bluenubian:

@afeni mr critic, there u go again, this is more like a novel, so its going to start off slowly

_{missed u tho, for real i did, even tho i hate your guts, i did miss u}

That is NOT a novel. i'm finding it hard to understand whether you intend to write a NOVEL or a PLAY. sounds to me more like a play. If you intend it to be a story, a little background info would be nice, like you would want to describe the setting, what other background characters are there?

I like the attempt though.

@babadee
why u gotta call people whiners cause we didnt like the story at first, the story did get interesting

i guess am a critic based on your definition of one, cause i don't know how to write a book, but i think i know how it should be written

babadee:

@ the whiners
the definition of a critic is someone who doesnt know how something ought to be done but THINKS they know how it ought not to be done.

@Babadee, I think critics are highly needed. They help one to improve or what do you think?

@davidylan

thanks for ur correction, but thats not the point i was getting at, i was trying to say that this is not supposed to be the whole story and like a novel, it will climax at some points and get really interesting

I KIND OF LIKE THE STORY.ESPECIALLY ITS WITTY NATURE,AND ALSO THE WAY THE CONVERSATION FLOWS SUCH THAT INTENTIONS ARE EASILY UNDERSTOOD.BUT THEN IF THAT IS THE BEGINNING OF THE STORY,IT STARTED ON A RATHER FAST LANE WITHOUT GIVING US ANY BACKGROUND ON THE SUBJECTS.ANYWAY I'D SCORE IT 2.5

Seun, you've got a really good story line there but:

1. Is it a novel or a play?
2. Who are the characters? We don't know them. history?
3. Setting? Godwin's room and the local store?
4. Started kind of abruptly, no preamble. What is the main gist of the story? Just a boyfriend and girlfriend having a typical argument?

i think this was jus one of seun's experiments

1. Is it a novel or a play?
It's a story about kate and Godwin

2. Who are the characters? We don't know them. history?
All we know about Kate and Godwin comes from the story.

3. Setting? Godwin's room and the local store?
The 1st scene was in Kate's house, the 2nd at a shopping complex, 3rd a clothing store, 4th a computer store.

4. Started kind of abruptly, no preamble. What is the main gist of the story? Just a boyfriend and girlfriend having a typical argument?
Yeah. It's about the life of Kate and Godwin.

still sounds like an experiment to me

@ Seun,

Very much agree with ur explanation but that would fit perfectly if it were a play and not a novel. What makes a novel tick is its ability to transport you literarily into the story. it's like you are actually there with the characters.
You still havent given at least a brief description about the setting, that may be explained by your writiing style its mostly a dialogue.

SHa post the next part. ALl of this is story.

The 'Love story' is getting there. It can be made into one of those novels that are like u know, just a large print type of novel i guess.

Anyways post the next part.

99.9% of the story I've posted so far is not my work. The author is Atala Talata Wala. Next chapter coming very soon. Sorry about the delay.

can someone please summarize the whole story for me in few words? am just too lazy to start reading all of it and am sure there are lots of it up there

I am very sure all these CRITICS ain't capable of doing nufing ! what's all these perfections' suggestions ? so far none of you has contributed nothing to[b] prove [/b] how TALENTED you r, so why don't you ever learn to encourage people and not just look out for faults upon faults, putting people down ? ehn ? na wa o ! , I tire ----

I beg Seun go on soun --------

I can't read it too. i blame my attention span

Nice story, i could imagine it like its real.

Seun,

I can't stop laughing especially about the scene in the fashion shop,I don't go shopping with women be it my mother,sister,girlfriends its a recipe for disaster.Why touch and wear shoes if you know you don't like the colour anyway.I once went with a girlfriend to buy a hat,we spent two days going through the same 4 shops over and over again,needless to say we had a big fight.

nice story seun
i can relate to kate
she sounds like me when i go shopping,
i never seem to be able to make a choice and if i ask my man and i decide to go with his choice, i'l end up hating what he picked and never wearing it!
so whats it going to be next

@seun
where is the reat of the story?
better post it or i'll send some mean bugs your way. capice?
@eyin ti o ku
seems like you all getting to like the story. he he ehe he he he he he he

*** chapter 4 ***

(The men continue to advance on Godwin, who keeps on backing away.
Meanwhile, the shop assistant locks the door to prevent anyone from
entering.)

Godwin: OK, look,  let's settle this matter without fuss. How much is
the CD even?

Shop assistant: 1,000 naira.

Godwin: What! 1,000 naira for a CD? (One of the men grunts
menacingly.) OK, OK,  hold on, let me see what I have. (He brings out
a bill of notes and starts to count.)

(The men observe him with growing interest. One of them motions the others
to a corner and they confer in whispers.)

