My boyfriend has a great sense of responsibility. He is someone you could call a family man. The way he treats people and even children, is a wonder to me.

He is ready to get married but the thing is that the money is not there yet. He works hard though but finacially, he is not ready yet to carry on responsibilities.

I have dated him for like 3 years now but then, i wasn't ready for marriage. I was giving him time thinking that by the time i am ready atleast he would have been settled financially. Now i am ready and he still isn't.

When i say financially ready, i don't mean he should own the world, but basics and a steady job or business that he does. He should to an extent take care of the wife and the children that would come.

He would still make it tho but i musnt have to wait. There is a time to everything, that's what i believe.

RIght now, i want to walk out of the relationship because honestly m getting tired of the whole thing.

Crucify me all you want but i need some advice. Thanks.

I think you're a selfish woman who don't deserve the boyfriend you have.
What are you doing yourself? Do you have a job, "basics" and are you financially ready to take care of your own children or shld everything be the responsibility of a man?

What is wrong with supporting your man financially until he is able to stand on his own two feet? Is that not what marriage is all about or is it just moving in to reap where you did not sow financially?

Women like you make some of us wonder if marriage is truly worth it. Walk out of the relationship, you've tried . . . go find some other mugu who has "made it" only to squander it on you.

What is it with women who only look at marriage as another opportunity to "come and eat"?

Dang and people here tell me that im selfish and stubborn. Oka gurlie you are going to have to learn to be flexible and patient. If you can't for something like this then you are truly not ready for marriage. Because a marriage is all about being there for the person and being patient. And you lack that. Just wait you might hit the jackpot with this fella.

Advice for what?

Shebi you wan walk, waka na?

If he isnt ready, you cant force him.

Go and meet the person wey dey ready

david take it easy on her.
young lady is your man working as hard as he should?
if yes, then you walking out of the relationship is nothing short of a cruel act.
Be patient and support him the best you can. i know it aint easy though, but u can try.

davidylan:

I think you're a selfish woman who dont deserve the boyfriend you have
What are you doing yourself? Do you have a job, "basics" and are you financially ready to take care of your own children or shld everything be the responsibility of a man?

What is wrong with supporting your man financially until he is able to stand on his own two feet? Is that not what marriage is all about or is it just moving in to reap where you did not sow financially?

Women like you make some of us wonder if marriage is truly worth it. Walk out of the relationship, you've tried . . . go find some other mugu who has "made it" only to squander it on you.

What is it with women who only look at marriage as another opportunity to "come and eat"?

I think before yhu conclude maybe it would be better if you are aware of her age.
Assuming she's 34,would you stil see her as a selfish person?

I am in no way tellin yhu(poster) to walk out.

And David you said that i was stubborn and selfish.  

steaming:



RIght now, i want to walk out of the relationship because honestly m getting tired of the whole thing.

Crucify me all you want but i need some advice. Thanks.

u have ur mind made up, what kinda advise u seeking here again.

the only qst i want to ask u is if eventually u find some1 stable and marry him,
along the line if somekinda finacial crisis hits this othe chap, are u gonna up and leave?

am just dissapointed at ur way of resaoning.
moreso do u work? what way do u support this guy?
i tot marriage was supposed to be btw 2ppl, why u want give the guy the whole burden to carry.
this kinda girls nah them they make men no wan even marry atall.

onyinye2:

And David you said that i was stubborn and selfish.  

Nne, you are mightily forgiven.  

Missy B:

I think before yhu conclude maybe it would be better if you are aware of her age.
Assuming she's 34,would you stil see her as a selfish person?

I am in no way tellin yhu(poster) to walk out.

My dear what has her age got to do with the issue? Even if she were 44 the question still remains - what is SHE doing to support her bf? Is it all about him getting all the "basics", holding a steady job or business and making enough to support her and her kids?
What has she set aside as her own financial contribution to this impending marriage?

How can your throw away 3 yrs of ur life simply because a guy isnt financially "ready"?

This is my own definition of parasitism.

Missy B:

I think before yhu conclude maybe it would be better if you are aware of her age.
Assuming she's 34,would you stil see her as a selfish person?

