i leave you with the words of Dr. Phil "Your primary job as a parent is to prepare your child for how the world really works. In the real world , you don't always get what you want. You would be better able to deal with that as an adult if you have experienced it as a child". Whatsoever the rod means to you, use it as a corrective measure. It's better to be bent than get spoilt in the long run.

Thank you.

REFERENCES
The Holy Bible
www.drphil.com/articles/article/94
http//en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_behavior
http://komarrajuvenkatavinay.wordprss.com/2009/07/01/spar-the-rod-spoil-the-child

Contestant No.9:
Topic: Should “Spare the rod and spoil the child? – False

Good Evening judges, co-debaters, and viewers.

The topic Spare The Rod And Spoil The Child: True or False is one which I would be arguing against and therefore deem as false. Now let’s start from the very beginning to get an understanding of the phrase – spare the rod and spoil the child – and its origin.

Origin: The adage spare the rod and spoil the child has a long genesis and was coined from Samuel Butler’s Satirical poem about the English Civil war, first published in 1662 but its origins go as far back as biblical times and is quoted in the bible verse: Proverbs 13:24 – He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes. http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/328950.html

Meaning: A child will only flourish is chastised for any wrong doing physically or otherwise – but bearing in mind that the ‘rod’ in this context refers to corporal punishment (such as the use of birches, whips, hitting, smacking, spanking and so on).

I do not believe that the best way teach or correct a child’s misdeed is by the use of any of the methods listed above for the following reasons:

Abuse / Assault: Hitting or striking out at a person, whatever the case might be is wrong and is a criminal offence. If charged, the attacker can be done for either first, second or even third degree assault. If the law frowns against it for adults how much so then, for the more vulnerable in our society? One might argue that there is a difference between ‘hitting’ and ‘smacking’ a child, but what really is the difference? Do they not both constitute forms of violence against a person? If we as adults will not tolerate being hit at by another, how much more a vulnerable child – a child who looks up to you the adult and parent as its protector?

Hypocritical: A child, when born, comes into this world as a blank slate. They know nothing and learn simply by watching and emulating. If as a parent, I teach my child that it’s wrong to hit out at other kids be it at school, playgroup or at any social gathering, how then do I explain my hitting out at them when they do something wrong. Isn’t that confusing to a child?

Lazy Parenting: Call it what you may, the fact is, hitting /smacking / flogging / whipping / spanking a child is just lazy parenting. It’s a shortcut, albeit ineffective route to parenting. If a child does something wrong, the logical thing to do is sit the child down and explain what and why what they did was wrong. Take the time out to explain to the child and tailor your explanation to suit the age of the child in question. You do not spank knowledge into an erring child. I do not believe for one second that spanking may work for one child while it won’t work for another. Why should you the adult resort to spanking in the first place? How can any responsible parent say that a child is so stubborn, the only language they understand is to be spanked or flogged or be struck at? No child is born bad. Children are what you make them. If you take out the time and effort to teach, discuss and answer any questions your child has during their formative years, you should reap the rewards of your hardwork in the later years of the child’s adult life. Any adult who can’t be bothered to put in the time and effort towards their child’s mental development – to teach them right from wrong without having to resort to abuse, quite frankly, has no business siring kids in the first place. Parenting is not a walk in the park and requires absolute dedication and commitment from the parents.

Disrespectful: Resorting to violence, just to get your point across to your child is medieval and quite frankly so wrong. Respect is earned, not demanded. Hitting out at a child only succeeds in undermining them as a person. Many of such children tend to lose self-confidence in themselves and in turn enact their violent upbringing out on others. A good example of such are your typical playground bullies. They pick on others smaller in size just as they’ve been picked upon by their ‘correcting’ parent(s) or career.

Circle of violence: Violence begets violence. A child who grows up in an abusive environment where hitting / smacking occurs regularly, eventually accepts it as the norm and enacts it on others.
Children are what we make them. If we invest the right amount of time and effort into bringing them up, society as a whole will benefit. Corporal punishment / hitting / smacking / spanking / flogging / whipping all constitute abuse. Majority of the violent criminal behind bars will tell you they had ‘strict, no-nonsense’ upbringing. Yet they’re in jail. Spanking / hitting children hasn’t rid society of large-scale thieving politicians, your petty thief at the market square or your local area boys / touts. Let’s all do the decent thing by investing the time and effort in bringing up balanced, happy individuals in our society. Then and only then would we all be ‘winners’.

Thank You.

Hello all,

I have posted the 9 debates sent to me. The deadline is still mid night naija time. I guess we will take a break for now and let's hope more will come in.

Thanks for coming.

Contestant NO. 10
Topic :Abusive marriage, who is to be blamed? Abuser or abused.

