@ douzy
Yes oh!
there are lots and lots of disadvantages

Yea, I agree with you.

@ Douzy
you see that's why i said i can't marry someone
who's not from my side

crazykid:

I can marry someone who's not from my
side
period.

I guess you would need to modify your previous post then.

@ Douzy
maybe

debosky: possibllity of the kids not learning any Nigerian language

I think that can also happen when the parents are from the same ethnic background especially if they live in a city like Lagos.

Children can also learn three languages - though some might have problems. If I would have had children with my last boyfriend, I would have spoken to them in my language and hoped that he would use his own language with them --- and, well, the English, they still could have picked it up at kindergarten.

Religion and ethnicity would always be a factor to be considered in marriage in this part of the world. My advice: LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP

grafikdon:

There are numerous disadvantages of marrying from a different tribe as far as naija is concerned. I personally do not have a problem marrying from another truibe but the simple truth is that marriage in Africa is not a husband and wife affair, it is a union of families. The families of the bride and groom will merge into one big extended family where each will look out for other withouth a second thought. When you have two families from different tribe, no matter how enlightened there will be differences that may take a lot of adjustment and sacrifice to amend.

One can say the father/mother/uncles/aunts etc should not dictate the pace. While I agree with that, you must remember that friends will come and go but when the chips are down, only family will be there for you to the end, no matter how much they dislike you, they are stuck with you forever and have no choice but to attempt to bail you out. Bear that in mind before you raise your middle finger on your family members and tell them to to stick it.

There are so many obstacles and stumbling blocks on the way but once the two families get through these, that kind of union is usually glamourous. If I must marry oustside my tribe, I'll rather marry a girl from other West African countries like Senegal, Ghana or Cameroun, A French or Carribean woman, simply because I believe the Nigerian brand tribe mama drama is alien to them.

Bottom line: You can marry whatever but look before you leap. Inter tribal marriage is NOT a bed of roses.

I know couples who came from the same town, got married & their marriages crashed within the first three years. And I have met couples from different tribes who got married & their marriages stood the test of time, until they were parted by death. My grand-parents were a typical example. Their kids ended up being bi-lingual & well-versed in both cultures. At the end of the day, most cultures have quite a few things in common. Are you saying that there is no Nigerian culture that does not recognise truth, integrity, honour & respect for elders? Some people go out of their way to learn French, Spanish, German and other languages, just because their jobs demand it or just because they have to fit into their new environment , once they relocate to the West. Would they do the same for a Nigerian language? Hardly.

Everyone just has to make up his mind, about what he or she wants. Some people are too scared of the unknown & too lazy to learn new things, so that is why they take refuge in the familiar  stuff. Culture is man-made & is dynamic. The fact that you marry from your tribe, is NOT a sure-fire guarantee that your marriage would be idyllic.

Those same people saying "don't marry outside your culture or tribe" today, can wake up to sing another tune tomorrow when it suits them. What matters most in any union is love, trust , respect, understanding, communication, sincerity, patience, tolerance, compassion etc.?.

One of my neighbours are an inter-ethnic couple. The husband is Igbo & the wife is Yoruba. When the guy wanted to marry the girl, lots of his family members objected, just out of prejudice. One of his uncles was most adamant. He stood against the union. The guy weighed his options & went ahead to marry the girl.

A few years later this uncle was posted to Lagos on a job & tried hard to get accomodation, but it was difficult. He finally found one within his budget. But the landlord was reluctant to rent it out. So he called my neighbour & said " Please can you ask your in-laws to intervene? Or can you tell your wife to speak her language to the landlord to make him rent the house to me?"

Who would the uncle have turned to, if the guy had followed his instructions not to marry that girl?

Beneath our clothes, we all have the same features. I have an uncle who married a Liberian woman in the mid-sixties. They are still quite happily married, till today. Most of the time, we give the woman a lot of credit for her patience & understanding. I still do not think my uncle could have gotten a better wife, because of this woman's wonderful attributes.

Inter-tribal marraige is not a bed of roses, but neither is it a total bed of thorns. Which marriage truly is, a bed of roses by the way? All marriages require hard-work. it is a pity that for most of us, our mind-sets have been conditioned, not to think outside the box. And the stereotypes that have been perpetuated over the years about different cultures, have tinted the lenses through which most folks view other tribes.

well, am abt to get married 2 a yoruba guy and am not,though i speak fluently (yoruba) and i also speak ma lang fluently, though in ma own view, lang shdnt be a barrier in relationships, doesnt matter,what matters is the connection btwn the pple involved.