I am in no way tellin yhu(poster) to walk out.

even if she is 50 danm she is one selfish greedy self assuming b.i.t.c.h.
i wud not even date u for a day self.
truthfuly i think u are the ill luck the guy is experiencing, cos if for 3yrs he still is in the same financial state u met him,
then u sure aint adding nothing to his life.

pack and leave, i think its the guy that deserves the space not u.

davidylan:

Nne, you are mightily forgiven.

I meela.
@ post
Oka i know you just trying to look out for yourself but that is not what a marriage is about. Oka i admit yes i can be stubborn and want things my way, but i know that i have to make sacrifices for the ones i love. You can't just leave the fella, this man might be your soul mate. And by you leaving you basically making yourself sound like in a marriage the money comes first then the rest. If you want to leave, then leave. Just pack your things and go. But watch you regret every foot step you made out for the rest of your life. You can't be selfish.

I wont be surprised if the reason the guy remains financially down is because women like steaming are busy demanding heaven and earth for birthdays, christmas, easter, independence day e.t.c.

If a woman spends 3yrs with a man with no appreciable improvement then something is certainly wrong.

Nna david, give the girl a break. It is not that the man isn't ready, it is her. She doesn't understand what it means to be married and be a wife. She is still thinking like a single woman.

onyinye2:

Nna david, give the girl a break. It is not that the man isn't ready, it is her. She doesn't understand what it means to be married and be a wife. She is still thinking like a single woman.

with that kinda mindset, she will remain single all her life.
thats for sure.
why on earth in this modern time and age, a lady will be waiting for the guy to come up with every marriage pre-requisite.
what is she adding then to thier supposed life together?
is she the type that believes every danm thing has to come from the hubby's pocket?
the guy is better off dispossing her.

A woman's biological clock ticks faster dan that of a man.If she's 34 nd her bofriend isn't financially ready yet i jst think it wouldn't be seen as being selfish if she decides to leave him.What's d guarantee that when he's eventually ready financially he will stil want to marry you?

Its up to you steaming.Use your head.

@Missy B
You do have a point there. I mean most woman want to have children. But in a marriage you have to make sacrifices. She herself should go and get a job to help support them. Me if i see that im ready to be married but my man aint ready money wise, then im going to start hitting pavement and go find a job. Instead of eating rice in front of the television.

@Poster My question is what are you bringing to the table to make this marriage work?
I know with present situation in nigeria it is not all that easy for guys this days just be patient
and see the area he is not doing well. If there is any way you can help some women are more connected than men.

missy b,
wat exactly is ur point,
that a guy dont also have a biological clock,
when wud we stop making the world all about women and thier sex deprived issues?
she is  weaker,
she is biologically handicapped,
she has to make certain of her future by keeping double dates,
they are who they are becos of the awful nature of men.

has it ever occured to u ladies that u are also the problem of ur own very selves.
s@post has no issue to complain about.
ppl marry when u notice that ur man is loving and has alot of prospects, (which she attested to)
no not the ladies of  this days.
u all want ready made men.
has it ever occured to ur small pathetic brains that some other lady helped make this ready made man?
where were u when the readymade process was going on.
shallow as u all are, u want to come and reap from a someones labour,
some other girls toil.

onyinye2:

@Missy B
You do have a point there. I mean most woman want to have children. But in a marriage you have to make sacrifices. She herself should go and get a job to help support them. Me if i see that im ready to be married but my man aint ready money wise, then im going to start hitting pavement and go find a job. Instead of eating rice in front of the television.

We are not yet certain if she works or not.

Missy B:

We are not yet certain if she works or not.

Very true but i doubt it.

izeek:

missy b,
what exactly is your point,
that a guy don't also have a biological clock,
when would we stop making the world all about women and their sex deprived issues?
she is  weaker,
she is biologically handicapped,
she has to make certain of her future by keeping double dates,
they are who they are because of the awful nature of men.

has it ever occured to u ladies that u are also the problem of your own very selves.
s@post has no issue to complain about.
people marry when u notice that your man is loving and has alot of prospects, (which she attested to)
no not the ladies of  this days.
u all want ready made men.
has it ever occured to your small pathetic brains that some other lady helped make this ready made man?
where were u when the readymade process was going on.
shallow as u all are, u want to come and reap from a someones labour,
some other girls toil.

Nwoke, please explain the highlighted portion.

Izeek why are you crying more than the bereaved?M in no mood for arguement.You sound too hyper.

@nwanyi
simple explanation my dear,
simple greed and selfishness.
thinking of a temporal solution not a lasting one.

