Godmouth:

So are you saying God cannot use a shepherd/minister to speak to someone about the right person to marry? You seem to be jumping to conclusion that taking such issue to a minister of God is 'worshipping them as Gods'. That's a rash statement to make as your heart might be sincere, but you might still be sincerely wrong. You might be convinced you have found a life partner believing you are hearing God: but you are been biased and clouded by your resolve to do what you want at the end of the day. This matter is a sensitive one and as a result a lot Christians go to God with bias and prejudices hence the need for confirmation of not just only pastors but men/women who are mature in God. It doesn't have to be a rule of thumb, but it is a very safe route to follow.

A lot of Christians 'idolize' their pastors which is totally wrong and ungodly: but there is a danger in disregarding their spiritual oversight over believers. Marriage is a spiritual institution first and foremost even though it need various physical inputs to make it work.

There is nothing wrong in seeking for counsel from your pastor as regards what to look out for in a spouse if you are confused and to pray along with you but there is something wrong asking your pastor to tell you who is right or wrong for you. God loves everyone and will answer if you ask him for help, you as an individual should know what you want so that when you see it you can do the needful. When people are not sure they ask their pastors when they are sure they inform their pastors.

andromida:


There is nothing wrong in seeking for counsel from your pastor as regards what to look out for in a spouse if you are confused and to pray along with you but there is something wrong asking your pastor to tell you who is right or wrong for you. God loves everyone and will answer if you ask him for help, you as an individual should know what you want so that when you see it you can do the needful. When people are not sure they ask their pastors when they are sure they inform their pastors.

Andromida you have just helped me explain myself in your latest comment about my first response to this topic (answer I gave to the OP's question was a 'yes' and a 'no') The question if you recall is if it is necessary for those intending to marry to present the case to their pastors for 'approval'. Let's be honest when it comes to marriage there are various degrees of uncertainties battling the minds of bachelors and spinters. Having said that though there are people who are clear about God's choice for them: but that only comes with 'close walk with God' and I have to say lots of single Christians (at least the ones I have come across) are lacking in this area.

Honestly I agree with you about the fact that it is wrong for Christians to rely on their pastors to tell them who to marry. If God calls me to be a shepherd/minister: I will challenge my members to develop a close personal relationship with Him which will make them hear Him in every aspect of their lives. That is the kind of chucrh we see that Christ and the Apostles modelled for us.

coogar:

what if a guy has 6 female friends that he understands & loves?

then he is not ready to get married. When he is ready he will see his wife in one of th six girls. I don't believe a man or a woman can sincerely love more than one person for a relationship or marriage.

People still do this?

Yes o, i really dont know what they are scared of.

lady gogo: People still do this?

see a Babalawo.

yes you must so that you don't get cursed by the pastor who also has a plan for you and your marrying without him satisfying his own lust spoils his plan

Godmouth:

I have several: I will use the one with my own pastor and my own personal example. A respected man of God here in the UK was told by his member (a lady) about a man who proposed to her and promised commitment and mariage. She was totally convinced by this guy as he was near faultless in his approach and proposal to the lady. She brought it to her shepherd (Apostle) and he invited the man to his office for him to introduce himself. Astonishinly God revealed to this man of God that this so-called suitor is false and had been married to two women before in Nigeria. Using my own example, I met a Christain lady whom I became fond of and gravitated towards her and mutual feelings developed and we found ourselves in a relationship. I believed she was my suitable helper. I had dreams (she had dreams too) making us believe God was speaking to us that we were meant to be together. When I presented it to my pastor (she wasn't convinced and said I should seek God more for concrete evidence. I went by my own intuition/dreams I and this lady had, believing God was behind us. However it became clear to this lady and I that our judgement has been clouded by emotions and desires.

You see the reason why I said God would rather speak through a minister/pastor (70%) of the time is because most people become biased in terms of hearing God: when it comes to inquiring about a man/woman for a spouse. Numerous examples I have which I can't really type all here.

are you married now?

I am also a victim of this circumstance, my girl friend called me after attending a prayer that the prophet told her that I am not her husband and also that I have a long way to go. She finally changed her line and move to unknown destination. It hurts but life continue......I hope one day, someday she would come to her senses

Just wondering. In non-christian countries with successful marriages which 'pastors' do god speak through? Or the devil gives a helping hand here. God must have approved of Chris okotie's two failed marraiges before God changed his mind.
Chei! Pastors dey very busy in this lucrative business.

