Kathrine has had a platonic relationship with an old school friend Peter (not his real name) from her university days for several years but recently has developed deeper feelings for him. They are both single but her guess is that he may be wanting more from her too but it is still only a guess . She is afraid anything new may spoil the beautiful friendship they have shared for years. But she really likes him and she is not sure what to do next.

What do you think Kathrine should do next? How would she motivate her friend to want more than being just friends with her? This question was posed to me so I decided to share my advice with you.

Being stuck in a friendship and wanting more can be a frustrating situation. Dele another friend is in the same situation. He confided his situation with a female friend Janet. He has known her for over a year now. They are colleagues at work, they spend their lunch break together very often, and he often buys her gifts, listens to all her woes about their boss and other colleagues. He helps her whenever she is broke generally providing for her that shoulder she can always lean on. But that seems all Janet wants. Janet never seems to see him beyond those things. She seems to be very comfortable because she has all her boy friend needs met by her boy friend and her friendship needs met by him. She is not ready for anything to change.

For me every relationship is like a negotiation. To get more out of what you have you have to re negotiate that friendship. I believe the best thing for Kathrine to do is to step away from the friendship she has with her friend Peter for a while and get a bit scarce. When she is not around again as much there would be a sense of loss that her friend Peter would feel. This would stimulate a desire for her in his heart. Also she could try tempting him and getting him somewhat jealous by suddenly getting intimate with other friends and colleagues and ignore him a bit. This always works when you want to get attention from a friend who has either neglected you or is beginning to take your friendship for granted.

In the case of Dele he could stop doing for Janet everything he has been doing for her and begin to ask her to do him favors instead. This will make her to wake up from the comfortable situation he has put her before now and force her to see what she has lost and show more commitment to the friendship. He should no longer ignore many of the things he allowed her to get away with he should not allow her use him anymore. This will make her become aware that things have changed and if she needs the friendship back it would have to be renegotiated and the terms of the new friendship would be different. She would have to give more than she has been used to giving.

Anyone facing this issue can chose to ignore the above suggestions and chose to take the direct route and go straight to the point and ask the person they want to become more than friends with out. Asking the person out for a real date could be a pleasant surprise or a sudden kiss or something but remember your friend might prefer to remain just friends with you and nothing more. In respect of your friendship you should allow their decision stand.

4Clique is the place to meet new people at all times in case your old friendships or relationships are not working so remember to take advantage of this opportunity. So what do you think Kathrine or Dele should do to get the attention they need? Write in and let us know.



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