@ Poster,

Simply get your Aristo to Sponsor the wedding .

You could call me all the names you like.

Typical of how Guys reason, now i have become the Witch that is stopping him from making money.

Nobody seems to see how i have endured with this same Guy for 3 whole years making do and even supporting with the little i have.

I am now very selfish because i want to settle down and he is not ready. So if it's going to take another 3 years, i should keep waiting to remain the very nice girl. What happens when third parties start coming in.

Whatever happened to preparing for marriage, mentally, financially and otherwise.

Marriage is not for people still trying to find thier feet. Responsibilities come the second a union is established.

He's just a regular hussler without a Degree Certificate which i do not have problems with, if only he has a steady business no matter how little but then i know he's doing something tangible.

You could curse all you like, i asked for it and more are still welcome, i only want to see frm the eyes of others.

NB: I am not 34, not upto 30, yet but age doesn't come in here.
Even if i am 18 or 20, i said i am ready to marry and somthings have to be on ground for marriage to take plce.

Steaming i understand where you coming from. so do you yourself work?

davidylan:

You both have a warped idea of who a REAL man is, its not defined by the size of his pocket . . . infact it has nothing to do with money.

Can't rem anytime i stated what ma def of a Real man is.However i still think if she thinks walkin out is best for her then she should do so.So many things has to be put into consideration wen planning to settle down.

@ post,

u said he does not have a cert, well for 3yrs wat did u do about that?
did u encourage him to learn a trade, cos if u did  by now he wud be on his own.
did u advise him to go back to some form of school?
u have no reason whatsoever to judge the guy.
u helped him with the little u have, good but did u put that little into something positive.

u talked about preparing for marriage finacially , mentally and otherwise,
well i think u ur self arent prepared atall.

Steaming, you already know what you want to do in your mind, so go ahead and do what feeds your donkey. chikena

Cos nothing we say on here will change your mind.

steaming, you've said absolutely nothing. So here goes . . .

steaming:

Typical of how Guys reason, now i have become the Witch that is stopping him from making money.

Yours is typical of how shallow women reason . . . i'm ready for marriage oya bring money.

steaming:

Nobody seems to see how i have endured with this same Guy for 3 whole years making do and even supporting with the little i have.

You have "little" he also has "little" so what is the problem here? You've "endured" for 3 yrs . . . ma'am, have you NO PARENTS or older ones to support you? What are you doing to support yourself? Must you depend on a man you're dating while claiming to be "enduring"?

steaming:

I am now very selfish because i want to settle down and he is not ready. So if it's going to take another 3 years, i should keep waiting to remain the very nice girl. What happens when third parties start coming in.

You yourself dont sound ready. Its simply because you're a woman and in our society the man has to do all the paying while the woman does all the spending. The pertinent question remains - what are you bringing to the table of marriage? your body alone?

steaming:

Whatever happened to preparing for marriage, mentally, financially and otherwise.

How have YOU been preparing for marriage? where is YOUR OWN money?

steaming:

Marriage is not for people still trying to find their feet. Responsibilities come the second a union is established.

Since you havent even found your own feet then it means you're not ready for marriage either. Finding your feet in female parlance does not imply simply marrying a man with money.
What are you doing to shoulder your own part of the responsibilities in a union?

steaming:

He's just a regular hussler without a Degree Certificate which i do not have problems with, if only he has a steady business no matter how little but then i know he's doing something tangible.

3 yrs ago you didnt know he was a hustler with no degree? You're just realising that now or it has suddenly occured to you that your friends have better men or you've been spying the "good boys" of yesteryears you once ignored who have now made it big time?

Do YOU have a steady business urself or its all about him?

steaming:

NB: I am not 34, not upto 30, yet but age doesn't come in here.
Even if i am 18 or 20, i said i am ready to marry and somthings have to be on ground for marriage to take plce.

What do you mean by "i am ready to marry"? Is it simply because you now have boobs?

steaming:

You could call me all the names you like.

Typical of how Guys reason, now i have become the Witch that is stopping him from making money.

Nobody seems to see how i have endured with this same Guy for 3 whole years making do and even supporting with the little i have.

I am now very selfish because i want to settle down and he is not ready. So if it's going to take another 3 years, i should keep waiting to remain the very nice girl. What happens when third parties start coming in.

Whatever happened to preparing for marriage, mentally, financially and otherwise.

Marriage is not for people still trying to find their feet. Responsibilities come the second a union is established.

He's just a regular hussler without a Degree Certificate which i do not have problems with, if only he has a steady business no matter how little but then i know he's doing something tangible.

You could curse all you like, i asked for it and more are still welcome, i only want to see frm the eyes of others.

NB: I am not 34, not upto 30, yet but age doesn't come in here.
Even if i am 18 or 20, i said i am ready to marry and somthings have to be on ground for marriage to take plce.

If you want to quit thats fine but be responsible for your actions

davidylan,
sorry but u really have soo much time to break down her statements,
i saw all the crap u pointed out,
just dint have the time to tell her in detail.

somebody needs to tell her that marriage is about 2 not 1.

