I'm sure we have all at one time or the other (even if only in our minds) advised a childless couple after years of waiting to 'go and adopt a child'. Easy as it is to suggest, I don't think it's that easy to implement, especialy by a Nigerian living in Nigeria. You know what I mean?, This is an environment where you're not just on your own

So, after all protocol has been observed and the child is finally brought home, how will the couple tackle the underlilsted challenges:

If they chose to have a newly born (which I personally would prefer), would they tell everyone around them it was adopted or act as if 'madam just born'?

If the child has grown a bit before he's adopted, will Madam say 'oh, he's my little nephew and will be staying with us' or simply 'I adopt him' .

Family members (especially the man's), should they be told the truth?

Church Members (who had been looking forward to hearing their testimonies), how would they be informed?

Neighbours, how many of them will you tell the truth and what will you tell the others?Trust some 'nosy neighbours', they can say a lot of things behind you and conclude you actually stole or bought the child while at the same time appear nice to you!

The challenges are numerous, I could only put down some. Please let's thrash this issue by adding the likely challenges you can imagine and let's also profer solution to them.
Bless you.

A woman desperate to have a child wudnt see tru these your points.They are real facts though but u know what,"being labelled barren,cursed and dissed by in-laws" is a condition no woman would ever pray to experience.One thing with human nature,u never can say till u "are there" 
what can we do?i just pray all those abandoned kids in foster homes find love and a some sort of security somewhere.
As for the outsiders,who cares really?they remain outside with their opinion.One thing i have noticed in some places tho,is that when a couple is ready for adoption,they change enviroment, that to some extent, controls the gossips and queries .

We want to adopt too though we have children already. We plan to move when the adoption comes through (not applied yet though) and only close family would know the child is adopted. No point making the child feel like an outsider because of outsiders' comments

Very interesting topic.

Yes, change environment is it! At least for immediate neighbours. Not only for the couple but for the child's sake.

What actually made me post this topic was the death of 2 women who lost their lives during childbirth recently. It was their first and they were 43 and 45 respectively. The baby of one survived and the other died with her baby . The two were not connected in any way, one was a neighbour and the other a distant relation. It then occured to me that if Nigerians can reason like them in the Western world, women wouldn't have to risk their lives having a biological child at all cost when they can adopt. They will be fulfilled and at the same time give the lives of the eartswhile motherless children a meaning.

I think that in Nigeria, adopting a child is usually seen as "giving up" , but in actuality, I think that you are making a HUGE sacrfice socially,
while giving yourself a even bigger reward emotionally. I always wondered why my distant family found it shocking that I would prefer to adopt more kids than i actually gave birth to. I would never feel like I had to deny that the child was adopted because that fact does not make em any less of a mother. As long as I love, cherish and protect this child as my own, then it is, and knowing that is all that matters to me.

Most Nigerians and even Christains are just hypocrytes. You adopt, so what? WHy lie or change environment. God ways are perfect. Cant we uderstand that he made some kids without parents and some parents without kids so they could be a balance, so people could adopt and love those kids?
We will carry Bible around and keep demanding children when God has given us children already. I am fostering a kid and i dont lie about it, i am proud of her, she is the smartest girl in the world. If you want to adopt, do so from your heart and because you love God, and loving someone else especially a child is a way of loving God.
Christains need to wake up, stop the Pastor worshiping, start praying and reading the bible for your self, God will speak real and important things to you.
I work a lot with orphanges and people come there thinking its all about donating food and money, wrong, these kids need attention, love and a listening ear, they are normal kids not some objects to be pitied and be used to satisfy peoples selfish needs.

aisha2:

Most Nigerians and even Christains are just hypocrytes. You adopt, so what? WHy lie or change environment. God ways are perfect. Cant we uderstand that he made some kids without parents and some parents without kids so they could be a balance, so people could adopt and love those kids?
We will carry Bible around and keep demanding children when God has given us children already. I am fostering a kid and i don't lie about it, i am proud of her, she is the smartest girl in the world. If you want to adopt, do so from your heart and because you love God, and loving someone else especially a child is a way of loving God.
Christains need to wake up, stop the Pastor worshiping, start praying and reading the bible for your self, God will speak real and important things to you.
I work a lot with orphanges and people come there thinking its all about donating food and money, wrong, these kids need attention, love and a listening ear, they are normal kids not some objects to be pitied and be used to satisfy peoples selfish needs.

i think you are getting it all mixed up
The issue here is not abt "you" or whoever that adopts a child,its all about "the adopted child".Outsiders,side talks and even mockery from ppl around.Talking abt love,If you TRULY love the child,changing of enviroment wudnt be a big deal to you. . . you are only trying to protect the child from being hurt from outsiders.Nothing hurts like unkind words,remember

The child will learn to deal with it, The truth is always better to know and livce with.

aisha2:

The child will learn to deal with it, The truth is always better to know and livce with.

i wish to know how you wud explain such things to a 4/5/6/7 yr old kid.BTW u said u frequent Orphanages?u should know how its done then,couples are almost always adviced to change enviroment for the sake of the young lad.

ifyalways:

A woman desperate to have a child wouldnt see tru these your points.

In the last one week I've made contact with some orphanages and I found out that every registered orphanage has  longer list of intending adopters than available children. In order words, the desire to own a child supercedes destractor's side comments.That's a good one . 

The process is a bit tasking though (after all it takes 9months to be pregnant with own baby ) - registration with child welfare ministry and all the stuff. 

One of their clauses I disagree with  is that 'single women are not permitted to adopt'. It's good to want the child to grow within a father-mother family setting, but what about those whose husbands divorced for childlessness? Or a woman who never married but still wants to have a child she can call her own?

aisha2:

Most Nigerians and even Christains are just hypocrytes. You adopt, so what? WHy lie or change environment. God ways are perfect. Cant we uderstand that he made some kids without parents and some parents without kids so they could be a balance, so people could adopt and love those kids?

Aisha, it's sadly  not as you think! That't why I have the clause 'The Nigerian Factor'
You may chose to do what you believe is right, but by our culture here 'you are not just on your own'.Some 'elders' will want to know why you brought a 'bastard' into their son/brother's home . That's part of  why widows in certain parts of the country are made to shave their hair and go through horrible things as part of tradition, even in this age .


I also believe a child should be told when she becomes mature enough to understand.

Ilelobola:

We want to adopt too though we have children already. We plan to move when the adoption comes through (not applied yet though) and only close family would know the child is adopted. No point making the child feel like an outsider because of outsiders' comments

Very aptly put.

titilaelae:



One of their clauses I disagree with is that 'single women are not permitted to adopt'. It's good to want the child to grow within a father-mother family setting, but what about those whose husbands divorced for childlessness? Or a woman who never married but still wants to have a child she can call her own?
,

Really?have u been to "hearts of Gold hospice" at VI or "Little saints orphanage" Palmgroove,lagos state.?
Am not very sure anymore,its been quite sometime Now but i think they do give up babies to adoption even to singles Though their other criteria ,most ppl dont meet up with.