The Choice of who you want to marry is strictly personal. Though there can be advice/ counsel from close relative or friends, but ''no one'' is expected to influence your decision regarding this. As Christians, it is expected to carry your Pastors/ marriage counsellors along in the marriage process. This is only when you have (already) decided as to who you want to marry.( Not neccessarily before that decision is made).
In this scenerio, you must have approached your intending partner and spoken to her and gotten her consent before informing the pastor/ church about this. Going to see your pastor before getting the girl's consent is like putting the cart before the horse. This is because the role of the pastor/church is Basically to pray for the success of the marriage process as well as give neccesary counselling. Though there have been instances where an intending male speaks to the pastor/ church concerning a female he seeks before approaching the lady.( In my opinion, this is sheer cowardize on the part of the intending male ,with the hope that the church will help convince the lady to accept him)
Summarily, I do not think any Church or Pastor has the right to insist you inform him before deciding who u want to marry. You have the sole prerogative to decide on your choice. Not even your parents have a say (though they can only advice). Marriage is a very serious business. Its a decision that you and no one else can make and be ready to accept the full consequence in the future (good or bad).

The most important things to see are your HEART and your CONSCIENCE and not your pastor.

What a world we r into. Der is notin wrong in prayin over a future wife/husband with ur pastor. This also makes d whole tin clearer 2 u...Sometimes we pray fervently, nd d ans will nt come. Rather, God may direct his servant 2 guide us tru d right part he has laid-down 4 us...Honestly, u can't just marry anyhw...God created Eve 4 adam and nt just any woman...Every man has his woman made frm his rib bone...In Yoruba, we call it "egun elegun" meanin (someone else bone)...Many homes nowadays suffers because they fail 2 yield 2 instruction...I v a sister like dat (bose by name). She was informed never 2 marry a particular man, bt she insisted...She has no choice after 5yrs dan 2 quit 4 gud....Pls, pray 2 God ursef (and if things r nt clear, visit ur pastor for counseling nd prayers)...Always remember, We v a lot of WOLVES in lamb skins....PEACE

@op ask ur friend if her parents seek God face through pst b4 dey marry...y hv pple turn evrytn 2spiritual tins..she is nt mature enof 2marry if she run 2pst 4her live partner...y will a pst chose 4u who 2marry or not...pls tell ur friend 2wake up..if she luv d guy n d guy makes her hapi..pls Go ahead and marry him...or else she will leave with regrets..Thanks...

greatgod2012: @op, is it the pastor that will live with the person till death do them part.
Smh

Well, the pastors may be right.

The problem is actually with christians who do not have a relationship (koinonia) with their father. They haven't develop their hearing abiility and they expect it to happen suddenly as soon as they are ready to marry, smh.

They are spiritual bastards, begotten by a father they do not relate with, left with the hands of a mother (church, pastors etc) who tells them about a father they never met.

The key is know (epignosis- full, accurate knowledge) your father and have a fellowship (koinonia) with Him.

A pastor is just to confirm (he confirms because emotions may cloud our judgement) what God has spoken, but how can you know what God said when you don't relate with him and understand how he speaks to you.

Btw, if you relate well with your father, you won't even date someone who isn't your husband in the first place.

angiemartinez: I had the opportunity of chatting with a friend yesterday and i asked about her fiance, she told me of how all the churches she visited and all the pastors she met told her he is not her husband, That she will not enjoy the marriage. so now she is tryn to quit the relationship. what ever happens to seeking the face of God yourself? I am of the opinion that there is no man made for any woman going by what the bible says that 'HE WHO FINDS'.

She should go and ask COZA's Pastor na,

He'll show hew new levels of grace.

bellong:

Your examples are not concrete enough and do not have biblical support. Yes, I do not doubt the revelations of God through his ministers but I will never agree that God will not reveal some things to you except you share it with your pastor. That to my understanding has no biblical root.

However, God may reveal stuff to your pastor when you are very insensitive or willingly suppressing information to stop you from entering a gulf but He will never withhold information about your life from you.

The lady you described already believed she cannot hear God herself by your description, hence she resorted to telling her pastor. While in your case, your dreams came because of the many emotions you already stuffed up for the lady. And who says the pastors themselves cannot be deceived? You need to read the bible well to know that we all as christians have the mind of Christ and by the spirit we know all things......