First Man: It seems this guy has plenty of money o! From the money he
was counting from, I could see up to 100 grand!

Second Man: Hm! Our luck has landed today. Oya, let us chance the guy.

Shop assistant: Ah,  I don't think I can be part of this o.

Second Man: Shut up! Who is even including you? Abeg, go and sit down
there!

First Man: OK, let us move now.

Shop assistant: I won't advise it o,  I think his girlfriend already
knows where he is.

Second Man: Hm,  maybe we should just collect the CD money and let him
go quickly before his girlfriend comes.

First Man: No! If we move quickly, we can collect everything before she
comes.

(Both men stop whispering and advance towards Godwin.)

Godwin: OK, here is the 1,000 naira your assistant was asking for.

First Man: No - we can't accept that anymore. You have wasted our
time, so we are taking 50,000 naira instead.

Godwin: What? You're definitely joking.

Second Man (in a menacing tone): My friend, this is not a matter of
whether you want to pay or not. You pay - or we deal with you.
(Brings out a knife and slaps it on his palm).

First Man (pointing his finger at Godwin): You better co-operate now.
There is a small basement in this shop where we can put your body after
we have dealt with you if you want to cause trouble.

Godwin (shouting now): No! Help! He,  aaaagghh!! (He is cut short as
the first man hits him in the stomach and kicks him as he falls to the
floor. The second man grabs him by the neck with one arm and puts the
knife close to his face.)

Second Man: Are you stupid? You think we are joking? Let me tell you,
this is serious business! And the door is locked, so nobody will
disturb our business!

(In the meantime, Kate is wandering round the shopping centre looking
for a computer shop.)

Kate (thinking to herself): He seemed a bit upset when I called
earlier, I hope he isn't upset because I took a just a bit longer
than I thought. (Suddenly she notices a computer shop.)
"Computashop", ah, this must be the one. I hope he's still here.

(Kate tries to open the door of the shop, but it appears to be locked.)

Kate (raising her voice): Is anyone in here? (There is no response.
Kate is worried now. She shakes the door harder and raises her voice.)
Hello?? Hello!?!?

(Suddenly, Kate feels a strange sensation, as though she knows for sure
that Godwin is here, even though there is no indication of this. She
begins to shake the door even harder and it effortlessly flies open.
She steps in to see Godwin on the floor with )

Kate (in horror): Goddy! Oh, Goddy!!

First Man (confused): Who allowed you in?

Second Man (to the shop assistant): Fool! I thought you locked the
door.

Kate (terrified and shouting now): Oh my God! Please, whoever you are
leave him alone! (She feels the same sensation as before, and raises
her voice and screams.) I said, leave him alone! Get out of here!!

seun u better post the remaining part of this story b4 i come rob u off the whole book. how can u keep me in suspence like dis? i want to know what happened next cuzz dis is getting interesting.

seun post the remaining part please. please oooo

Yeah it's getting interesting alright.

Now i have all these thoughts. Will kate do this, will Goddy do this? Are those men really 'powerful', or should kate just use d heels of her shoe and hit them?

Seun post the next part biko.

That shop keeper ain't even as hard as he claimed to be. *shakes head*

How many people want the rest of the story? Just two?

having fun huh Seun? enjoying the suspense?

Abeg post the other part of the story jo

intresting

seun haba continue with the story now

Kate: Are you all right? Did they do anything to you? Oh, Goddy!
(She buries her face in her hands.)

Godwin (grimacing): It's nothing too serious. Just a few bruises here
and there. I'll survive. (Gets to his feet.) Wow - I don't know what
happened there, but I felt something very strange when you were
shouting at those guys!

Kate: (starts to sob harder)

Godwin: Sorry, dear, it's over now.

By the way, how did you get in? I'm sure that this useless man
(indicates to the shop assistant who is cowering in a corner)
has locked the door.

Kate: (looks up) I don't know. I guess it wasn't properly locked, but I did feel
something strange as I shook it open.

Godwin (Turning to the shop assistant again): Don't think you have
heard the last of this. Shameless thief, I'll surely come back to ,

Kate (turning him away): Godwin, I think the trouble of today has proven
to be enough. Let's go home now so that I can attend to your wounds.

Godwin (wearily): Yeah, today's shopping experience will last me for
a very long time.
(They walk out of the shop) Although I can't believe I heard you say that.

Kate: Say what?

Godwin: Those magic words - "Let's go home now". Are you sure you
don't want to look around yet another shop?

Who will win the next futballer of the year? Henry or Ronaldinho

[b]seun please carry on.am beginning to enjoy it.it just shows the harzards involved when u give in too much to their demand.can't wait to hear more.

quite a good story pls can u just post d whole story at once plssss i hate d suspense