I met this guy last year through a friend of ours. It was more like love at first sight, cos we took to each other almost immediately.He said he wanted to settle down and we agreed to start a relationship. We got along pretty well, but we also had our own fair share of misunderstandings which we always resolve too.

About a month or so ago, he said he wanted us to be just friends and see where the relationship goes from there! At the moment, he's having challenges with his job cos he wants to change jobs. I av been very supportive and concerned about his welfare, but i dont seem to get him anymore.I av been to his house only once and av promised myself not to go there again until i know where the relationship is going.

I dont seem to get him anymore cos as for now he says we are just friends.

What do i do?

just as ur story goes, if he is still interested in goin ahead with r/ship, then he will come back to u

but 4 the now, just let time take it course.

dont call often as u used to do b4 na.

just send him SMS one of these days tellin him how u feel about this whole thing.

arrange 4 a meeting if possible, 4 a round table talk between the two of you.

i wish u the very best of luck

Thanx Bdaf.

I'll do as u suggested.

just tell him how u feel about him i really like u i dont wanna marry u (yet ) i just wanna b ur girlfriend dats all n we could see where d relationship goes from here in it
anyway it might be dat hes just trying 2 get 2 no u betta init just talk 2 him communication is d key 2 a gud relationship

About a month or so ago, he said he wanted us to be just friends and see where the relationship goes from there! At the moment, he's having challenges with his job because he wants to change jobs. I av been very supportive and concerned about his welfare, but i don't seem to get him anymore.I av been to his house only once and av promised myself not to go there again until i know where the relationship is going.

you must ealise that most men are cowards when it comes to breaking up.a guy will almost never come out with
' we should stop seeing each other'
rather, he will drop hints. (my parents don't like u, i'm so busy at work, etc).

i think its time to let go. something very similar to this happened to one of my colleagues at work.

if u really love him, well . . . maybe u need to make him jealous.that usually works( i think. . .)

my dear,guys dont tell a babe that they wana break up,so wat he meant in the first placeis that pls give me time to think wether i still love u or not.
well,take heart accept ur faith and move on.
shekina! finito!

This much I can say with almost absolute certainty, when a guy says I want us to just be friends, he is having doubts about you and the relationship. He might like you alot, even love you, but something is making him pull back or slow down.

He may be having personal challenges, he may be losing interest in you, he may have met somebody new, his family may not be in support, etc but the bottom line is that he does not want to continue on a committed relationship right now.

He may or may not change his mind later.

What you can do:
1. Give him sometime and distance. If he wants you he will come back
2. But while waiting, look out for yourself. Relate freely with other guys because your boyfriend may not be coming back. You don't want to be left high and dry after waiting so long.
3. Keep the coumnication lines open. A text message or a phone call every now and then, but don't over do it.
4. One thing you must not do- don't go charging in on him or try to influence him into a relationship. It may repel him completely or even if your are able to lure him into a relatiosnhip, you should expect poor treatment because he will assume you wanted him desperately

In conclusion, simply start looking elsewhere while remaining friends as requested.

This much I can say with almost absolute certainty, when a guy says I want us to just be friends, he is having doubts about you and the relationship. He might like you alot, even love you, but something is making him pull back or slow down.

He may be having personal challenges, he may be losing interest in you, he may have met somebody new, his family may not be in support, etc but the bottom line is that he does not want to continue on a committed relationship right now.

He may or may not change his mind later.

What you can do:
1. Give him sometime and distance. If he wants you he will come back
2. But while waiting, look out for yourself. Relate freely with other guys because your boyfriend may not be coming back. You don't want to be left high and dry after waiting so long.
3. Keep the coumnication lines open. A text message or a phone call every now and then, but don't over do it.
4. One thing you must not do- don't go charging in on him or try to influence him into a relationship. It may repel him completely or even if your are able to lure him into a relatiosnhip, you should expect poor treatment because he will assume you wanted him desperately

In conclusion, simply start looking elsewhere while remaining friends as requested.

I agree with funloving; he's having doubts about whether you are the one. Give him space & start searching.

Pearlyseed,

I think you have to be patient. Not every relationship ends in marriage (I already assume that's your goal in all this). However, when that becomes the case, both parties usually get the hang of it at some point. You will both feel the chemistry and that spark at the right time. However, it's left for you to decide how long you're willing to wait for it. It is not unknown for couples to be friends for a long time, then date for 1-3yrs before getting married.

You may feel it's time to take the relationship to another level. He may not. So I suggest you maintain status quo and watch things carefully without putting undue pressure on him. I have no doubt that there are other 'friends' in his life. This is reality show here.

Also, remember that friends mustn't date, and are not barred from dating other people. So, if I were you, I would also make other 'friends'. If his doesn't work out like you expect, you can move on.

Life is too short. Make the best of it. But know what you want. Sorry to say, but some people don't.

Goodluck!

Thanks a bunch guys. I really appreciate all ur comments and pieces of advise, i sure wud take a cue from it.

As for being friends with him, i really dont av a problem with that but i must confess that it is really painful.I love this guy a lot and i was really committed to the relationship while it lasted.Initailly he told me that i wasnt serious about him;i had to convince him that i was, now its a different story entirely.

I really am gonna try to move on with my life without him,but i must confess that its not that easy.

Thanks all thesame.

d best thing is 2 sit him down, tell him how u feel about d whole thing and let him tell u wat he actually wants, cos maybe he wants be break up but doesnt know how 2 tell u so let him tell u d truth so u dnt just waste ur time thinking it would get better wen d guy is actually not even thinking of gettin back with u.