@Steaming


iwo o gbona feli feli oo!

see as dem dey hit u left, ryt and centre

i suggest u go and listen to dbanj all over again!

_{as for me, mo gbona felli felli bi amala to ji naaa!}

The bottom line is she has gotten a new catch GOOD LOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't think either one of you are ready to be married.

Nwoke:
Not financially ready to be a husband

He is basically doesn't seem to have a secure future

Nwanyi:
You seemed kind of selfish

You don't seem to have job

You don't seem to be very mature yet

You don't seem to know the true meaning of "marriage"

You don't seem to understand that a marriage is not a walk of peaches N' cream, there will be tribalations

You don't seem to be willing to sacrifice

My 40 cents (screw 2 cents)
I think a marriage is 50/50. That is what i feel. I think both parties should both put in to a marriage and make sacrifices. Doesn't seem that you are willing to put little to nothing in this marriage and guy seems to be putting the most. If you knew he had no schooling, you should have used that women's intuition, and knew that things werent going to be that easy with a degree.

Onyinye, go and rest this your 50/50 ideology about marriage, Screw 40cents. My $1

Studentet:

Onyinye, go and rest this your 50/50 ideology about marriage, Screw 40cents. My $1

Abeg go and bother someone else mu mu boy.

Onyinye, your mouth don dey big pass your brain, so watch it!!!

Oh im scared now mu mu boy just gave me a warning

In life one can only do his best and no matter what all of you may say, i only wanted to see things from a third party.

And that is exactly what m seeing. You dont castigate a situation until u have been there urself and caame out somewhat victorious.

On my way home, thanx for all the responses, we'll talk more morrow.

nawa ooo
dis woman don try na
waitin una want make she do
_{she can only do her best}

offtopic

the amount of igbo onyinye is spitting on this thread is really excing me (dont ask me why)


back to the topic

women, before you kill me again, sorry for the generalisation, but the poster is just being like every other woman. love and potential dont matter to them anymore, they are looking for kinetic (money). its pathetic. a coursemate of mine, a masters degree holder is getting married to an uneducated fraudster very soon, all in the name of money.

women _{shakes head}

@topic
steaming one thing please donot marry for pity sake, one thing i have learnt is that, love is like the ignition of a car, its what gets all relationships started


but its not what keeps it running. money,, amongst many other things later come into prospect and this are the things that keeps it running.


you could wait a little while longer if you have found your prince charming.

The relationship was all wrong from the beginning

Gamine:

The relationship was all wrong from the beginning

For a smart person, you CAn be shallow when it comes to money

@Poster
I tend to agree with david here. 3 years ago, he was a hustler. Now he's still a hustler. What benefit have you brought to this guy's life apart from your body?

it all boils down to your choice, though. You claim he makes you happy. if you leave, are you sure you're gonna find somone else who makes you as happy?
Nigeria is rife with women who thought marriage for money was a great idea - until they ended up on the scrapheap.

it's not all harsh words, though. i feel some sympathy for your situation. There's no need for marriage without security. And while marriage is a 2 way street, society has bred us all to feel that the man should bear the brunt of the financial commitment.

@ poster

How old are you?

if this lady had come here to say she waited her hole life for a-not-going-anywhere relationship u all will call her a fool and blame her for deceiving her self for so long, abeg,u all should take a chill pill.

@poster i'll love to know if u have a degree certificate and how old are u really?but that not withstanding,there's nothing wrong with desiring to be with someone who can take care of u and ur children when u have them.even the bible says that a man who cannot take care of his wife is worse than an infidel,

just a week ago, her boyfriend was the sweetest ever.

steaming:

My Boyfriend is the sweetest ever.

Though he has never washed my undies because there are some habituals i have to do before i wash them and personally, i prefer washing them myself, He helps me wash and iron my clothes because i don't like washing or ironing. I oonly love ironing when the dress is still new.

I really can't start mentioning all that he does but he is really very patient and does some stuff that blow my mind. Most times, denying himself of some things just to be sure i am happy.

Unlike what most people said, these things have made me respect him even more. Sometimes, i don't mention it to people because there's possibility of misunderstanding.

Above all, my Boyfriend is just too much. I am just so so blessed.

He was mindblowing and perfect, and she respected him more and more.

Now, he's going to be toast.

C'est la vie. . .

rotflmaoshtnactp ;d ;d ;d

@ poster

blueband:

Quite an interesting and very mature answer.I understand where you are coming from.But please don't be in a rush to marry.Dem no dey give first prize to whom marry first.You say you love this guy and you fear for your future with him.He might be feeling pressurised now.But life is funny you know.You leave him now because you think he is not financially capable of keeping a wife in a house and tomorrow he hits it big and you end up in an unhappy loveless rich marriage.My advise is to stick with him and plan how to overcome this "little" issue.There is nothing love cannot solve.Except ofcourse you are getting "proposals" from other suitable guys that you are already considering.Most times ,people only seek advise to validate an action they intend to take.So they feel less guilty about it.

When you have the time, go through this post, you might learn a thing or two.