Its 50:50 but its safer marrying from ur tribe though

@ 9ja4eva.

Amazingly enough I was trying to find where to begin on this issue then I read 9ja4eva signature

' Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live'

That is the crux of the matter. we hardly try to know each others culture and that is why it is difficult for inter-tribal marriage. language barriers, With the greatest of respect is more pronounced in the East especially if you are given or to take or expected to become Igwe 1 of Agamba or whatever 1 title you decide to choose.

Understanding with couples and explain position to parents. And community should rejoice for whichever we marry from.

The most challenge is when mariage is in difficulty, blame will start to fly around to say if you had marry your own you will have been better. let me tell you it is a lie from the pit of hell.

Religion and after passing away of either party is another challenging period. But if both party see themselves as friends then it will be well.

If anybody want to marry any other tribe should try to spend some period at least 6 month or a year to understand other tribes if they can be patient, it will be a time well spent.

when both parties are geniuenly in love they can carry family and community along and the couple can even open line of understanding among the 2 communities.

If I have my way and I am the president of Nigeria I will encourage inter-tribal marriage. inter-tribal visit, religion visits and hosting. let us get to know others, our culture, foods, language etc.

If and is a big 'if' and God forbid bad thing and I actually reject it in Jesus Christ name - that I choose to be a polygamist, I will marry from mosts tribe and show what one can do together as oppossed to being divided for some silly Tribal cause. I do not propose nor encourage anyone to do so either. There are more damages to human life from polygamy.

So children of God beware.

beumi,
wat actually do you want? who do u wanna get married to? the tribe or the man?

come on buemi lets talk about it, i know you're online

Marry the one you love.

Let's face it. Most of us are trialistic Nigerians no matter how widely we smile at one another.  Personally, it would be extremely difficult for me to venture into certain parts of Nigeria marry a guy.  I can befriend oh, but not marry----FRIENDS WITH FRINGE BENEFITS ONLY.  Just because we can never jive due to cultural conditioning.  Does not mean they are bad people.  But I just do not want that stress of wanting to be accepted or having to prove myself to any set of "village" minded family members--on his side for that matter. 

Also, some men in one tribal area have more "balls" and I do not mean "hydroceles" than others!   Because they would stand up for you in the presence of their family members and no one dares mess with you--Like mine!

Just as it would be difficult to get married to a guy from another race, I cannot imagine marrying a dude from "certain" parts of Nigeria---including Edo state where I am from.  I will not mention any ethnic group since I no wan fight this early in the year.

There is just a limit to how adventurous as to how I can get.  That's the bottom line.  Everyone has his or her level of adventure, desparation or "open-mindedness" as some of you will want to politically call it.

crazykid:

@ douzy
Yes oh!
there are lots and lots of disadvantages

Thank you for being candid!

I would like to say, it is an individual's problem (male or female), but in Nigeria and Africa as a whole we do not operate like that.  So let us not deceive ourselves.  Unless, all our children, grandchildren and greatgrandchildren become "half breeds" then they will see no tribal factors.  Even then wahala still dey! 

Let's hope we can change.  But not in my lifetime for I cannot be part of that change.  Sorry, too culturally conditioned in my first 20 years of life, with no regrets at all.  Can't change now.  Since it is way too late!   I absolutely love the way things are right now.  My kids can deal with their own wahala when they cross that bridge.  I cannot interfere.  That is the change I am willing to succumb to.  They are raised differently where such things do not matter much to them.  Na only akata them fit marry!

Personally, i would definitely prefer o marry someone from ma tribe - that we understand our language, etc.
Its just based on ma past experiences.

So no i DEFINITELY WOULDNT.

@poster! the only disadvantage is you and the lady in question.

Dear Nairalanders,what matters in marriage is the compactibilty blw u and the person u are getting married to.Two the immediate family of both sides acceptance not tribe.

I am an Igbo woman married to an Akwa Ibom man.i have never regreted it for one minute.His family are nice.

My husband and his family are good christians and does not even beleive in some of the things their people beleive in which i belive that is what matters most.
Even when u marry someone frm the same tribe with u and they are core traditionalist,u will still experience some of the bad side of the tradition.

