I heard a story about a woman who caught her husband with another woman. The lady, a doctor, came back from a hospital call one night and saw her husband sleeping with another woman on her matrimonial bed. She was so shocked; she dropped her bag, stepped back and closed the bedroom door without a word.

She went back to the hospital and went into a rage. Thereafter, she called an elderly aunt and told her what she had seen. The elderly aunt asked her the question, Do you want revenge or you want to stay married? The lady was taken aback by the question. The aunt went further, If you want revenge, I will tell you what to do but I guarantee you that this is not the right solution. However, if you want to stay married, I will tell you what to do. Go back home and behave as if nothing happened. But how can I pretend nothing happened? she cried out. I can never forgive him. The wise aunt replied, if you really want to stay married, just do as I say.

So the doctor went back home and pretended as if she didn't see anything. She continued his life as if everything was normal. However, this was not the case with the husband. He knew she had seen him but was puzzled that she didn't say anything. Two days after, he couldn't take it anymore. He went and confessed to his family and the wife's family that he had committed adultery and they should beg his wife for forgiveness.

Now as a christian, what would you do if you caught your spouse redhanded committing adultery? I must admit, it is a tough question for a lot of people. This is a question I ask most of the people who come for premarital counselling. Some of them are surprised that I should ask such a question. Some believe it can never happen. But I still ask, what if it happens, what will you do? Some tell me that that will be the end of the marriage and that they will never forgive the other spouse. They never consider that they actually may have had a hand in the other person going astray.

As for me, I tell them. If it happens to me, I will ask Where have I missed it? Why did I not see it coming? Spiritually or even physically. But I will still have to forgive.

Now I know the Bible gives the innocent party a chance to ask for a divorce based on Matthew 19: 1-12, but reading the passage carefully, Jesus says "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning"

Now if you catch your spouse redhanded or he confesses to you that he has been unfaithful, I would suggest the following steps:

For the innocent party,
- Talk with the unfaithful spouse. Try and find out the reason for this. You may hear stories like "you are not always around" or "you are not - romantic"or you use sex to manipulate me. If you are partly to blame, commit to working on the issues
- Pray for grace to forgive the erring partner
- DO NOT withhold forgiveness from the erring partner
- Work to increase the communication between the two of you
- Add your marriage to your daily prayer list and diligently pray for your marriage

For the guilty party,
- Talk with your partner and ask for forgiveness.
- Repent and Ask God for forgiveness
- Find out what caused you to sin and guard your heart against it occurring again
- Work to increase the communication between the two of you
- Add your marriage to your daily prayer list and diligently pray for your marriage

For those who have gone through this, I guess you may say I do not understand the hurt, the pain, the betrayal. All I can say is that it may not be easy but it is doable. Imagine Jesus Christ dying on the cross and those he helped shouting Crucify Him, crucify Him. He would have allowed the the wrath of God to be visited on them but He said, Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.

As hard as it might seem, that should be our standard. Also ponder and think about What Would Jesus Do?

Source: http://www.covenantrelationships.org Check the site for more on relationships and marriage

If I catch my spouse cheating, I am done. That's the end.

I expect her to do the same if she catches me

Mynd_44: If I catch my spouse cheating, I am done. That's the end.

I expect her to do the same if she catches me

Lol

Yea, it's not easy...

Tgirl4real:

Lol

Yea, it's not easy...

Not easy but simple

I would want a brand new bed

(If you catch your partner red-handed, there is no need for him / her to confess anything.)

"Go home and pretend that nothing happened." - What stupi.d game / advice is that? Is marriage now a film and the spouses actors?

A Question married women avoid like a plaque in avoidance of being judged as insecure and pessimist.

If you ask me last year I'll prob give you a direct NO ( growth spurts ) .But there isn't a direct answer to this as Nobody ( I presume ) want to share their spouse.

I love him soo much it'll be an insult to my integrity and trust will be broken for sure . He better be super remorseful for one thing & willing to do whatever I want to make things better.