. My dear whether u believe it or not this thing is in two ways God can speak tru the minister nd sometimes u if ur mind is nt carried away dat is y its difficult for a lady to pray effectively for a partner wen she has someone cos she will pray having her man on mind nt God's will nd mind u there is a diff btw God's will and God's permissive will! On the minister I hv seen a situation where a pastor told a sister she can't marry a brother that he is seeing him with half bucket of water meaning half time she said d pastor is a liar 6months later after d marriage d lady became a widow so pple shld be sensitive

Christ said 'be ye wise as a serpent and harmless as a dove and Solomon also said 'wisdom is profitable to direct'

Folks should be careful with all these pastor/prophets serving as guides on every aspect of their lives. That's how my relative married an associate pastor against her own better judgement because her mother's pastor and the husband(a prophet), the senior pastor of the guy and some other pastors in some ministries claimed God told them he was the man for her.

10 years on now, the mother has had to settle disputes countless times, cater for their needs atimes, son in law has insulted MIL countless times and has even stopped being a pastor. He's lazy, stubborn, selfish and would rather spend on a new TV than pay school fees for the kids. Now MIL who is a staunch believer in pastors/prophets is saying 'had i known' because even her siblings heap blames on her till today.

Your pastor as an elderly person(an unmarried or freshly married pastor is a no no), your parents, uncles and even bosses(elderly and have your interest at heart) can prayerfully advise but the buck stops at your table because you, not them will live with the guy/babe.

Go to God yourself and he'll speak to you. God speaks to us all, not only pastors.

Must you see a pastor before choosing a life partner, not really but it is ok if you trust that your pastor is not one of those pastors using the ministry as a mere means to an end! It's not a new thing for God to use his prophets for people, it happened in the old and new testaments and true men of God tend to have a deeper spiritual insight than a regular christian. For one, they are more committed, more dedicated.

I did not seek my pastor's consent before choosing my husband, I only informed him after he proposed and I had already said yes. However, if my pastor had warned of any impending doom regarding the union, I would have gone on my knees in prayer, together with my pastor for God to avert that evil because I would have found it almost impossible to leave the man I love at that point. In other words, even if your pastor sees anything negative about your union, prayer can change it. In 2 Kings 20: 1-6, Hezekiah's fervent prayer made God change His mind regarding Isaiah's earlier prophecy of death.

Your pastor is not God, yes, but their opinions and genuine counsels in matters like this can be valuable, like I said earlier, provided they are true men of God! If you are close to God yourself, I believe you will feel it in your spirit if he is right or wrong.

Candour: Christ said 'be ye wise as a serpent and harmless as a dove and Solomon also said 'wisdom is profitable to direct'

Folks should be careful with all these pastor/prophets serving as guides on every aspect of their lives. That's how my relative married an associate pastor against her own better judgement because her mother's pastor and the husband(a prophet), the senior pastor of the guy and some other pastors in some ministries claimed God told them he was the man for her.

10 years on now, the mother has had to settle disputes countless times, cater for their needs atimes, son in law has insulted MIL countless times and has even stopped being a pastor. He's lazy, stubborn, selfish and would rather spend on a new TV than pay school fees for the kids. Now MIL who is a staunch believer in pastors/prophets is saying 'had i known' because even her siblings heap blames on her till today.

Your pastor as an elderly person(an unmarried or freshly married pastor is a no no), your parents, uncles and even bosses(elderly and have your interest at heart) can prayerfully advise but the buck stops at your table because you, not them will live with the guy/babe.

Go to God yourself and he'll speak to you. God speaks to us all, not only pastors.

I know real the same story where parents both pastors force ther children to marry and no they will seperate because they cannot live together.

Oga he happen to me life and direct like two month ago, what I just see in this matter is that u never they Ok course ham, I mean u never get enough money bro........... Pastor Soon can not be in A relationship with with Dangoter or C-Ronadol and pastor tell him that his marriage will not last... Just leave her alone hustling Hard... Trust me U will take something out of noting very soon.... I hate that kind rubbish even my own no be pastor Na Alfa bro.... But wetting I want to do just to leave her naniiiiiiii. B'cus I believe God is @work

In doing any meaning full thing in life, we have been given the choice to choose between 2 wills. God's perfect Will and God's permissive will. it is in the process of doing God's perfect will that we ask from real men of God if our spouse is the right one for us so we wont make regret marrying such person. gobulksmsng.com

You mustn't see A pastor before you choose but you MUST see YOUR PASTOR!!