So i categorically say that marriage is not about tribe but about both parties.

Me, I dey find Yoruba man to marry.

Variety as the say is the spice of life.

There is no advantage to marrying or not marrying ur own tribe.
They are all human.
Love is all that matters, besides will make u to even learn about other tribe sef, so i will say it is an advantage.

tribalists

There are disadvantages especially if the married couple do not study each others cultures and values before settling down. There are diverse cultures in Africa, and some of them requires certain practices especially in the event of death of a spouse or some other misfortune. Some parts are even too diabolical.
Bottom line,look before you leap.

nikki 26: There are disadvantages especially if the married couple do not study each others cultures and values before settling down. There are diverse cultures in Africa, and some of them requires certain practices especially in the event of death of a spouse or some other misfortune. Some parts are even too diabolical.
Bottom line,look before you leap.

Re: the bolded; how so?

Pls explain further as I don't get you. Is there any particular tribe you have in mind? Any experiences? Pls do share them...

Im into one nw..my fiancee's mum loves me but complains abt distance.

A PERSONAL PREFERENCE ONLY. . . NOT A TOPIC FOR GENERALIZATION!

almondjoy: Let's face it. Most of us are trialistic Nigerians no matter how widely we smile at one another.  Personally, it would be extremely difficult for me to venture into certain parts of Nigeria marry a guy.  I can befriend oh, but not marry----FRIENDS WITH FRINGE BENEFITS ONLY.  Just because we can never jive due to cultural conditioning.  Does not mean they are bad people.  But I just do not want that stress of wanting to be accepted or having to prove myself to any set of "village" minded family members--on his side for that matter. 

Also, some men in one tribal area have more "balls" and I do not mean "hydroceles" than others!   Because they would stand up for you in the presence of their family members and no one dares mess with you--Like mine!

Just as it would be difficult to get married to a guy from another race, I cannot imagine marrying a dude from "certain" parts of Nigeria---[size=20pt]including Edo state where I am from.[/size]  I will not mention any ethnic group since I no wan fight this early in the year.

There is just a limit to how adventurous as to how I can get.  That's the bottom line.  Everyone has his or her level of adventure, desparation or "open-mindedness" as some of you will want to politically call it.



Thank you for being candid!

I would like to say, it is an individual's problem (male or female), but in Nigeria and Africa as a whole we do not operate like that.  So let us not deceive ourselves.  Unless, all our children, grandchildren and greatgrandchildren become "half breeds" then they will see no tribal factors.  Even then wahala still dey! 

Let's hope we can change.  But not in my lifetime for I cannot be part of that change.  Sorry, too culturally conditioned in my first 20 years of life, with no regrets at all.  Can't change now.  Since it is way too late!   I absolutely love the way things are right now.  [size=20pt]My kids can deal with their own wahala when they cross that bridge.[/size]  I cannot interfere.  That is the change I am willing to succumb to.  They are raised differently where such things do not matter much to them.  Na only akata them fit marry!

GBAM!

Daaaaaaaaaaaaang! MILITIA ALMOND-DE-JOY. . .
You are just toooooooooooooo consistent!



I HAVE ONLY MARRIED DELTA IGBO GUYS. . . I CAN NEVER MARRY FROM EDO STATE. . .TUFIAKWA. . . .THE VERY WORST OF THE WORST!!!!!!!

ACROSS THE NIGER. . . ? TUFIAAAAAAAAAAAAKWA!!!!!
YORUBA? TUFIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKWA!!!
CALABAR? TUFIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKWA!!!

All those 'AGB-O-RO' areas like URHOBO, IJAW, ITEKIRI. . . . TUFIAAAAAAAAAAAAKWA!!!

REASON. . .I JUST DON'T LIKE THEM! TOOOOOOOOOOO MANY CULTURAL DISADVANTAGES. . . I DON'T CARE TO EXPLAIN. . . .PERIOD. . . !!!


GIVE ME AN AGNOSTIC NORTHERNER OR MIDDLE-BELTERN!!!! NO PHOCKING HYPOCRITICAL BORN-AGAIN CHRISTIANS OR REEETARDED, MUSLIM-SHARIA DUDES? TUFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAKWA TO THE HIGHEST POWER!!!!. . . .