So now what?= Children. Do I really want to raise my kids without a father figure in their lives? GOD NO- and that's the sacrifice I am willing to make for my children over my happiness. Ya it's all worth it.

Certainly, I'll reconsider a prenup ASAP

My opinion please.

Gosh I just lost my appetite.

Hmmmm.... Tough 1.

Honestly, I don't know what i will do.

But come ooo.. †ђξ husband fit kill me sha with all kinds of sickness and disease.. Then if he kills me, that same woman will pack into my house Kai..!


If i leave too and not forgive him, just lyk Ewuro said, i will raise my kids wtout a father figure Kai!!

Am not married, so i don't know what i will do But he must pay big time even tho, i don't know how.


Tough question that requires wisdom to answer and handle.

May I not be in that situation in Jesus Name Amen. But i can ONLY hope and pray as †ђξ devil sef was once an angel.

Will quietly climb in the bed with them.
I expect him to do the same

My opinion pls

Nor be today Yansh dey Back
I would go close to them and check if he had a condom on

peggykorol: Nor be today Yansh dey Back
I would go close to them and check if he had a condom on

And if he doesn't nko

God knows I can't forgive a cheating husband cz even his remorseful act wil irritate me. I take everyting personal talk more of cheating....even if I pretend everytin is okay,oneday in d middle of the night I wil just strangle him.... So since the op is adding jesus into the qstn,for jesus sake we wil divorce

Mynd_44: If I catch my spouse cheating, I am done. That's the end.

I expect her to do the same if she catches me

Not so easy as you said.
by strength shall no man prevail and if you thinks you stand, take heed lest you fall....

It is a very difficult situation and i don't pray to experience it in my marriage.

However, if it happens, I'll still forgive him just because of my kids.
Yes because of my kids; as I would not want them to suffer

I pray never to experience such...

Lilimax:
Not so easy as you said.
by strength shall no man prevail and if you thinks you stand, take heed lest you fall....

I judge people with the same laws I expect to be judged. I dont forgive cheating.

Mynd_44:
I judge people with the same laws I expect to be judged. I dont forgive cheating.

You mean divorce is the solution for a cheating spouse ?
Not!

Lilimax:
You mean divorce is the solution for a cheating spouse ?
Not!

in my books? Yes.

I don't even want to think about it.

Mynd_44:
in my books? Yes.

Some will even quote a verse from the Bible to support their divorce claim.
They lack understanding I'll say because to err is human and to forgive is divine.
We always offend God daily but he still forgive us so why can't we forgive our spouse?

Lilimax:
Some will even quote a verse from the Bible to support their divorce claim.
They lack understanding I'll say because to err is human and to forgive is divine.
We always offend God daily but he still forgive us so why can't we forgive our spouse?

You forget that some people are not Christians, some are Athesists and some are Pagans so dont use the Bible on a public forum except you are talking to fellow Christians.

Now to the issue at hand, while I am not a visibly jealous person, I do not find cheating (consensual sex) funny at all and to me, it is unforgivable

Mynd_44:
You forget that some people are not Christians, some are Athesists and some are Pagans so dont use the Bible on a public forum except you are talking to fellow Christians.

Now to the issue at hand, while I am not a visibly jealous person, I do not find cheating (consensual sex) funny at all and to me, it is unforgivable

I just used it as an example when you mentioned from your books?
It could be Koran as well

My stand is that divorce is not best option regarding cheating in marriage...
It the the children that suffers whenever there is a divorce.

It reminds me of this adage: When Two Elephants Fight it is the Grass That Suffers.

We should still forgive no matter what.

Lilimax: I just used it as an example when you mentioned from your books?
It could be Koran as well

My stand is that divorce is not best option regarding cheating in marriage...
It the the children that suffers whenever there is a divorce.

It reminds me of this adage: When Two Elephants Fight it is the Grass That Suffers.

We should still forgive no matter what.

Would you rather the kids grow up in a home where one parent is bitter and resents the other?