“Abusive marriage, who is to be blamed? The abuser or the abused?” I will say the abused. Will there be a house without a foundation? So also is no house, no foundation. Will there be a river without a source? So also is no river, no source. Will there be Nairaland without Seun? #Smile# So also is no Nairaland, no Seun. Will there be a reaction without an action? So also is no reaction, no action. Will there be an abuser without an abused? So also is no abuser, no abused. But once there is one, the other must follow. The abused and the abuser are synonymous to action and reaction. The same, but opposite. And at the same time, one (reaction/abuser) fails to exist without the manifestation of the other (action/abused).
Before doing justice to that, I will like to acknowledge the Panel of Judges, Coordinators, Co-debaters and Audience for their time and effort. You worth the honour.

As I was saying, according to the illustrations above; Foundation, Source, Seun, Action, and Abused are the determining factors for the possibility of events; House, River, Nairaland, Reaction, and Abuser respectively to take place.
In an ideal marriage, a man wouldn’t just start beating his wife for no reason. Though, there are scenarios where the woman beats her husband mercilessly (that reminds me of that Basket mouth’s joke about a husband narrating to his neighbours how his wife abused him amidst tears). Funny indeed. But we all do know that woman is MOSTLY the abused, while the man the abuser. Nagging could lead to being abused, since woman is synonymous to nagging. Well, in this course of debate, the abuser is taken to be a man or woman, and also the abused could be man or woman.
But, why wouldn’t you want to respect yourself, and not do something irrational to be abused for.

As we all do know that abuse in this context means beating, and beating according to dictionary means, “an attack or punishment in which somebody is repeatedly hit”. To this effect, some wives/husbands have turned into punching bags.

Why did I say abusive marriage should be blamed on the abused?
As a saying goes, “nobody can treat you anyhow without your consent”, so also in this case, “no abuser can abuse you without your consent”. The truth of the matter is that you will be abused if you want to be abused, and vice versa. Your level of confidence and courage would go a longer way.

The abuser will be activated when the abused failed to keep to rules or normality of the home without giving excuses or reasons beforehand to avoiding latter conflict or misunderstanding.
Constant nagging by the abused will always result to beating by the abuser. Avoid nagging, and avoid beating.

When an abused failed to be romantic, and not trying to capture the heart of the abuser. An abused can’t afford not to be romantic in order to shun off beating from the marriage.
If abused refused to be spiritual in dealing with the abuser. Praying instead of nagging!
The abuser might tend not to show any sense of respect for the abused when the abused shows/contributes not to the upkeep of the house. The abused must always try to contribute immensely to the welfare of the home to command respect and dignity.
The abused should know and take the abuser the way he/she is, or else there could be beating every day. Some habits.
To round it off, what I have been saying in essence is that the abused has a major role to play in an abusive relationship for a better future of the marriage. There won’t be any abuser if the abused refuses to exist any longer. But once the abused exists, there is bound to be the abuser.
The theory is this; “No Abused, No Abuser. No abuser, there is a potential abused”. THERE CAN NEVER BE AN ABUSER WITHOUT AN ABUSED. THERE CAN BE AN ABUSED WITHOUT AN ABUSER.

In as much as I hate abusers, I hate the abused the more. The abused only empowers the abuser. Safe the world from abusive marriages, by stop being the abused!

After deeply and painstakingly reading through, I hope I have been able to influence you to believing that the abused is to be blamed for the abusive marriage, and has important role to play to achieving a blissful marriage.

Thank you

Judge 1 - 4

Contestant 1-4

Judge 1 - 4

Contestant 5 - 10

Judge 5 and 6

Contestant 1-4

Judge 5 and 6

Contestant 5-10

Results

Thanks Jaybee.

The top 8 contestants will move to the quater finals, which means contestant NO. 4 has been eliminated.

Congratulations to all the successful contestants.

so who won this round?

Do we want to find out now?

I say we wait until the very end.

I love suspense!!

Sisi_Kill: Do we want to find out now?

I say we wait until the very end.

I love suspense!!

no wonder you watch crime & investigation. who did the homicide? the husband or.......?

coogar:

no wonder you watch crime & investigation. who did the homicide? the husband or.......?

What a question. . . It's always the husband.

I am just joking oh before that gets me disqualified.

But yeah, suspense is fun!!!

@ Coogar,

Contestant NO. 5 won.

Sisi_Kill: Do we want to find out now?

I say we wait until the very end.

I love suspense!!

Have the contestants been sworn to secrecy? Are they allowed to 'out' themselves?

Tgirl4real: @ Coogar,

Contestant NO. 5 won.

thanks for this vital information.

Tgirl4real: @ Coogar,

Contestant NO. 5 won.

Tgirl, can we get an updated list of the 9 participants? The participant list upthread is not accurate anymore since many didn't participate.

coogar:

thanks for this vital information.

Stop feeling cool. The woman knows about your math 'prowess' *cough* *cough*. That's why she's giving you a step by step guide.