Missy B:

We are not yet certain if she works or not.

If not why not? Its the guy's sole responsibility to do all the work so his "wife" can sit watching Oprah all day? She's threatening to "walk out" on a 3yr relationship to who? Another man who has put in hrs of hard labour to get to where he is so she can come reap what she never sowed?

What is her contribution to the life of this man beyond "get a job, make money, its time to marry"?

Izeek asked a pertinent question . . . what if the new guy hits a rough patch financially? Her biological clock will also tell her to pack up and leave for another man?

@ missy b
bereaved over what, that @ post cant tell when self is talking over sense?
or that ur both attented the same school of tot that says ur clocks have stopped ticking.

am not bereaved sorry, am disgusted.

izeek:

@nwanyi
simple explanation my dear,
simple greed and selfishness.
thinking of a temporal solution not a lasting one.

Nwannem, im going to have to disagree with this.I mean a woman's biological clock should be considered unless you are not looking for kids. She could be working and helping out as much as she can. But the man might still be having some trouble. No one wants to enter a marriage with debt and money issues.

izeek:

@ missy b
bereaved over what, that @ post can't tell when self is talking over sense?
or that your both attented the same school of tot that says your clocks have stopped ticking.

am not bereaved sorry, am disgusted.

LOL.
Calm ya nerves.
Disgusted over sm other person's prob Easy ohh.

davidylan:

If not,why not? Its the guy's sole responsibility to do all the work so his "wife" can sit watching Oprah all day? She's threatening to "walk out" on a 3yr relationship to who? Another man who has put in hrs of hard labour to get to where he is so she can come reap what she never sowed?

What is her contribution to the life of this man beyond "get a job, make money, its time to marry"?

Izeek asked a pertinent question . . . what if the new guy hits a rough patch financially? Her biological clock will also tell her to pack up and leave for another man?

What if she works?

I jst don't think there's any woman who wants to be d one providing bread in the home.Every woman wants to be wit a REAL man.Like she said,She isn't askin him to be Bill gate bhut atleast have smtyn that you can take care of your family with nd i don't think i see that as being selfish.

nwanyi ,
i dont know if it with the oma sha,
am not saying kids should not be considered in a marriage,
am just saying it shud not be the main reason.
moreso, if they both know how much the pull together, i think they can plan a reasonable life together.
the guy doesnt have to work in chevron to make a fantastic husband.
living with thier means shud be the main thing here.

@ missy b

i no need calm my nerves,
u need see the a/c wey dey blow am here for office.
i just feel the girl is just being greedy.

Nwannem, im just saying that this woman could be working and that still not be helping. She might not want to enter a marriage in debt and so many financial issues. She just wants to be in a stable marriage. In a sense she is being quite selfish and stubborn but in a sense she is sort of making a point.

Missy B:

What if she works?

I jst don't think there's any woman who wants to be d one providing bread in the home.Every woman wants to be wit a REAL man.Like she said,She isn't askin him to be Bill gate bhut atleast have smtyn that you can take care of your family with nd i don't think i see that as being selfish.

You both have a warped idea of who a REAL man is, its not defined by the size of his pocket . . . infact it has nothing to do with money.
No man wants a woman to be the one providing bread in the home but there are countless happy marriages where the wife happily shoulders the burden in instances where the man is temporarily incapable (not due to laziness).

Why is she looking for a man to "take care of his family" which essentially translates to ME? Do you assume her bf is happy/content not being able to have what his peers take for granted?

How is she helping him? Is she working? Is she saving something to tide the family over until her bf can get on his feet? Is she just sitting there waiting for him to provide her with all she wants?
This is nigeria, is the man also expected to work to feed the numerous mouths in her undeserving family?

listen nwanyi,
i will not marry a lady who is not ready to assist in anyway.
am not the type that wants to depend on her, if anything i like showing myself like we say here.
but in a case where she will wait up for me to buy food pay rent, give her stipends as allowance, provide clothings for me and her and kids,
and all what then there is a problem.

moreso what can be more stable than u both knowing ur handicapps, and preparing for it.
sje wur rather face the unknown with a guy whose source of income she can not predict.
most of here above 25, majority have parents  that started from a humble background and today we are proud of them.
maybe we shud emmulate them from thier scratch rather than thier peak.