@Pearlyseed
Trust me when a man start saying that, there is always a woman in between. And the woman is usually an old acquaintance of his. Don't waste your time and effort with this man and play it safe by drawing back and see what he is up to. Meanwhile keep an eye open for a serious guy that might really be inrested in you.

yea @sweet t, u are rite

@Annabel; is that ur pix u've got in ur profile?
[size=5pt]sorry guys, I'm digressing a wee bit, but I'm on a hot leash[/size]

damnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!

when did u leave manchester?

Abeg you better start searching for someone else because i don't think the guy is interested in you anymore, don't wast your time on him oh move on with your life

@poster
I know who u are

Omo Eko:

Abeg you better start searching for someone else because i don't think the guy is interested in you anymore, don't wast your time on him oh move on with your life

WORD!!!

Sorry girl he actually wants a way out. I am sure he does not call u as he used to and he try to getaway from seeing u. Look i guess he is afraid of commitment. So that is the only way i can explain this. So if u really care, talk to him and find out if he is ready or not. Cos probably he looks at u as someone whom is ready to take it further but he is not so dialog is the answer. I would say u should make a decision from him. I guess u probably want the relationship, i would say as oyb said make him jealous,but there are two heads to that coin. if he cares as well he would come chasing u cos it will be an ego thing,he will say "is he better than me" and he will come after u but if he doesn't he will leave u to keep moving on so u should be ready for what comes out of it. so take care and wish u all the best.

Move on girl, take yourself out. be confident, its not the end of the world. And one more thing, make sure when he sees you next time, you'll look hot and gorgeous, this will tell him that you are doing fine.

MEN MEN MEN!! sometimes i wish i could just beat some of them over, about not knowing what they wanted, if he didnt know that why did he 'define' the relationship in the first instance, about wanting to settle down etc, he only wanted one thing, now he got it, he running away, heck maybe it was a trick to get in ur pants

Look, like ppl are advising me in my own thread, my dear, if he doesnt come back u deserve and can probably get better out there!, some of this men dont knwo what they've got, and that they have it good, soon now when they realise they will be saying ' my gf is with another guy, but i still love her' why the f*ck did u not 'work with her through ur bad-patch or period os doubt?, distance is not the option, its another problem, esp if u love his sorry self

If u feel ur ready and can let go, dont even send him no msg, or call him, if he realises what hes losing, he will come back
If u feel u love him too much and want to hang on for a while, then heck go round his place and tell him exactly how u feel and give him options, either way waiting in silence, sint doing u favours, esp if ur d only doing the thinking/wondering at this stage

I DON TIRE FOR ALL DIS MEN WAHALA, SEE ME, SEE TROUBLE!!, non-sense!!

I'd advise you stay clear from this guy
Even the "just friends" thing [color=Black][/color],don't give a second thought to it
You know what,just like some guys here rightly observed,ther must be a woman somewhere and he wants to keep you pending,so if that doesn't work,he comes back to you
Please let your love not be that blind

dear poster,

consider urself 1 lucky dame 'cos its either dis dude's as honest as d pope or he's as dumb as 4ck --- i'd go 4 d latter!!!

its pretty obvious dat he's realised dat he's made a big howler by hookin up wid' ya & is only tryna ease u outta his life.
so u better be countin ur blessins 'cos some other bad guys would taken advantage of u --- u're 1 heck of a lucky 1!

funloving has said it all.

There are people who just can't handle stress and

challenges. I believe your boyfriend is one of them

and like Seun and funloving said, give him space to

gather and recollect himself and you just may be surprised

how he will run to you and crying how he hasmissed you.

And most importantly, if you have not been praying for him before

you better start doing so now. He needs all the prayers he can get

to get through these challenges.

@Poster - Soz girl but there isn't much u can do. As most have said yo boyfriend most likely has another option(s) on the side. If he does come back the only thing u need to ensure is that you two are in a relationship and not him using u as his jump-off (in-effect taking advantage of yo weakness 4 him).

Sweetheart move onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

you said something about his job challenges. Maybe he is the kind of person who does not get an erection when their source of income in on the line. Talk to him about his concerns and worries. Sometimes it puts men off when some women want to be loved and pampered when their Central bank is going down south.

moondust:

@poster
I know who u areWORD!!!

Moondust, who am i?

relationships are like roller coaster rides, with ups and downs, did he not know that? he got issues with his job, so what? his that enouf reason to get rid of the best thing he's got? ( supposedly you), and lose it all?

have you heard the song by nelly furtado:

, flames to dust, lovers to friends, why do all good things come to an end?

trust me on this, when a guy wants this, its usually the end. just move on

2dy4

i dont know what you meant by nelly furtado's song, but musicians are in to make money. celebrities talk about love, act it and sing it , but hardly know what it means. they have the highest break up/divorce rate in the world. As for me my magic stick does not get up when I am in deep financial stress. I dont know about.

adconline:

2dy4

i don't know what you meant by nelly furtado's song, but musicians are in to make money. celebrities talk about love, act it and sing it , but hardly know what it means. they have the highest break up/divorce rate in the world. As for me my magic stick does not get up when I am in deep financial stress. I don't know about.

Let me help you out. my reference to that song is not in any regard to the credibility of the musician as an expert on matters of the heart (by the way, she didn't write the song), also that musicians are out to make money does not totally mean of they are entirely shallow. the logic is simple, "is cutting your head of the ultimate remedy for a migraine"? after coming this far on lovers lane with the lady, he thinks reverting back to tha "good ol' friendship" is the way out of his issues? my apologies, but that's so lame!

as for you "King Kong" being down when ur broke, i think therapy mite help.