Mynd_44:
Would you rather the kids grow up in a home where one parent is bitter and resents the other?

Any forgiveness that harbours bitterness and resentment is not the type I'm talking about.
I wouldn't subscribe to that.
It should be genuine...

Lilimax:
Any forgiveness that harbours bitterness and resentment is not the type I'm talking about.
I wouldn't subscribe to that.
It should be genuine...

You see when I love someone, I love completely: I trust and give her all the space in the world to do as she wishes cos she is also a human being who should be allowed to make her choices. When she cheats, that trust is gone, the love is tainted and I would NEVER trust her again.

It will become me looking at her and remembering that event and telling myself I cannot trust her ever again.

I think you get my point now so it is better to part ways

I'd like to think that I would leave, I don't know, you can never really say until you're in such a position, tough question and things are easier said than done.

It also depends on if we have children, if we had children I would be more willing at getting things 'fixed'.

Mynd_44:
You see when I love someone, I love completely: I trust and give her all the space in the world to do as she wishes cos she is also a human being who should be allowed to make her choices. When she cheats, that trust is gone, the love is tainted and I would NEVER trust her again.

It will become me looking at her and remembering that event and telling myself I cannot trust her ever again.

I think you get my point now so it is better to part ways

You've made your points and my prayers is that we would not experience such.
Personally I wouldn't want to experience it ....
No, I'll not and I know my God will help me .

Nobody know how's gonna play out. Just an idle contemplation.

Peggy & chilli , you ladies crack me up

When it comes to unfaithfulness in marriage,have observed that the rules that apply to women do not apply to men;if your hubby cheats you have to forgive for the sake of the kids blah blah blah.But should the table turn,the woman would be labelled a LovePeddler and a killer.
Truth of the matter is cheating should be a no no in a man-woman relationship.It is a betrayal of trust and it hurts really bad.
Most times,it is not even because a partner had erred one way or the other,but because the straying partner just sees cheating as a way of life.
Yeah,even if I forgive,trust had been eroded and I sure can't forget.My opinion.

what are the grounds for divorce in the bible.?

Do christians even read their Bible at all?

Seriouslu do some women ever learn.whats up with all this stoop! D so called experienced aunties giving moronic advise

eyin ruth abokoku and associates, enle o!

staying with a man that does not know how to keep his tail under lock and key is like breeding a snake under your bed.when the repercussions of his promiscuous lifestyles comes, na the womango ssuffer am pass.
I remember some time around november last year when my pregnant cousin said I should escort her to her gynaecologist s place who happens to be my school mate in the university back then, so when he was attending to her in another office, I sat in his office and started fiddling with his laptop. While scrolling through his pictures, I saw different kinds of infected vagina with sores and something that looked like big boils all over the thing and when he finished attending to my cousin he came back into jis office and I was like jide whats all this on your laptop, he said they are his patients that he is treating for staphylococcus and other sexually transmitted diseases that they contacted from their husband
if you see what I saw. You will know that your health is more important than living with a man that exposes you to all this filthy diseases out there.it was a very disgusting sight and the annoying part of it is that awon mrs abokoku are always more vulnerable because they dont know when to use their senses

honestly topics like this that they will be preaching on top dey always vex me

No wonder there arr aggressive women aroind working environments because of all the nonsense they are experiencing in their house...

issh

lady gogo: what are the grounds for divorce in the bible.?

Do christians even read their Bible at all?

as in ehen.i just tire

Thank you

ifedun2: When it comes to unfaithfulness in marriage,have observed that the rules that apply to women do not apply to men;if your hubby cheats you have to forgive for the sake of the kids blah blah blah.But should the table turn,the woman would be labelled a LovePeddler and a killer.
Truth of the matter is cheating should be a no no in a man-woman relationship.It is a betrayal of trust and it hurts really bad.
Most times,it is not even because a partner had erred one way or the other,but because the straying partner just sees cheating as a way of life.
Yeah,even if I forgive,trust had been eroded and I sure can't forget.My opinion.