The church is like an hospital, some are responding to treatment while others aren't, the best way to find out is from the doctor(pastor in this case)

in Eph4:11-12, God gave the reasons for the the various offices, the basic one being for the perfecting of the saint. The question is couldn't God do it himself or thru the holy spirit??

please I'm fully aware that God speaks to us, depending on ur level of fellowship with him, my opening lines does not negate this fact.

people get messed up when they want to know what the future holds, so they start running from pillar to post, u'll begin to hear "my pastor friend, my mothers prophet, there is one powerful man of God etc"

You are suppose to stay put in one place and grow there, instructions God couldn't pass to you either becos of ur hardened heart or your spirit being too noisy or u not listening at all will be passed across to u thru your leaders

I was actually about to post this same topic some days back but I never got around to it... My boyfriend of four years proposed to me on our anniversary (relationship anniversary) and my friends have been advising me to seek the face of God through consulting a pastor to know whether he is the right person. I have a friend who has rejected three serious proposals because the pastor said it won't work. Well, I prayed on my own and I asked God to give me signs and surprisingly I think I've gotten a go ahead order. I don't really believe I need to see a pastor before making this decision. Itz a matter of choice but I think it's not really necessary unless you're not sure of the person. In that case, take your time to study the person and see whether he/she is someone you can live with. No couple can be 100% compatible. #my two cents though.

I'm a leader in church and I know the burden people share with us, imagine the following scenario

1. The guy is impotent and he hasn't told the lady in qxn, and the pastor is aware & maybe they are believing God for a miracle (pastor + the guy)

imagine the lady getting married without informing the pastor!!

my point there are certain things we can't handle & the pastor might be aware that the intending partner has that trait, hence the importance of bringing them into the picture.

Sometimes a pastor is working on someone, eg maybe the person has Un controllable anger or the lady is loose or something, and they are still on the process only for the guy to say I want to marry, do u think any pastor will approve knowing fully well that the guy has un dealt anger issues??

Finally, we are Christians we believe in demons, u might not have the spiritual foresight to see What's up against ur intending partner, a pastor can be of great help here. Notice i said MIGHT NOT

finally, balance is the key word, don't idolize ur pastor, if u haven't heard God in other areas of ur life, u won't suddenly hear him when it comes to marriage, don't run from one church to another, stay in the right place and grow there & consult ur pastor before printing card etc give them enough time to look into the matter

Please for those of you saying there is no need to see your pastor.

pls hasn't there been a time you prayed and you thought you heard from God & you were so positive that you heard from him & later found out you were wrong??

but a simple counsel from someone else will sometimes confirm that or debunk what u thought u heard, especially when u discovers that what u heard was in direct contradiction with the written word.

Please study the book of proverbs, you'll understand the place of counsel

therealMcCain: I'm a leader in church and I know the burden people share with us, imagine the following scenario

1. The guy is impotent and he hasn't told the lady in qxn, and the pastor is aware & maybe they are believing God for a miracle (pastor + the guy)

imagine the lady getting married without informing the pastor!!

The guy is impotent, he hasn't told the lady he is engaged to, the pastor is aware and believing God for a miracle? What example and foundation is your pastor laying? I will say their silence is criminal and ungodly.

The lady has the the right to know about his impotent status without even wasting time praying. It is another case entirely if the lady decides to be believing God with him.

Your pastor is helping the guy lay a false foundation of deception and insincerity. He is a christian and should act as one, sincerity and truth are essential part of christian living..

I got married without going to any church not to talk of seeing any pastor

Whoever that listens to a Pastor b4 choosing a life partner must be high on some cheap drugs. Even the Pastors have broken marriages too. Since they forecast d future for people, why can't they see a "perfect" woman that they will not divorce in d future?

One of ma gullible friends went to a Pastor for marriage forecast with 2pic of girls he loves, I persuaded him to add 2 of his sis pics to make it 4pic and I agreed to go with him. He did and we went 2gether.

After much crocodile's prayer, He(d pastor) picked one of My friends sis as His missing ribs. He assured us that they were ordained to be together. We left there benumbed and dumbfounded.

me_for_you: I got married without going to any church not to talk of seeing any pastor

Where were ur marriage ordained?
Was it ordained in a shrine court?