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-100557.0.html#msg1768844

@ poster : you guys can both wait until u're both financially ready. Not fair to just put pressure on his side alone. Anyways sha.

Steaming,
If your man is hardworking and you love him, then do your best to support him to succeed.

When my godmaother was ready to marry and her man was still stuggling financially, she provided for the wedding and he lived in her flat.
That was in 1983 and today, they are happily married with beautiful children.
He is very successful now.


I know a woman who stood by her man who was staying in a single face-me and I-face-you room in Ajegunle in Lagos.
The man later got a job in a bank and when I visted them on Victoria Island years later, they even had a swimming pool in the garden and he is a millionaire today in dollars.
I will not mention the name of the bank.

I have been through this kind of trial before and my girlfriends left to marry guys who had the cash and mansion, but guess what?
Today I am happier without them, with someone I love very much and already planning to buy her a brad new car for her birthday and we are going to build a 12 storey building in Lekki.

If you truly love your man, stand by him and be a helpmate to make him succeed.


If your man has problems making it in Nigeria, advise him to see brokers.
Both of you can start with only N200, 000 and you can be comfortable if you invest wisely.

Within the next five years, your man can be a millionaire.

If he is well read, he can get well paying jobs in Dubai.
I have vacancies for anyone who is qualified to work in Dubai.
He only needs to work diligently and he can make over $40, 000 in the next four months if he is a professional.
Even if he is a cab driver.

Even in Nigeria, drivers earn more than N70, 000 monthly salary where I am staying presently.

You and your man should put heads together and join hands to invest wisely.
Do not leave all the burden to him alone to bear.

When I was a suffering artist in the early 1990s, a girlfriend used one of their cars to carry me from place to place and look for buyers for my paintings. She drove, because I could not drive.
Sometimes, we would drenched in the rain on the road.
She insulted me one day and I left the car and took a bus back to the house. She was heart broken. She came to see me in tears. She would take me back to their flat and cook for us to eat and we slept on the same bed in their flat.
She tied wrapper and comforted me when my beloved mother died.
She was God sent to me in those days.
Her mother also understood me.
I pray for her everyday.
I owe her so much and if I give her a million dollar car tomorrow, she deserves it.


If you love your man truly, you can both succeed.
Go and see brokers in Abuja and plan how to end your poverty for good.

i am all so grateful for every post on this thread. For the advice and all, i remain thankful cause i am really learning.

I may not be able to answer all the questions but all the same, i will try.

I am 25 and yes,i have a Bachelor of Arts Degree. I work as a Front Desk Officer in an office i love, in other words, i have a job and though i may not be earning millions, i do have a job which i just got for some months now.

He does not have a Degree Certificate but he is hardworking, It is not like he is idle, he has this man he says is his mentor, that he's been woring with for 2-3 years. The man does not pay him to the best of my knowledge, he only gives him stipends when he feels like it. I told him severally of leaving this man and doing something else even if he has to borrow to start up something. He says he does not want to borrow and he wants to stay awhile with the man before leaving and doing his own thing. He has some ideas though of what he wants to do. But i always tell him that having the idea is not enough, everybody has. Being able to put it to action is where the challenges lie.

Maybe by just a stroke of luck or fate, yesterday told me he was going to leave the man and he was going to tell him today tho he had earlier mentioned it last week. But honestly, i was too pissed at the moment, infact had been for about a week now with the whole situation. I couldnt ask or say anything. ANd he had to ask if i didnt have anything to say. I said we'll talk tomorrow.

For those that said i do not want to feel guilty about my actions, this thread is not about that. I only want to see things from others. This is my first serious relationship. I may not have all the experience in a relationship but i could learn from others who may have had similar cases.

When i leave that relationship, sure, i will miss him but feeling giulty is way out of it because i know i tried, he knows i tried and he equally tried. When we part, its my desire that we do it amicably.

Still appreciate all the responses. Thanx a great deal.

Will talk to him about the stock thing too and we well discuss other sources of him making it now he would be more focused to think well.

all na same weda u wait or you waka

steaming:

. . . But honestly, i was too pissed at the moment, infact had been for about a week now with the whole situation. I couldnt ask or say anything. ANd he had to ask if i didnt have anything to say. I said we'll talk tomorrow.

. . . When i leave that relationship, sure, i will miss him but feeling giulty is way out of it because i know i tried, he knows i tried and he equally tried. When we part, its my desire that we do it amicably.

Will talk to him about the stock thing too and we well discuss other sources of him making it now he would be more focused to think well.

Why do you want to start getting pissed off with him now if the only reason is simply because he doesn't have a proper job? Why do you want to push him away the moment he starts making an effort to please you. Please try and concentrate on getting a better job for yourself too so that you can start saving towards your wedding. At least be thankful that no one is kicking up a fuss about an Ibo girl marrying a Yoruba guy.

Why are you talking about leaving unless you have made up your mind to go, in which case there is no point for this thread?

Keep talking, keep hoping, keep praying. I know that you have already invested 3 years in the relationship but, the grass is not always greener on the other side.